Will You Be My Friend?

I think I am lonely today.  I am always around people yet sometimes I just miss having a real connection.
Do you know what I mean?  Everyone is so busy... I miss having those heart to hearts... I miss that time spent with someone I love that leaves me so filled.


Sigh.  Maybe it is the blues.  It is -18 ℃ + the wind = - 26℃!!!  So, yes, it could be the winter blues, after all, it is the end of January!  Most of our house is warm except the family room... the wood stove needs to be going.  I'd better get that wood before my sweet hubby comes home and wonders what I have been doing all day! lol


Lately I have been reacquainting myself with folks from high school thanks to Facebook. It is interesting to see what they have been up to and look at pictures of their family.  High school was not a period that I shined (or is it shone?).  When I went back to my class's 20 year reunion, I was sure that I would be fine.
Yet when I was in that environment, I found I     became me again from that era.  I was shy, nervous and felt insecure.  I left there feeling very annoyed with myself!!!


Those that are in my life today would probably have a very hard time believing how shy, quiet (lol) and insecure I was.  Those from my high school days, who don't see my life today, wouldn't.  In high school, I felt like I was trapped in a coma.  I wanted to be outgoing, friendly and me yet was somehow trapped by this coma I was in!


Next year is my 25th year reunion!  Wow, that makes me feel so old.  I want to overcome this craziness that takes over when I enter Ohio or see Spring Valley folks.  Maybe no one is judging me... maybe I am the only one judging me... harshly!


So, this is one of the things I am going to work on!  It is funny, but when someone befriends me on Facebook... that I wasn't really friends with in high school... I feel weird.  Instead of always fear or insecurites to take over, I am going to try and see this as a second chance.


One of my besties ( this is what today's kid calls a best friend) and I didn't really hang out in high school.
She would apparenly try to talk to me and I was so shy.  (I guess this was my defense to all the poop going on at home).


Is this all so weird?  Probably! Do you have any tips for me to get over my fears?


(Photo taken by Jordan Sukumaran and Photo editing done by Maxwell Sukumaran).

Hairy, Hairy!

I had the weirdest dream yet it was kind of funny.

I have blogged about my dreams... they are vivid and I usually can remember them in detail.

I dream every night.  Sometimes that is tiring, depending on the topic of the night.

You already know that my hair has been falling out to the point of being alarming.  I have thinning hair.

I guess I am a bit obsessed with this.  The other thing about me is my legs are pretty much hairless.

I really don't have to shave... I may do so a few times a year to remove thin strands of hair that are scarcely seen to the naked eye.

Trust me this is relevant to my dream. lol

I was somewhere thinking about my legs and that I should perhaps shave... just to do so.

As I looked at my leg, I saw this LONG strand of hair on my leg.  I was very surprised.  It was so long ... like the length of my hair on my head.  I was so surprised that I went to show Sanj.

When I showed him, there wasn't bits of stranded... I had this gross long hair on my legs... hair that should have been on my head!!!

lol

I guess I am more obsessed with my thinning head of hair! lol

My lala-land life is as crazy as my real life!

No wonder I am tired!

Happenings...

I had a pretty good day.  Not a lot happening (well, I cancelled the a lot happening part to keep my day reasonable).  I went into the office and did a bit of cleaning, made a mental note to hire a cleaning person for the office (the last one was let go...).  

The afternoon was spent with Zachary and then it was time to pick up the boys.

The Rhema hockey team (which Tyler and Jordan) are a part of, have a tournament tomorrow in a town 1.5 hours from here.  So after school today, they had a practice.  So we went and hung out ... it was only an hour... how bad could it be?

Josh got into the van complaining of a tummy ache.  We went bathroom but only number one happened.

As we got to the rink, Josh told me his poop just came out quick.  LORD, PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!

Here's the thing... I don't have anything on me.  Nothing.  This is the problem with eating peppers and veggies like a glutton.  Trust me, it was not pretty.  I was not happy.

I told him no fruits or veggies... only a banana... they back you up a bit don't they???

So, I lay waiting to see if this is the results of being a veggie monster or the beginnings of the stomach flu.

SIGH.

This weekend there is endless hockey...  Max has to be out of town at a rink by seven  in the morning Saturday.  Sanj and some of the boys have a tournament all day outside!!! Brrrrr... The temps have dropped  these last few days.  Tonight is going to be - 30℃ when you factor in the wind.  They are having the tournament on the canal by the Liftlocks.  Very cool... even cooler taking in the weather! lol

This isn't our teams but is where they willing freezing in the name of hockey and fun!

The cool part is that Hockey Day in Canada will be there to film some of it... that is very cool.

My sweet husband is going to freeze!!!

That leaves me to take Zachary to his game and do the running for hot chocolates and coffee!

Max has been invited to spent the night at friends...  God bless friends.  This is how bigger family manage at times, with friends.

I am just happy to be home... have sleeping boys keeping me warm and settling in for a Grey's night!

Anyone watch Private Practice?  It has gotten pretty good too!

Sanj is with Sammy running a hockey practice.  That man does not know how to say no or stay put!

Gotta love him, though!  Gotta love him!

The Gift

Today I spent the day with an incredible child/young man.  He looked like Sammy, smelled like Sammy and even dressed like Sammy.  


I haven't seen this child in a long time.  I really liked him!!!


I had a great day with him.  I love this kid.  Of course I love him all the time but I really enjoyed him.


Zachary loves his oldest brother and wants to be just like him.  Of course there is the little factor that they are very much alike in so many ways.  Sammy finds Zachary copycat behavior highly annoying.  Today, though Sammy gave Zach the greatest present.  He hung out with him and treated him so nicely!


Sammy was at the mall with a friend for a bit this morning.  While there, he shopped for Zach and bought him a present.  I was blown away by his thoughtfulness and especially since he spent his own money!!!  Then he chose to have lunch with us instead of going to his friend's right away.  (Sammy is off for the next few days due to exams).  At lunch he ordered exactly as Zach did in honor of his birthday.


Zach had a great day ... yet it was made extra special by this child of mine!
I am so proud of Sammy.  I am so glad to have spent this day liking him every minute.
I am so proud that he made choices today that is telling of the wonderful young man he is growing up to be!
I love you, Sammy!!! 




Pictures to post as soon as I get Sammy to help me download off my phone.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Zach!

Today is Zachary's 8th birthday!  He is such a big boy, independent and has life under control that I forget that he is only turning 8!  I always think of him as a little older.

He was born sometime this evening... he was a very painful labour.  OUCH!  He was a fast labour yet a excruciating one!  I was so angry at him when he was born.  I remember looking at him as he lay in bed realizing the ridiculousness of my anger and yet feeling justified.

I have blogged many a time of this wonderful child of mine.  Zachary is zany and zestful!
He is zilly and zappy!  He is zenergetic and full of zeans!

My Zach is a very hard worker.  He does not give up.  He is a great friend.  He is thoughtful and kind and very loving.

He never lets his size or age stop him.  He is my go getter!

I love this kid of mine!!!  I love him zoodles and zoodles!

Thank You Jesus, for blessing me with the gift of being this beautiful child's mom.
May he have a wonderful year of lots of love and happiness!

Happy Birthday Zachary Thomas!!!

Stuff

Today I spent some time at the boys school helping clean out the kitchen.

Here's the thing, I wouldn't have done have that stuff even at home!

How come it is so much easier cleaning outside my home?

Do you ever wonder where stuff comes from?

I have baskets of stuff that I never use... yet can't seem to throw away either.

Have you ever walked into someone's house that has just the furniture out?

Where is their piles?  How do you not have piles?

I have piles... piles of bills that I feel if I don't open then they can't scream at me...

I have piles of laundry.  Some clean and folded.  Some dirty and waiting.

I have piles of stuff that need to be sorted into give away or garbage.

I have piles of shoes... waiting for someone to use them... or really needing to be tossed.

I have piles of cords... do you know what I mean?  Cords for this and that yet we need seem to use them.

I have piles of dog doo doo that needs to be cleaned up.  Anyone?

So when I walk into someone's house and their are no piles... I can't help but almost hate them.

That's bad, right?  Yeah, I know.

The problem is that kind of person that has no piles is so organized and has self control.  So usually, they are skinny because they don't pile their food to ridiculous portions.  They are neat.  Their cars are perfect inside.  They grocery shop probably one a week... they are people that drive me crazy.

I want to be that person... sigh.  I am a work in progress, I suppose.

Thank You, Jesus for not giving up on me!

The Boogie Man

It is 9:19 p.m.  I was happily relaxing in my bed snuggled up with Max, watching American Idol.  The two younger ones have been down for a bit.  Sanj and the older 3 are at hockey.

My peacefulness is disturbed by sounds downstairs.  At first I think it is just a pot resettling in the cupboard.  Yet I continue to hear sounds.  My heart is racing... my head is pounding.  I am scared.  I am the world's biggest chicken.  My jaws are hurting from tension.

What if someone is in the house?  I call Sanj.  He is not too helpful.  He thinks that one of the dogs are loose out of their crate and making a mess.  (Did I mention he is a bit OCD?)  He told me to go check it out.

Is he crazy?  He knows I am not going down till he gets home.  He calls me again.  "Are you OK?" he asks.  Um... NOOOOOO!   He says, "Dial 911 and go down the stairs."  Um... NOOOOOOOOO!

I tell him to just hurry up and get home.

Here's the thing... I am a chicken.  I don't even really listen to the news because it will likely cause me stress.  We live out in the boonies... Where is the nearest police?

I remember on the news (when I was young) a story about the bad guy breaking into people's homes, hiding under the bed and waiting till the climbed up, dangling their feet.  Then whack... he would cut their Achilles tendon.

Sick, eh?  To this day, my feet never dangle off my bed.  Just a rule.

I never get into my vehicle with out checking the back seat at night.  Crazy, eh?


I never sleep with the closet door open.  

I know.  I just fear things, rational and irrational.  Maybe I should get a gun and learn how to use it.  My dogs are quiet.  Maybe the bad guy gave them a piece of meat with a sleeping pill.  Yes, I know, I watched to many movies.  Turner and Hooch comes to mind.

Sigh.  I hear Sanj pulling up in the drive way.  My hero.  Now I'll just wait for him to open the door... and yell at the mess the dogs made... or the bad guy.  If you don't see a blog soon, you'll know it was the bad guy.  If you see a blog post, you can send Sanj a sympathy card!


I am OK!  Apparently it was no one!  Sigh.  Good Night!

A Long Way Gone... by Ishmael Beah

I just finished a book called "A Long Way Gone."

I have to admit that it was a hard read.  From the back of the book you know right off the start it isn't a happy story.  Yet I was captivated.  I would pass it on and say read it.

This is what Amazon.com said:

"This absorbing account by a young man who, as a boy of 12, gets swept up in Sierra Leone's civil war goes beyond even the best journalistic efforts in revealing the life and mind of a child abducted into the horrors of warfare. Beah's harrowing journey transforms him overnight from a child enthralled by American hip-hop music and dance to an internal refugee bereft of family, wandering from village to village in a country grown deeply divided by the indiscriminate atrocities of unruly, sociopathic rebel and army forces. Beah then finds himself in the army—in a drug-filled life of casual mass slaughter that lasts until he is 15, when he's brought to a rehabilitation center sponsored by UNICEF and partnering NGOs. The process marks out Beah as a gifted spokesman for the center's work after his "repatriation" to civilian life in the capital, where he lives with his family and a distant uncle. When the war finally engulfs the capital, it sends 17-year-old Beah fleeing again, this time to the U.S., where he now lives. (Beah graduated from Oberlin College in 2004.)"

It was a great read.  I can't stop thinking of the life this child lead.  I can't help thinking of my Jordan, Tyler, or Sammy wondering thorough the woods, dealing with the grief of a lost family, suffering from lack of food, water and shelter.  I can't image my babies lives without us there to guide, nurture and love them.  Then I have to add the horror of being a child solider.  Unbelievable and yet I thank God for giving each of us the strength we need to cope with each of our challenges.

It is a book worth reading.

Practicing What I Preach...

I just read my blog about loving the ones that are hard to love.

My dad called my mom  and was going on about his loneliness.  He wants to live with each of his children a month.  YIKES!  My mom said,  "call and ask them."

His reply was, "I thought you could ask."

My mom said no.  (Good for her!)

He was at my brother's  over Christmas almost a month and chose not to call me at all. 

I left that ball in his court.  

How I struggle with this!  He made his bed and sleeping in it is not pleasant.  I feel bad for his loneliness. Yet no matter what, his life is all a creation of his own choices.

Sucks, eh?  

I think of that often, especially being at Sanj's office, I see two kinds of people.  There are the seniors that choose happy and life.  Then there are those that choice to be miserable.  I want so bad to be a happy person... my whole life.  Getting old sucks.  But really, it doesn't have too.  If you choose to live and make each day count... you can find happiness along the way.

Back to my dad... I called Sanj and said that my dad wants to come for a month.

There was silence on the other end.  lol

Have I told you I love this man?

Sanj replied, "maybe a week."  lol

A month would be a long time too... for all of us.
A week would be stressful...

I know my dad wouldn't stay a month anyway.

So... I am pray and about (and pray please God, don't let him call), I have decided that if he calls... I'll extend the invite.

I wonder in this kind of situtation what Jesus would do?

Oye.  I wonder what it would be like to live a boring life?

I guess being kind to the odd, weird and annoying is a category my dad falls into.  Talk about practicing what I preach.

This picture is random.  Jordan had to make a model of ones' ribs.

Obviously I didn't help him... thus the great job!

Ice, Friends, A Long Weekend...

I had a great weekend once with my men.  Saturday afternoon after hockey,  we had friends over.  They were on the rink all day.  Literally!  Zach (my 7 year old) had to be at hockey at 9 a.m.  then he and his buddies were on the ice from 2-7 p.m. with maybe a half an  hour for supper.  Crazy, eh?

*** Just a side bar about Zach's hockey game... he played goalie that morning.  Wow.  I hope none of my boys ever want to play that position.  Take about stress!!!

They had such a good time.  Sanj and the dad of the kiddies had a  great game with the older boys.  On the ice, age is obviously not taken into account. lol

Tyler had a friend over from his younger days.  It was so neat to see these two just pick up where they left off.  I could hear them laughing making prank calls about ordering Chinese food.

So, it was a good weekend.  It is topped off with no school today!  The house is quiet.  Everyone is off doing their thing.  

Last night it rained and rained.  So no rink for a bit but it was perfect sleeping weather.

Josh does not understand the meaning of sleeping in.  As soon as he sees a hint of daylight he is up, "Mommy, it isn't night time anymore!"

I have been thinking so much about all the babes out there... not just in Haiti but around the world.  I asked Sanj if we win the lotto (I found a ticket on the ground the other day... ) could we adopt 6 little boys?

He said he would divorce me.  lol

So I am pretty sure I can adopt 2!!!   I love this man!

A Challenge...

Here's the thing... as parents we want the best for our kids.  We want them to be happy,well rounded, and carefree.  We want their childhoods to be simple, safe and special.  We want them to have friends.  We want them to have memories of secrets with their buddies, sleepovers and share great times.

What about the child that does not have this?  I have heard this week alone, of parents that told their child not to be friends with so and so.  Not of any reason then what is made up in their heads.

Josh has already come home saying that this kid doesn't like so and so... and this is from the parents.

In JK they are learning already to be exclusive and intolerant.

What happens to a child that suffers this loneliness all throughout school?  That sucks!

In 8th grade, when they graduate, do you think that they are leaving their childhood behind with warm fuzzy feelings?

It makes me sad.  I wonder how adults can live with that.  It is something that we know is wrong.

I try so hard to teach my children that  when someone is odd, different, hard to understand, many times, it isn't their fault.  We live in an age where there are some many diagnosis', where many can fall under a wide spectrum of various issues.  This is a child that needs to be included... even if it is hard.

Do you really think that someone wants to be different, difficult and friendless?

I hate when parents instruct the child to not play with someone.  I hate when someone puts themselves better than another.

I am really struggling with this.  I struggle with this as an adult.  Just because there are hard people, needy people, that may annoy or suffocate... these are folks that Jesus would love.  These are people that Jesus would choose to hang out with.  To share a cup of tea with someone, to give a half an hour of your time... you'd be amazed how good you feel not to mention what a gift you just gave someone else.

I realize that maybe I am rambling... and I am sorry.  I just have this thought and am not sure how to express it.  I think that if we each just loved those that are hard to love... it may be  surprising what comes out of that.

Here's my challenge.... This week,  include one person, that we may not normally chose to hang out with... spend a half an hour...  and then share that experience... let's see what happens.

Thoughts... don't worry about what to chat about, they usually will talk... just ask a couple of questions...

"How was your weekend?"  or  "How was your day off with the kiddies?"

Are you in?

Hockey, Brothers, Boys!

I am home from hockey, finally.  I have half an hour of my friday night left.
My broken bum is extremely sore.
I am tired.


I had a good day, though.  Josh and I went to visit two friends of his and the bonus is that their moms are my friends too.  


We came home and since Sanj was off pretty much within half an hour of getting home, supper was a simple affair for the boys and I.


I had the funniest evening with the boys.  Sammy went with Sanj  to help coach.  The other boys were laughing so loud.  I could hear Max talking on the phone.  Weird.  I thought this could only be trouble.


Sammy had downloaded his contacts from his phone on the computer.  Sammy's younger brothers were up to no good.  They were calling girls from his contact.  They were saying that they were Sammy's brother, Cornelius and Alfred.


Then they had these conversations with the girls.  It was so funny.  Some of the girls added them as their friend on Facebook.


It was that typical little brothers bugging the older brother's friend.  Except they were brave because Sammy wasn't home! lol


I saw it as the start of all that is coming.  Little brothers snooping on big brothers zone. 
I warned both of them, they have younger brothers to do the same to them!
Oh the fun!


Did you see the cutie pie picture of the little boy in my previous blog?  I realized something about me...
I really do not have a desire to adopt a girl.  The whole girl thing... maybe I just wanted a mini me. (Guess the good Lord knew better and spared me!)


Yet if we were to adopt, I think my pick would be a boy.  If I win the lotto... yes, I do play occasional... 
It's kind of my vice.  I know you aren't judging, right, as we will have some?


My point is if I came into money... the extra kind...  I would bring home a bunch of kids.  I would need help, of course, but money wouldn't be an issue.  So I would just have to love them and mother them.
It breaks my heart to think of some so many kids with no love and no hugs from a mom and dad.  


This has always been a dream of mine.  Apparently it still is.

It's Friday Night!

It is Friday evening!  Yah!   I love being home.  I love the quietness that usually comes with everyone home from a busy week, tired and doing this or that.  I love being in bed with a kid or two, snuggling, reading or watching a movie.

It's Friday night.  To be exact, it is 6:18 p.m. and I am home.  My broken butt is yearning for my bed and my book.  Is that going to happen?  NO!

Why?  I'll tell you why.  My sweet, ever loving, hockey freak husband realized that  he needs to be in Warsaw (40+ minutes away) to coach a select team that NONE of our children are even on because there is apparently no one else.

Here's the thing... It's Friday night!!!  He may choose to do this.... I am cool with that.  Forget about him being GONE all week.  Forget that he can't say NO to folks.  Forget that it's Friday night!

Not only is it Friday night but because he is gone and he didn't realize Max has a game tonight too at 7:30 p.m..  Jordan has a game at 8:30 p.m..  He will make it back for Jordan's game but I will have to go back out, risk injuring other body parts, get Jordan's skates sharpened, take Max to his game, zoom Jordan over to his arena and then run over to Max's to pick him up.

Did I mention it is Friday night?
I love hockey!  Yeah Hockey!
Give me a H!
Give me a O!
Give me a C!
Give me a K!
Give me a E!
Give me a Y!
What does is spell?   *&(**&%%^$^$#%$!!!

Hum... maybe I should go get some firewood too while I am out!
Did I tell you Friday Nights are my favorite nights?

Too Much... Too Little...

Do you ever get tired of the rush?  I am tired of the rush.  It is that time where we should be getting into the van to be on-time for school.  Yet then I will be yelling and yapping that endless sing song I do ever morning that really has no impact.


I can't wait for break.  Any kind of break.  No alarm clock, which is actually pretty useless since I just shut it off and sleep another hour!


Oh well... this is the kind of life we live ... it comes with the perks of education, the luxuries of food, money and comforts.  I am not in the midst of rubble, wondering if it is worth it.... wondering where I will find water... Can you imagine 4500 children will die in one day from water related issues?


As Josh was brushing his teeth, wondering around, waiting for his toothbrush to say, "Good Job,"  the sink  has water running non stop.


Last night as I got home, reminded the kids for the umpteen time  to take in their backpack, mitts, hats... another sing song that means nothing... I went to the back of the vehicle to grab a handfull of bags.
It was one of those moments that happened in slow motion in my head.  Yet before I could even utter a four letter word, I felt my feet give way and I found myself doing a major butt plant on the ice.


OK... it was a hard fall.  I was pretty sure I broke my butt.  I couldn't move.  I wasn't sure if I was even alive.  The boys come rushing out... Mommy!!!  Some go into the house, "Daddy!!! Mommy fell!"
After 6 kids, you know what happens to your bladder when you laugh or go on the trampoline?  Well then, you can imagine what the force of my not so light frame did to my bladder.  Sanj thought it was snow.  Nope.


Yet as I hobbled up the stairs to change and take inventory of my body parts, I couldn't help think of the little ones pulled out of the rubble, with no where to go.


Yes, it is a rushed, fast pace busy life.  Yet, how can I complain?  I can't.
 I can only be grateful.  I have so much that makes my life full.
We have too much at times.
Then they have too little.
What is there to complain about?


How I could just bring this little boy home!  He looks like a perfect fit add to the craziness of my boys!

The Bestest Day!

Today was the bestest day I had in a while.  

(Really, bestest should be a word!)

The people of Haiti have been on my heart.

Yet, I didn't have much to donate.

 God reminded me  that if everyone thought that way, no one would help.

Thus came about Hot Lunch for Haiti.

A $3 minimum donation for a bowl of spaghetti for lunch for the kids at school.

Mr. Bouzinelos, from The Pizza Factory,

not only donated all the food but prepared it.

There was no worry for a messed up sauce!

I forgot how much I love this kind of thing.

I forgot how doing for others is medicine for the soul.

I forgot how being part of Good Neighbor makes me feel.

Then you add being in one of my favorite places,

the boys school, 

and working along side the most lovely ladies.

I have to admit it really was too much fun to be called work.

It was so great!

OK... and then you have to add the money.

(I always have a goal... mine was $1000 yet I was too embarrassed to say it out loud, thinking just be grateful for whatever comes in).

Yet God knows me.

He is SO GOOD!

We made $1010.91

I loved that the children brought their change from their piggy banks.

I love that it isn't stopping here.

As it ended, someone said, what else are we going to do?

Don't you love it?

Popcorn... next week.

It is about every little bit  counts.  It is about doing for others.

It is about Loving Our Neighbor.

It's about Being A Good Neighbor.

So... I am challenging you...

Yeah, YOU!

What are you going to do?

I dare you... match us or beat us 

and let us know!

If you want to match our funds...

give me a shout!

Where is our money going?

Check out this site:

http://www.newhopesoshaiti.blogspot.com


I had the bestest day today!

Me...

It's supper time... Tyler has a couple of friends over for supper and then they will head off to Youth Group.  Sanj is on his way home... he is picking up take out for me for supper from one of our favourite Indian restaurants.  Jordan is away with is class till Friday.


Our house feels different with one gone.  Sammy is off somewhere napping.  It is what he does a lot.  Josh is walking around with his wet pants because he couldn't bother getting up and going to the bathroom.


I wanted to clarify something, since I have been asked a few times about it.  Please know when I write about my sweet, wonderful, dearly loved husband, it is with his full consent.  It is usually in jest and fun.  He usually laughs and supports my blogs.


I also want to say that I am fine even when I am venting about the woes of my children or life in general... I am just writing and sharing my journey.  It is what I do.  I really hope that I am not coming off as whining.  That would be bad.  I am blogging life as I live it.  I love all your comments and thoughts and prayers.  The good Lord knows I need all the help I can get.


That said, I had a day that was spent with ladies.  Friends.   Girl friends.  One of my friends told me to lean on my girl friends.  I realize that this is  probably where I do lack.  One of the things I really struggle with as a mom of all boys is related to interests.


Here's what I mean... I have already said many a time, I am not athletic.  It is not  an interest or passion.  Yet I have 6 (soon to be 7) males that love the sports.  As I go to games, I see these moms there, they never miss a game.  They don't want to miss a game.  They bring all their kids, not matter what hour, to the games.  They love it.


Me, if the truth be told, I really don't love it.  I barely like it.  I do love watching the boys play on occasion.  I love the tournaments.  I love the finals.  It's like the NHL or NFL... I hate the games all season.  But I will pick a team at playoff and cheer them on.  I can handle it in bits.


At the boys hockey games, I do love watching them play.  They are really good players in their various areas.  I really don't care to watch the whole game... kids I really don't know... and I usually take a book.  I have my system. I know who to sit by.  I know which parent coaches the kids through the glass and doesn't seem to realize they can't hear.   So I know when my kid is on, I'll hear them coaching them.


I love when they score a goal.  I feel their delight.  I feel their frustration when they miss.  I feel the game for them.  Do I love it?  Um, honestly, no.  Sigh.  I wish I could love sports.  I really do.  


Take golf, I find putting and hitting a ball into a hole that one can't even see, pointless.  Yet, I love driving  the cart and putting on the cute outfits.  I love that the boys have a passion for a sport that will serve them well in the real world, someday.


So, I struggle with being thrilled that my boys love hockey, golf, basketball, etc yet feeling guilty that I am not one of those moms that can really be called a true hockey mom.  For me, there really is such a thing as TOO MUCH HOCKEY.


I feel bad for not sharing the passion that they do.  I can only handle it in small dosages.


So, I realize that so often, living with 7 males, as much as I love and adore them, I lose myself.  Would I pick Indiana Jones?  No, I'd rather watch Pretty Woman again.  Would I like a meal of ribs and steak?  No, I would prefer a wrap.  Do I want to wrestle till someone is hurt? No, I'd rather cuddle.  Yup, I said it, cuddle!  


I love doing many things that they will never have a interest in.   I am thankful that they like to shop, especially when it is all about them.  I have some that like scrap-booking, when we find that time to do so.  I have some that love to cuddle and watch a movie.


I guess what I am saying is sometimes the girlie me gets lost.  I forget about her.  I guess that is where the advice of hanging on to my girlfriends comes up...  I need to make time to allow that girl in me to breath... with out the smell of hockey equipment suffocating me.


So on this note... I am off to work on plans for a Women's Retreat with the ladies at our school.  (March 26-28th... mark your calenders)!

It's Going To Be A Good Day!

Today is a morning that my babes are tired.  My eyes are burning from waking up too early!  I would be tempted to let them sleep in and go to school later if Jordan wasn't leaving on a class trip this morning.

Last night while I took Sammy and Tyler to their hockey game, I went and indulged in a Baskins & Robbin's mint chocolate chip sundae with hot fudge, whipping cream and pecans.  Yum!  A fix for the  blues I was feeling!  You can see why I am a diabetic, eh?

Today is going to be a better day.  First of all, Sanj comes home.  That alone makes it all better!

Second, I know what we will have for supper tonight, so that is a check of the list.  Salmon with Caesar Salad. Now, if only I could fit a nap in there, it would be perfect! lol

Last night at hockey, I heard another story of a mom that up and left her kids.  She just left them... there is not a father in the picture either.  People from church took the children in and are raising them.  How does that happen?

I guess if a mom (or parent in general) can walk away like that, the child is better off without them.  Maybe.

Tomorrow we are having a Hot Lunch for Haiti at the boys school.  It is a simple way to allow everyone to help.  The food is being donated by Mr. Bouzelos from The Pizza Factory.  Such generosity!  If you need a day off from cooking please check The Pizza Factory  out!  So tomorrow, for a minimum donation of $3 the kiddies get a bowl of spaghetti and a roll and parents get the day off making a lunch!

It is all good.  Life is good.  Today is going to be a good day!

Not Qualified!

I am feeling really sad right now.  In the 2 hours in which I picked up my oldest, I feel I have aged 10 years.  I feel wrinkles and a tumor coming on.


I went on my Facebook page and there were these moms writing about the gratitude of their children and how wonderful they are.  I am not feeling this.

Food is a constant factor.  From the moment I pick Sammy up, he is hungry.  Fine, I get that.  What he fails to mention is that he wants a 2 Cheeseburger Combo from McD EVERY DAY.  Another other snack, he turns down.  Then the attitude begins.

Today it was ugly.  Ugly words were said.  I said some back.  I am so angry.  I do not like this child of mine.  How could such a selfish being come from me?  I am hurt.  I am so tired of his view that sees only how things are not about him.  He never seems to see the zillion and one things that we do or buy or provide for him.


My oldest and my youngest are 100% certified spoiled brats.  I am obviously so not cut out to do this job.
Where can I turn in my resignation?


Sometime in the couple of weeks, I saw a mom I knew years ago.  She had twins and a couple of kids.  Apparently she decided one day that she did not want to be a mom.  She left.  Wow... was that an option?
Sometimes, like today, I wonder if they would not be better without me?


I suck at parenting.  I am so reactionary.  I REACT immediately.  I am so emotional.  If I could count to 10 before I react... it may be more effective.  I usually say something, yes, that I mean at that moment, and then the situation explodes.


Sammy got food into him and then calmed down.  I said something and he responds, "I am trying to be nice now."


What he doesn't understand is that while the pasta  defused his raging teen hormones, I am still fuming.  I am hurt.  I am not quite as quick about pulling my emotions together.


Who is this child?  Where is that boy that I knew?  Unfortunately for me, Sammy has always been an emotional roller-coaster.


Maybe I need counseling.  Maybe there is a pill that I can pop.  Maybe there is the option of just running away.  Maybe I need to just quit being mom!


Being a mom was something I always felt I was cut out to be.  It is so disheartening to find that it is not in my qualifications.


Maybe I should give knitting another go...   I am so discouraged today.  In the midst of other people being delighted about the kids God has blessed them with, how can I voice my truth?


What is the truth?  I am qualified to raise amazing spoiled brats.


In case you doubt it, I do love them.  Don't they say there is a fine line between love....


Father, God, Jesus....  Please help me.  Help me help them. Please.