A Question...

From one of my readers:

"... I agree with many things that you say (even though I don't have kids yet). I too need girls weekends and most of my girlfriends live in Toronto or back home (4 hrs away!). I have girlfrinds through my husband ...but its hard to make friends when you're in your 20s and older!

After reading your blog..my personal question to you is: How do you keep yourself happy with everyone always at hockey. You have it 5x harder than I do and I already feel like a hockey widow at times!

OH... I am so happy... a question! lol

Here's the thing, when Sanj and I were first married, I have to admit, it was a very hard year.

Many people will say that the first year of marriage is hard.  For me, it was for many other reasons...

Sanj and his brother owned a house together so the three of us lived together.  That was fine and fun for the most part.  Then a cousin needed a place to stay from England... that made 4 ... and was very hard on me.


I was such a different person when 15 years ago.  I was such a pleaser and wanted to be the perfect wife etc.  It took me a while to understand that change can't happen unless I state my unhappiness or opinions.

Aside from that, I had a very tight circle of girlfriends... in university, where we were always there for each other. It was such a special time.  After graduation, we all moved all over North American.  I moved to Canada.  Here I had no one.  It was a very lonely time.  

Sanj had me yet he also had his sports (hockey, football and baseball), he had his music (which involved a singing group and playing for various venues).  He had work and had his family and a unit of friends that hung out.

He had his whole life here.  Me... I won't lie... I was very lonely.  This was before flat rate or internet was accessible to everyone.  We spent big bucks on phone bills as I stayed in touch with my friends and family.  I was lonely.

I am not sure what I would have done differently... because I was still finding me out.  I wrote... journaled a lot.  I read a lot.  I didn't have a social circle.  I wasn't confident enough back then to seek one out.

I remember when Sanj got a computer at his office, I would drive up to Peterborough and spend the day on the computer.  Microsoft Word was my friend.  I wrote and wrote.

I was so excited to get pregnant.  It was all I wanted... to be a mom.  I think I also felt that I would have someone just for me.  Of course, I don't recommend that motherhood is a fix to loneliness... but I was ready... we were ready.

Sammy rocked my world.  I loved him and loved being his mommy.

We got a computer at home and internet.  AOL was my reconnection into my life I was missing.

Sure I went to some of his games.  I was engaged in his life... but I can tell you that a huge part of me was missing.

We moved to Peterborough the year after and I had a house to care for and a baby.  Of course, now my mom lived with us.  There was always someone that lived with us for the first 5 years of our lives together.  That part was weird but I guess it is also who we were.  Our home has always been open to those that needed a place.

From this point... I was mom to many babies very quickly (by choice and planned).  I loved it.  I was still lonely as far as having friends.  I missed my friends so much.  There is nothing like having a best girlfriend(s) that you can just complain, share and chat.

I still miss those friendships.  Those friendships that you make from that time period in life are just so different than the ones you make later.

I didn't find fulfillment in girlfriends till the boys went to school.  There I found a place that  was for me as well as the boys.  Soon as the boys had play dates, I started meeting moms that soon became friendships.

It is the natural process of things, I suppose.

I tell all this to say this... when I was in my 20s, as is this reader asking the question... I was lonely.  I wish I was able to give you more than that ... but it is the truth.  It was hard for me to be in a new place and meet people.  In Peterborough, it may be easier... maybe finding a common thing.. the gym (I hear, lol, is a great place..., reading groups, take a class for fun, photography, church groups...

How I handle being a hockey mom and widow now... I have to admit, 85% of the time... I love and appreciate the quiet time of being home... yet usually it is never alone.

I can be honest and say that this year, I have been lonely.  With hockey, for Sanj also, his work, his meetings, coaching the boys and his (ugh) doctoral classes... I have been lonely.  We haven't' had the time to just be.  Yet, I know this is only a season.  Doctorate will be done in April... Hockey.. 5is weeks and counting!

This said, I could really use a girls night out.  That is when guilt takes over.  I really hate leaving the boys home, especially on the weekend.  That is my own issue, of course.  Yet I do really enjoy them snuggled on my bed on a Saturday night watching Hockey Night in Canada.


Loneliness is a part of life, I think.  Even when you are in the midst of people, you can be lonely.  The fix for loneliness is connection.  For me, anyway, I love people.  I feed off this.  I am at my happiest when I make a connection, though.  It is one of the reasons I love blogging.  I love the anonymous' that I connect with, I love connecting through this means.  For me 

So.. maybe you are asking the wrong person.  I really do enjoy writing and watching a chick flick when time allows.  I appreciate Facebook that allows me to be in touch with so many of my friends from yesteryear.

So.. I guess in many ways.... I am a hockey widow still and always will be.  It is part of my lot in life. At the same time, as I watch them play, working it out on the ice... I am glad and grateful that this... hockey is a part of their world... as I know it could be so much other yucky stuff.

Does anyone want to chime in?

Saturday Night Live!

It's Saturday night... Sammy was well enough to go to the retreat.  I hope he is experiencing all the fabulous things that come with a Youth Retreat.  Max had tickets to watch the Peterborough Petes (yes, hockey, minor hockey) play.  Sanj went with him.  What a good day!


I made lamb curry and coconut rice for supper.  I am making an Indian dessert for supper too.  Rasmali... not sure if I spelled it right.   There is also Orange-creamsicle ice cream.  Yum!  When Sanj comes back we will watch Couples Retreat.  Hope it is a good one.


Zachary has a Tyke hockey tournament this weekend.  He is so excited.  He has played really well.  He had a few goals to make the weekend sweeter!  I think he is disappointed about Sammy being gone.  Sammy called him before leaving and gave him so advice, brotherly and hockey.  Sweet!  So Sweet!
Tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.,  Zach and his team play in the championship game.  They get to play on big ice...the arena where the Petes play.  Fun!


Did my hubby have a good birthday?  You would have to ask him.  I think he wants to cram so much into a day that when he doesn't, he is disappointed.  He had the day off.  That in it self is a huge treat... as he never would book the day off for no reason.  He played at the boys school for assembly, something he does every Friday morning.  We then went to breakfast. It was  yummy!  We came home.  We were too full.  Sanj had plans to go snowboarding for the afternoon.  The full belly made him contemplate a nap.


His ideal day, he told me later would have included a few hours nap.  Sammy was home, trying to see if he was well enough to go to the retreat.  So it ended up that Sammy and Sanj went for a few hours snowboarding.  They had a good time.


4 p.m. was the time Sammy had to be at the church to leave.  This was pretty much the end of Sanj's free time as the rest of the night was filled with hockey... which he didn't want to cancel.  He seemed sort of disappointed with his day.  Yet I know him... he just wanted to do to much in a short bit of time.
I felt sad that he seemed let down.  He probably wanted time to dig into some of his gifts... one was a music studio program he wanted... well the upgrade.  Sigh.  We are so different this way.  He has a hard time finding happiness in the same stuff... because his mind is constantly focused on what he didn't get done.


Did my hubby  have a happy birthday?  I would say yes... he just didn't know it!


I can hear Josh saying, "who wants to play hide and seek with me?"
Tyler replies..."I do.  You go hide."
(This is his ploy to watch the Leaf game uninterrupted by a 4 year old!)


Hum... I better go rescue Josh!

Grade 8 vs Staff

Today was the Rhema staff vs 8th graders hockey game.  It was perfect!  Perfect weather, great school spirit, a great memory.

My Tyler was in his glory.  He loved playing against his teachers.  He loved that the goalie was his buddy, Mrs. Premate (who was awesome)!  I loved watching his happiness.  It wasn't about goals scored (though that was wonderful too) but rather it was about being in a place that is like home... school ... where he is loved, pushed, challenged and happy.

I can't believe that he too, will be leaving this all so soon.  I know he is ready for the challenges ahead and he has been given the tools by teachers who love as they teach.


It was a good day.  What a fabulous memory for them!  The grade 8s did win... the icing on the cake.
How I love my boys.  How I love this school.  How much I love the people that make up this place.
Thank you, God for Rhema.

The First Annual...

This weekend was the first hockey tournament on the Liftlock canal in Peterborough.

It was one of those pictures that captured the spirit of being Truly Canadian.

It was one of those weekends that also captured the spirit of my men.

Sanj was there all weekend.  Literally.  When he commits to something, he is in 100%.  It doesn't matter that the weather was freezing... (-20 ℃).  It didn't matter that he worked all week.  It didn't matter that he is cold all the time.  He was there for the whole thing.

He coached, he organized, he shoveled (he was a human zamboni).   I watched him.  I realized that he is a little crazy.  Yet I realized that I am in lucky!  If he puts so much of himself into an outdoor hockey tournament and loved it... then it doesn't matter that I am crazy too... he loves me.  Yah!

The boys loved it!  It was one of those weekends that all of them wished they could have played.

The younger ones played in between the boards.  The older ones played after their games.

They played and played.

It was a great weekend.  It was one of those things that I couldn't help but be drawn to.

It was one of those times when the score didn't seem to effect the mood.  They just loved playing.

This will be an annual thing.  It was a huge success.  16 teams/ 280 players!  The CBC came and filmed for Hockey Day in Canada.  The local media was there.  (My hubby was interviewed and on TV too).  A police cruiser stopped by and the two officers popped their truck and out came skates and sticks.  They came to play for a bit too.

It is part of who we are... Canadians... a bit of weather does not stop the passion that is in the heart.

Happenings...

I had a pretty good day.  Not a lot happening (well, I cancelled the a lot happening part to keep my day reasonable).  I went into the office and did a bit of cleaning, made a mental note to hire a cleaning person for the office (the last one was let go...).  

The afternoon was spent with Zachary and then it was time to pick up the boys.

The Rhema hockey team (which Tyler and Jordan) are a part of, have a tournament tomorrow in a town 1.5 hours from here.  So after school today, they had a practice.  So we went and hung out ... it was only an hour... how bad could it be?

Josh got into the van complaining of a tummy ache.  We went bathroom but only number one happened.

As we got to the rink, Josh told me his poop just came out quick.  LORD, PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!

Here's the thing... I don't have anything on me.  Nothing.  This is the problem with eating peppers and veggies like a glutton.  Trust me, it was not pretty.  I was not happy.

I told him no fruits or veggies... only a banana... they back you up a bit don't they???

So, I lay waiting to see if this is the results of being a veggie monster or the beginnings of the stomach flu.

SIGH.

This weekend there is endless hockey...  Max has to be out of town at a rink by seven  in the morning Saturday.  Sanj and some of the boys have a tournament all day outside!!! Brrrrr... The temps have dropped  these last few days.  Tonight is going to be - 30℃ when you factor in the wind.  They are having the tournament on the canal by the Liftlocks.  Very cool... even cooler taking in the weather! lol

This isn't our teams but is where they willing freezing in the name of hockey and fun!

The cool part is that Hockey Day in Canada will be there to film some of it... that is very cool.

My sweet husband is going to freeze!!!

That leaves me to take Zachary to his game and do the running for hot chocolates and coffee!

Max has been invited to spent the night at friends...  God bless friends.  This is how bigger family manage at times, with friends.

I am just happy to be home... have sleeping boys keeping me warm and settling in for a Grey's night!

Anyone watch Private Practice?  It has gotten pretty good too!

Sanj is with Sammy running a hockey practice.  That man does not know how to say no or stay put!

Gotta love him, though!  Gotta love him!

Ice, Friends, A Long Weekend...

I had a great weekend once with my men.  Saturday afternoon after hockey,  we had friends over.  They were on the rink all day.  Literally!  Zach (my 7 year old) had to be at hockey at 9 a.m.  then he and his buddies were on the ice from 2-7 p.m. with maybe a half an  hour for supper.  Crazy, eh?

*** Just a side bar about Zach's hockey game... he played goalie that morning.  Wow.  I hope none of my boys ever want to play that position.  Take about stress!!!

They had such a good time.  Sanj and the dad of the kiddies had a  great game with the older boys.  On the ice, age is obviously not taken into account. lol

Tyler had a friend over from his younger days.  It was so neat to see these two just pick up where they left off.  I could hear them laughing making prank calls about ordering Chinese food.

So, it was a good weekend.  It is topped off with no school today!  The house is quiet.  Everyone is off doing their thing.  

Last night it rained and rained.  So no rink for a bit but it was perfect sleeping weather.

Josh does not understand the meaning of sleeping in.  As soon as he sees a hint of daylight he is up, "Mommy, it isn't night time anymore!"

I have been thinking so much about all the babes out there... not just in Haiti but around the world.  I asked Sanj if we win the lotto (I found a ticket on the ground the other day... ) could we adopt 6 little boys?

He said he would divorce me.  lol

So I am pretty sure I can adopt 2!!!   I love this man!

It's Friday Night!

It is Friday evening!  Yah!   I love being home.  I love the quietness that usually comes with everyone home from a busy week, tired and doing this or that.  I love being in bed with a kid or two, snuggling, reading or watching a movie.

It's Friday night.  To be exact, it is 6:18 p.m. and I am home.  My broken butt is yearning for my bed and my book.  Is that going to happen?  NO!

Why?  I'll tell you why.  My sweet, ever loving, hockey freak husband realized that  he needs to be in Warsaw (40+ minutes away) to coach a select team that NONE of our children are even on because there is apparently no one else.

Here's the thing... It's Friday night!!!  He may choose to do this.... I am cool with that.  Forget about him being GONE all week.  Forget that he can't say NO to folks.  Forget that it's Friday night!

Not only is it Friday night but because he is gone and he didn't realize Max has a game tonight too at 7:30 p.m..  Jordan has a game at 8:30 p.m..  He will make it back for Jordan's game but I will have to go back out, risk injuring other body parts, get Jordan's skates sharpened, take Max to his game, zoom Jordan over to his arena and then run over to Max's to pick him up.

Did I mention it is Friday night?
I love hockey!  Yeah Hockey!
Give me a H!
Give me a O!
Give me a C!
Give me a K!
Give me a E!
Give me a Y!
What does is spell?   *&(**&%%^$^$#%$!!!

Hum... maybe I should go get some firewood too while I am out!
Did I tell you Friday Nights are my favorite nights?

Me...

It's supper time... Tyler has a couple of friends over for supper and then they will head off to Youth Group.  Sanj is on his way home... he is picking up take out for me for supper from one of our favourite Indian restaurants.  Jordan is away with is class till Friday.


Our house feels different with one gone.  Sammy is off somewhere napping.  It is what he does a lot.  Josh is walking around with his wet pants because he couldn't bother getting up and going to the bathroom.


I wanted to clarify something, since I have been asked a few times about it.  Please know when I write about my sweet, wonderful, dearly loved husband, it is with his full consent.  It is usually in jest and fun.  He usually laughs and supports my blogs.


I also want to say that I am fine even when I am venting about the woes of my children or life in general... I am just writing and sharing my journey.  It is what I do.  I really hope that I am not coming off as whining.  That would be bad.  I am blogging life as I live it.  I love all your comments and thoughts and prayers.  The good Lord knows I need all the help I can get.


That said, I had a day that was spent with ladies.  Friends.   Girl friends.  One of my friends told me to lean on my girl friends.  I realize that this is  probably where I do lack.  One of the things I really struggle with as a mom of all boys is related to interests.


Here's what I mean... I have already said many a time, I am not athletic.  It is not  an interest or passion.  Yet I have 6 (soon to be 7) males that love the sports.  As I go to games, I see these moms there, they never miss a game.  They don't want to miss a game.  They bring all their kids, not matter what hour, to the games.  They love it.


Me, if the truth be told, I really don't love it.  I barely like it.  I do love watching the boys play on occasion.  I love the tournaments.  I love the finals.  It's like the NHL or NFL... I hate the games all season.  But I will pick a team at playoff and cheer them on.  I can handle it in bits.


At the boys hockey games, I do love watching them play.  They are really good players in their various areas.  I really don't care to watch the whole game... kids I really don't know... and I usually take a book.  I have my system. I know who to sit by.  I know which parent coaches the kids through the glass and doesn't seem to realize they can't hear.   So I know when my kid is on, I'll hear them coaching them.


I love when they score a goal.  I feel their delight.  I feel their frustration when they miss.  I feel the game for them.  Do I love it?  Um, honestly, no.  Sigh.  I wish I could love sports.  I really do.  


Take golf, I find putting and hitting a ball into a hole that one can't even see, pointless.  Yet, I love driving  the cart and putting on the cute outfits.  I love that the boys have a passion for a sport that will serve them well in the real world, someday.


So, I struggle with being thrilled that my boys love hockey, golf, basketball, etc yet feeling guilty that I am not one of those moms that can really be called a true hockey mom.  For me, there really is such a thing as TOO MUCH HOCKEY.


I feel bad for not sharing the passion that they do.  I can only handle it in small dosages.


So, I realize that so often, living with 7 males, as much as I love and adore them, I lose myself.  Would I pick Indiana Jones?  No, I'd rather watch Pretty Woman again.  Would I like a meal of ribs and steak?  No, I would prefer a wrap.  Do I want to wrestle till someone is hurt? No, I'd rather cuddle.  Yup, I said it, cuddle!  


I love doing many things that they will never have a interest in.   I am thankful that they like to shop, especially when it is all about them.  I have some that like scrap-booking, when we find that time to do so.  I have some that love to cuddle and watch a movie.


I guess what I am saying is sometimes the girlie me gets lost.  I forget about her.  I guess that is where the advice of hanging on to my girlfriends comes up...  I need to make time to allow that girl in me to breath... with out the smell of hockey equipment suffocating me.


So on this note... I am off to work on plans for a Women's Retreat with the ladies at our school.  (March 26-28th... mark your calenders)!

Rock On!

It is 6:08 a.m.  It is still dark outside.  Actually it is still very dark.   Yet in 52 minutes, my sweet Max will be playing in the Atom tournament for the championship game (in his division).

It is a huge deal... the Atom tournament, to any hockey playing boy ages 9-10 is a big weekend.  97 teams come from all over Ontario to play in this tournament.  It is a bill of rights, sort to speak.  They get to miss school for the game.  (It is from Wednesday -Sunday).

Yesterday Max and his team  (The Rock) played the first two games and won.  The second game they lost bad.  Then with a wildcard they had the chance to play the team that just  beat them.

Funny, how games are.  This time, we beat them bad.  One of their coaches got kicked out for behaving badly.  Another parent got kicked out too.  How sad.  Parents behaving badly.  I am sure this effected their game.  Their goalie got hurt or/and had a meltdown.  With the score 9-2, they pulled out.

Of course I have plenty to say about parents and their behaviour.... but this is about Max and his game.

This is like being part of the Stanley Cup or something for 9-10 year olds.

When Sammy was in the Atom Tournament, I remember being so excited and getting all dolled up.

I had a team jersey, my face painted Sammy's number and a very loud horn.  I was all into it.

Sammy came up to me and said, "Can't you just be like the other moms?"

I was so devastated.  First, I am not like other moms.  I have weird genes that just prevent this from occurring.  Second, this is the only way to be part of the sport since I have no athletic abilities at all.

I took time to do my hair and makeup.  Yet, all I was to him was embarrassing.

So as Max's day approached, I was not really going to bother.  It is a lot of work and energy to be weirder than you already are!

Yet he hinted that he wanted it!  I loved it!  So I had the hair (which I really wanted to dye red but just didn't get to it), the jersey and horn!  I am pretty sure it was the hair that was lucky.  With it on, we won! LOL

What a great day!  I am only able to handle hockey in small dosages but I loved this weekend.   All the boys woke up at 6 am to be there for the game!  (It probably had to do with going out to breakfast after, too).

Thank You, God, for hockey!   Thank you for children with the passion and love for the game.  Thank you for dedicated coaches and parents and all things hockey!

A Perfect Moment!

Right now, this moment, life is perfect.
It's 10:31 p.m. and the boys are all in sync.
They are all at the table together.
Yes, it is a school night.
Yes, the morning is going to be rough.
Yes, it will be worth it.




I wish you could hear the sounds.
Aw.... Oh... YES!!!
Team Canada vs Team USA


It' s a tie.  It's gone to overtime.
Nothing at this moment matters except being brothers and hockey.
It's a perfect moment.
Go Team Canada! 

I Love Hockey...

Hockey... it is a word that takes over our lives.  The boys live it, breathe it, and sleep it.  Nothing but ice and net. 

The thing about hockey and having a rink in the back yard is that it is a unifying thing for the boys.

They all play.  They play together.  They work it out on the ice. They fight it out on the ice. They are brothers on the ice.

I was watching two of my boys, who fight like the dickens, playing together actually having fun.

Aw... it does my heart good.


This weekend Sanj put Josh on skates and had him up.


"I love hockey," he says looking at me with a grin that said it all.


Thank you God, for the rink.  Thank you for the passion my boys have for all things hockey.
Thank you for the bonus that they sleep so good after the cold air and working it out on the ice!
I love hockey!

Love is...

It's 11:43 p.m.  Sanj and I went out to dinner with friends and then I went and watched his hockey game.

As I look out of my bathroom window, I see this man, exhausted from shoveling the rink this afternoon for three hours... back out there.

The truck's headlights are on and shining the light needed for him to flood the rink.

Is that love or what?

This is the kind of father my children have. 

Unfortunately, too many times they don't appreciate all he does.

Love is braving the  -13 degree weather, untangling the hose and standing there at midnight flooding the rink so the boys will have smooth ice in the morning.

Love is coaching 3+  hockey teams so the boys would have a team to play on.

Love is getting them up, making a fun tradition out of being on the ice for a 7 a.m. practice.

Love is  breaking ones back to teach the youngest to skate and have a love for hockey.

Love is working his butt off to be able to pay for 5 hockey playing sons.

Love is sponsoring a team, making awesome jerseys for the team.
Love is lugging stinky hockey bags, water bottles, jerseys, pucks, sticks,etc week after week to rink after rink.

Love is a hockey dad.

"Hee Hee Ha"... Or Is It "Ha Ha Hee?" (Lamaze)

Our weekends are usually filled with hockey. Sanj does as much as possible but since he coaches many of the boys teams, I am usually covering drop off and pick up... etc. This ends up taking most of our Saturdays.

Today was one of those days. Tyler and Jordan's team was in a tournament... so that was all day. As I went through my day... I felt like a great comparison of hockey is much like labour and child birth.

Laboring, breathing, being brave, wondering why the hell am I here, push, push, push... and then... as I get home, do all the things that need to be done... wait for it....

AWWWWWWWWWWW... my head barely touches the cool of my pillow and I feel my shoulders relaxing... just as the doctor catches the baby.

Hearing the calling of "MOMMY" after my head hits that pillow is much like the doctor pushing on your belly after the child is out... to get that placenta out.

They love hockey! Love it. Jordan has been moping around saying "I hate my life," as his expression of missing this tournament.

I always pray that I see the play that they are reciting back to me in the car. "Did you see me mom... when I deeked that guy?"

What the heck is deeked???

So I will do the hockey mom thing... for many years to come as I will continue to pray that the vasectomy worked!

Welcome 2009!

Last night we had a party. We used to always go out, Sanj and I but as the boys got older, we didn't like being away from them on New Year's Eve.

So You invite a few friends who you love...

You have a great hockey game on (Canada vs United States... World Juniors Game)...

You have some cold drinks...

You have a great game (Things In A Box)... Hum....

You have LOTS OF FOOD!

It was a wonderful night! I enjoyed every minute of it... my children enjoyed every minute, especially escaping any normal bedtime.

Goodbye 2008... what a year.


It is going to be a year full of big events for our family. Sammy will graduate and begin high school (wow) Josh will began JK (aw...) and I will start my journey to becoming a real estate agent. (Yikes).

Welcome 2009!