So Sad!

I haven't written in many days.  I start to and then just stop.  I haven't the words to say what is on my heart. I don't want to sound preachy yet I can only be honest of my thoughts.  So... I can't stop thinking of Jesus' coming.


My brother, Kumar, is in Haiti.  He left Wednesday for a week to help drill wells at one of the orphanages and see what else they could do.  I have been following the  work their blog.  I feel so much pain in my heart.  I can't stop thinking of the sadness and pain.  He wrote my mom saying, "It is all so sad."

   

"This girl's name is Evangelista. Her mother died in the earthquake. Our medical people believe she has thyroid cancer that has metasticized . We took her to Port au Prince and was turned away because they are not to equipped to help." (Taken from Kumar's Facebook page).

I can't stop thinking about her.  Let's just process the fact that her mother just died.  How does she cope with the pain, sadness and fear?  Then take the cancer... does it hurt?  What is going to happen to her?

We live such a different life.  I am hunger so I go to my fridge and grab a snack.  I also know that I will be complaining about what to make for supper in a bit.  I will not be worrying about filling the bellies of my babes.  Yet, just on the other side of the world, are moms worried and sad as they listen to their babes cries for hunger.

I feel like screaming.  I feel the helplessness of not knowing how to make it all better.  I hate that all we can do doesn't change the fact that there are so many hunger and sick.  There are so many children... like my babes that I adore,  that will not have a meal, that are missing their parent that died... that are alone, sad and scared.

As I think of heaven and God, as I get so frustrated and sad... I have to hold on to the faith that there is a heaven and a God who is in control and will come down and take us to a better place.  I have to believe.  I have to have faith. 

I am not sure what will happen to this sweet little girl.  I can only pray that God holds her so tight and she feels the love of God and finds courage and strength to deal with each day as it comes.


Dear Jesus...
I can only be grateful for all we have.  I can only be shamed when I complain of the little stresses in life as children, people, on the other side, worry about food, shelter and feel pain of loss so huge I can't even put into words.


This little girl has grabbed my heart.  Oh dear God, please.... show them how to help her.  Please.


And if it is OK... please just come, now.
Amen.

Too Much... Too Little...

Do you ever get tired of the rush?  I am tired of the rush.  It is that time where we should be getting into the van to be on-time for school.  Yet then I will be yelling and yapping that endless sing song I do ever morning that really has no impact.


I can't wait for break.  Any kind of break.  No alarm clock, which is actually pretty useless since I just shut it off and sleep another hour!


Oh well... this is the kind of life we live ... it comes with the perks of education, the luxuries of food, money and comforts.  I am not in the midst of rubble, wondering if it is worth it.... wondering where I will find water... Can you imagine 4500 children will die in one day from water related issues?


As Josh was brushing his teeth, wondering around, waiting for his toothbrush to say, "Good Job,"  the sink  has water running non stop.


Last night as I got home, reminded the kids for the umpteen time  to take in their backpack, mitts, hats... another sing song that means nothing... I went to the back of the vehicle to grab a handfull of bags.
It was one of those moments that happened in slow motion in my head.  Yet before I could even utter a four letter word, I felt my feet give way and I found myself doing a major butt plant on the ice.


OK... it was a hard fall.  I was pretty sure I broke my butt.  I couldn't move.  I wasn't sure if I was even alive.  The boys come rushing out... Mommy!!!  Some go into the house, "Daddy!!! Mommy fell!"
After 6 kids, you know what happens to your bladder when you laugh or go on the trampoline?  Well then, you can imagine what the force of my not so light frame did to my bladder.  Sanj thought it was snow.  Nope.


Yet as I hobbled up the stairs to change and take inventory of my body parts, I couldn't help think of the little ones pulled out of the rubble, with no where to go.


Yes, it is a rushed, fast pace busy life.  Yet, how can I complain?  I can't.
 I can only be grateful.  I have so much that makes my life full.
We have too much at times.
Then they have too little.
What is there to complain about?


How I could just bring this little boy home!  He looks like a perfect fit add to the craziness of my boys!