10 Wives!

This weekend I had a glimpse of life with 10 wives!  Wow, what a difference!  The Mormons were on to something!

This was the weekend of the Rhema Retreat but it back a bunch of ladies hanging out at a cottage.  We had a really good time.

We went shopping... I tried on this very cool dress.  It was the kind of dress that one would wear if you were a movie star!  It had feathers on it!  When I tried it on, the sales lady said, "there he is."  I paused.  He???  A little creepy!  I really loved the dress!  LOVED IT!  Wish I was fancy enough to have places to wear it! lol

Back to my wives... there were 10 of us in total...  after we shopped, there was snacks in the car to refuel us, some-else cleaned up and off we went again!
Meal times were a breeze.  Everyone naturally took turns preparing the food, doing dishes and setting the table. WOW!  Seriously, 10 minutes tops and the clean up was done!

Imagine my life with 10 wives!  Every kid would have a "mom" to look after their needs, I would be available for snuggles anytime!  There would be no issues with laundry or messiness.  Meals and lunches would be a breeze!

There was a disgusting abundance of food, lots to drink but the shortage was time.

How come time goes so fast when you are having fun?

Wow... my weekend with 10 wives was so cool!.

Seriously, there is nothing like hanging out with friends.  There is nothing like leaving your reality for a few days and stepping into another reality that is all about you.  It was pretty awesome.  The commonness  was our school that we all love so much, our God and our families.

It was so good to just be.  I felt God's presence there.  It was church in the best sense of the word.  My weekend with 10 wives was pretty special!

Can't wait to do it again!

Come Soon.... Please!

I had a friend over today for lunch.  It was so lovely.  As we talked about the pains of people in our community, we were talking about Heaven.  Maybe I am getting old but life ... it is so full of stuff.  There is so much hurting, sickness and pain.  There is so much in lives that are empty and many don't have a clue of how to fill that void.

When I feel like that, I go to food.  It feels so good for the moment and then I want to hit myself over the head.  Lately, as the boys were struggling with the stomach flu, I couldn't help but think... how bad would it be to vomit after eating?  Surely I wouldn't be one of those people that couldn't stop...  just enough to lose some of the weight and then I would stop.  Where do these thoughts come from?

In one of my boys classes there was the issue of cutting one's self.  It became a cool thing to do when one was upset.  I don't think many did it as much as talked about it... but when was that the answer and where did these thoughts come from?

There is drinking... it does what?  Relaxes and takes the edge off?  This is not appealing to meal, as I don't like the taste of alcohol but I get the whole idea of looking for a way to take the edge off.

I don't know what the answer is as each passing year, life becomes more crazy and pressure filled for many.  I see sadness and true despair in beings that don't even know how to help themselves anymore.  How do you show someone that they are beautiful and full of worth?  How do you show someone that they are not a loser?  How do you get someone to stop calling themselves that?

I get it.  I was there.  I have been through the journey from loserville to believing that I am awesome (most of the time), that I am a prized child of God.  I believe that it is all about me... that God in His awesomeness handles all the stresses and strife in the world... yet... He is all about me, too. I believe He is caring about finding me a parking spot when I need it, He is about answering my weather prayers, my prayers about mistakes that I made and now need His help bailing me out.... He is all about me!

I love Him so much.  I have a small minded faith.  I love God!  He loves me!  How do you help someone find confidence in their self?  How do you help someone see that GOD MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL!  It is imperfect when we see it thorough our eyes.  I can only imagine His frustration when we bring down His creation... when we bring down ourselves.

Today... I am saying a prayer... it is for you... yes, you, my friend, that you stop judging your self-worth through eyes of sinful souls.  You are beautifully and wonderfully made.  Imagine how much God must cherish you, His creation!

Today ... I am saying a prayer for you, my friend x 3... that each of you find your job and fulfillment that you seek.  Lord, please lead my friend on their journey.

Today.... I pray for you... hurting, scared, tired and confused.
You are not alone.

Jesus, please come soon.  Please be with my friends as they are seeking and searching.  Hold their hand. Let them feel Your mighty presence.

I love you!
Amen

Wanted: A Girlfriend....

Have you missed me?  I have missed writing so much.  Our internet is down and having issues that don't seem to be solved overnight.  Annoying!  So for the past days, I have been talking to myself a lot.  I decided to come to the office with the pretense of working yet writing instead.  Guess it is one of the perks of snoozing with the boss.  :)

I had an epiphany of sorts a few days ago.  Have you ever "loved" someone and they didn't love you back?  They said they would yet they really didn't?  Their actions spoke volumes that argued against their words?  I had a boyfriend whom I 'loved.'  (I loved him but it was baby love... yet at the time it was all I knew).  When we graduated from university and were to got our seperate ways, we made promises to make it work... despite the fact that we knew that long distance was hard.  I believed in us.  I was ready to do the work.  He wasn't.  Shortly afterwards, we broke up.  Well... he gave up.

We all have the heartbreak stories.  Yes, I know.  I did get over it... obviously and God soon showed me that He had better and bigger plans for me... Sanj.  What a great plan. 

Yet, for a long time, what hurt was why did the boyfriend give up on us?  Was I not worth it?  It isn't about letting go after a break up but for me it was about needing an answer ... just tell me... how come you didn't want to make the effort... especially if you loved me?

OK... I never got the answer. Many of us don't.  Some are lucky to have that kind of closure.
Where is this going?  Here's the thing... I feel like I just went through a break up again... with a girlfriend.
Oh sure, we are still "friends."  Yet it is different.  Something happened.  Something changed.

We hit it off so well.  We chatted everyday for the longest time.  We hung out, we played and we connected.
Then something changed.  Along came a new friend.  I keep asking and wondering... what is different?  Well maybe  I know.  Maybe we don't agree about all the same kinds of people. Yet, that shouldn't matter, should it?  We can be friends with others too, yet we still can be us.

Apparently it not.  I feel like I have gone through a break up.  I feel like I am seeking answers and yet there are none.  As I watch them hang out, I feel sad.  I feel like I have been dumped.  I feel so hurt.

Maybe again, it is a season.  This friendship was  season.  Yet I see them together and find that it hurts.  I find that I am not sure I can do this anymore.  Maybe what I am seeking doesn't really exsist.  Maybe loneliness is just a fact of life. 

I really thought that if I kept seeking that I would someday find that girlfriend connection.  A real connection.  Don't get me wrong... I have friends.... that I love and cherish.  Yes and you know if you are one of them.  So don't start second guessing our friendship.

I guess I just miss having, for lack of a better word, a best friend here.  I have it with some of my friends that are in other states.  Why is it so hard to find that now?

I am always with people because I love and need that.  Yet,  I am seeking a friendship that has true depth.  I am seeking a friend that is willing to let it all hang out and be real and intimate.  I am seeking a friendship that initiates just as much, that wants me as much, someone that isn't going to ditch me.

Maybe I should place a want ad.  Maybe I just have too high an expectation.  Maybe this is life... and I have a lot to be grateful for... a family that I love, a fabulous hubby, crazy kids that make my world... and friends... lots of friends.  Maybe I am just being greedy...  yeah... maybe.

Can I Ask You A Personal Question?

Today it seems that people hide within themselves so much.  We are always trying to put the image of perfection forward.  

Do you remember when you were little and your family would just pop over for a visit to friends houses?  That kind of thing doesn't seem to happen as much.  We always have to compare calendars and see what works.  If you are lucky, you will connect with in the next couple of weeks.

I miss that spontaneous popping over that releases me from cleaning the house before you come over and plan what to feed you.  I would just have to laugh and say "Welcome to my real life... excuse the mess."  I would offer you a drink, it may just be water.  We would have a lovely visit and wonder why we don't do this more often?

I wonder why there are so many lonely people in the midst of being with people.  Do you know what I mean?  You could go to a party with a houseful of people yet leave feel like you were alone.  You didn't connect with anyone.

We seem to protect ourselves so much.  We are afraid, it seems, to say, "Hey, my kids are driving me nuts."  Or  "I am so mad at my husband.  If he leaves his socks on the floor one more time..."

We are all so picture perfect!  Yet, are we really?

I love getting personal and intimate.  I love learning about you.  Of course, I know that means I have to share about me.  Bring it on.  

I went to a women's retreat a while ago.  It was a bunch of moms in their 30 somethings.  We were in a cabin together, some of us knew each other and some not so well.  When we left, despite the fact that we were friends, we realized we didn't really know each other... well until after that weekend.

It began with the question of "Can I ask you a personal question?"  Some of you know that is my line!

It was such a great weekend.  I discovered that I am not so different from the lady next to me that looks perfect.  We struggle with the same kinds of  things!  The ladies from that weekend are so connected forever.  We shared.  We connected.  We may not hanging out now as much but those ladies that were there are people that I have to be real with.  I know it is safe because we are all the same.

We guard our lives so closely that there is often times no room to allow someone in.  If we did, we may realize that perfection is relative.

What am I saying?  Trying be a little more open.  Move over and make room for someone... ask the personal questions... find out about someone.  Be ready to answer back.

Go ahead... Ask me a personal question!

Marriage and Manservant

The last couple of days have been an eye opener for me into the world of boys.
As girls have entered our lives.... it has been so interesting to me to watch and listen.

I so badly want to write the whole conversation but am restraining myself.  It was so funny to hear the boys talk about girls.  They are realizing just how different girls are from boys.  I am too!

The younger ones have become pests and funny coming home with tales of the boys talking to girls.
Some of these girls are going through the younger ones to get to the older ones.  Jordan came home totally upset with his brothers teasing and called Max the paparazzi!

Then there are moments where they just beat each other up.  Then they are laughing.  Soon enough, it is then over and they are off to play a video game.

Us... girls... we want to talk.  We want to know what they are feeling.  I am realizing that maybe they are just thinking of nothing and feeling nothing.  Maybe that is possible.  I am actually coming to the realization that  boys/men are totally different.  We really must drain them.  I exhaust myself with all the emotions and feelings I go through in one day... Sanj is so good about listening to all my thoughts.  He seems to know how much a comment is acceptable and when I need more.

When I do ask him what he is thinking, when he is staring off in space, if his answer is more than nothing, it is usually boring.  No emotions or feelings that are exciting or inspiring.

Today as we were getting ready, he looked pensive, so I asked, "what are you thinking?"
He said, "about not going to the gym today."

Today, I had so many thoughts.  I was thinking of life as we get older.  I was contemplating Sanj and I as a couple when the children were all gone.  I was thinking of couples that break up after the kids were gone.   I was thinking of men that cheat on their wife after all that time.  I was thinking of those couples I see so often that are at a restuarant, just sitting.  There is no chatting and no engaging of one another.
Ick!  I would be so sad.

What happened?  Yes, I know, each couple has their own story.  Yet, I think the key is keeping your friendship alive.  If you are friends with your spouse... then you will want to be with them.  You will miss them.  I look forward to hanging out with Sanj.  Mind you, not every minute of the day... as we are very different.

I see retirement like this (especially if I win the lotto).  I am sure we will still live here.  Maybe on the lake... kids and grandkids will come and visit and all that good stuff.  I think that we will travel a fair bit. I want to see the world.  Then if we wintered in warmth a few months a year...  then I see us hanging out in the morning.  Sanj will have been up at 5 still, done whatever he does.  I will have enjoyed sleeping in.  We hook up to be served breakfast by the manservant.  We then relax a bit.  After lunch, he will go off and golf.  I will write, shop and do a book signing here and there.  We will then go out on the boat and have dinner somewhere into the sunset.

We then have time with each other and yet time to enjoy our hobbies and friends.
I still think Sanj will call me a million times a day just to say hi and see what I am up too.
He will miss me when he is away from me.  I will think of him and buy him little things that make him smile.  Of course there will be all that shopping for the grandkids too.

Ah... life is good.  Thank you, God, for making men from Mars and women from Venus.

Ice, Friends, A Long Weekend...

I had a great weekend once with my men.  Saturday afternoon after hockey,  we had friends over.  They were on the rink all day.  Literally!  Zach (my 7 year old) had to be at hockey at 9 a.m.  then he and his buddies were on the ice from 2-7 p.m. with maybe a half an  hour for supper.  Crazy, eh?

*** Just a side bar about Zach's hockey game... he played goalie that morning.  Wow.  I hope none of my boys ever want to play that position.  Take about stress!!!

They had such a good time.  Sanj and the dad of the kiddies had a  great game with the older boys.  On the ice, age is obviously not taken into account. lol

Tyler had a friend over from his younger days.  It was so neat to see these two just pick up where they left off.  I could hear them laughing making prank calls about ordering Chinese food.

So, it was a good weekend.  It is topped off with no school today!  The house is quiet.  Everyone is off doing their thing.  

Last night it rained and rained.  So no rink for a bit but it was perfect sleeping weather.

Josh does not understand the meaning of sleeping in.  As soon as he sees a hint of daylight he is up, "Mommy, it isn't night time anymore!"

I have been thinking so much about all the babes out there... not just in Haiti but around the world.  I asked Sanj if we win the lotto (I found a ticket on the ground the other day... ) could we adopt 6 little boys?

He said he would divorce me.  lol

So I am pretty sure I can adopt 2!!!   I love this man!

A Challenge...

Here's the thing... as parents we want the best for our kids.  We want them to be happy,well rounded, and carefree.  We want their childhoods to be simple, safe and special.  We want them to have friends.  We want them to have memories of secrets with their buddies, sleepovers and share great times.

What about the child that does not have this?  I have heard this week alone, of parents that told their child not to be friends with so and so.  Not of any reason then what is made up in their heads.

Josh has already come home saying that this kid doesn't like so and so... and this is from the parents.

In JK they are learning already to be exclusive and intolerant.

What happens to a child that suffers this loneliness all throughout school?  That sucks!

In 8th grade, when they graduate, do you think that they are leaving their childhood behind with warm fuzzy feelings?

It makes me sad.  I wonder how adults can live with that.  It is something that we know is wrong.

I try so hard to teach my children that  when someone is odd, different, hard to understand, many times, it isn't their fault.  We live in an age where there are some many diagnosis', where many can fall under a wide spectrum of various issues.  This is a child that needs to be included... even if it is hard.

Do you really think that someone wants to be different, difficult and friendless?

I hate when parents instruct the child to not play with someone.  I hate when someone puts themselves better than another.

I am really struggling with this.  I struggle with this as an adult.  Just because there are hard people, needy people, that may annoy or suffocate... these are folks that Jesus would love.  These are people that Jesus would choose to hang out with.  To share a cup of tea with someone, to give a half an hour of your time... you'd be amazed how good you feel not to mention what a gift you just gave someone else.

I realize that maybe I am rambling... and I am sorry.  I just have this thought and am not sure how to express it.  I think that if we each just loved those that are hard to love... it may be  surprising what comes out of that.

Here's my challenge.... This week,  include one person, that we may not normally chose to hang out with... spend a half an hour...  and then share that experience... let's see what happens.

Thoughts... don't worry about what to chat about, they usually will talk... just ask a couple of questions...

"How was your weekend?"  or  "How was your day off with the kiddies?"

Are you in?

Just A Bunch of Stuff...

I have so much to say... and as my day goes along I think of things that I want to blog about yet I either forget or by the time I have time to write, it seems kind of petty especially with the events of the world.

Yet I miss writing when I don't.  So I will apologize for the little things that make up my day yet they make me who I am.

I have been dealing with my boys and their girl friends.  I am learning how hard it is to be a bystander...

knowing in some things that they must find their way.  One of my babes is friends with many a girl.

Yet, I think he has feelings for a friend (or two) in particular.  Every time they make plans to hang out, she cancels.  This has happened more than a few times.  Friday night, he was to go over to her house... (that is another whole blog)...  and her parents apparently knew and were cool with it.  Then all of a sudden, she couldn't because she was going to her grandparents house.  This is about the 4th time she has cancelled or "stood him up."  My mom bear claws are coming out.  If she can't or doesn't want to ... tell him.  I am all about honestly.  It is better to be hurt by the truth then  being hurt twice as much with dishonesty.

My son insists this is a friendship.  They have hockey in common.  He is in town watching one of her games.  Zachary went with him.  I love that he let Zachary go.  Anyway, I am feeling unsure of how to deal with my babes getting hurt.  I can't put a bandaid on this one, can I?  Yet he seems fine.  Maybe I just know how I would feel.

Sanj is off for 3 days and 2 nights to Toronto for classes.  Sigh.  It is funny because despite the fact that I will have to find a way to get Sammy to classes on time (meaning we have to leave at least a half an hour before the boys normally do), besides knowing I have hockey, guitar and haircuts these days on my own with all of them...  just knowing I am on my own makes me a little more organized.

Weird?  I guess when there are two of you, the expectation is there for help and there is an assumption that it will be easier.  Yet, when it is not easier, that is when annoyance sets in.  Do you know what I mean?

It is all these pressures that I put on myself... such as a yummy, healthy, hot home cooked meal... when Sanj comes home.  When he is gone, I have no trouble just whipping something up... and supper is done.

Friday night (it is always Friday nights), Sanj was behaving badly.  I said, "Do you want a divorce?"  Because I will give you one!"  His reply was "No, then I'd have to have the kids every other weekend."

lol  I love this crazy husband of mine.  He drives me nuts, yes.

 Yet, I am sure I drive him even nuttier.

I am hoping to get some writing time in this week.  I am not sure what to write.  I have  a book pretty much outlined that I wrote years ago.  I would have to do a lot of tweaking and revamping but the shell is done.  Is it what I want to write about now?  I am not sure.  It would be a book about life with my dad. It would be the story of living and surviving.  I want this book to shout out to parents that are living with abuse thinking it is best to keep the family together.  I want it to be a book that gives the child's perspective of life in fear.

The other book idea is one of putting my blog into some form of a book.

Do you have thoughts on this?

I am stalling from getting the dishes done, laundry put away and supper.

Hope your week is a good one.

It's Uncle Kumar, Again!

My brother is five years younger than me.

Growing up, since my mom was often at work, putting food on the table, doing the job of 2 adults, I mothered my brother.

As we grew up, we continued to be connected.  We haven't lived together since I was17 years old and went off to univerity.  We spent some of the summers together but eventually we have lived many miles apart.

Both of us have spouses, children and busy lives.  Yet we talk often.

When my brother was doing Josh's dedication at church, he made a passing comment about talking to me everyday...  Sanj looked over at me and said, "Really, every day?"

OK, not everyday...but often.  We probably talk every other day.

Yesterday, the phone rang.  The boys looked at it and said, "It's Uncle Kumar, again..."

This morning as we were rushing out of the house, the phone rings.  "Don't answer it... and get in the car..." I yell.  (I picked up and told my brother that I'd call him on the cell, knowing he is alone with the kids...)

"What do you guys talk about?" the boys asked.

I told them that someday, they would likely talk to their brothers...

They don't get it.  They think that we should live closer.

Here's the thing... my brother is five years younger.  So I listen.  Usually, the conversation on my side is like this... "aha, aha, really?  No, aha... "  I will hang up and Sanj will say, "Who was that? Kumar?"

This morning's conversation was about his daughter... he was telling me about something that happen at her school... he says, not to be bias or anything but she (his daughter) is the prettiest girl there.  She dresses well and is smart and of course people are drawn to her."

I smile... of course he can't see that.  I agree with him.  I listen.

Did I mention I am 5 years older?  So I know now that every  (well, most) parents feels this way about their kid.  I remember Sammy being the most handsome child I have ever seen!  I actually still think that next to his brothers, Josh is the most handsomest boy in Peterborough!  He really should go into modelling!

I think that is the gift that God gave parents.. to see the best there is to see in their child, even when no one else can see it.  I love that my brother is so in love with his child.  It just means he is doing it right.

Then the conversation went to this dessert he made for the kids.  He told me that he wanted to make a special dessert that the kids would associate to him... you know, Daddy's special dessert.

On Face book he said he  "is sad my kids didn't like my secret dessert recipe, "pinky dinky pie." It has always been my favorite growing up.

My immediate response was pinkie dinkie pie?  His version of memories are always more animated  and colorful than mine.

He then tells the story of how he made the pie... jello, whipped cream  combined and dumped into  a graham cracker crust...  his kids made the youngest eat it and said Yuck.

These are the kind of things we talk about... our days, how his book is coming along... my dream of writing a book, who talked to our mom, the lastest thing my dad did or didn't do, just the kind of thing you would talk to a girlfriend.

Sometimes the person that understands me well is someone that lived with me... he gets it. He was there.   He understands the appreciation for wanting his children to have a favorite daddy dessert or meal... it's about the relationship that he is building with his kids and it is about the relationships that we didn't have.

As I watch my boys chatter about mommy and Uncle Kumar talking again... I am glad that they have that model happening in front of them... that family is important.  It doesn't matter how far apart we are... it is about the relationship. 

It is about a special gift when siblings, family grow from all that they share... genetics... to making it grow into friendship.  Of course we get on each other's nerves.  We are very different as we are alike.

I hope that someday, my boys will have children that wonder why they talk to their brother so much.

I hope that the bond of brotherhood is a gift of a lifetime for each of my boys.

Happy New Year's Eve!!!

It's New Years Eve! 

Add some snow and mild weather... ✔

Add some yummy food...✔

Add friends...  (yes, you are invited)... ✔

Tonight's gonna be a good night!

I love a party.

I love being with my family and friends.

I love food!

I love having fun.

I love a New Year.

It is something to be grateful for... having the gift of another year.

It is a gift to have friends and family.

It is a gift to have a whole new year knocking at the door... full of possibilities.

Happy New Years Eve...

Be Safe.

If you have no where to celebrate,

our house is open to you!

Trevor...

I got a message from a friend that was from my university days...

It said, "Have you heard about Trevor?"

Immediately I had a sense that it was not good news.

Trevor is a pilot for United Airlines...

While I pondered a second that perhaps he could have gotten married, I knew it was a fear I had in regards to flying.

Trevor was a friend of mine that was like a big brother.

He was a pest, full of pranks and jokes and always knew how to get my goat.

He kept an eye out.  Never said too much, but let it be know when I was not going to do something.

He would come and say, "You are not going to that party, right?"

I knew I wasn't going to that party.

Yet I knew he was there.

Silly.

Yet he always had an eye to make sure I stayed out of trouble.

He loved ladies.  

He loved flying.

He loved making friends wherever he flew.

Apparently he just bought a little plane.

He and his cousin where flying to Grenada, this is where he called home.

The engines quit... and the plane went down near the Bahamas. 

I just read that the Coast Guards called the search off.

I feel so sad inside.

What a loss.

Was he scared?

I am glad he was with someone (as awful as that sounds).

I hope he felt God's arms holding him tight.

There is a part of me that still can't help but wonder what if he is still out there?

Trevor, you are one of those people that was in my life for a bit... yet your footprints made a path on my heart.

Jesus, if he is alive... please bring him home safely.

If he is gone... may he have felt the love of those whose lives were forever impacted by his smile and gift of friendship.


Could you please pray for a miracle?
I know God can do this!
Please God, hear our prayers.

Girlfriends...

  I was home with the 2 youngest boys.  A rarity on the weekend. Sanj was off doing the hockey thing.

I had so much I wanted to accomplish.  I felt motivated and good.

Then the phone rang.

It's long distance.

I answered to hear the voice of a cherished friend.

She stayed home from church.

We talked.  And talked.  And talked.

3 hours later we said bye.

It was so good.

It was just what I needed.

Reconnection.

There is something about a friend who can finish your sentences.

There is something about a friend who knows something is wrong or right before a hello.

There is something about a friend who doesn't require maintenance.

There is something about those friendships that last the test of time and distance.

I am blessed to have those kinds of friends.

She has all boys too.

We were talking about what happens if our daughter-in-laws didn't like us.

(Hard to imagine... I know! lol)

We were talking about the difference with daughters and mothers.

Suddenly I realized that it was all OK... because we would have each other.

I am not sure where our husbands are in this phase of life.

We have always talked about our rocking chair days... we know we will be together...

reminiscing... my girlfriends and I.

I guess maybe our husbands are dead. 

Or maybe golfing.

I am never sure.

This disturbs Sanj a bit.

Friends... good friends ... they make my world go around.

Obviously the picture has nothing to do with this blog... but he sure is a cutie... and I love mozzarella sticks!