Tyler Believes!

The great thing about the Olympics is that it inspires!

Tyler is my cautious one.  He hates to fail.  Many a time this holds him back from trying.

Not today!  Here he is imitating Frédéric Bilodeau.  

"Mommy, if I get hurt, you'll take me to the hospital, right?" asked Tyler as he readied himself.

Special thanks to my sweet talented hubby for putting this video together for me!

Hairy, Hairy!

I had the weirdest dream yet it was kind of funny.

I have blogged about my dreams... they are vivid and I usually can remember them in detail.

I dream every night.  Sometimes that is tiring, depending on the topic of the night.

You already know that my hair has been falling out to the point of being alarming.  I have thinning hair.

I guess I am a bit obsessed with this.  The other thing about me is my legs are pretty much hairless.

I really don't have to shave... I may do so a few times a year to remove thin strands of hair that are scarcely seen to the naked eye.

Trust me this is relevant to my dream. lol

I was somewhere thinking about my legs and that I should perhaps shave... just to do so.

As I looked at my leg, I saw this LONG strand of hair on my leg.  I was very surprised.  It was so long ... like the length of my hair on my head.  I was so surprised that I went to show Sanj.

When I showed him, there wasn't bits of stranded... I had this gross long hair on my legs... hair that should have been on my head!!!

lol

I guess I am more obsessed with my thinning head of hair! lol

My lala-land life is as crazy as my real life!

No wonder I am tired!

Here I Go... Again.

It is 10:01 p.m.  I am nursing a headache.  I seem to have a sinus headache for the past few days.  Maybe I am allergic to the mess that is constantly in my house.

Sanj is at the school board meeting.  He just keeps going and going.  I love him.  He is such a sport.

Over the years we have been married, I am always and forever coming up with a new "scheme."  I am not really trying to get rich ...  I realize I was just trying to find me.

I have defined myself by being "mom" for so long... and of course that is who I am.  It was who I was ... all of me.. for so many years.  I loved being mom.  Yes, I am still mom... but you know what I mean, don't you?

I am mom to six dearly loved boys who still are my world... but they are and continue to take steps away from me for periods of time that force me to seek who I am aside from mom.

I didn't realize how tricky that would be.  Many moms know who they are.  They are nurses, teachers or busy stay at home moms.  

For me, staying at home is no longer fun.  It means that  I am home alone (that is the biggest problem).  It means that all the mess is shouting at me.  It means laundry could possibly be kept under control.  It means groceries and meals could be more organized.  Staying at home means housework.  I have come to the conclusion that isn't my cup of tea.  Get ME OUTTA HERE!!!

So I have been really struggling to find what I am suppose to do... who am I?

• I thought that the real estate world would be exciting and interesting.  But as I approached that world I realized that it really isn't conducive to what we want or need as a family.  Evening are our busiest time.  It is the time everyone needs me to be mom.  Real Estate Agent
• I thought that maybe I would love my own store of cool stuff.  But that was very short lived... as cool as it really does seem... we really don't need to be owner of another business.  (I  always wanted to pay a cashier!  It seems so fun!  Store Owner
• Then there is the idea of me working in the clinic.  I get a paycheck... so I really do have to show up for work.  I have done this... it is all good.  I actually really don't mind it... so I am continuing to do it but it isn't my heart's desire.  Working as everyone's assistant at the Ear Company    ( I really am just crossing it off  because if I can find my passion and am  good at it and make money... this is will crossed off too... plus it just looks good!)
• I had the idea of being a waitress... I have the experience and love people... but Sanj couldn't see his trophy wife as a waitress.  Waitress
• I wanted to be the secretary at the boys school... Rhema... how fun that would be!!! (Rena, Kate, don't burst my bubble). Rhema's Administrative Assistant
• Ok.. I am tired of listing all the things... but you get the picture, don' t you?

Just a side bar... I realize that not every one gets to do their heart's desire as a job in the real world.  But...  I can seek it out while working... then it isn't hurting anyone... is it?

Today while chatting with God in the shower (yes, I do!) I realized that the only thing or person holding me back was me and fear.

So I made a plan.  I went to lunch with my favorite husband and while I let him eat my yummy soup... told him I had an idea.  Here's the thing... I actually heard him sigh and brace himself.

How I love this man.  He knows me so well.  He knows well enough to be scared. lol

I am going to work on my book.  I am going to carve out a time and place and that is going to be me at work.  I am going to work!  I am so excited.  A couple of hours a day... not allowing for interruptions... I have to be a strict boss.   I am going after my dream job.  I have given myself till June to see how it is coming.

Of course this is where Sanj's "support" ended.  He didn't give in to the idea of my needing a writer's loft or apartment.  He didn't see my desperate need for a new computer either.  I will work on those two things.  But really ... I love this man for supporting me.

I am on my way to fulfilling my dream of becoming a best selling author and if it doesn't work out... there is a cashier's till waiting for me... I am sure!

lol

Tick Tock...

I am blogging... (this is my 700th blog... wahoo!)... yet I should be doing a million other things...

• sorting through the presents making sure who has what and who needs what...
• wrapping some of the presents so it isn't an overwhelming task.
• bathrooms needs  cleaning...
• keep up with the laundry...
• pay some bills... yuck...
• clean up the morning rush
• put up some Christmas stuff

Yet I am blogging.

I need to write.  I am thinking it is just as therapeutic as my white pill.

I started to look into writing (such as a book, magazines, etc.) for more than a hobby.

I was so excited.

Then I heard that Oprah was ending her show.

OK... for those of you that don't really know me... yes, I am weird and crazy.

Probably certifiably.

Here's the thing... I always dreamt of writing a book and it being on Oprah's book list.

It is/was so tied into my dream.

I would be on her show.  I would be able to thank her for helping me understand the things that were happening in my life... such as the meaning of battered women, abuse etc.

It would so awesome.

I would take my brother.

I would take my family.

What would I wear?

Weird?  Yes... I know!!!

But truth be told, it sort of crippled  me.

My editor friend told me to stop saying "I want to be a writer."

She said..."You already are a writer."

Yet the steps from there are overwhelming me.

Step #1 Increase the readership of my blog.

I admit, I don't know how to do this.

Most people don't read my blog.  They read me on Facebook.

My blog (www.sukumaranville.blogspot.com) has a counter that isn't working.

Most don't comment on the blog. Again the comments are usually via Facebook and email.

So I am stuck at how do I increase readership?

There are other steps but I guess I got stuck at this one.

As I am sitting back re-reading the Tips for Reema, 

I have to pause.

Tip #8... Join a writers group, take a course, read books on writing, but don't get discouraged.  Remember, you're already a writer-  you don't just WANT to write, you DO write, and you have the discipline AND interesting material AND the knack of getting your thoughts out in a logical way, all of which most would -be writers lack.

(Taken from Tips for Reema by Barbara K. (editor)

Sheesh!  So where do I go from here?

God, please help me not to be my typical self and get discouraged and give up.

Could You please guide me?

Show me (loudly) how to move from this place.

My being is screaming out that this is for me.

I believe this to be Your will for me too.

So... if so... please help me.

Show me how to increase readership.

Show me Your will.

(Loudly, if possible).

Love,

Me