Just A Bunch of Stuff...

I have so much to say... and as my day goes along I think of things that I want to blog about yet I either forget or by the time I have time to write, it seems kind of petty especially with the events of the world.

Yet I miss writing when I don't.  So I will apologize for the little things that make up my day yet they make me who I am.

I have been dealing with my boys and their girl friends.  I am learning how hard it is to be a bystander...

knowing in some things that they must find their way.  One of my babes is friends with many a girl.

Yet, I think he has feelings for a friend (or two) in particular.  Every time they make plans to hang out, she cancels.  This has happened more than a few times.  Friday night, he was to go over to her house... (that is another whole blog)...  and her parents apparently knew and were cool with it.  Then all of a sudden, she couldn't because she was going to her grandparents house.  This is about the 4th time she has cancelled or "stood him up."  My mom bear claws are coming out.  If she can't or doesn't want to ... tell him.  I am all about honestly.  It is better to be hurt by the truth then  being hurt twice as much with dishonesty.

My son insists this is a friendship.  They have hockey in common.  He is in town watching one of her games.  Zachary went with him.  I love that he let Zachary go.  Anyway, I am feeling unsure of how to deal with my babes getting hurt.  I can't put a bandaid on this one, can I?  Yet he seems fine.  Maybe I just know how I would feel.

Sanj is off for 3 days and 2 nights to Toronto for classes.  Sigh.  It is funny because despite the fact that I will have to find a way to get Sammy to classes on time (meaning we have to leave at least a half an hour before the boys normally do), besides knowing I have hockey, guitar and haircuts these days on my own with all of them...  just knowing I am on my own makes me a little more organized.

Weird?  I guess when there are two of you, the expectation is there for help and there is an assumption that it will be easier.  Yet, when it is not easier, that is when annoyance sets in.  Do you know what I mean?

It is all these pressures that I put on myself... such as a yummy, healthy, hot home cooked meal... when Sanj comes home.  When he is gone, I have no trouble just whipping something up... and supper is done.

Friday night (it is always Friday nights), Sanj was behaving badly.  I said, "Do you want a divorce?"  Because I will give you one!"  His reply was "No, then I'd have to have the kids every other weekend."

lol  I love this crazy husband of mine.  He drives me nuts, yes.

 Yet, I am sure I drive him even nuttier.

I am hoping to get some writing time in this week.  I am not sure what to write.  I have  a book pretty much outlined that I wrote years ago.  I would have to do a lot of tweaking and revamping but the shell is done.  Is it what I want to write about now?  I am not sure.  It would be a book about life with my dad. It would be the story of living and surviving.  I want this book to shout out to parents that are living with abuse thinking it is best to keep the family together.  I want it to be a book that gives the child's perspective of life in fear.

The other book idea is one of putting my blog into some form of a book.

Do you have thoughts on this?

I am stalling from getting the dishes done, laundry put away and supper.

Hope your week is a good one.

Tick Tock...

I am blogging... (this is my 700th blog... wahoo!)... yet I should be doing a million other things...

• sorting through the presents making sure who has what and who needs what...
• wrapping some of the presents so it isn't an overwhelming task.
• bathrooms needs  cleaning...
• keep up with the laundry...
• pay some bills... yuck...
• clean up the morning rush
• put up some Christmas stuff

Yet I am blogging.

I need to write.  I am thinking it is just as therapeutic as my white pill.

I started to look into writing (such as a book, magazines, etc.) for more than a hobby.

I was so excited.

Then I heard that Oprah was ending her show.

OK... for those of you that don't really know me... yes, I am weird and crazy.

Probably certifiably.

Here's the thing... I always dreamt of writing a book and it being on Oprah's book list.

It is/was so tied into my dream.

I would be on her show.  I would be able to thank her for helping me understand the things that were happening in my life... such as the meaning of battered women, abuse etc.

It would so awesome.

I would take my brother.

I would take my family.

What would I wear?

Weird?  Yes... I know!!!

But truth be told, it sort of crippled  me.

My editor friend told me to stop saying "I want to be a writer."

She said..."You already are a writer."

Yet the steps from there are overwhelming me.

Step #1 Increase the readership of my blog.

I admit, I don't know how to do this.

Most people don't read my blog.  They read me on Facebook.

My blog (www.sukumaranville.blogspot.com) has a counter that isn't working.

Most don't comment on the blog. Again the comments are usually via Facebook and email.

So I am stuck at how do I increase readership?

There are other steps but I guess I got stuck at this one.

As I am sitting back re-reading the Tips for Reema, 

I have to pause.

Tip #8... Join a writers group, take a course, read books on writing, but don't get discouraged.  Remember, you're already a writer-  you don't just WANT to write, you DO write, and you have the discipline AND interesting material AND the knack of getting your thoughts out in a logical way, all of which most would -be writers lack.

(Taken from Tips for Reema by Barbara K. (editor)

Sheesh!  So where do I go from here?

God, please help me not to be my typical self and get discouraged and give up.

Could You please guide me?

Show me (loudly) how to move from this place.

My being is screaming out that this is for me.

I believe this to be Your will for me too.

So... if so... please help me.

Show me how to increase readership.

Show me Your will.

(Loudly, if possible).

Love,

Me

Resolved

So I have made a decision. After reviewing the last few days... what I really do at home in the evenings, I have realized that I will have to put my career as a real estate agent on hold for now. That time will come but it is not now.

I am a little disappointed, as I have envisioned myself with cool working clothes, being all business-like. But yet it is a decision that is made. I will revisit it at another time.

What I have decided to start is writing my book... a book. I am excited, scared and overwhelmed. But I know that it is going to be a journey and so what better time to start then now.

I have always dreamed of this ... I hope that if this is God's will, as I feel it is, then all the pieces will fall into place.

So... this is one of my big goals for 2009... just to write.

I want to really devote some time to photography to. Just learning my camera better and snapping shoots.
Along the same line is to take some video. We are so bad about video taping just for fun.

I am excited. I am full of thought. Oh dear, here come the sleepless nights.