The Baby Syndrome

I am in Sanj's office... did a bit of work, trying to ignore the craziness that happens when he is not here.  I was sitting at lunch with a friend and had the realization that my babes are growing up.  (Insert here a panic attack).

Tyler is finishing his last year at Rhema and then off to the big world of high school.  How will be sweet child do?  Fine, of course.  Yet there will be all the moments of unknowns that he will have to get through.  His class has really come together and seems to be enjoying each other very much.  While I wouldn't say he has a very close buddy, he does have a lot of good friends.  I enjoyed watching Sammy and Tyler sitting side by side going over the class schedule.  Again, it is those moments... you know?

Jordan is off with his class to a winter campsight.  Each of my boys have really enjoyed this trip.  They do lots of winter activities and this allows them to bond as a class.  Next year, Jordan will be in grade 7.  (Insert panic here).  Somehow while they are in grade 5 and under it seems to be all under control.  Yet then after that it seems to go by real fast.

Max... he still seems like a younger one, yet when I watched him fight it out on the ice for the puck or defend his team's net, he didn't seem so little anymore.  He has a speech to do in the coming weeks.  His topic is about "Have you ever been left behind?"  Poor baby!  He knows about this topic a little too well!  I suppose it is a good thing he can  laugh at it. 

Zachary.. this sweet child gets so tired of being called everyone else's name except his own.  He is the kind of kid that does not miss a beat.  Sanj was looking for his keys.  Zach said, "Look in your coat pocket."  Sanj... "Where's my coat?"  Zach..."On the hand chair in the hall."

Sure enough, it was there.  We laughed.  "Zach, how did  you know?"
Zach just replied, "I saw him put it in there.
 
The next day, we were getting into the car and I reminded the boys that they had guitar.
"Where's my book, mom, do you know?" asked Jordan.
"In Daddy's office." I replied.
"Where in Daddy's office," Jordan asked.
I was about to get annoyed and give him a sarcastic answer when Zachary answers without missing a beat... "It's on his bookshelf."

We started laughing.  He just is that observant, I suppose.  He is constantly struggling with being big and yet being little.  It is a battle he deals with minute by minute.

Then there is Josh... (insert a sigh and  hopeless eye rolling).  He is four and a half.  He is finally at that point where he is officially a spoiled brat.

I suppose it comes with the territory of being the youngest.  He is so full of confidence.  He is full of life being all about him.  He KNOWS that life is about him. 

I am not sure what to do with this.  I keep pointing out to the boys that you can't just give in to his whining ... because he has learned that if he cries then Sammy will give him his cell phone.
If he teases Tyler enough, that Tyler will let him watch his show.  If you bugs Jordan enough, then he will give him his toys.  If he hangs on to Max, that Max will finally give up the computer and let him do his games.

Josh knows that Mommy and Daddy are tired and don't have the energy to fight the tantrum and so he gets his way.

Sad.  As I watched Josh work his magic... I realized that he is good!  We have been taken.  I have been suckered!

How do I stop it?  Can it be stopped?  My youngest brother got away with SO MUCH then I would ever have thought to.

The youngest... Is that a syndrome?  Yikes!

I have never had a youngest because there was always a baby on the way.   That is over. I have a child that is the youngest of our tribe.  He is a hard one.  How did I get taken?

Wait, if you want to see taken... you have to just watch Josh with Sanj.  Oh Boy!  Talk about sucker!!!  Boy that boy can see his daddy anything!  I watch Josh convince Sanj that he needed candy for breakfast! lol  Yup!  He is that good!

This takes me back to my panic attack... my boys are growing up.  I feel like I just figured out a stage and then bam!  They are off to another one that I am not familiar with.  You'd think that as Sammy hits the stage, I'd be prepared for Tyler as he takes off where Sammy leaves.  Yet they are so different!  It is as if I am starting from scratch.  Tyler has a totally new take on it.

I miss them all in diapers, dumping out toy bins and spitting up.

Most people say, "that went fast."  I wouldn't say it went fast but it was good.

Now the new part of teenagers, girls, moods, eating, sleeping, girls, moods, eating, sleeping, girls, moods, eating,  sleeping, girls, moods, eating, sleeping, girls, moods, eating, sleeping.

I take comfort in believing that God would not put on my shoulders things that I could not handle.  I have lived through hard and harder of times.  So He has faith that I can survive and raise beautiful boys.  6 of them!

The Enforcer!

My alarm is set to beep at six every morning.  Every morning I hit the button to shut it up.  Every morning we are running late.

Sanj is away for a few nights in Toronto doing a course.  When he is home, the boys know not to bother coming in our bed.  He will shoo them out.  Of course, Josh is immune to his threats.  On occasion, Zach will come in the middle of the night.  I woke up to 4 bodies smothering me!  My legs are cramped from not stretching.  My eyes are burning... from the lack of a good sleep.  My husband's presence makes him the enforcer!  Obviously me... I am a push over!

We did go to bed early.  I was asleep just after nine.  It was a busy evening.  Note to self:  Don't do everyone's haircuts on a school night by myself.

Today is a busy one too.  The older boys have hockey at 8:15 tonight.  Tyler has a high school open house before that.  Max has his speech rough draft due this week.  Zach will have reading and spelling words.  Tyler has a project he needs to complete.  Sammy has exams next week.  Did I mention Sanj is gone?

Aw... it is all good.  My sweet dear enforcer will be home in one more sleep!

Just A Bunch of Stuff...

I have so much to say... and as my day goes along I think of things that I want to blog about yet I either forget or by the time I have time to write, it seems kind of petty especially with the events of the world.

Yet I miss writing when I don't.  So I will apologize for the little things that make up my day yet they make me who I am.

I have been dealing with my boys and their girl friends.  I am learning how hard it is to be a bystander...

knowing in some things that they must find their way.  One of my babes is friends with many a girl.

Yet, I think he has feelings for a friend (or two) in particular.  Every time they make plans to hang out, she cancels.  This has happened more than a few times.  Friday night, he was to go over to her house... (that is another whole blog)...  and her parents apparently knew and were cool with it.  Then all of a sudden, she couldn't because she was going to her grandparents house.  This is about the 4th time she has cancelled or "stood him up."  My mom bear claws are coming out.  If she can't or doesn't want to ... tell him.  I am all about honestly.  It is better to be hurt by the truth then  being hurt twice as much with dishonesty.

My son insists this is a friendship.  They have hockey in common.  He is in town watching one of her games.  Zachary went with him.  I love that he let Zachary go.  Anyway, I am feeling unsure of how to deal with my babes getting hurt.  I can't put a bandaid on this one, can I?  Yet he seems fine.  Maybe I just know how I would feel.

Sanj is off for 3 days and 2 nights to Toronto for classes.  Sigh.  It is funny because despite the fact that I will have to find a way to get Sammy to classes on time (meaning we have to leave at least a half an hour before the boys normally do), besides knowing I have hockey, guitar and haircuts these days on my own with all of them...  just knowing I am on my own makes me a little more organized.

Weird?  I guess when there are two of you, the expectation is there for help and there is an assumption that it will be easier.  Yet, when it is not easier, that is when annoyance sets in.  Do you know what I mean?

It is all these pressures that I put on myself... such as a yummy, healthy, hot home cooked meal... when Sanj comes home.  When he is gone, I have no trouble just whipping something up... and supper is done.

Friday night (it is always Friday nights), Sanj was behaving badly.  I said, "Do you want a divorce?"  Because I will give you one!"  His reply was "No, then I'd have to have the kids every other weekend."

lol  I love this crazy husband of mine.  He drives me nuts, yes.

 Yet, I am sure I drive him even nuttier.

I am hoping to get some writing time in this week.  I am not sure what to write.  I have  a book pretty much outlined that I wrote years ago.  I would have to do a lot of tweaking and revamping but the shell is done.  Is it what I want to write about now?  I am not sure.  It would be a book about life with my dad. It would be the story of living and surviving.  I want this book to shout out to parents that are living with abuse thinking it is best to keep the family together.  I want it to be a book that gives the child's perspective of life in fear.

The other book idea is one of putting my blog into some form of a book.

Do you have thoughts on this?

I am stalling from getting the dishes done, laundry put away and supper.

Hope your week is a good one.

Rock On!

It is 6:08 a.m.  It is still dark outside.  Actually it is still very dark.   Yet in 52 minutes, my sweet Max will be playing in the Atom tournament for the championship game (in his division).

It is a huge deal... the Atom tournament, to any hockey playing boy ages 9-10 is a big weekend.  97 teams come from all over Ontario to play in this tournament.  It is a bill of rights, sort to speak.  They get to miss school for the game.  (It is from Wednesday -Sunday).

Yesterday Max and his team  (The Rock) played the first two games and won.  The second game they lost bad.  Then with a wildcard they had the chance to play the team that just  beat them.

Funny, how games are.  This time, we beat them bad.  One of their coaches got kicked out for behaving badly.  Another parent got kicked out too.  How sad.  Parents behaving badly.  I am sure this effected their game.  Their goalie got hurt or/and had a meltdown.  With the score 9-2, they pulled out.

Of course I have plenty to say about parents and their behaviour.... but this is about Max and his game.

This is like being part of the Stanley Cup or something for 9-10 year olds.

When Sammy was in the Atom Tournament, I remember being so excited and getting all dolled up.

I had a team jersey, my face painted Sammy's number and a very loud horn.  I was all into it.

Sammy came up to me and said, "Can't you just be like the other moms?"

I was so devastated.  First, I am not like other moms.  I have weird genes that just prevent this from occurring.  Second, this is the only way to be part of the sport since I have no athletic abilities at all.

I took time to do my hair and makeup.  Yet, all I was to him was embarrassing.

So as Max's day approached, I was not really going to bother.  It is a lot of work and energy to be weirder than you already are!

Yet he hinted that he wanted it!  I loved it!  So I had the hair (which I really wanted to dye red but just didn't get to it), the jersey and horn!  I am pretty sure it was the hair that was lucky.  With it on, we won! LOL

What a great day!  I am only able to handle hockey in small dosages but I loved this weekend.   All the boys woke up at 6 am to be there for the game!  (It probably had to do with going out to breakfast after, too).

Thank You, God, for hockey!   Thank you for children with the passion and love for the game.  Thank you for dedicated coaches and parents and all things hockey!

Unfair

I have been needing to write and yet each time I begin, I delete what I wrote as I just can't seem to get the feelings from my heart out.

Yet as I struggle to express the sadness and helplessness I feel, I realize that sometimes there are no words.

I realize that you feel it too.  It is so hard to see devastation as in Haiti now and need  yet feel helpless to do something.

As I dropped my children off, in their warm clothes, lunch box with food, and know their day will be one that is safe and spent with friends and teachers who love them, I realized that I hate the unfairness of it all.

This is why I choice to believe in a God and in heaven.  How His heart must bleed for his children. Yes, I know there is the question from those that are peeking into the Christianity window asking why does He allow this?

Aw... it isn't a simply answer, is it?  It's about love and freedom of choice.  It is about sin and all the horrible repercussions.  It is about looking ahead to the end and the beginning.  Heaven... I have to believe that there is this place so wonderful and beautiful where there is no pain and injustice.  It is a place where all is right.

I hate seeing children suffering.  I hate those commercials of starving children with flies sitting on their beautiful faces. I feel so helpless as I hear the stories from Haiti.  This place where life is so hard already for so many... why?

My brother was planning a trip there which has been postponed for a few weeks.  Yet if you read his blog, you can see an easy and immediate way to help... if you are able to.  This is just one option... we just need to help any way we can.

I guess this brings me back to my thoughts of the lady begging around the corner... the needs are here too,  right in front of us.

We may have so many things we want, maybe even  need.  Yet if you have your babes, your loved ones home tonight, if you have food and a warm bed... we have a cup that is overflowing.

We must stop and give thanks... don't you think?

Do Unto Others....

I am, by nature, trusting and a believer in people.
We were grabbing the last of things needed on Christmas Eve.
As we are leaving the shopping area, there is a lady, standing in the cold.
She is holding a sign about needing food for 5 children, something about hydro, etc.


I have a van full of stuff.  I know not to give cash... after many a lecture.  I know it is OK to buy a meal.
We drive away.  My stomach feels sick.  What if there are 5 children with nothing on Christmas eve?
The boys and I drive to the grocery store for a gift certificate and to  McD for a meal and coffee.


Here's the thing, I  realize that she may be scamming people.  But I can't imagine standing out in the cold begging unless you really needed to.  Can you?


We go back... she is gone.  She had a limp so we figured she couldn't have gotten far.  I prayed that if we are to help, then we will find her.  We circled the block.  As we were giving up, we see her with her husband.  Apparently , the police kicked her out.


I gave her the grocery voucher.  She started to cry.  Abbie and Joe are their names.  They moved here and his lost his license so that has left them in this situation, apparently.


I took their phone number.  That was Christmas Eve.  I haven't been able  to stop thinking of them.


The other day, I saw her in the same spot.  My heart sunk.  Why is she there again?  Why isn't she seeking the help that we have in place, especially in Canada?


I can't stop thinking of them.  I am scared to call.  Though, I am not sure why.  


Do some people just want to beg?  It is so cold outside.  She looks so sad.  But I have to admit, she looked happier walking with her husband.  It is almost as if she can turn it off and on.


Tell me your thoughts... What do I do?

Thankful...

I just heard of the earthquake that devastated the island of Haiti.  All I could think of was "Thank you, Jesus for keeping my brother safe!"  My brother leaves 3 am tomorrow morning with 30 people on a mission trip to Haiti.


All I can think of is that one more day and I wouldn't know if he was OK or not.
I can't help but think of the people we know that have family there.  (Praying for you, Kelly!)
I can't  even begin to think of the devastation of this disaster.


Makes me wish for heaven now!