Unfair

I have been needing to write and yet each time I begin, I delete what I wrote as I just can't seem to get the feelings from my heart out.

Yet as I struggle to express the sadness and helplessness I feel, I realize that sometimes there are no words.

I realize that you feel it too.  It is so hard to see devastation as in Haiti now and need  yet feel helpless to do something.

As I dropped my children off, in their warm clothes, lunch box with food, and know their day will be one that is safe and spent with friends and teachers who love them, I realized that I hate the unfairness of it all.

This is why I choice to believe in a God and in heaven.  How His heart must bleed for his children. Yes, I know there is the question from those that are peeking into the Christianity window asking why does He allow this?

Aw... it isn't a simply answer, is it?  It's about love and freedom of choice.  It is about sin and all the horrible repercussions.  It is about looking ahead to the end and the beginning.  Heaven... I have to believe that there is this place so wonderful and beautiful where there is no pain and injustice.  It is a place where all is right.

I hate seeing children suffering.  I hate those commercials of starving children with flies sitting on their beautiful faces. I feel so helpless as I hear the stories from Haiti.  This place where life is so hard already for so many... why?

My brother was planning a trip there which has been postponed for a few weeks.  Yet if you read his blog, you can see an easy and immediate way to help... if you are able to.  This is just one option... we just need to help any way we can.

I guess this brings me back to my thoughts of the lady begging around the corner... the needs are here too,  right in front of us.

We may have so many things we want, maybe even  need.  Yet if you have your babes, your loved ones home tonight, if you have food and a warm bed... we have a cup that is overflowing.

We must stop and give thanks... don't you think?

Thankful...

I just heard of the earthquake that devastated the island of Haiti.  All I could think of was "Thank you, Jesus for keeping my brother safe!"  My brother leaves 3 am tomorrow morning with 30 people on a mission trip to Haiti.


All I can think of is that one more day and I wouldn't know if he was OK or not.
I can't help but think of the people we know that have family there.  (Praying for you, Kelly!)
I can't  even begin to think of the devastation of this disaster.


Makes me wish for heaven now!

An Attitude Adjustment

It's Sunday afternoon.  The time seems to be going too fast... before I know it, the  boys will be in bed and it will be time to begin another school week.  Boo.  I really want more time of just relaxing and hanging out.

This is the first new year that I have not verbalized resolutions.  Maybe because for the most part, I seem to never be able to keep them.  And it seems to be a repeat of the same one ever year!  Yes, you know the one... lose weight and be healthier.

It doesn't mean I am not going to try... as I, course, never seem to stop wishing I was the 20 year old version of me.  But...  I am not going to obsess about resolutions.

Growing up, when my  dad decided that Christmas was heathen... we then celebrated New Years.  It was a big deal to make those resolutions.  1)  Read my bible.  That was one I had one my list every year.  2) Attempt for straight A's  3) Just be a better person. (This was tied into gaining the love or something of my dad).

It shouldn't really take a new year to strive to be a better person.  Thankfully, if we are blessed with another day, that should be motivation enough, don't you think?

I guess I am the kind  of person that takes life for granted.  Yet I am not promised more than this day... this moment.

Maybe this is on my mind because I can't stop thinking of my friend, Trevor.  They have not found him.  I guess that I must accept that he is gone.  Yet, I do still hold a tiny bit of hope that he will still be found.  I am sure that Trevor did not think that that was his last day on earth.  Things can change in a second, can't they?

Sanj and I went out to supper the other night with friends of ours.  My friend was at death's door.  Doctors said she wouldn't make it.  I remember feeling so sad, I remember wondering if she knew how much I loved her?  Did she know how she touched my life?

(I love you, Doreen...)

As I sat across from her, at dinner, I kept reminding myself that two Christmas' ago, I was ready to say goodbye.  She is alive and with us.  What a blessing!

I guess I learned over the years that a New Year is not promised.  I need to make the effort to better my self every day.

A new day... Tomorrow, if I wake up, I really should be grateful for the gift of another day.  Usually, though, I will be grumpy, as I squint with one eye to check if my chance it is 3 am... then I give myself 5 more minutes... those famous lines that always seem to make me late!  I am not usually grateful for the day till around 10 am... when I would like my day to begin!

 So my resolution for Tomorrow is to wake up with a grateful heart.  

(Then of course there is the resolution to be on-time... then go to the gym, then... ).