I got an email from a friend the other day and she ended with this...
"Well, I am getting tired....time to head to bed. Just finished watching an episode of Sex in the City. Interesting question was posed.....'Can you forgive, when you can't forget?' "
It is just a simple email... but that question has really had me thinking. Can you forgive, when you can't forget?"
Then different situations flash through my head... some from a lifetime ago... some big and some small.
Can you forgive when forgiveness hasn't been asked for?
I would think that big hurts... are the ones you never forget. Yet can you REALLY forgive if it is not forgotten?
I would have to say it would depend on the hurt. I would have to say yes.
And here I thought Sex In the City was just about shoes and sex! Who would have thought?
Forgivness is simply "letting go" of the emotional attachment to the situation. You might not ever "forget" the incident, but when the emotion is released there is no hold on you anymore no matter how "big" the hurt.
ReplyDeleteTo: a friend
ReplyDeleteIf only the concept of 'letting go' was just that simple. I believe that due to the complexity of the human mind, forgiveness is something not easily, or ever attainable. There is always that time in life, that circumstances of the hurtful moment will cross your path and stir up unwanted emotions. To tell someone you 'forgive' them appears to be more of an effort to comfort the opposing rather than the offended. And in some religions and upbringings, a brainwash technique to make people believe it will make them a better person to 'forgive'. Does it not appear, in our society, that there is greater pressure put on the offended to forgive, than there is on the offender to apologize?
You are correct that 'letting go' is not easy, in fact it is the most difficult, yet necessary thing to do when you have been 'offended'. It is the only way to life a life free of emotional bondage.
ReplyDeleteI have been 'offended' in ways that I am most certain that you could never imagine, and I was determined for many years not to 'let go'(forgive). I wanted to punish my 'offenders' and was afraid that my forgiveness would condone their vile acts.
I have learned, through much suffering, that the only way to move forward was to 'let go' of the emotional ties that were keeping me from living my life to its happiest potential.
I have never condoned, nor will I ever forget these vile acts, but they do not have power over me anymore.
'Letting go' is the ONLY way:)
P.S. I did not learn this through any religion that I studied, but through the help of some very wise, and loving people that are in my life:)
Some more thoughts that I needed to share...
ReplyDeleteThe act of 'letting go' or 'forgiving' does NOT mean that you have to continue a relationship with that person (or people) nor does it mean that you have to tell them to their face. You simply need to do it for yourself, releasing yourself of the negative, painful emotions.
I also truly believe that everything we experience, especially a bad experience, leaves us at the cross road of choice...do you continue to hold onto the negative emotion or do you 'let go' and overcome it and allow the experience to make you a better, stronger person?
I love to read my wifes blog in that it gives me insight into her mindset that I may not otherwise be privy to. I also find the comments section really interesting since it gives me a view into the thoughts of others. I often say that we only have the oportunity to live one life but if we listen and try to understand we can gain understanding that comes from many lives. This subject was one of those oportunities. I found myself respecting deeply the thoughtful and personal insights bound in the wisdom of others. I can honestly say that adversity has been the greatest catalyst in my life for change. Yes I may find true forgiveness somewhat out of reach at times but to strive to give up that emotional baggage is the only option that I consider a reasonable option. I think we sometimes get hung up on the semantics of the word, "forgiveness".
ReplyDeleteDear friend,
ReplyDeleteAs I read your comments, I feel it is written with great passion. We have all heard the saying 'abuse breeds abuse', but I feel quite confident that you have overcome great hurdles in your life and become an honourable person. My congratulations to you. I am sure there will be no futher injustices in this life, to the ones you love, while on your watch.
I tip my hat to you, and retire my typing fingers.