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I am weird. I have this thing about random objects and numbers that line up.

I love slot machines. I love hoping, waiting and wishing for the 3 cherries to line up.

This is the odometer on my van. It is 10:15 p.m. on the highway... dark, late and a van full of tired kids. But I had to stop. It will never line up again as such... 123456 kilometers on my van!

Weird? O.K. my kids already told me. lol

Trick or Treat...

Just In Case...

Max says, "Sammy, how come you have a marker in your pocket?"

Sammy replies, "In case someone asks for my autograph."

My Response...

My girlfriend, Shelley's comment to my "P is for Poop" was "How do you do it?"

My answer is "I just do it." There are many times I don't KNOW how I do it... but I have to so I do. Here's the truth... I love babies. I think I was addicted to them. Babies are easy. Actually babies are really easy. I remember people saying... "It only gets harder..."

I would want to hit them. Harder... but yup. Harder. But in a different way.

Today the boys were all home. No one was listening to me. Everyone seem to be picking on someone. Then I heard Sammy say to Zach, "You know "Billy" doesn't really like you."

This made me so mad. I hate meanness. I can handle the constant fighting, wrestling and dialogue about weird things like Poop. But I can not handle meanness.

Then I think, "I am so not cut out for this." What was I thinking? What made me think I could ever handle 6 boys much less be responsible for moulding them into fine young man.

(As I type, Sammy and Tyler are beating each other up. Something about breaking a deal...)

If I could have had a peek into my future... I would have had 2 kids. PERIOD. Or else, I am sure I would have gone screaming and running. ... if I had peeked into my future.

Really, life with my 6 boys is not easy. They are busy. That word doesn't even begin to define them.

They are assiduous, diligent, engaged, engrossed, bustling, energetic, fussy, hectic, restless, tireless, tiring, curious,inquisitive, aggressive, alert, animated, alive, dashing, bold, enthusiastic, fresh, perky, forceful, purposeful, sharp, determined, intrusive, snoopy, sloppy...

Of course I could go on. But ... yup... here is the but... if I had to pick one word to describe my sons... wow... the word that comes to mind is Gift. They are my gift from God. They are gifts that I can open every day and find something new. I may not always like the new I discover but it is never boring. My gifts, every day are always a surprise. And I get 6 gifts every single day.

And truth be told, yes, I love getting away. But then, after a day, usually 2... I am ready to get my gifts again.

Gifts can disappoint. Ever opened a present... and then had to scramble to fix your face... it was not what you thought? That happens alot. I look at one of my precious gifts, and then they open their mouth, and talk back or say something ugly. I am so disappointed. You can be sure I wish I could put it back into a box and mark.. "Return to sender." But apparently God said, "No trade backs."

Yet... there is another part to this... there is the side to each one that leaves me breathless with the ache of loving them so much. You know that ache? Sometimes I feel it when they are asleep beside me and their breathe is so sweet or with some... funky. Sometimes I feel it when we are in the car and they reach over and grab my hand. Sometimes I feel that ache when I watch them play. It is that ache that makes me keep trying to be the best I can be. It is that ache that begs my heavenly Father forgiveness for being a sucky mom today and begging Him to be the perfect mom tomorrow.

That ache that keeps me going. It is after a day like I had today... and they are asleep that I feel relief that I made it without hurting anyone. And yet, I have this anticipation that tomorrow will be better.

No, if I knew how crazy my life would be before I had or knew my children... I would be momma of 2 quiet, perfect children. But God obviously knew this. So... He gave me the love of babies... He gave me that spirit of not giving up... "I am sure the next one will be a girl..." until I had this crazy and yet amazing family of 6 boys. I am thinking and praying He knew that this was what I was meant to be... mom of 6 boys.

He knew that this way, I would have to turn to Him... every day, actually every hour. He knows that beginning and the end. I am OK with being mom to my six wonderful, yet drive me crazy boys because I know God has my back.

How do I do it? Sometimes moment by moment. Then when the house I still... I exhale. And count my blessings... all seven of them!

God, I am going to admit... boys are so weird. They are so loud, busy and different. Thank you for my gifts... all 6 beautiful gifts. Thank you for nighttime. Thank you for school. Thank you for hockey. Thank you for all that keeps them busy and happy. Thank you for my gifts.

Reasons To Not Skip Halloween

A boy needs to be his hero.

A boy needs to dress up or express himself.

A boy needs to live out his fantasy.

A boy needs to be a boy!

Not sure what the end result of Max's costume will be... but this is just a taste!

P in Poop!

I start this off with an audible sigh!

The day has been busy. 2:30 p.m. and we are off to pick up Sammy. We grab a snack to waste minutes till 4 p.m. when the older ones are dropped off at guitar. Tyler is down with the fever now. So he is skipping guitar and we are going to puttering around town till 5 p.m.

I went to Chapters... one of my favourite places... I love it there! It is minutes to 5 p.m. I have survived. We wait outside for Sammy and Jordan. It is 5:05 p.m. I realize that he is giving the boys an extra long lesson since Tyler is not there.

My head is pounding. The DVD in the van has quit working (for reasons only God knows). Josh has found Jordan's recorder. He is playing a happy tune. Only it is not making me happy. NOISE!!! Make it stop!

It's pizza for supper. I know, again. I really can't care about that now. My head is pounding. There is NOISE everywhere. I really hope that I don't have an aneurism.

Max is writing "poop" on the window that is fogging from all the talk.

Max ... "There is P(ee) in Poop."

Hysterical laughing. You know the kind, shoulders are shaking, tears are coming and Max is so impressed with himself.

Sammy... "Max, you should go as yourself for halloween!"

Max... "Yah, I know, I should."

I am smiling. They are so unique. Boys... the things that they laugh about.

It is 6:19 p.m. I won't lie. I am counting down. 7 p.m. and then they start to drop.

Then I am off to take Sammy to his 8:30 p.m. hockey practice.

Still wondering how I will manage Grey's tonight. I need my fix.

Life with Josh...

I am not sure I can write this to come across as to how funny it really was.

Josh had his ear drum repaired... as I have written already.

Sanj wanted to see how it was healing. He put Josh into the sound booth.

This is something he does how many times a day.

"Josh, I want you to repeat the word after I say it." Sanj instructs him.

Josh is busy touching things in booth. He is too comfortable.

Sanj... "Say ice cream..."

Josh... "Ice cream..."

Sanj... "Baseball..."

Josh... "What?"

Sanj... " Baseball..."

Josh... "What?:

At this point I am thinking... "Oh maybe he he has hearing loss."

Sanj... "Cowboy."

Josh... "What?"

Sanj... (visibly flustered) "Say cowboy..."

Josh... "OHHHHH Cowboy."

Sanj looks at me... "I have never had a patient like him."

The boys and I are laughing. Sanj kicks us out.

Josh is apparently within the normal hearing range.

As far as him being normal in other areas... hum... that is yet to be determined.

Yesterday I was sitting in my Archie Bunker chair, talking to Sanj and the phone. Josh is on my lap. All of a suddenly I scream in pain. I am not sure why I screamed... I look down and Josh was trying to see what would happen if he used the nail clippers on my knuckle.

Life with Josh... it is always an adventure.

What Do You Want to Be?

I am very tired today. I could have used a nap today. All the boys were home except Tyler. He HAD to go to school. Even when I begged him to just stay home. He never really seems to mind going to school. Maybe he loves school. Or maybe he just hates the lack of knowing what day at home holds. Maybe he loves the routine of school. Maybe he just loves school.

My three younger ones have become cling ons. For Josh, this is normal. Zach, not so much. So I actually enjoyed it. Max? He has been fighting for his spot beside me.

As soon as I sit, from doing the dishes or what ever... bam... I immediately attract three little bodies... almost simultaneously. I am almost attacked.

I am not looking forward to Sanj being gone. Usually I don't mind the break. I take the pressure off myself of being the perfect wife... for a few days. lol

Maybe because I am not feeling 100%. Maybe because I hate the responsibility of knowing there is hockey. Maybe because I feel the pressure of Halloween. Maybe because I just going to miss him.

He doesn't have trouble sleeping with out me. He doesn't have trouble sleeping. He doesn't mind being alone. He likes it at times. I hate it. I hate sleeping alone. I will have most of the boys on the bed somewhere while he is gone.

I think I have to take Max in tomorrow to have his lungs listened to. He is sounding horrible.

The boys (well except Sammy) have the next two days off school. Usually I would have something planned. But I think we are just going to lay low. It is a busy enough weekend with Halloween and Hockey.

I am not a huge halloween fan. When the boys were little I loved it. I loved the hunt for the perfect costume. Now as they get older... it is more of a nuisance. Josh wants to be a Clone from Star Wars. Zach doesn't know what he wants to be. See what I mean?

I am going as a Tree Hugger. lol

I am off to bed. Gotta get up my strength to keep up with the troops tomorrow.

Good Night.

Scared?

Here's the thing... it is hard not to be a hypochondriac in this day!

H1N1... do my kids have it? There are so many misconceptions of it. It is scaring everyone silly.

The story of the little hockey player who died of it... it is stories like this that help with the panic.

Saturday... Zach is up and ready to play hockey. He is so excited. I watched him get all his equipment on. I loved watching his zest for life. He played. Had a great time. He gets in the car... and for whatever reason I feel him... he is burning up.

Just like that. He wasn't sick as he was dressing. I would have picked it up. I was right beside him. Then you read this story. Hockey and H1N1 and the death shouldn't be tied together. The boy sadly died of the H1N1. Hockey was a side line.

I hesitate to take my kids in... usually knowing it will be viral and there will be nothing that can be done. I took Josh in yesterday. Honestly... I was a little panic. He is so little. He is burning up for so many days in a row. He is so still. What if? He ends up having pneumonia.

Then I wonder what about the other two? How will I know if they have pneumonia?

Then there is me. As I understand it, H1N1 symptoms are fever, cough, headaches, much like the flu bug... but what set's it apart is the respiratory distress. I have not been feeling well for a week. But I feel now like I have a low grade fever, still a headache and today.... my chest feels a bit full. I call my doc. As I repeat how I am feeling, she says you have the symptoms for H1N1. They can't see me till Thursday. I am to give them a call and see how I feel by then.

Now as I am driving home, I feel wheezy. I can feel it. I feel asthmatic. Oh my gosh... I am gonna die?

See what I mean? Panic. I call Sanj. He leaves on Thursday for Florida.

Can I wait till Thursday to see my doctor? Sanj is calm. "Try you puffer," he tells me.

He doesn't seem to worried. So I am going to be fine. If any one should worry, it would be him. Right? He would have to father and MOTHER his 6 sons if I am taken away.

Breathe. I am crazy. Yah. I know.

Closed @ 8 p.m....

I just got a note on Facebook from a girlfriend.

She moved. I miss her. We are both busy. Life.

Yet I have this thing... maybe I am weird but...

I find it so much easier to write a quick note (one of the things I love about Facebook) and say hey than picking up the phone. I am so glad she is on Facebook. We can be friend again. Just Kidding...

I hate talking on the phone once the kids are home from school. There are too many distractions.

There is so much that is needing me. Being on the phone... I love chatting... but then I don't get done all I need to get done.

Sanj doesn't understand why I will say, "Don't answer it... let the machine pick up."

It isn't personal. It really isn't. I can chat with you in the morning while my babes are at school. I can chat in the car while in route to picking them up (hands free, of course... lol). And if you really need me... I'm there.

By 8 p.m. I am done. It is when I begin to shut the real world down. I will chat on Facebook, write emails but my voice is done.

Is this weird?

Honey & Cinnamon

This is an email that my mom forwards and my mother-in-law loves to tell about. This is the kind of email that makes Sanj nuts... especially the last one.

Honey & Cinnamon

Honey is the only food on the planet that will not spoil or rot. It will do what some call turning to sugar. In reality honey is always honey. However, when left in a cool dark place for a long time it will do what I rather call "crystallizing."

When this happens I loosen the lid, boil some water, and sit the honey container in the hot water, Move the pan off the heat and let it liquefy. It is then as good as it ever was.

Never boil honey or put it in a microwave. To do so will kill the enzymes in the honey.

Bet the drug companies won't like this one getting around.

Facts on Honey and Cinnamon:

It is found that a mixture of honey and Cinnamon cures most diseases.

Honey is produced in most of the countries of the world. Scientists of today also accept honey as a "Ram Ban" (very effective) medicine for all kinds of diseases. Honey can be used without any side effects for any kind of diseases.

Today's science says that even though honey is sweet, if taken in the right dosage as a medicine, it does not harm diabetic patients.

Weekly World News, a magazine in Canada , in its issue dated 17 January 1995, has given the following list of diseases that can be cured by honey and cinnamon as researched by western scientists:

• HEART DISEASES: Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder, apply on bread, instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly for breakfast. It reduces the cholesterol in the arteries and saves the patient from heart attack.

Also, those who have already had an attack, if they do this process daily, they are kept miles away from the next attack. Regular use of the above process relieves loss of breath and strengthens the heart beat.

In America and Canada , various nursing homes have treated patients successfully and have found that as you age, the arteries and veins lose their flexibility and get clogged; honey and cinnamon revitalize the arteries and veins.

• ARTHRITIS: Arthritis patients may take daily, morning and night, one cup of hot water with two spoons of honey and one small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. If taken regularly even chronic arthritis can be cured. In a recent research conducted at the Copenhagen University, it was found that when the doctors treated their patients with a mixture of one tablespoon Honey and half teaspoon Cinnamon powder before breakfast, they found that within a week, out of the 200 people so treated, practically 73 patients were totally relieved of pain, and within a month, mostly all the patients who could not walk or move around because of arthritis started walking without pain

• BLADDER INFECTIONS: Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and one teaspoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it. It destroys the germs in the bladder.

• CHOLESTEROL: Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons of Cinnamon Powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea water, given to a cholesterol patient, was found to reduce the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10 percent within two hours.

As mentioned for arthritic patients, if taken three times a day, any chronic cholesterol is cured. According to information received in the said Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol..

• COLDS: Those suffering from common or severe colds should take one tablespoon lukewarm honey with ¼ spoon cinnamon powder daily for three days. This process will cure most chronic cough, cold, and clear the sinuses.

• UPSET STOMACH: Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.

• GAS: According to the studies done in India and Japan , it is revealed that if Honey is taken with cinnamon powder the stomach is relieved of gas.

• IMMUNE SYSTEM: Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens the immune system and protects the body from bacterial and viral attacks. Scientists have found that honey has various vitamins and iron in large amounts. Constant use of Honey strengthens the white blood corpuscles to fight bacterial and viral diseases.

• INDIGESTION: Cinnamon powder sprinkled on two tablespoons of honey taken before food relieves acidity and digests the heaviest of meals.

• INFLUENZA: A scientist in Spain has proved that honey contains a "natural ingredient" which kills the influenza germs and saves the patient from flu.

• LONGEVITY: Tea made with honey and cinnamon powder, when taken regularly, arrests the ravages of old age. Take four spoons of honey, one spoon of cinnamon powder, and three cups of water and boil to make like tea. Drink ¼ cup, three to four times a day. It keeps the skin fresh and soft and arrests old age. Life spans also increase and even a 100 year old, starts performing the chores of a 20-year-old.

• PIMPLES: Three tablespoons of honey and one teaspoon of cinnamon powder paste. Apply this paste on the pimples before sleeping and wash it next morning with warm water. If done daily for two weeks, it removes pimples from the root.

• SKIN INFECTIONS: Applying honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts on the affected parts cures eczema, ringworm and all types of skin infections.

• WEIGHT LOSS: Daily in the morning one half hour before breakfast on an empty stomach, and at night before sleeping, drink honey and cinnamon powder boiled in one cup of water. If taken regularly, it reduces the weight of even the most obese person. Also, drinking this mixture regularly does not allow the fat to accumulate in the body even though the person may eat ahigh calorie diet.

•20CANCER: Recent research in Japan and Australia has revealed that advanced cancer of the stomach and bones have been cured successfully. Patients suffering from these kinds of cancer should daily take one tablespoon of honey with one teaspoon of cinnamon powder for one month three times a day.

• FATIGUE: Recent studies have shown that the sugar content of honey is more helpful rather than being detrimental to the strength of the body. Senior citizens, who take honey and cinnamon powder in equal parts, are more alert and flexible. Dr. Milton, who has done research, says that a half tablespoon of honey taken in a glass of water and sprinkled with cinnamon powder, taken daily after brushing and in the afternoon at about 3:00 PM, when the vitality of the body starts to decrease, increases the vitality of the body within a week.

=E 2 BAD BREATH: People of South America , first thing in the morning, gargle with one teaspoon of honey and cinnamon powder mixed in hot water, so their breath stays fresh throughout the day.

• HEARING LOSS: Daily morning and night honey and cinnamon powder, taken in equal parts restores hearing. Remember when we were kids? We had toast with real butter and cinnamon sprinkled on it!

You might want to share this information with a friend and loved ones. Everyone needs healthy help information ~ what they do with it is up to them ~ share with your email buddies!!!

I Love...

I am laying here, appreciating the fact that 4 of my boys are crowded on my bed, without fighting for spots, watching a movie.

I am thinking of things I love... simply things, silly things...

... I LOVE pizza crust. I actually love it more than pizza!

... I love my bed... hanging out with the boys and Sanj, reading or fiddling on my laptop.

... OK... I do love my laptop... but I know I have said that many a time.

... I love a great movie.

... I love freshly cut finger nails. (Weird, I know).

... I love the smell of rain.

... I love waking up at night and seeing it is only 1:30 a.m. knowing I can sleep again.

... I love long weekends.

... I love road trips... I loved the ones when we were little... no seat belts... making a bed in the back of the station wagon, seat down... one of the most comfy places... wind blowing.... I wish I could go back for a visit!

... I love going barefoot. I hate shoes. This is why I am still flopping around in my Pumas... because I am so dreading that hunt for comfy shoes.

... I love when the house is peaceful. This does not mean quiet. It means everyone is at peace with themselves and each other.

... I love the perfect picture. I have yet to find one of me taken in the last year or so...

... I love energy. You know, when you feel so motivated to do something... even laundry... and it isn't a chore because you are energized.

... I love peanut butter and chocolate. Really... that is perfection!

... I love Olive Gardens. (Boy I sure miss it)! Road Trip?!!!!

... I love the perfect pen!

... I love practicing my handwriting... even just the ABC's

... I love coloring... I really should do this more... It is calming.

... I love crazy ideas or myths that are real... i.e. Vicks on the bottom of your feet stops a cough!

... I love listening to my boys play the guitar... they are in a zone!

... I love watching the boys play with their action figures. I love listening to the conversation.

Josh's voice always goes up an octave!

... I love paper plates.

... I love the perfect white shirt.

... I love holding hands.

... I love feeling full... of love and blessings.

...

My Feet...

I am having my very own pity party. I am on day #4 of feeling horrible. I actually feel like I am getting it (the flu) all over again. Fever and headache and 4 sick kids.

Moms can't really be sick even when they are sick... right. Besides, I am tired of needing to be in bed.

Whine Whine... I know I just need some cheese.

This morning, we went to go and bring Bo and Bella home. Zachary and Josh love them so much. Of course all the boys all them but these two have an extra special attachment.

As I was walking into the vet, half of us looking like hobos ( and me so not caring), I couldn't help notice my feet. Yes, I am still wearing my flip flops. I have my dad's feet. Weird that this is my thought as I am walking up the path.

Feet... my dad had/has very bad feet. I am not sure what his issues were but I could always remember that his feet burned. He always shook his feet, even in bed. The funny thing is so do I. My feet are constantly shaking... it is what I do. Hyperness, more than likely for me.

My feet are copy cats of my father. So often you hear a person trying to fill someone's shoes... or you hear "they have big feet to fill." I guess I spent so much of my life trying to be anything like my dad.

Yet, here is a characteristic that I can't get away from... I have his feet.

It isn't a bad thing. I wonder what else I have of his? I am sure if I looked past all my walls, I would see a few more good things.

I know that he loves God. It is twisted... but the core of him really loves his God. I give my dad credit for instilling that in me... well he can have some of that credit.

He is creative. I get that from him. I wish he had really been able to tap into his creativity. He would have been so successful. He was great at play (when he played), he was great at homework projects, he was creative even in his crookedness.

He had a generous heart. Both my parents did. They would help others even when they really needed the help themselves.

My dad has a loving side to him. As I am typing, I closed my eyes to see what I could capture... I loved laying in my parents bed on a weekend, beside my dad. If I was lucky, he would hold me.

I loved that. I loved holding his hand. I loved when he smiled at me. I wish that thing that locked it all away, could have released him of his demons so he was able to love us as he could have.

We both love to shop/hang out at Office Depot. Seriously... if I have Sanj's business card and need to pick up supplies for his office... it's like Christmas. I love getting new pens, notebooks, highlighters, all sorts of do dads! I have always loved and begged Sanj to get a color photocopier for the office. Needless to say, he has seen the ridiculousness that my dad does on a copier with a photo... and I think is scared!

His temper... well I don't have to tell about that... lol but I get that from him too. I can get really ugly. I can be really mean. I mean, really mean. Ugh. It isn't a nice side and one that I do try to keep under control ...

I have my dad's feet. I have a lot of my dad in me. What a thought.

Enough Already!

OK... I am not sure what I was smoking when I typed my last blog. Obviously I haven't been sick for a LONG time. Enough already. I am ready to feel better. I have had fever, headaches, runny nose, hot and cold flashes.... and I am ready for it to all stop.

I am missing life. This morning I missed breakfast with some moms.... :(

Life is going on without me. Tonight, at the school, there is a family fun(d) night.

Games, basketball, a movie for the kiddies... snacks... even a dessert that will be in a silent auction. This is happening without ME! :( I hate missing out!

I am so bummed. Josh is pretty sick too. He was burning up. His temps just spike and it is so scary. But he is such a good sick boy. He never complains. He plays beside me and snuggles when he needs to.

I have Jordan home today, too. No fever, just not feeling well. He is not a very good sick child. That is an understatement. He complains, moans and groans constantly. Actually he does this every morning. He is not a morning person. So EVERY morning... and I do mean EVERY morning... he is sick. He is so convincing. Last year he had many a sick day. This year my rule is if you don't have a fever or aren't throwing up... then suck it up. Usually once he is ready and downstairs... he is back to being himself. So I put it all on not being a morning person.

Sanj has kept his distance... not wanting to get sick. For his sake, I hope he doesn't.

Sunday I am off to my first class... in how many years... OK it is just one class... all day (that part has me stressed out a bit, especially with my ADD personality). But I am looking forward to it.

It is a Digital Photography class... thanks to a couple of my girlfriends...

So... I hope I am at 85% better.

Last night as I was feeling my worst, I had to take the dogs in to get spade and neutered. (Sanj was at hockey with Jordan... who scored a goal... yahoo!)

The boys went with me to drop the dogs off. There in the waiting room was a family, crying and obviously very sad. This was very disturbing to the boys. I think their family dog was either there to be put down or was badly hurt and they were obviously distressed.

Josh was not to impressed to leave Bo and Bella there. But they get picked up tomorrow morning. And then the battle will be to keep them still!

I really have nothing much to say... just wanted to write. Happy weekend.

Official Diagnosis

I am officially sick. It feels good to have a reason to just be still. Sanj is cleaning a poopy bum ( that shouldn't be poopy of course). Sammy is hopefully tiding the kitchen. Jordan is switching the laundry around. Max is doing little errands. Zach is trying to decide if he wants to kiss me... and get sick.

Tyler is off at Youth Group.

Sick. It feels good to be sick... well good to skip all the evening madness and just let it go. It will be there tomorrow.

I know this is weird to even type this... but I love being in bed with my boys when they are sick. I love the hotness of their bodies as they try to fight off the bad bugs. I love that they are so still and needing the loving, craving the loving. Of course I wish them well after about 5 minutes of snuggles... because life is too quiet and so not normal to have my busy, active, non-stopping boys stay so still.

Night World... Hopefully tomorrow morning all, especially me will be well.

Hiding Out!

It's 4:28 p.m. on Wednesday evening. I want nothing more than to dive under my blankets, block out any sounds, eat a Reese Cup Blizzard (which I am swearing off till I don't know when...) maybe some of my mom's chicken curry and drift away.

I am tired. I am fighting off something... and seem to be losing at the moment.

I went into the office today and got my first office related injury. My pinkie has a sore spot that keeps hitting when I am filing... yuck. No one in this office seems to like filing. Since it is an obvious job needing to be done without any instruction... it seems to call my name.

Thus my poor pinkie. There are very rude, demanding and ungrateful people in this world. My husband seems to attract his share of these people. There is such an air of entitlement... and what amazes me is the folks that don't think they have to pay for the serves that are provided for them. What planet do you live in?

Then there are the sweetest ones that walk in the door. There was a old man, quite old, wheeling his wife who was quite old too... He was so gentle and kind to her. Apparently he takes her everywhere he goes, despite the fact that she needs so much help. His adoration is so obvious and beautiful. What a love story.

I had lunch with a friend... not enough time to do that in my schedule... it seems. Then it was time to pick up Sammy. When asked how his day was, he replied, "We saw a movie of a baby coming out. It was weird. And a long movie!"

We did that once... I had Sanj video tape Zach's birth so I could see it later. We always video taped it but from the side view. This was a rated version.

We showed it to the boys shortly after... to explain babies... and they were young enough to not make weird. They were fascinated with watching. After it was over, they yelled, "can we watch it again? Rewind it!" Not sure who had the control... but they did just that.

Ouch... it was painful to watch ... instead of Zach coming out, soon he was being pushed back in.

As I hollered my discomfort, the funnier it became! Soon that was more entertainment itself!

I guess I should come out of my hiding spot... every mom needs one... and get the show on the road. Chili tonight. Then homework... then bed. Can't wait!

I AM... Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow!

OK...this is my last blog for tonight... I did say I had a lot running through my head. I just didn't have time to write it all in one blog... and it would seem too crazy a blog... butt bumping, church issues and finding some answers.

Today, as I said, I went to church... begrudgingly. As I walked in, I had this passing thought, maybe Ray (Hendriks, our former principal) will be speaking. Sure enough, it was my lucky day.

I was thinking of men that I can see God through. There are not many men (maybe a father figure type) that I see that in... but in the last years, I can name a couple that I admire and see as Godly men.

This does not mean they are perfect. I have no unrealistic notions of their perfections. I just see wisdom and God's love that comes through them.

Ray is one of these men. I used to love going to him with my issues and concerns, nervous... and leave his office totally at ease and usually with my heart full of good thoughts.

Today he preached about God's name. He was talking about Moses and the burning bush...about God calling Moses to be used to free His people. God says "when the people ask who sent you... I am who I am sent me.

I am... He is unchanging, unending, constant and forever.

How I needed to hear that today. I have a Father who is a constant. I so often focus on my earthly father's lack of presence in my life that I forget...

"I have a God who speaks out of a burning bush!!!" I am not alone.

This is some of Ray's message... but this is the message that I so needed today!

Ray was speaking of being overwhelmed at times by the demands of a week... and then he was reminded that God promised to "Walk this journey with you."

I was feeling overwhelmed by the thought of parenting these 6 sons of mine. WHO AM I TO DO THIS? WHO AM I TO KNOW THE WAYS TO REACH AND YET DISCIPLINE MY CHILD? Today... I realized that I am not in this journey alone!!! Thank you,God! Please help me.

I was feeling the burden of my bad and unhealthy eating habits... and watching my children learning and struggling with this too. I was feeling the burden of lack self control and wondering how I will teach this to my children? Today... I realized that I am not alone in this journey. Thank you, God. Please help me.

I was really struggling with helping my son with his struggle with reading. I suck at this. It was my struggle. I don't know the answers. And yet, I know that this is a key year. I know that I have to help him conquer this struggle so that he finds success. I feel panicked. Today... I realized that I am not alone in this journey. Thank you, God. Please help me help my boy.

I never really got the fullness of the name... till today. I am ... He is ...He really is... NOW and Tomorrow. He is there for me. I always got it... but today I got it!

I am not alone. Now... for me to not forget this... For me to remember to just call out. I always wished I had a dad I could phone and say, "Daddy... I need help." I never had that. But then again... I always did.

This was church today. It was good. I met God there today.

Butt Bumping...

Tyler is lying down beside me, feeling hot from a fever. My body feels like it is catching what he is fighting off.

Today, in church, during the time we are suppose to meet and greet, I turned around and naturally begin to shake the people's hands behind me. One lady doesn't reach out her hand and says something along the lines of just greeting instead of shaking hands due to the H1N1 fear.

I was a bit taken back. Wow. I am such a touchy kind of girl, I was not sure what to say.

Of course I understand. But I was still feeling a little ripped off.

Maybe we should bump butts instead! Forget shaking hands.. It takes "Nice to bump into you" to a whole new level!

Sad. Worrisome. The boys hockey teams are making efforts of water bottles with names on it and disinfecting etc.

H1N1... 80 people in Canada have died of this. It really is no joking matter...

so here is to Butt Bumping... and Hand Washing...

Here's to hoping that my babes can fight off the flu symptoms going around...

Maybe that is an idea for Halloween... handing out little bottles of hand sanitizer.

My Journey!

I have so much to say. I feel so full of stuff... kind of like I am going to burst from too much stuff!

I don't even know where to begin... it is morning... Sunday morning. Tyler asks are we going to church?

I have blogged many a time of my struggle with church. Yet here is my child wanting to go to church. We go. One child couldn't find his pant... but not too much drama.

Then Sammy starts. I told him he is off his phone till he (like the rest of his brothers learns how to live in our house ... keeping it tidy etc). He is mad.

We go to church, everyone gets out and goes in, except Sammy. (Sanj and Zach are else where).

I sit through the service ... waiting for Sammy to show up. It never happened. I am so tired of his constant woe is me. He makes his life so hard!!!

I told him that his little stunt keeps him from any extracurriculars till the end of the month. It wasn't intentional but then I realized this includes Halloween. (How come I care so much???)

Back to church... men have been an issue in my life. From the beginning... they have let me down... it started with my dad. When it begins with your dad... you begin at a young age to look for replacements... for me, it was Pastors.

This isn't a slam on pastors, as they are human. It is a reminder that no one should be God or put themselves in the position of being all to someone. My journey lead to be very hurt by men in my life. I often wondered why I needed that male figure in my life so badly.

Church is like taking a lemon and rubbing it on my wound. I wish so badly it wasn't ... I wish for those days where I woke up and knew it was Sabbath and couldn't wait to go to church.

Nowadays, I know people wonder... people even ask... yet I really don't think that whether a person goes to church or not is a reflection of their relationship with God. Actually I know it is not.

I was one of those judgers... you know, judging other families as I watched them not following the stereotype of what a Christian family is... Shame on them!!! And I would feel so good that I was in church... Being a good christian... or so I thought.

It is all a journey. It is one that I am on... Only God knows my heart and hurts. Only God knows how I forgive yet can't forget. Only God knows how much I want to be good and pure and yet am haunted by my sins.

So through this journey of being a Child of God, I keep stumbling and He keeps picking me up.

He keeps encouraging me, like He did today! He keeps reminding me that I am NOT alone. I CAN only do all things With Christ by my side.

A Little R & R

I am trying to start a new book. I went to Chapters to add to the pile of books I intend on reading... but I hate starting a new book!

It's almost like looking for a new friend. You have to go through the introductions, as you meet the characters... I am not sure if they are worth my time and energy to get involved... as my time is limited. I hate books that end up being a waste of time.

I stopped reading John Grisham because after some great books, I felt like he was just writing them and putting them out and they were stupid. It made me feel so let down.

So I ended my relationship with him... as I felt he betrayed me. lol

So, it is Saturday night and I am in bed... yes it is 6:53 p.m. 3 of my boys are snuggling with me... Sanj is trying to get his studying done and then is off to hockey. The older boys are going to watch a movie, I think.

I am not sure if I will start a book or watch "The Proposal." I loved that movie.

It was a busy day... full of hockey. New teams, some new teammates, meeting coaches and just getting back into equipment and skates.

The boys are in heaven. Sanj is coaching 3 of the boys. Sammy and Tyler are on the same team this year... so that helps. Jordan's coach ditched them with out notice... leaving them hanging... the league called Sanj on Thanksgiving... desperately looking for a coach.

Can I tell you about my husband... he is such a craZy guy. I don't even know how he functions.

This week I don't think he came home before 10 p.m. One night it was a refresher course for coaching, another night was hockey and then a meeting for the school...

Friday night he didn't get home till 11 p.m. again. Hockey.... and he is such an amazing coach. He loves the game, himself, so he studies drills and things to make practice a learning experience. He is patient and encouraging. He is so dedicated to everything he does.

He is a student... that excels... this section he has to take 2 classes. Another couple of nights of the week that he is busy rather than resting. OK.. really he doesn't know how to rest.

Tonight, after a busy day, instead of chilling, he will don on all the paraphernalia required and go to his hockey game.

I love him. He is such a dedicated man. I am so glad he is dedicated to me and my boys!

So... I am off to relax myself, in my style, with a book or movie.

I hope your night is a restful one too.

30 Something...

So you remember that show? I used to watch an occasional episode when I was in my 20s.

I never really understood it.

I am 40+ now and look back at the last 10 years and realize that it was hard.

I was talking to my girlfriend and as we chatted, I realized that as I was going through my 30s, they were lonely. What I mean by that is I had my friends and life was good. But we never really chatted about the nitty gritty of it all.

I never realized that many women struggle with non ending demands of motherhood... babies, toddlers, meals, laundry, work and juggling all that with being all you think you should be for your husband.

Sex. Really... it is OK to not want it or need it. There are too many things DRAINING you. It is normal. This always worried me. It is such a key to a happy marriage... it is a necessity... the key is finding a happy medium.

Men are so different. Sex revitalizes them. They need it in a different way then women do.

I was always wondering what happened to my sex drive... um... it became buried under piles of diapers, meals, laundry and life.

My early 30s were me learning who I was meant to be. It was understanding and figuring out the balance that worked for us as far as the in-laws and my own family. It was me defining or trying so hard to define me despite being mommy and wife and 101 other roles.

It was redefining or maybe defining marriage and what works for both of us. It was about finding balance and not losing each other in the piles...

Wow. It was hard work. It was full of memories... of baby making, baby raising and surviving babyhood. Surviving is not a bad thing. I didn't realize that I was just trying to survive because while in that moment... I loved it!

But as the later 30s came, I realized that I had been lost. All the roles were demanding and draining and of course full of lots of love and loving. But really it is OK, I think, for us as moms to say... it's hard. Very hard.

I am not sure that the dads always get it. And that is just because they are made differently. Why would God create moms X2?

As I came out of my 30s, I think would have made it easier is knowing... really knowing that this is hard, it can be lonely, and all encompassing. It may not be about you very often.

But ... it is so worth it and it is a phase.

40s... as I embrace it... I am loving it. Babies... are done. (sniff sniff) But this new phase of everyone buckling themselves in the van, putting shoes on, simply telling them, (yes nagging them) to do things, is different than always doing it for them.

I love that the needing is still there, very much so, but it is different. It is fulfilling. It is rewarding in different ways. And now... there is me. I see myself despite the piles.

I see me. I can find me. Sometimes I am not sure what to do with me that I see.

It is exciting to have moments to think... what do I want?

I am writing because I just want to encourage those in the 30 Something. It is an amazing time. It is a special time. Enjoy it. Yet when you get lost in the piles... know that this to shall pass. It is a phase. You are awesome. Just hang tight and enjoy the ride.

8 :29 p.m.

With the grounding of no T.V. and computer, I must say the house is pretty quiet. In the background, is a chirping fire alarm that is too high for us to reach. It is at the highest point of our vaulted ceiling... so we need to go and buy a very tall ladder.

Sanj is still off at hockey with Jordan at this point and Sammy is off at a Petes hockey game.

The house got tidied pretty quickly with my nagging. How much I hate that sound ... me nagging.

I feel as if I am at a good place with Sammy... we understand each other. It is all good... with its moments that of course exhaust me but ... it is all good for now.

Tyler has taken over with the raging teen attitude and issues.

Tyler, my child that has always been thoughtful, unselfish and can't help but listen to his conscience.

Moody and broody have taken over. Lord, have mercy on me! He is constantly needing to be able to go somewhere, obsessing about the next event in his life... and needs an answer right now.

Guess he forgot about the promise he made to me about not being a crazy teenager.

He wants to see the movie "The Art of Lying." Has anyone seen it? Is it appropriate?

This is what I am trying to figure out. It is disturbing that not all parents worry about what they chose to see. It may be totally fine... but I wish there wasn't the need to grow up so fast.

Funny enough, his moods don't throw my world off kilter. I find I am more relaxed and not too stressed if he hates me. I know he will get over it.

Poor guy. Life is a lot harder for him. He worries and stresses. He always had. I think that high school is a huge stress, already. Most of his classmates are going to a different high school than Sammy is.

Oye. So much to think about.

Hockey began tonight. Max had a great time. Once it all settles into routine, it will be fine. I just get thrown into a state of discombobulation when the call comes the night before and there is a game.

If women were organizing this whole league... it would be so different!

At least I think so!

House Work Should Be a 4 Letter Word!

Argggggggggggggggggggggg! I was never one to be overwhelmed. Never. My plate was always really full and I thrived on it.

Today, my doctor appointment was cancelled which meant I have 2 hours to come home and tackle this disaster zone. I am paralyzed with the inability to move. I keep looking at the clothes to fold, dishes to put away, floor that REALLY needs to be mopped, and it goes on.

So I come and sit at the computer. I hate housework. I hate the constant-ness of house work.

On the way to school, I grounded the boys off the computer till further notice.

There is no need for me to go off on a tangent of make your bed, pick up your clothes, tidy your room, put something back after you use it...

So, no computer. Hit them where it hurts to get results, isn't that what they say?

Then hockey begins with a vengeance.

5:30 p.m. my Max has his first game. So we are all going.

7:30 p.m. my Jordan has a practice... Sanj is coaching and Sammy is at the Pete's game.

(Don't forget Grey's is on...)

Tomorrow night... Jordan had his first game and Max has one too.

Of course this is after Sanj and Tyler's jiu jitsu .

Breathe.

This is only the beginning.

There is homework, spelling, MV, reading, a tree project to finish up...

I better cancel guitar tonight. Oh and Tyler is trying out for volleyball after school... Lord help me. Last year he had a major meltdown after it. Maybe volleyball is not his thing!

We shall see!

Ok...house... here I come!

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be...

I had an interesting conversation with my sister-in-law this weekend.

We were chatting about her job (she is an architect) and has been discontent with her job for a while. So we often chat about what she can do to cure her discontentment.

This leads to what we want to be when we grow up... conversations.

She loves research and would love to do something in this field... she actually said a librarian.

This made me gasp, as it was something I did to work my way through university. But things have changed since days of books and researching, pulling books off shelves, leaving them there for someone like me to come and put them back in their rightful place.

But my sister-in-law would love this as now-a-day things are different. There is all sorts of research needs out there.

This led me to what I want to be when I grow up... since I have blogged this before... it would be along the lines of writing and photograph.

What is interesting to me is as we looked back... I did this constantly. My university days are documented with 1000s of pictures I took with my little camera. I was always taking pictures yet never thought anything about it.

I also wrote all the time. I wrote about my day... I wrote in my journal for years... I wrote about my latest crush, where I saw him, if I passed him on the sidewalk, did we make eye contact... oye, it went on and on.

The point being I have always written.

I have always had these passions but never thought twice about it.

I suppose I never really gave it much thought as 20 years ago teachers, nurses, doctors, pastor, accountants, business were all the degrees that parents encouraged.

Especially coming from immigrant parents, they kind of stuck and encouraged the basics.

I started off with business... but my first accounting class almost put me in a coma from the boredom of it....

Ever since I was little I always thought I wanted to be a teacher. So, this is where I went naturally when business proved to be a bomb. I loved the classes and suddenly my GPA rose as my interest did.

But I think my teaching degree was a means to an end. I had to graduate with something. I had to have a career... but looking back... I was really more interested in my MRS degree. I wanted nothing more than to be mom. The career was a back-up.

Now? Who wouldn't love a job traveling around the world capturing life? A job with Life or National Geographic? Well it isn't the kind of job that can be meshed in nicely with being mommy.

Regrets? No. I just wish I saw my true passions so that I could have capitalized on them more while I have the chance.

This brings me to my boys. How do I guide them to find their true passions? When you are starting university, you are still so YOUNG to make that lifetime choice of your career!

I want my boys to be able to see outside the box if that is where their passion is.

Sammy would love to design... whether it is golf courses or cars... at this moment design is a love as is computers.

Tyler... I am not sure... still. He doesn't have a true love yet... I'll have to ask Sanj about what he sees here. He has passions... golf is his first love... but I think that changes with the season ... to hockey.

Jordan is the artist. I love watching him teach himself to draw. He loves drawing cars, super heros, action figures and people. Sponge Bob is one that he has mastered.

Max... he loves clothes... loves himself... I love watching him check himself out. Maybe he will be interested in modeling... lol

Zachary is a hard worker. He still maintains that he want to be a police man. He is mechanically savvy. He sees how things work and can fix something or explain a function that is lost to us.

Josh... he's 4. He is just mama's boy... for now.

I want to expose my children to various things so they get the opportunity to fiddle in areas that may be their thing... but they would never have know until they had a chance to dabble in it.

I also realize that what you want to be "when you grow up" is something that changes as you change. Not everyone has the chance to change careers but everyone can have a chance to find themselves in the life outside of work.

BZZZZZZZZZZZ...

The dogs are in training. Invisible Fencing Training.

They are smart. They got shocked once. That is all it took.

Hummmm... I wonder if I am on to something.

Collars... names on them... Sammy, Tyler, Jordan, Max, Zach and Josh...

Oops... Towels are left on the floor... BZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Oops... Clothes on the floor... BZZZZ BZZZZZZZ...

Dishes not picked up... BZZZZZZZZZZ...

Talking back??? BZZZZZZZ...

Wonder how long the training would take?

Maybe I could use it too... chocolate... bzzzz... bad carbs... bzzzz...

Ah... the potential!

Reality Check...

Today I dropped by the school to take care of a few things. As I was walking out of the office, I see Josh standing against the wall with his teacher talking to him.

He sees me. Darn. He is not behaving... he is waiting for his teacher to take off his boots, jacket etc., when he can do so himself.

He sees me and the tears come. How that broke my heart yet I knew to leave and let his teacher deal with him.

My stomach was churning. I never have left him crying. Maybe there in lies the problem.

As I was retelling the story to Sanj, he just looks at me.

"He is a spoiled brat, isn't he?" I ask.

My husband just nods and smiles.

This child is loved so much by his family. He is doted on by all. He knows he has everyone wrapped around his fingers.

But in the real world there are certain realities that he has to discover.

It is not all about him.

Sigh. I am still trying to learn that myself.

HD View of My Life..

I picked up my new glasses from Costco today. I put them on and suddenly saw the world in a different light.

My last pair of lenses were a mess as the coating was coming off and so seeing clearly was not an option.

I remember when Sanj bought our first HD TV. I was impressed with the difference.

WOW! As I put my new glasses on, I realized that I am now seeing the world in HD!

I decided to pay the extra $50 dollars for the higher density lens... simply worried about the thickness that may be there if I when with the medium lens.

Wow, definitely worth the $50.

I feel like a brand new person!

A Little Blurry... But Its Us!

Just Catching Up!

It was Turkey Day yesterday. Busy. Lots of cooking... family... cousins playing... catching up with my sister-in-law... reflecting on all there is to be thankful about.

This year as we went about the table doing the traditional "What are you grateful for..." I noticed that answered prayers was a theme that was present. I love it.

Thank you God, for making yourself so real!

My brother is coming for American Thanksgiving, so we get to do it all again! :) My kids love this! 2 Thanksgivings!

It was hard getting everyone back at it today. Everyone was tired after having too much fun!

We had gone to friend's house for supper, enjoyed the lovely fall by going on a walk and hanging it.

I was hoping for a Leaf Day (ya know, instead of a snow day... haha).

The younger 4 boys and I went off to the Norwood Fair yesterday morning. OK, it was cold.

Brrrr... but it was a lot of fun! This was Josh's first fair. He was pretty taken by the whole thing. When we were in the poultry barn, he walked around imitating one of his brothers... "I ate your cousin!" lol

I love going to the fair. I am fascinated by watching the Fair People. They are almost like Circus People. What a life they must lead.

Halloween is next! This year Sanj is gone to a conference. Who plans these things? And Hockey schedules? Honestly! Thankfully the church is having a Halloween Bash of sorts... so we can stay warm and be in one area.

Then Christmas! Our Fundraising committee (which I am a part of ... yah!) is having a FUNdraiser with a trip to Vaughn Mills Mall (a really mall in the Toronto area) and a stop at IKEA! If you are interested... $25 gets you a seat (Well, the first 55 shoppers with their money)!

So... here's to getting Christmas shopping almost done before December! I am so excited because I already know what I am getting Sanj! I can't tell you, of course, as he will likely read this ... and feel ripped off! lol

Did I mention I am going to learn to knit? lol OK... attempt... although I have seen very young kids knitting , especially at the hockey rinks. Sammy really wants a pair of knitted mitts. So... my friend, Marsha, is going to teach me. (Lord, please give her patience... lots of it).

OK... it is 5:51 p.m. and I am stalling. I went into the office today, so my house is a disaster zone, there is reading, memory work, spelling and baths. Sanj and the older 2 are at hockey practice.

So off I go... as I really had nothing much to say... but obviously plenty none the less!