Dr. Sanjeev Sukumaran

Tonight my very own Doctor and I are going out with some friends to a yummy steak house.  

Yes, my sweet, super smart hubby is now officially a Doctor of Audiology...   I am so proud of him.  He was really stressed out  this afternoon as he waited the results.  I thought about distracting him by telling him I was pregnant for the afternoon! lol  Yet, just the thought sent me into a panic.

This afternoon, I had an appointment with my doctor.  It was scheduled for longer than usually.  I, being me, crazy and all, had this moment, thinking, "What if I am pregnant and she is calling me into her office to break it to me, knowing I would need to be admitted into the Nichols Building (our department that is for those who need psychological help).

Crazy, I know.  Yet as I was walking the mall the other day, there was this little itsy bitsy babe... all brand new and beautiful.  Oh my goodness, I miss that beautiful time.  I miss how their cute little bum could fit in my palm.  I miss that special smell of a new babe.   I miss those little sounds.  I miss all those little things.

Oh well.  Now I have 3-4 of the boys that can buy their clothes from the men's section.  Ridiculous!

My Baby #2 will be off to high school in just a few months.  How is that possible?  My little Tyler,  cried for 6 weeks straight about leaving me as he went to JK.  Can you tell I am still traumatized?  Life was so hard for him.  Change was (is) hard for him.  He loves consistency... routine.  Soon he will be leaving all that has been familiar for the last 10 years and off to a whole new world.  I know he will be fine.  Not sure if I will be.  Sigh.  He is such a wonderful boy with a great big heart.   I love this kid of mine.  Yes, I love all of you... Sammy, Jordan, Max, Zach and Josh!  Wow... that is a lot of love to pass around!  No wonder I am tired! lol

It is so gorgeous outside!  Sunny, bright, warm!  It is supposed to rain some on the weekend.  The boys are part of a floor hockey tournament to raise money for their mission trip, Sammy and Tyler will be going this summer.  5 of my boys are playing... X that by $10... I can pay for a few trips... at this rate!  :)

Josh and Sanj will be hanging out for the day.  I have to admit that I hope Josh poops in his pants at least once for Sanj!  I also hope it is the kind of poop that is so loose it has run down his legs.  To make it the best experience yet, I hope Josh doesn't tell him till the poop is dried up and crusty.  :)  I only hope this for Sanj, so he will know what he missed out on while he was studying.  Why is Josh pooping in his pants?  I dunno.  He has this diet that is too healthy, I am thinking.  So, often he doesn't make it to the bathroom.  We are working on him.  I am hoping to feed him full of junk to back him up a bit! lol

I am feeling my vibe coming back!  It feels so good to write again.  For those of you that take the time to read my rambling... thank you.  You flatter me!

Happy Weekend!

My Response...

My girlfriend, Shelley's comment to my "P is for Poop" was "How do you do it?"

My answer is "I just do it." There are many times I don't KNOW how I do it... but I have to so I do. Here's the truth... I love babies. I think I was addicted to them. Babies are easy. Actually babies are really easy. I remember people saying... "It only gets harder..."

I would want to hit them. Harder... but yup. Harder. But in a different way.

Today the boys were all home. No one was listening to me. Everyone seem to be picking on someone. Then I heard Sammy say to Zach, "You know "Billy" doesn't really like you."

This made me so mad. I hate meanness. I can handle the constant fighting, wrestling and dialogue about weird things like Poop. But I can not handle meanness.

Then I think, "I am so not cut out for this." What was I thinking? What made me think I could ever handle 6 boys much less be responsible for moulding them into fine young man.

(As I type, Sammy and Tyler are beating each other up. Something about breaking a deal...)

If I could have had a peek into my future... I would have had 2 kids. PERIOD. Or else, I am sure I would have gone screaming and running. ... if I had peeked into my future.

Really, life with my 6 boys is not easy. They are busy. That word doesn't even begin to define them.

They are assiduous, diligent, engaged, engrossed, bustling, energetic, fussy, hectic, restless, tireless, tiring, curious,inquisitive, aggressive, alert, animated, alive, dashing, bold, enthusiastic, fresh, perky, forceful, purposeful, sharp, determined, intrusive, snoopy, sloppy...

Of course I could go on. But ... yup... here is the but... if I had to pick one word to describe my sons... wow... the word that comes to mind is Gift. They are my gift from God. They are gifts that I can open every day and find something new. I may not always like the new I discover but it is never boring. My gifts, every day are always a surprise. And I get 6 gifts every single day.

And truth be told, yes, I love getting away. But then, after a day, usually 2... I am ready to get my gifts again.

Gifts can disappoint. Ever opened a present... and then had to scramble to fix your face... it was not what you thought? That happens alot. I look at one of my precious gifts, and then they open their mouth, and talk back or say something ugly. I am so disappointed. You can be sure I wish I could put it back into a box and mark.. "Return to sender." But apparently God said, "No trade backs."

Yet... there is another part to this... there is the side to each one that leaves me breathless with the ache of loving them so much. You know that ache? Sometimes I feel it when they are asleep beside me and their breathe is so sweet or with some... funky. Sometimes I feel it when we are in the car and they reach over and grab my hand. Sometimes I feel that ache when I watch them play. It is that ache that makes me keep trying to be the best I can be. It is that ache that begs my heavenly Father forgiveness for being a sucky mom today and begging Him to be the perfect mom tomorrow.

That ache that keeps me going. It is after a day like I had today... and they are asleep that I feel relief that I made it without hurting anyone. And yet, I have this anticipation that tomorrow will be better.

No, if I knew how crazy my life would be before I had or knew my children... I would be momma of 2 quiet, perfect children. But God obviously knew this. So... He gave me the love of babies... He gave me that spirit of not giving up... "I am sure the next one will be a girl..." until I had this crazy and yet amazing family of 6 boys. I am thinking and praying He knew that this was what I was meant to be... mom of 6 boys.

He knew that this way, I would have to turn to Him... every day, actually every hour. He knows that beginning and the end. I am OK with being mom to my six wonderful, yet drive me crazy boys because I know God has my back.

How do I do it? Sometimes moment by moment. Then when the house I still... I exhale. And count my blessings... all seven of them!

God, I am going to admit... boys are so weird. They are so loud, busy and different. Thank you for my gifts... all 6 beautiful gifts. Thank you for nighttime. Thank you for school. Thank you for hockey. Thank you for all that keeps them busy and happy. Thank you for my gifts.