Seeking Success...

Tonight I went out into the dark, cold, windy, rainy night to hear a real published author speak.

Lawrence Hill, author of The Book of Negroes was at Trent University.

I was taken by the normalness of him. I want so badly to be a somebody. What I mean is I have never been really good at anything. I never really knew what I was good at. At the age of 40 + 1

I realize that I can learn to be good at something.

I would love to be a famous author or photographer. Famous? I had to think about that. Not famous as much as successful. I would like to be successful in one or both of those passions, yet not give up being 100% mom either.

I was inspired tonight as I realized that maybe it is obtainable. Success is a definition that is different for each, is it not?

I went to Trent with a young lady that babysat for us since she was 12 years old. Now she is 21 or so and a lovely lady. She asked me if turning 40 was hard?

For me, it really wasn't. I felt like I had succeeded in life and was happy with the place in life I was at... at that point. What was my success? My boys. Have you met them? They are pretty special, each so different and unique. Each of them my work of love for the past 14 years and counting. So 40 was good.

What will the next 10 years bring? How will I define success? I am not sure. I felt pretty good today though. I came home to an email about someone that read my confessions of melting down. She mentioned how our family seemed so perfect. I guess reading my reality made her realize she is not alone ... in her tiredness of being mom and 1001 other things.

Sometimes I question my lack of censorship with my writings. Yet, really, this is me.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

So thank you, friend for writing me. We, my family, are no where near perfect! LOL... literally!

We are so far from perfect... it is scary.

But the bottom line is that we really do love each other. If you have that, love, then you will make it.

As far me seeking the satisfaction of success... it is a journey I am on.

I can't wait to see where it goes.

Step one... in the journey... a photography course and a course on using my camera.

I am so excited! The school part, not so much, but ready for that ride!