Happy Halloween!

I love the dressing up part of halloween. (Once the costumes are FINALLY put together and decided)!!! We had fun making each other laugh. Once convinced of wearing a costume... my hubby was a little to into his "role" as Sugah Daddy and Jordan was Sugah Baby!

Josh was and continues to be Dr. Jones. Zach was a smashing Batman and Max was the scary Dark Vadar. Sammy was off with friends, trick or treating as a Hannah Montana dressed up as a Jedi. Tyler was a man-eating shark. And myself... I paid tribute to the heroic man and women in Blue!

The boys had a nice time expending energy at the party they had at the church.

Man Stink!

Sammy is standing beside me, chatting... "you are stinky..." I say.
He sniffs his armpits... "That is MAN STINK!" He says, laughing.

Where do they come up with these things?

I hate halloween!

I hate halloween. When I was a kid, we did not ever go trick or treating. Devilish... all of the devil! I can remember this one halloween a kid asked why we weren't out... (don't know the answer we gave) but he felt sorry for us and asked for a pillow case and went and collected candy for us too! How sweet eh?

Well I have no problem with kids getting dressed up... having fun. But I hate the pre halloween costume hunt... what can I be? And where will we find the stuff? It is easy enough when it is bat-man or superman.

Jordan is going as a 70s big hair/afro dude. Where do you find bell-bottoms and big heel shoes? He got the afro... and is going to maybe cut some of Sanj's chest hair and paste on his chest! Ha-ha.

Josh is, of course Indiana Jones! Zach is bat-man. That leaves 3 undecided. Halloween is two nights away.

Sigh. This year 5 of them are going to the church party, so that part if a bonus. Sammy is going with his friends.


We went to Value Village... no parking spots. I can only imagine what is left of the selection. Oh well... in 4 days it will be all done. Then it will be focusing on Christmas.

I can't wait to start decorating! :P

Crock Pot 101

In the effort to be a bit more relaxed as the kids get home, I am trying to find ways to create meals that do not cause great levels of stress. So I have decided to make an honest effort using the crock pot.

I love the idea of a one dish meal and simply adding on a salad or bread or rice.

So I am attempting to make the first meal. Chicken thighs, carrots, celery, baby potatoes, onions and garlic with some seasonings and stock. I hope it is yummy!

Another recipe I came across is chicken legs dips in a bit of oil, then dips in seasonings such rosemary, salt, pepper and chili flakes... and then tossed in with something like 23 cloves of garlic! Garlicky Chicken!

So we will see...

Then I can throw in this yummy spaghetti sauce that I found at Costco and add meatballs...with whole wheat pasta. I made the switch to the ww pasta and my kids never knew the difference.

Would love some great recipes if you are a crock pot using...

I feel organized already! I may even try ribs in the crock pot for Friday night. My kids love ribs!

Alright ... enough of that. Also looking for a yummy homemade spaghetti sauce recipe... if you have one that is easy!

All this talk has made me hungry. SO I am going to bed instead! Goodnight!

911 Martha!

Tonight we had a nice evening. We were invited out to supper and had the loveliest time. We were treated to a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings. My friend said this was a simply dinner. Ummm... I must be missing the definition to simple. She even made a cheesecake from scratch for Sammy.

When we have company... it is definitely paper plates and pizza. Now, not always... but usually. Now that we live in booneyville, there is no delivery. Maybe I will have to Delissico.

But I wonder if people really mind paper plates? Does it make them feel like they aren't worth the trouble of dishes?

I am going to have to think about the whole dinner party thing. I really would like to have a "real" dinner party. But I also Iike to just hang out and relax after throwing out the plates.

I also need better and easy chicken dishes. So send your recipes to me.

Now I do make chili or stews for company sometimes. I have to step it up a notch!

Cross-dressing

I mentioned my cousin's cross-dressing tendencies on a blog a while ago. What I didn't know is that Sanj had a hidden passion for it too! OK... my dearly loved hubby has recently lost somewhere in the vicinity of 30 pounds through various means of torture (you know... diet and exercise).

So he is in the best shape he has been in since we were married... probably. So he is really into shopping for clothes... and buying sizes he hasn't been in a very long time.

Well... apparently... Sanj was dressing and put on a pair of jeans... not realizing they were MINE! (wink... wink) So he fits into MY jeans!

Great for my ego, eh? Nothing a little chocolate can't fix.

I hate his discipline. So annoying! Oh well, all I can do I keep at it.

Maybe I'll fit into Josh's jeans when I am successful!
Must say, I wish vomiting was so disgusting! Would definitely be tempting!

Inside Out!

Ever have car problems? Even have your vehicle break down on the road or highway? I remember so clearly MANY a time when the car I was driving to university from Ohio to Michigan would do that "CAPLUNK!" Oh I hated that sinking, helpless feeling! And this was before cell phones... I was left to my own imagination to get out of my troubles.

I remember being an hour or so from school and my car quit. I was in the middle of nowhere... either way I walked, I would have to be a long way for help. So of course my only choice was to pray and beg God to help me. Then there is that moment when you see another car's blinker go on and your heart begins to pound again. Is this a crazy or "bad" guy? So you pray even harder... "please God... keep me safe."

This older couple stops... there is a Bible on the dash... hum... a ruse or a Christian?

So they ended up insisting on taking me to the farmer's house behind me... who is a mechanic of sorts... saying he would help me out. I ended up hanging out with these wonderful people, as the farmer fixed my car. Then this lovely couple insisted on following me bad to school till I reached safe and sound.

Honestly, I truly believe they were angels. I never forgot their kindness... and God's answer to my prayer.

Our vehicles are pretty dependable for the most part (of course you know my van and its issues of being a lemon).

I am so grateful that if they break down we have the means to take care of it. There is nothing like that feeling of helplessness.
I hate it.

As I see people on the roadside or hear of a vehicle breaking down, it sucks. I think of all the things we take for-granted daily. Then I think of others who would just be happy to have a bike.

Thank you God for your continued faithfulness. Whether it is a bike, money for gas or a friend to pick us up. I am grateful just for the simple fact that FORDS aren't in my life anymore. :P

Our Sympathy...

Today was a PD day for the boys, as is tomorrow. So they each had a friend over. One of the moms comes in and chats a few minutes. "How many boys DO you have?" she asks... so I told her.

"Oh dear, I feel sorry for you. I have only 3 boys." Then she continues... "Are you going to keep trying for a girl?"
So I laugh and said "NOPE we are done. Girls are overrated at this point for us."

She continues..."Well my last one was a girl, after the 2 boys." Something on the lines of 'thank God she is such a breathe of fresh air.'

Yet it was said with an attitude.

OK... that kind of pissed me off. First of all NONE of us are in control of what gender of child we are blessed with.
And what parent says that they feel sorry for you? Just send me a sympathy card and save your jibber jabber for someone who wants to hear it.

Tiresome. What do my sons think when they hear that %$#@?

Lady, you tell my how angelic your daughter is in a few years. We will then compare notes. Not to mention that I feel sorry for YOUR sons ... that you view them as a burden. HUM...

Yes, I am offend. Get over it people... you are not the one that has the 6 (great, most of the time) BOYS! We are unique and we ARE capable. So quit with your sympathies. If I want it ... I'll ask for it.

Obviously my friend... you know the crap I hear... this was just one time too many.

The Dowry Bride

A great read! I really enjoyed this book... really felt the character's emotions. It was also an eye opener of what life can be like in other places. So many traditions and customs are so deeply rooted that despite laws that try to protect women ... some things are so deeply entrenched.

Again definitely worth a read!

Bible 101

While I was at the gym working out, I was chatting with a friend of mine. She is on the fence about God... does He exist? Evolution is more scientific a theory, apparently. So we were talking about an assignment that the boys were doing in school. It was based on the story of Cain and Abel.

It was about the part where God asked each of the boys to offer a sacrifice. Now in class this was the only part of the story talked about... not the beginning or later part. So she says, "Why wouldn't Cain get upset with God? He offered God his gift. He was a man of the fields. WHERE WAS HE SUPPOSE TO GET A LAMB? From his brother?"

Oye! If you just look at that piece of the story it is hard to explain. So I was trying to explain that it was more a token of obedience. And that the lamb was symbolic of Christ death... etc. Yet when you take the story as is.. as she did... she explained it to her son as such... of course Cain would be hurt if a parent rejected their child's gift wouldn't that child be upset... and want to hurt his brother?

So then... I was trying to answer her question of where was Cain suppose to get the Lamb??? So I thought (genius that I am) about how God provided the lamb in the thicket bush for Abraham and Isaac... so I proceeded....

God asked Abraham (who had waited forever to have a child) to show his obedience to God by offering his son as a sacrifice......
Oops... I see the look on her face.. and I realize that I blew it! Her face immediately said "what kinda crazy God would ask him to kill his son......

So as I back tracked to say it all worked out because Abraham passed God's test of obedience and God then provided a lamb....

So I ended... with the simple answer of "I don't know where Cain was suppose to get a lamb." I don't know!

So I am not a great person to come to with biblical questions. I just believe. I have faith. I love God. At the end of the day... if there is really no God... I know that life was lived better with the hope and faith for a Higher Power. I live with the hope of heaven and happily ever after.

Yet if there is a simply answer of where Cain was suppose to get a lamb, I would love to know!

Maxwell

My son Max is laying here beside me whining about "how come there are no pictures of me on your blog?" So let me tell you about my 4th son... soon to be 9 years old!

He was born on Remembrance Day. I remember having strong contractions... and knowing that I was ready to have this child. I called Sanj at work to tell him to come home NOW. He says, "hang on ... its time for the 2 minutes of silence!" Grrrrr... so not funny!

Maxwell has always been my quiet (most of the time) child that enjoys solitude. He can be found playing with his toys in a quiet corner somewhere. He has a great giggle and wonderful personality. He is a lady's man. He will no doubt have many girlfriends at his beck and call.

He is a wonderful child whose only daily wish is to simple with us in our bed.

You are a very loved boy, my Maxawaxie!!!
Oh dear... this blog had to be edited... as three of the pictures of my sweet Max were actually of Zach! Poor child! Hope he doesn't grow up with a complex!

Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!

OK... First their was the discovery of the one chin hair... that was very distrubing! It made me mad! Why can't hair just grow where needed? And why can't it fall out where it isn't needed?

Then I found ANOTHER hair! This time on my jaw bone area. Oh dear is a full beard in the works?

Then my doctor was talking about something totally unrelated... sex drives of men and women... and how she was going to ask God why He made us SO different. Men are "ready" all the time... women... as they menophase ...become much more "interested" because their testostrone levels increase at this time.... THUS the hair chins appear!

PHEW! Ok it is normal... nevertheless very stressful. I just got a wax this week and had the two intruders pulled out.

But then I wonder... why there are women who chose not to remove their "beard?" They have their chinny hairs sticking out and for someone like me... I can't help but focus on that feature when engaged in a conversation. I get totally distacted wanting to ask why and give them my hairdresser's name.

Yet then again, maybe they really don't care. So really then should I?

Hum... yes...because I have 6 males that are ready to let me know when my mustache is growing back. Josh "bought" me a pink razor so I could shave!

God knows the number of losing hairs on my head... I wonder if He knows the number of chin hairs I will have to pull out?

Sad

I am not equipped to deal with a teenager. How come God did not write a guide on raising a highly emotional teen with no sense of understanding?

Sammy has been invited to a party. For many reason, my spidy sense is going off and despite the fact that I know he does not understand... I have to say no.

He is so mad. He has said horrible things... including "I hate you." Yet he doesn't understand that I hate saying no. He is so much a follower that he doesn't understand he needs to learn (very quickly) to be stronger in his own choices. He simply says "you don't like me friends." Yet he doesn't understand that some of the people he thinks are "friends" are too worldly and knowledgeable in ways that he has no clue.

These aren't his usual friends from school that concern me. It is the ones that are too forward or too into things that they shouldn't be into. Oye!

His whole class is apparently going. Well I don't know if EVERYONE is really going but he is so upset that he is not going. He has never reacted to a "no" this way. Which makes me think that I am even more right in saying no.

Does it have to do with a girl? Maybe. Maybe that makes it suck because she does not go to our school. How in the world are we going to be ready for high school and all the stuff that comes with?

When I was in high school I never really got invited anywhere. And the few times I was... the answer was "if you have a ride." Hello... we lived in booneyville... so that was an obvious answer. And the few times I did, then the answer was "only if your brother goes too." OK give me a break... my younger pain in the butt brother to tag along? Yah right.

So I get the wanting to go. I get the disappointment and really not understanding. But I love him so much. I wish he was made of stronger core stuff. But he hasn't reach that level of growth yet. He is a follower. I was a follower. But I never was exposed to very much.

It isn't a matter of trust as much a matter of knowing he isn't ready to make some of the choices. And I don't want those choices made for him by another child.

How come he focuses on ONE NO yet forgets all the yes's. All the rides, all the friends over, all the things bought for no reason except that he wanted it. How come he forgets about all the times he has said NO to simple requests like "Can you go get me a glass of water?"

Yes and No ... such powerful words. Wanting ... such a powerful emotion.

So I am praying. It is the only thing I know right now. I am praying that God will be in control of his life... that he WILL turn to God in his pain. That he will trust in our love for him and that he will know ... in his core that we would never hurt him. We have to make decisions that suck as parents.

So I am sad. I feel that my whole life has been about wanting to be a mom. Then being blessed with the amazing privilage of being a mom. And then feeling like I am failing, feeling that I am not equipped to deal with all the stuff that comes with the parenthood package. And there is NO return policy or exchange privilage.

The Snow Belt!

Yes the picture is accurate! SNOW... yesterday!!! YIKES! And we got much more than the picture shows... (my camara battery died). New discovery... we live in a snow belt. Just 2 minutes away... no snow was on the ground!!!

Josh and Zachary enjoyed shoveling... Sammy, Tyler, Jordan, Max let loose with the snow balls inside and out!!!

I feel BLUE!

I am not the mom that whips out paint and play dough at any given time. I hate the mess that comes with it! HATE!!!
I did it with my older ones.... and Sammy who was quite a handful (change that to still is) probably traumatized me with paint everywhere!

Oh I know it is washable... but I have to wash it!!! So that is what JK/SK is for ... I decided.

Well with child number six, who is a bit obsessive... I know he isn't even going to try finger paint... that would be too messy for him to attempt! But a brush....

So I put away my misgivings and I guess the pictures say it all!

Hockey X 5

In our house there are somethings that seem to be just part of being a Sukumaran male. Missing the toilet is one that they have in common too often! Complaining about haircuts is another. Being busy and handsome is another. :) Then there is hockey! They can't wait to play hockey!!!

So FINALLY Zachary has joined the ranks! He had his first game and almost goal! Oh Yah!

He is so exited and delighted!

My boys are blessed with a dad that is into it a 100% too. He coaches, organizes and drives ... It is all about hockey right now!

Oh Dear!

My son, Sammy is on the phone chatting about females with his buddy. OK I am not ready for this. He covers the phone and waits till I am OUT of the room! Usually he ackward while talking on the phone. Ummmm that has seemed to disappeared.

What do they talk about? He denies liking anyone himself, though I am not really falling for that. It annoys me that he is so tight lipped. I was never like that at home. I think he is like Sanj in this. He never told his parents much.

There is a fine line between being a cool parent and parenting. It is frustarting to make a decision knowing that it is going to frustrate them. Example... Sammy is invited to this party. If it was anywhere else I would be fine with it. But this place has too much room to do whatever and parental supervison seems to be in small quanities.

I don't really care about the cool parent thing because in reality I know I am an awesome mom. They are just so clueless due to the inexperence of dealing with uncoolness.

Is any of this making sense? Probably not...except that I just am very aware of my babies growing up every fast.... and wanting the to understand that I DO care and get it and really want what is best for them. It just sucks that they have these opinons of what is good for them too.

Help me... breathe... lamaze... does that work still?

Strumming to His Own Beat!

I have worried about my son, Jordan, for many years. For the most part the word quirky describes him. The characteristics of a true middle child. He was a child I had trouble relating too.

He is 10 and a half and growing up. And thankfully he is growing into a wonderful child... yet totally his own person. He is alot like Sanj, though Sanj may not see it. They even look alike.

What used to frustrated me most was his lack of interest in anything. He is bright and things come easy to him. But he did not put effort into things... school or extracurricular activities.

Finally he showed an interest in the guitar. This is a popular instrument with kids right now... and cool. Probably thanks to games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band.

So ... this summer we let him take guitar lessons. YES!!! He has come alive. He walks around strumming the guitar constantly.
He is even practicing a song to play on Remembrance Day at school with a group of kids!!!

I am so proud of him. He is coming into his own self. He is taking more of an interest in putting his better effort in hockey and even school.

He used to avoid contact... but today he actually came and gave me a REAL hug and said "I love you." So cool and so special.

It is easy to love the child that is like you or just easier. It is a huge gift to love a child that is out of the box!!! It isn't a bad thing to be out of the box. I would say I am out of the box. Why be ordinary?

So to my child that is smack in the middle of our family... you are so special and unique. Never apologies for your uniqueness but rather embrace them and be proud of them.

But if you could be a little more cooperative at times... and be in the box once in a while... that would be cool too!
I love you, Jordan!

"House"wife

I need to be at home. I don't understand the stay at home moms that really do that ... they stay put and do laundry, cleaning and cooking every day!!! I am too hyper. There is too much stuff to do outside the house.

Yet the pile of laundry adds up, the little piles of "I'll get to it in a bit" add up and the boxes are still here and there.

I figure that I need to have a party. Maybe a fall party. A party never-the-less... so I will work towards a deadline.

This weekend I am going to hang stuff up, that will rid myself of some of the boxes. I will also get caught up with laundry. Yuk.

Zachary has his first hockey game too!!! He is so excited. Sanj is coaching his team. So... 5 in hockey! Breathe.

Well they do sleep very good at night. Do you know that my older ones still go to bed by 8-8:30 pm and are sound a sleep?

So they are busy. All good. Maybe one of them will make it to the NHL... then all I would ask is for a full time housekeeper and cook/laundry person!

Imagine all the good I could do outside the house?

I am torn between really wanting to be a good" house"wife and the other part of my that loves being in community.

Oh well... I did tackle a couple of loads of laundry. But I am off today... to the zoo with Josh and then to the school where Jordan's class is having a pioneer day...

Audiology 101

Can you tell that my sons are familiar with the Audiology profession?

Homework!

My coaching session was about dealing with a old haunt. Having lunch with a friend today made me realize that I trust God with some things. My children... a huge one. I can't do anything more than I do to keep them safe physically, emotionally, spiritually...so I have to leave it all to Him

But other things... the haunts... the things that occupy unpleasant space in my head... that cause discombobulation in my inner space... these are things that I have not full trusted God to resolve.

I never realized that I was so pathetic. I want to trust Him. But that means letting go 100%. I am a bit of a control freak maybe. Or maybe I don't like how I think God will deal with it. Maybe I want blood... or want them to hurt or pay a price. I have so much anger. But really who cares?

Nobody even really knows except my inner being. SO what is the point? I am seeking peace. I am searching out and targeting the things in my life that are robbing me of peace. (Cluster flies don't count)!

So my homework this week was "What does my soul want?" At lunch today I was given the answer. REST! My soul wants rest.

That sounds so good, doesn't it? I have been making huge progress in the past bit. The peace I feel in regards to my father is huge and still there. Maybe I don't believe it is for real. But I am at rest with the fact that he is broken. Only God can fix him. Until then I have to take what I get from him... with no expectations.

So how do I get to the point where my soul is at rest? One of the things is relinquishing total control. Maybe I am not sure how to REALLY do that? I can say..."God, I give it all to You." I want to mean it... but how to I really do it?

Forgiveness... that is another step that I need to fully tackle. Real forgiveness for the ones I trusted most who betrayed that trust. I have a hard time with this... because I am not sure I like God's way of punishment. They really hurt me... I want to see them pay somehow... yet .... AW

This is why I am in coaching. I need a tutor to help me figure out the hard stuff. I pray before each session that God will use my coach ... and talk to me thru her.

What does my soul want? I hated homework assignments!

A Perfect Day!

The weather has be gorgeous!!! This afternoon we hung out doing our own thing. Then the boys went to tackle the fort in the woods. Demolition ... step 1! Sanj attacked the wood pile. And then a really unhealthy dinner of hotdogs and chicken bacon cooked over the fire. It was perfect.

God, thank you for Thanksgiving. A moment to simply pause and say thanks for all we are blessed with.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A 15 pound turkey...
A veggie turkey dish...
stuffing....
poatoes....
cranberries....
squash...
brocolli
pies... whipped cream....

8 straving kids
6 adults...
lots of noise and food....
And the traditional "what are we each thankful for" followed by whining and "can't we just eat?"

It is Canadian Thanksgiving! We had a full day of being thankful for all that is in our lives. Family, friends, food, fun and love.
The boys are tuckered out from a wonderful day outside thanks to the gorgous day we have had!!!!

Thanks for the picture, Jordan!

Gorgeous!

It is a beautiful day!!! Sunny, low 20s with great fall colors all around us. I even hung out laundry on the line... just for an experiment to see if I could get into it. Now I have to bring it in. The cluster flies are reproducing thanks to the warm weather.

It is hard to believe in a few weeks that we will likely need the winter gear. I am getting ready to prep the turkey. Since I only make it once year... I need to read up and mentally review the basics. :) Stuffing... squash, gravy (which I still am perfecting), a veggie dish ( my sister in law is a vegetarian) and potatoes and cranberries. Did I miss anything? Oh yah pumpkin and pecan pie. Yum. (Even diabetics get a break this weekend).

I will repeat this in a month for American Thanksgiving when my brother and family come for a visit. :)

This is the picture out my bedroom window.

Oh and there is still the skunk... (yes Doreen I did call Mr. V and am waiting for his call back)!

Everybody has an opinion on whether this critter should live and be relocated (the "how to" is up for debate) or should he be killed.

I am realizing that country/ farming type seem to be the ones with blood on their minds. We have had an offer of a friend bring his shotgun... and BAM!

I, personally, do an not fond of God's creature anywhere near me.... don't want to see the thing dead. He is actually kinda cute.
Tyler is appalled at the thought of killing him.

So hopefully Mr. V will call back and will professionally and kindly rid us of our little friend.

Well... I am waiting for the pizza (that Sanj had to go pick up...) to feed the tribe and then we will end the evening watching the Leafs win... dare I hope! The root-beer floats will dull the pain a bit, I am sure!

Give Me A Break...

It is not even 7 a.m. The boys are UP and wide awake. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT??? On a school day I can't budge them. Yet on the weekend, when the sun is barely up, they are up.

Give me a break!

All Dress Up ... But In What?

I am sure that most people would say Sanj is a fine dresser. He takes pride in his appearance, especially when going out. He keeps up with now verses getting stuck in the then.

Yesterday at supper, I mentioned to Sammy that we should began to look for a graduation outfit for him. He is so hard to fit that it may take a bit of time.

So Sammy's face lights up.. "I want a white tuxedo." The boys think that Don Cherry's (from Hockey Night In Canada) wardrobe is cool. But in a "haha wouldn't be cool to have a suit like that..." (NOT!)

So then Sanj became to get excited... "Sammy, we could get you a cool tux... black with ...." Well Sammy is not impressed and tunes Sanj off.

"Mom, he is doing it again." I am not sure what that exactly meant but Sammy seems to think that Sanj's ideas are old fashion just because are coming out of his "old man's" mouth.

I remember the three piece suits my brothers and dad wore to church. Some sort of polyester blend? Oh Yah!

The battle of the generations continues or shall I say begans. At least with boys there isn't that wide range of clothing choices. We have already established that if I ever see them walking around with pants too big hanging to their knees... I will have no qualms of going up to them and pulling them right down! Undies and all! Don't even tempt me!

So Sammy is undecided. White tux... probably not. Simply for no other reason then Sammy will probably roll down a hill on his way into the church or tackle someone... and then the grass stains would not be a cool accessory. :)

I just think that some things in life are constant. If you ever become too sure of yourself... have a teenager. You are not cool or just don't know anything... at least anything that may be relatively cool. Ah the battle of the ages...

Downer

Do I sound like I am in the dumps? I am sick of myself. Lately I feel like I am sinking into depression. Why? Maybe my happy pill isn't working! LOL. Maybe it is the change of seasons... Seasonal Mood Disorder. Maybe I need a vacation. Oh there are a lot of maybes.

I guess to some degree I am feeling lost. The change at Rhema has impacted me significantly. Change is change and I never have been one to react to change. But there is such a difference that I feel a loss of what or where I am in all this.

I am really eager to start my real estate classes. I plan on doing this once the holidays are over. I am scared of being a student again, as this was never one of my strengths in life. But I really think that this is my calling. I am eager to get back in to the work force and be successful as a career person.

I will miss being at home but hope that this career will allow me the flexibility to do both.

What has me in the dumps? I hate feeling sad or emotions that are not on the lines of content. I think my biggest sadness is not having parents with a home. I think that this Thanksgiving is one that I needed to be nurtured. I am not sure if that is even the right word. I just want to be taken care of.

Here...Go relax... Let me do it. I get tired of being that person. I also think that the reality of having parents that need to be taken care of is weighing heavily. Of course this has been the case for years. My inlaws have lived with Sanj's brother for years.

My own mother is aging with each visit. Often I feel the burden of responsibility for her. (As does my brother).

I see seniors with a different light. How odd to know that these people had full vibrant lives. Now there are some so lonely, they look for a reason to visit Sanj's office with a make believe excuse. How sad is that?

Of course I know there is the other end of those seniors that have fulfilling lives till the end.

So what is the point of this blog? No point. I suppose I am just being real with my thoughts at the moment.
Forgive me if it is a downer today. Maybe truth be told... I need to keep my butt at home and tackle the boxes and piles that need to be attended to. Maybe once I get order at home... I will have order in my being.

Hungry!

I was reading my brother's response to my previous blog... His comment about about "Why can't Christians act more like him
(meaning my cousin). He is such a kind, humble, and loving person. I would be afraid that if Ujjal started attending church again, he would turn into a mean, two-faced person, like me."

Now of course my brother is not a mean 2-faced person... he is just real. But his profession... a minister puts him in the position of being on a pedestal. This is not a place ministers ask to be put on so when they do fall, as all will at some point, they are a disappointment.

We expect them to be "god" here on earth, to have answers to problems or be there at any given moment. It is amazing to me the powers we bestow on them. Who do they turn to? Church isn't free therapy. Well, to some it is and here in lies problems.

I have been really struggling with church... the need for it. I do not get fed there. Not a specific church... but rather church in general. I have issues. I have hurts. I feel that I can have a better wholesome relationship with God directly. I have a hard time listening to a speaker tell me what I may already know as a "lifer" in christianity. Yet I find myself not really able to appreciate the person speaking. I am wondering is he real? I just want real. Is that asking to much? I can appreciate the speaking if he is talking from his heart... from a place of truth. Yet I hate that this doesn't happen too often.

I do get fed through the music and fellowship. But find that fellowship... seems to be lacking nowadays too. Maybe my expectations are all wrong. Maybe I am going for all the wrong reasons. Maybe the problem is just me.

I used to miss church when we didn't go. Now I am so relieved to just be with my family. Of course I am not saying that church is bad... I appreciate what it has to offer as a whole. I wish I could get back to that place of feeling fed. Or feeding someone else. Maybe that is what is missing.

I want church to be a place of worship where my soul is filled. Where heaven came down and GLORY filled my soul. Does that happen anymore?

Maybe I am just ready and longing for that better place. I hope that I do not offend anyone with my thoughts. These are just my thoughts at the moment. Tomorrow they could be 100% different. I encourage your feed back.... if you have thoughts you want to share ... email me or blog a response.

People Jesus Loves

I got a package in the mail from my cousin in Texas. A Coach purse! It is funny how some people are always in your life. We may not talk or see each other for years. And then my cousin appears in my life at the most unusual yet critical time. He is there ... really there.

We grew up together, a month apart. We fought over toys and later on boys. He is the kind of person that you would say is born gay. He was always more girlie than me as little kids. He lived with us for a bit when his family couldn't cope with his differences.

He was always so crazy. I was in the mall with a girlfriend and we were trying on clothes. In the dressing room next to me, I hear this male voice saying "could I have this in a size 9?" Then I see my 6'6 (Ok not sure, but he is VERY tall)... peering over the top of my dressing room wall... grinning. He was so crazy!!! He looked better in girls clothing than girls did!!!

Two summers when my dad was in the hospital, in a coma, my cousin and his partner show up at the hospital in Tennessee. Just like that... "I knew it would be strange being there, so I thought I would come."

He doesn't have much... he lives in a house they built that is litereally 200 square feet... with no bathroom. They go to the father's house across the way. He gave up life in Florida, where he had it easier to run away from money issues. He said," I don't want my parents money. I just want to be happy."

He is so wise. Life for him is simple. He lives to love and be loved. He works at IHOP and works hard. He calls his mom every day. He does the right thing as he knows it.

He has had hurts, big ones. Living as a gay man is not easy. So he has learned survival skills... yet he is what he is. No apoliges.

I often think of all the Christians I know. How would we treat him... my cousin, a flaming homosexual, if he walked into our comfort zone... our church or school?

Then I think of Jesus. How would Jesus treat him? Would he label him? A sin is a sin. I have learned that I can love
my cousin, simply love him. That is the best way I can show him God's love. Acceptance of him which does not mean his way of life.

I love my cousin so much. He is one of those people that is real to the core. In many ways, he is a person that I can learn so much from.

I am not discussing the rights and wrongs of a homosexual in this blog. i am just thinking of whom Jesus ministered to while He was here.

I am ashamed for the embrasessment I felt when I was growing up with him... when he was at the mall with me being so crazy. I just wanted him to be normal... I guess I never thought that maybe he wished for that too.

I love you, Ujjal. You are one of the rare gifts in life.

Joshua Daniel....

My house is SOOO quiet right now!!! 3 are asleep and 3 are on their way home from Youth Group. I am enjoying the rain outside and listening to the wind!!! Oh yah, I can hear my laundry tossing around too.

Today I didn't have to pick up the boys from school. Sanj grabbed them on his way home from Port Hope. What a nice break that was. It just gave me that little extra hour to get ahead start on my supper and tidy up.

I had quite a day with Josh today. He is very obsessively compulsive. Most days I can handle his corkiness but today I was ready to go over the edge! He HAS to have his jeans pulled over his cowboys boots or shoes. Emphasis on HAS TO! He knows the second they ride up... and stops whatever he is doing ... needing them pulled down.

Today I was at Winners and got him a toy. Iron Man and his car. Well I thought this would occupy him a bit while I did some errands. NOPE!!! Iron Man would not sit in the car way that Josh needed him to sit. He was so bothered by this that he really did not enjoy the toy at all and my afternoon was shot with his discombobulation.

He hates his hair wet after a shower. He cries and says "tell Helena (our hairdresser) to shave it off." Then 10 minutes later, when it is dry, he will say, "its all better, my hair is not bothering me anymore!"

He loves dress shirts and ties. He needs the top button done up for all his shirts. He can not handle it any other way. He has to hold a banana a certain way... so his hands don't get messy.

He hates when someone touches his food. Don't mess with his plate. Hands off!

The list goes on. I love him to death. He loves me to death!

But I am so glad for the quietness that bedtime brings!
And then there is tomorrow....

The Big Save

We sold our house, made a little bit of money to pay off bills. It is a good feeling. We paid off our/my piece of junk van ... so it is offical. We paid many dollars to own a piece of *&^%! Oh well... it will feel good to not have the payments every month.

Anyways, back to the bit of money sitting in our bank account. Sanj decided that "I" needed a get around town car. This would be pratical and we would be able to save on gas. This all sounded good... despite the fact that I really do not NEED a car.

But he had his eyes on the prize. See, in real life, MY HUSBAND is the real shopaholic! Except he shops for big money items!!!
So we are the proud owner of a car... a couple years old Infinite 35 of some sort.

Back to the bit on saving gas...etc... here is the kicker. I went to pick up the keys and the lady was giving me the low down... and says "this vehicle takes does not take regular gas but rather SUPREME GAS!!!"

The List!

Today I wasn't feeling a 100%. My head hurt and my body felt very shaky (likely the diabetes) but I was eating and being healthy.

Oh well. It was a day that I had so many little things to do. The List! I had to renew my license, phone the utilities company, the insurance company, do some banking, get groceries, pay for a car that my hubby bought (see next blog)...

Actually it goes on... but really who cares. We all have this list. Accomplishing my list was a bit more tedious dragging Josh around, with his "I can do it all by myself" attitude.

But the list I would have liked to have accomplished would have been something like this:
Finish my book, had a massage, found decorations for Thanksgiving and decorated the house, called a couple of friends, made muffins, went out for supper and I am in bed by 7:30 p.m.

Oh well there is always tomorrow! Drop off the boys, must go to thegym, get the groceries for Thanksgiving (last year I couldn't find a turkey...), do laundry and put it away, work on decluttering and unpacking the boxes in the basement.

Thanksgiving is at our house. I am not sure if the rest of the family (Sanj's family) cares about the day. But for me it is important to have these family moments so that MY children will have the memories and place importance on family and time together.

While I contemplate this, I have the battle of wanting a hallmark thanksgiving (if there is such a thing). For me that would mean HOURS in the kitchen, place settings for everyone with real plates...and all that stuff.

But in reality, unless a maid or a little Indian man appears rather soon, it will be paper plates. As much as I love the holidays, I like being a part of it too. Which means, why add to the dishes, with plates, cups and silverwear? What takes hours to prepare... is gobbled up in minutes, with the cousins waiting to be excused.

So ... thankfully the dollar store has the "pretty" paper plates and dinner will be more enjoyable when there isn't the long stance at the sink afterwards.

This is when I feel homeless. I wish my parents had a "home." It is when I miss being part of a normal family. It is when I wish I knew that "going home for the holiday" feeling rather than my home being that for others.

Oh well... so back to my list...

Groceries for Thanksgiving dinner:

Turkey
Stuffing
Cranberries
Gravy Stuff
Potatoes
to be continued!

Skunkology

Jon and Kate have nothing on me today!!!

My house is buzzing with activity of a dozen or so kids. After the walkathon, my 12 passenger was loaded with a bunch of boys... they are off playing, chasing and hopefully getting really tired! :)

Today the boys were up at 6:15am.... why can this not happen on a school day?

I didn't sleep well last night. SO I am feeling the repercussions of that today!

We also have a permanent resident in our garage. Maybe more than one... and it seems to be a skunk. There is fresh poop... there from this morning and then more from just a bit ago. OK... I am not pleased about this.

They obviously like it in there... because they don't leave!!!

At least let's hope that none of the kids get sprayed!

Did you know that To neutralize or deodorize skunk spray, the chemicals in the secretion must be changed to a different type of molecule. Tomato juice does not work .

For pets that have been sprayed, bathe the animal in a mixture of 1 quart of 3% hydrogen peroxide (from drug store), 1/4 cup of baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and a teaspoon of liquid detergent. After 5 minutes rinse the animal with water. Repeat if necessary. The mixture must be used after mixing and will not work if it is stored for any length of time. DO NOT STORE IN A CLOSED CONTAINER - it releases oxygen gas so it could break the container.

Apparently this is country living 101.. now you are in the know!

Morning 911

What can I write about today? How about my morning so far?

Sammy was exceptionally cooperative this morning even hugging me at Subway (their lunch for the day). That was great, but I have to admit I really didn't want a hug at that moment because I was still feel highly annoyed with his moods from the day before!

I went to the gym and worked out. Baby steps.

Then I came to the office and instead of turning off the alarm, I set it off!!! The alarm company calls... and basically said good luck! After a number of tries, Sanj not answering his phone, people actually waiting outside the door as I drove in...
I (or rather God)turned off the crazy alarm.

On the positive side, the people waiting for me, probably had more damage to their hearing from the crazy alarm, that maybe Sanj will get some hearing aid sales out of the morning!!! LOL

It is only 10:30ish! Well my day can only get better, right?

Obvious office management is not a career choice!

Teen-crazers!

Remember back in the summer when I was gushing about my oldest becoming a teenager? Well I am not gushing anymore.
I am not sure WHO has invaded the body of my once lovable child! Oh I see glimpses of him every now and again... but then poof... he vanishes!

Instead there lays a moody, broody, "the whole world is against me," or "you never listen to what I am saying" impostor that I am not sure HOW to handle!!!

We are so alike. So we tend to clash much more.

I am tired and just want the homework, supper dishes and lunches to go away. I have 6 beings to get to bed, feel the pressure to at least TELL them to brush their teeth and all that stuff before pestering them to bed.

I just want to sleep. I am tired of being the bad guy. I feel that Sammy is 13 years old and I shouldn't have to tell him the same things I have been nagging about since he was 2!!! But I do... or it does not get done.

Then it is the whining about me being on him all the time!

I can't win. Maybe I need THE SUPERNANNY here. Maybe if he could see the butt whooping I would have gotten with half his attitude, he would pause.

He is a great kid most of the time. I love him so much. I see the awesomeness of his character and just wish that would come out more at home.

Tonight I feel like I lost the battle. And really for this moment, I can't care or worry for today. I need to just escape.
Grey's Anatomy would be a great way to do so... but no... the Americans are hogging the time with another debate!!!

Wish they would chat a bit on how to parent a teenager. I thought I had it figured out better than I do. After all, I was one not that long ago, right?

Hum... maybe there in lies the problem!

Mean People

Have you seen the movie "Mean Girls?" Do you ever wonder what makes a person choose to be mean spirited?

Usually there is an underlining reasons that may be obvious but sometimes I believe it is simply the choice to be hurtful.

I am not sure why I had this memory but there was a boy in university that I had the biggest crush on. Ivan Baroya (yes, I am writing his name in the hopes that he reads what a &^%$$^&(*& he was).

It was my first year or so at school, in a multicultural environment. There were students from all over the world. This was new to me, coming from Ohio... I enjoyed seeing cute boys, even Indian ones, that weren't related to me.

Yes, Sanj was one of them, but he was too busy being stuck up, at this point!

Ivan Baroya caught me eye. He was so cute. We all kind of ran with a similar group of friends so I was around him, much to my delight.

In truth, I expected nothing from him. If he did actually come and talk to me, I would have probably died. I just liked looking at him. It would have been nice if he would have been nice... even a simple 'Hi' would have sent me to cloud 9.

He was a bit older and realized that I had a crush. Well he would go out of his way to hurt me. The meanest thing he did was we were all at a party or something together. I was kinda excited to just be in the same room with him. He goes and sits on this mutual friend's lap and starts to kiss her.

Weird. I was devastated. Hurt and rejected. I also felt stupid because I found out later (by the girl) that he did this just for my benefit and most people were aware of his game.

Since most of my feelings are on my face... it wasn't hard for him to see the reaction he was waiting for.

I got over him rather quickly but never forgot that meaness. What was the point of it? To set himself higher than me? How can that possible make you feel good?

Well, obviously I have not forgotten his meaness. I hope that for his sake he has grown up. And I live with the promise of what goes around comes around. God takes care of vengence.

I am so glad that he did not give me the time of day!

This is something I am teaching my boys. You do not have to return feelings that someone else may have but you certainly must be respectful and kind. When someone has a crush or whatever on you, it is a compliment. You must never stomp on ones feelings.

Of course there are exceptions to ever rule... and that is when they need to pass the girl's name on to their mom...

I will take care of business!!! Don't mess with my boys!

Meanness. It is so unnecessary. A gracious heart is one that is going to be respected.

And as far as Ivan Baroya... I wish him the plague of clutter flies and mosquitoes!

Yah Costco!

Our little town of Peterborough is finally worthy of a Costco! Today was first day of the opening! On my way in to town this morning, I passed a very packed parking lot!
People love opening days and all the free gifts.

I am not a person that can handle waiting in line for hours. If it is free... I probably don't really need it. Or would rather dish out the cash then wait in line.

So I will wait and maybe go check it out tomorrow. My mom was willing to wait in line for me... I have come to the realization that she is a shopaholic. Guess the genetics are strong, where that is concern. :)

Actually I never saw my mom as a shopaholic. But she probably didn't know this about herself until now. She was always working and did not have time to herself.
Now, she never leaves a store without a bag of some purchase.

Costco is coming near us just in time. I can't keep up with the boys appetites already. I can only imagine when they all become teenagers! OH dear...what a scary thought!

I love the little things that Costco has... great gift ideas. Books are usually at a great price too. And laundry deotergent... I can never keep enough around! Fresh flowers are a great price there too!

Peterborough is becoming a real town! Old Navy, Costco, Home Outfitters... these are stores I would drive to Oshawa to shop at...so I am loving it!

Working Gal

The next two days I am offically a working girl. Well, at least by society's standards. (Not sure WHAT I do all day while the boys are gone)!While Sanj and staff are off having fun I am slaving away at the office.
Hum! OK I am not bitter!

I quite enjoyed "dressing up" and hanging out at the office. At least till the phone rings... and people NEED something! Or someone walks in... I have no answers! I am just the pretty face sitting here to take money or make you an appointment.

I also realized that my voice ... the high squeeky one...isn't condusive to hearing impaired seniors. What can I say? Sleeping with the boss has its perks! :P Freetime!

The office is very quiet yet very loud. There is some very loud machine humming beside me ... I found this highly annoying. I would unplug it all if I wasn't worried about it being vital to the running of the office.

I have sensitive ears. I hate the fan in the car on high, simply because the loudness is annoying. Maybe I will put a radio on after lunch.

Actually I have so much little stuff that I need to catch up on. Writing thank you notes for my B-day party... updating the calender (which I would already have done by now...), sending out address changes... the list goes on.

Then there is guitar lessons, soccer practice and buying needed hockey equipment... that is just tonight. Tomorrow there is judo and friends coming for a sleep over.
Then there is the school walkathon... that I am not looking forward to. Then the promised play dates. Sunday brings hockey practice (which always makes me grumpy)and a visit to the inlaws and dropping my mom off to go home.

Hum... did I mention Sanj is in New Orleans "on business?"

Now do you see why food ends up making me feel better?

All in a day's work.

Jealous!

Sanj and his office staff are off to New Orleans tomorrow. I am feeling jealous that I can't go. Well, I could have gone, but figuring out all the logistics as far as the kids go seemed like too much work. Being gone on school days makes it more complicated.

OH fine. I will just have a pity party for myself. Unfortuately that probably means food is involved. Comfort ... at any price!

Not only is my husband going to a city I REALLY want to go and never have been... he has lost 30 pounds.

HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?

OK... I am jealous. I am jealous that he is born with discipline. He is so focused. He sets his mind to something and dada...
he accomplishes it!

OH well... jealousy is a green eyes monster. I'd better quit blogging about this because I am getting grumpy.

Have a good trip Sanj. Don't call me though, while you are having fun!

Naked!

I am struck by the self confidence that people have! I love it! And if the truth be told, sometimes it shocks me! At the Y (our family's gym) I am shocked by the lack of self consciousness in the dressing rooms.

I am self conscious of the flaws of my body. I hate seeing myself in all its glory... that I would die exposing myself to total strangers! Yet women of all shapes and sizes... most far from that perfect body... are strutting around, blowing drying their hair or putting on makeup... NAKED!

Maybe I have a phobia of naked bodies. Or maybe I am just shocked at the reality of bodies in general. Is it possible that NOBODY has a perfect body? At least in the real world? I know there are people that work on their bodies as a job or it comes with the job such as actresses or models.

But... I guess when I see a girl/lady with a petite frame... cute little body that I didn't appreciate when I may have had it... I just assume that under the clothes is naked royality.

Today I realized that maybe this isn't true. There was a YOUNG girl... who had not had children and was a cutie in her clothes. But being one of the strippers in the change room, I was surprised to see that underneath it... there was obvious flaws!

The truth is I really hate my body. I wish I could just blink my tummy away and have a back that hurt people's eyes to see me in my backless dress. Nope. And yet I really do want to achieve this. SO ... I keep trying to eat right or exercise.

But unfortunately for me, I am not disciplined by nature. I am easily distracted. I am so ADHA. I make myself believe the excuses I come up with.

But I want to love my body. I really need to appreciate it for all it continues to do, despite how much I abuse it. Think of how much stress 6 babies did to me. Yet my body still acts like it is all good. Despite all the junk I fool myself into believing it wants, it still forgives me.

So as I stare at the different kinds of bodies parading around the change room, I can also appreciate that we are all there in that building trying to take care of our bodies, even if it for that moment.

More power to you naked folks! I admire your love for yourself

Could you just not sit anywhere naked?
Thanks!