Happy New Years!

Since I plan to be partying at midnight as the New Year rolls in, I want to say Happy New Years!
Thank you for sharing my journey with me this year. Thank you for your insights, encouragement and love. I cannot tell you how life changing it has been.

I got a bracelet for Christmas that says my motto for 2009:

"To thy own self be true."

It is my challenge to you. Continue to be true to yourself.
Happy New Years!

Goodbye 2008!

Growing up, after my father banned Christmas from being celebrated, New Years was the replacement. It was a huge day. For a while we even got presents. Each of us received a morning watch... which was our church devotion book... and we each got a copy.

When we had worship we each were to follow along in our own copy. We had a big deal with New Years resolutions... and every year I remember wanting to read my bible through. I wasn't very good at that one.

In tradition I would make New Year resolutions every year and feel like a failure when I didn't accomplish what I set out to do.

Now I have a different out look on a New Year. When I think of the past year, I am reminded of so many who did not make it to see the end of 2008. So I see a New Year as a gift... that each of my family member is healthy and here with me to celebrate 2009.

I see it a blessing that I feel so much more healthy emotionally. I have worked hard to tackle many demons inside me and FEEL that peace and contentment that seemed beyond my reach. I am eager to continue to work and a big one... that I keep pushing away... and am ready and looking forward to a feeling I have never had.

I am grateful for health. Despite being a year of admiting I am a diabetic, it was also a year I took control of my health.

I am so proud... and still this is a day by day struggle... (one I am losing while my mom is here).

For me, 2008 has been a year of winning the battle... I feel good about that. It was a roller coaster ride, but I was able to walk away with out barfing. :)

I do have goals and dreams for 2009 but I have learned that breaking a resolution will not stop me from trying to be successful the next moment.

That is one of my goals... to keep trying to reach my dreams... one moment at a time.

The Oil Crisis

My mom is here. She is a good cook. It is her identity. It is her place of security... the kitchen.

Obviously I didn't inherit that ... as I hate the kitchen as a place to be day in and day out.

The boys love her cooking. She loves cooking for them. I hear her on the phone to her sisters... telling them what the boys had her make that day.

Here is the thing... Indian food is not low in fat. Well I suppose there are ways to make it healthy... but then you lose the taste.

The key is the oil. Or butter.

This is a picture of the oil I buy that is usually reserved for a few things I may cook that requires oil other than olive oil.

This particular jug would likely last me who knows how long. But I never have a chance to find out, as my mom visits often enough that it disappears.

This jug of oil was bought December 24th. This picture was taken December 26th. Alarmed???

I am horrified. I am wondering how I made it through childhood? In defense of the oil level there was deep frying of food items twice, which does consume more oil. But still...

I am curious how long this jug will last? Knowing I am trying hard to lose weight and am being conscious of what I am eating... my mom will say, "I hardly put any oil in it."

I am a bit alarmed. I can't continue to let my children eat food that is oil drenched .... clogging up their arteries... yet that would devastate them and my mom. So I have to find that fine line....

Boys Will Be Boys...

The age old questions of guns has run through our home for many years. This week Josh took a bite out of his chicken nugget and then started shooting with it... bang bang. I give up. So here are my oldest three, missing from the picture is the oldest... Sanj... having a ball.

Bang!

How Do I Love YOU? Let Me COUNT ...

Josh has always expressed his love with "I love you this much" using his hands. 5 fingers is the most you can be loved by him. I have tried to teach him that he could love us with both hands... but one hand has always been reserved for mommy and the other one was for Daddy.

5 finger love was the biggest compliment.

This week I graduated to 10 FINGERS!!!

"Mommy I love you this much!!!" WOW!!! I am so touched!

Unfortunately for Sanj, he still has to work up to the 10 fingers.
When Sanj shows Josh that he loves him 10 fingers... Josh gets upset. He only wants Sanj to love him 5 fingers.
Sanj pointed out to me that he is so literal and he can only love how he really feels... and we can't change that nor should we try.

But I have to admit that I am glad that I have the 10 fingers of love!

I love you, Josh, with all my heart!

Momma's Boys

There is a show on called Momma's Boy. This show is similar to the Bachelor except the guy's mom is there, living in the house with the girls and expresses her opinions... rather loudly.

This is a show we started to watch by accident... but the dynamics in the house are interesting. Usually you do not see all sides ... but even though it is TV, it shows sides of each of the persons... the mother, son and girls of interest.

As a future mother-in-law, I pray that I am able to love my boys enough that when the time comes that I will let them live their lives. I hope that I keep a life that is full that I won't feel the need to interfere or feel the need to pull them back for my own selfish purposes.

Of course what do I know? I know girls... and I know that hearts break... and I know that there is nothing mommy can do at that point.

So as I learn from my mother and mother-in-law ... I continue to mentally make notes. I pray over my boys and ask God to bring into their lives women that will fulfill them ( I began to write... fulfill me... ummm). I can only raise them the best I can. I can teach them to respect, love and cherish. I can teach them to give, listen and learn to say sorry.

I can hope that they learn how to love as they watch Sanj and I love each other, as they watch us love them, as they watch us love our friends and as they watch as we love our parents.

Children learn what they live... I love that poem.

I know that they will make choices that will not be the ones I may choice but I hope that by then I will know to respect their lives... to accept their adultness and respect their choices.

So... as I ponder mother -in-laws... I pray that I will learn to be kind, quiet when I need to be and helpful. I hope that I will continue to have great girlfriends that will let me cry on their shoulders... with the sad song of "Why that girl???"

Oye. I hope that the parents of these girls are taking their responsibility now as parents seriously.

I hope... but I have to say, while I can't imagine any girl will be a 100% good enough... I am looking forward to the ride. I truly hope that my sons are simply happy. Whatever that definition is for them... I pray that they are fulfilled.

I can't believe I am saying this, but I really do hope that I raise young men that can stand up to me... and tell me when I am out of line. And I hope I am mature enough (by then) to step back into line.

Lots of pondering. All of a sudden... arrange marriages are looking mighty good!

Zachary... The Boy that Believes!

My older children are not real believers in Santa Claus. Christmas was different when they were real small. Then comes Zachary... from the time he was old enough, he has been a believer in Good Old St. Nick. With that enthusiasm of the belief is the Christmas Spirit. He wants to buy everyone a present. He has no worries of where the money is going to come from... and he has no problem wanting to earn it. He is a hard worker. He keeps up with Sanj, shoveling the rink, snow blowing etc.

He has such a wonderful spirit. If you have heard me talk about him, I am usually saying that he loves life... and lives it to the fullest of his 6 year old ability.

This year, as he went to bed early, so Santa would come, he was so excited. When he woke up, the first thing he said was that he heard bells that night.

If we are willing to believe in Santa, why not God? He has a great love for God. He has a great faith.

I hope that his faith in people, things real and unreal will grow with him as he grows up. I hope that his ability to love and give are gifts that he serves others well with.

I love that Zachary is a believer in all things great and wonderful.
Keeping believing my dear baby boy! Keep having faith. Keep believing in the good rather than bad. Just keep believing!

The Forecast

We are having a New Year's Eve open house!

Yes, you are invited!

The problem is the weather. I have all these ideas for the party... but the weather is not cooperating. It is currently 9 degrees Celsius (that is 49 degrees F.) and raining! The rink (which has been a sore point this winter) will not be usable if the weather does not drop considerably.

I need kids skating as part of my party. There is going to be a bonfire for roasting marshmallows and hot-dogs. I NEED THE RINK!!! I have everything planned in my head. I want it to be one of those New Year's Eve that is picture perfect. That requires ICE!!!

SO... then I think.. God, You can do this. The forecast calls for mild weather the remainder of the weekend ... Could You change the WHOLE FORECAST for me???

Really not for me, since I don't skate... but for the kids... for hockey ... for the fun.

So I am praying. If you don't mind... please pray for ice weather... too. Thanks.

Hey, don't forget to R.S.V.P.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

My pajamas are still on, the inlaws have left, the boys are playing with toys and I feel no pressure. It is a day I love. A "nothing going on day."

Sammy won tickets to go to Ottawa to see the World Juniors Hockey game... Canada verses ?... so while this is a great deal (ticket are sold out and impossible to get), it sucks that Sanj has to drive to Ottawa today.

I can't imagine folks that are going to go out and hit the sales today. I love a great sale but hate to fight with any crowds.

Even the few things I have to exchange are going to have to wait.

I love Boxing Day! And so as I listen to NOTHING ( I didn't say it was quiet)... I appreciate the contentment that is floating around the air. It is my most favorite day, I think!

Sick

It is Christmas morning... this is usually synonymous with chaos, clutter and wrappings all over the place. You times that by 11 people and it is crazy. Here is a picture of my husband... as we are passing and opening gifts.

He is REALLY stressing over the garbage and mess.

Ummmm.... there is a pill, I am pretty sure!

OH! There's a SMILE :)

Precious Moments...

Oh Santa Where Art Thou?

Aw Mom!

This is a tradition ... pajamas the night before... and the first Christmas picture Christmas morning!

Merry Christmas!

It's Here!

My kids are scurrying around the house, I can hear Josh attacking his grandpa with an empty wrapping paper role. Sanj is off to the church to practice. My mom and mother-in-law are doing their thing. There is a buzz in the air. It is Christmas! It feel so good this year.

I am not sure why... maybe I am in a very good place emotionally. I have set boundaries for those that needed boundaries set up. I have worked hard at being the best me I can be at this very moment. I feel peace and contentment. I feel like I am home. I have said this before but realize it really isn't about our house but rather our home.

I always felt a big empty longing especially when I heard "I'll Be Home for Christmas." I felt so sad. I know that my family is scattered. But that is just a part of life. My dad has made choices and now lives with those decisions. It is just a fact. I know that God is looking upon him and that he is where he is ... It is all good.

My mom is sadder this Christmas... or not herself. But I believe that it is the reality of life... her life. She has to live with her choices too. She has her grandkids and children... and while we are not together... she has each of us... in whatever role, however different we play in her life.

I miss my brother. He will be with his in-laws and family. I wish we did live closer but also know and feel the love that keeps us connected.

It is all how it is suppose to be. And then there is my family. BOY... it has been a good day. BUSY... but good. We baked! I am not a big baker. Jordan and Max were wondering WHY we were baking all of it instead of just buying it? I didn't have a good answer... except it is Christmas. We are together.

I am looking forward to tonight. Finishing up the few presents left to wrap, watching my husband do the same... (he hates to wrap... but only has mine to wrap... so I don't have too much sympathy)!

I feel like I have FINALLY come home! I am here with the ones that make me whole.

So... Dear God,
THANK YOU!!! I am so grateful for it all. Thank you for the road that got me to this VERY moment! I feel so FULL!
Thank you for family... all of them. Thank you for my children who make me want to better myself every day. Thank you for Sanj, who is simply a part of me.

Thank you for each of my friends. I wouldn't be full without them.

Thank you for Jesus... for the REASON for this wonderful SEASON. Thank you for all your blessings.
I ask You to bless each of the people I love ... May they be filled with Your peace and love.
Amen.

The Christmas Story

When Rome was a great Empire ruled by Caesar Augustus and Israel was governed by King Herod, in the village of Nazareth lived Joseph and Mary. Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was a young virgin who would become his wife. Mary told Joseph of a dream in which she was visited by an angel who told her she had been chosen to bear the Son of God and his name was to be Jesus.

One day the emperor sent notice that all persons were to register for a new tax. They were instructed to return to the towns of their birth. Joseph and Mary left Nazareth for Bethlehem. Mary who was with child, and close to the birth, rode on a donkey while Joseph walked beside her. They traveled for many days and only rested at night.

When they reached Bethlehem it was night. They looked for a place to rest but there were no empty rooms when they reached the inn. As they were being turned away Joseph mentioned his wife was with child and close to birth. The inn keeper took pity on them and told them of some caves in the nearby hills that shepherds would stay with their cows and sheep.


So Joseph and Mary went up into the hills and found the caves. In one cave was a stable room. Joseph cleaned it and made beds of fresh hay. He found a feeding trough which he cleaned and filled with hay to use as a crib. The next night Mary gave birth to a son and they named him Jesus, as the angel had said.

When the child was born a great star appeared over Bethlehem that could be seen for miles around. In the fields nearby shepherds were tending their flocks. An angel appeared to them surrounded by bright light. The shepherds were frightened and tried to run.

"Fear Not," said the angel, "For I bring you tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day in Bethlehem - a Saviour who is Christ the Lord."

"And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."

Suddenly the sky was filled with angels, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men."

After the angels departed the shepherds set out for Bethlehem. When they reached the cave they found the stable and inside was the child wrapped in swaddling clothes.

As the star shined over Bethlehem, in the east three kings would see it. They knew it was a sign and they set off to follow the star. There was Caspar - the young King of Tarsus, Melchior - a long bearded old man and leader of Arabia, and Balthazar - the king from Ethiopia. They traveled on camels for many days over the mountains, and through the deserts, and plains. Always following the bright star.

When they finally arrived in Bethlehem they found the child in the manger. The 3 kings bowed to their knees and offered gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They would stay the night in the cave and the next day returned to their lands to spread the news.

My Grown Up Christmas Wish...

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
and wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth
(there'd be)

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list

This is MY grown up christmas list.

In 2009 I want to...

Today I have been thinking of some goals I would like to achieve this New Year coming. 2009!!! I am taking a break from Christmas... I had to go grab a few groceries and nearly had a panic attack from the mobs. The roads made me claustrophobic.
forgot about this part of Christmas.

I love writing. I wish I could do something with it. The one thing that writers say (real writers) is to keep writing everyday.
My blog is a great forum for me. I may have something to say when I am writing or sometimes I am just writing to write.
What I would like to do this new year is write with a specific goal. What or where that leads I am not sure. This is just a step I hope to take.

I am down 10-13 lbs... after today... probably more like 10. I want to take that to the next level. Another 10 lbs maybe and begin to build muscle mass.

Then there is the big step back to the working world. I am planning to start the courses to stepping into the real estate world.
This step scares me a little. But Josh will be in school in September... WOW!

I want to really learn more about photography and take more pictures and videos.

Turning 40 years old, I realize that maybe half my life is gone by. More than half of that time of my life was not in my control.
And the other half was spent finding that control.

I am now looking forward to BEING ME! Enjoying the best of life with my family and friends.
I am looking forward to 2009 though 2008 was a good year.
It was the year we came home.

Starring Sammy Amusing Himself

I Love This Picture!

Hum... another take!

Only 4 more sleeps!

Today was one of those days where nothing and yet a little of everything was done. No agenda but still there is so much around calling my attention. The weather is a bit crazy right now... we are having quite a bit of snow... snowmeggedon is what they are calling this weather of snow storms. I love it. Yet love it more from the warmth of my house.

Tonight we took the boys to the Mongolian Grill. They love it there. They love concocting their meals and constantly change it up. Sammy, I swear, did not stop eating ALL DAY! And at the restaurant he was the last to finish eating!

At dinner we had two major water spills, a very rowdy 3 year old, and last but not least, ice cream. Needless to say, the ride home was very loud. Then the Very Veggie Tales Christmas CD was found (thankfully). It was so great! I wish I could have just recorded it to share. It was a mixture of craziness that would send you running to the nearest store for a sympathy card... and yet a beautiful ride back home being reminded that THIS is what Christmas was all about... singing, laughing and loving.

So great. But in some of those moments, Sanj found out that he could easier become an alcoholic!

I do love my boys. I love their spirit and zaniness that just comes flowing out. I just wish I had a plug for that occasional overflow!

Only 4 more sleeps!
Good Night!

A Few of My Favorite Things

These are a few of my favorite things:

Good Books: I read quite a few this year... these are some of my favorites...
My Sister's Keeper, The Dowry Bride, The Wedesday Letters, The Space Between and After,


Eating Out .. I love Dancing Blueberries... the crepes there are my FAVORITE!!! I love the Mongolian Grill... watching the boys create their meals... of course our home away from home is the East Side Marios.

My cell phone... I am not sure what I would do with out it. I can't remember life before it. It gives me a sense of security.

I can't believe I am going to say it...but the gym!! I Have missed it... and find myself trying to figure out how to make it work. I love the company and motivation of my work out buddies/drill sarg!

I have learned to have an appreciation for a steam after working out.

Oh... a Starbucks Chai Tea Latte... non fat. Yum! It makes me feel full and yet all grown up.

Grey's Anatomy,Brothers and Sisters and House... my favorite TV shows though I have not watch them this season :(
do to the move and no TVs being hooked up for a while.

I love a great boot! Causal or high ones with a heel that is still comfy.
Of course, with that is a love for a great purse! I have never been a purse person... but have made a conscious effort to carry one, which in turn does really make me more organized.

A good movie... I haven't seen a lot this year but one that sicks out in my mind is The Secret Lives of the Bees. I loved it. The movie was very well done! Great cast too.

I really loved lazy days... one with no agenda. LOVE THEM!
Snow days... didn't have too many but love them too.

A great bargain... love a great bargain.

Blogging... writing... expressing is the great favorite thing of this year.

These are just a few of my favorite things... from this past year.

Christianity

Growing up I went to church every Saturday, church school all the way through university. My world revolved around Christians and I never had to live in the "outside world."

Over the years I have met non-christians but the majority of my circle has always been with people that share similiar beliefs as me.

Into my life has come a person who I have grown to love and appreciate... that isn't a professed christian. We have great discussions... she really makes me think of my faith and ask myself the hard questions that I have never really been asked.

Someone said to someone at our school.. " I really thought you would found the Lord before you left Rhema."

WHO SAYS THAT KIND OF THING? Is there a time line on "finding Christ?" It seems more of a judgement. That statement has left me baffled and upset. Being a Christian is a choice and about the relationship between two people... ultimately. In my experience people don't have to be professed christians to be TRUE christians.

God will do His thing in His time. It is all under control. I am not sure we are suppose to worry so much about converting people as much as sharing God's love, what He has done in our lives, and sharing through our actions. I believe that when people are wanting and ready... to accept God into their lives... God will bring about the right person to do that.

Converting someone seems like such a harsh word... that you are waiting for change to be made... it seems like a judgement. How can you hear about God's love and the story of redemption and NOT want to "convert?" Maybe some people's lives are fine. One of my friends said she never met more people that had been abused in some way or form than Christians. This statement made me realize that perhaps there is truth in it.

My kids know and love God. Is it because they are taught to? They don't need Him (at least not yet) the way I did growing up. They have parents they can turn to for all their needs.

Growing up, I never questioned God's existence. I NEEDED TO BELIEVE! I need someone to love me and fight the battles that my parents weren't. So I found the comment interesting. If you have a decent life ( and if you are and have been one of these people ... you are so blessed)... why would you need a Savior? Why would the story of God's love and salvation interest you ?
I have never met someone like this... so these questions have been stewing in my mind.

I also believe that God will make Himself known in His time. Not our time. Therefore putting a timeline on ones's conversion is highly presumptuous.

A real Christian is one that people don't have to ask if they are... their action and lifestyle speak loud and clear.

I am not in the business of converting. I wouldn't even know how to ... especially if you read my blog on the story of Cain and Abel! Help me!

I know that if I call myself a Christian then I need to step up to the plate and live my life as a witness of Christ and all He has done for me. I know that Christ will take care of the rest. I can't wait to see what God has planned. I am sure it is better than anything we can come up with!

Hockey Mom ( A Grumpy One)

Today I woke up early (yes, again)! So I figured since we are all awake we would all go to Zachary's hockey game.

Hum... Here was my day... Everyone is in the van and Sammy is looking for his stick.

9:30 a.m. Zachary's game (Sanj is coaching)
10:30 a.m. get Max to his game... tie his skates then take Sammy to a different arena for his practice.
10:30 a.m. drop Sammy off... (Sanj is coaching)
11:30 a.m. back to pick up Max at his game.
12:30 a.m. drop Tyler and Jordan off at their game.
1:30 p.m. grab quick lunch for boys and drop of Tyler and Jordan to the arena that Sammy and Sanj are at for their select practice.
2:00 p.m. HEAD HOME FINALLY.. put the little one who tolerating the -15 degree of in and out very well.

Sanj has his own hockey game at 9:30 p.m.

And they wonder why I don't skate???

Christmas Is Just For Kids...

Yesterday I heard someone tell me that they don't buy gifts for each other... the husband and wife. I realized that this is common with many but I have to tell you that if you are one of these people... YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!

What a great time to show the person you love and cherish how special they are? Yes I know ... you shouldn't need a special day to do that ... but it is Christmas!!!

It isn't about the money spent... but rather the thought!!! Cliche ... NO... truth! I remember Sanj and I had nothing... and promised to spend only $20 on each other. I put more thought and time and energy into that gift because I wanted it to be so special. I am not sure what I did end up buying him... but pretty sure socks were part of it. Every year he gets a few pairs of socks... they last him all year... and yet is a constant reminder that it is really about the thought behind the gift.

If you are one of those people that don't buy for your spouse... YOU ARE MISSING OUT!!!

Just try a little something. Christmas is not just for kids. Its for the big kids too. Don't you love a gift... breakfast in bed... a picture made from the kids, a back rub that leads to no where? Wouldn't you love an old movie you loved on VHS... to have it on DVD? Or a promise of dishes being done for a month? ( A week is too short!)

OK... don't be a scrooge. It's the best time of the year. It isn't about money... it is about time and thought. It is about the moments that make up the memories.

I love gifts from Sanj. LOVE THEM! I love getting him gifts. I enjoy buying for him as much as the kids.

GET YOUR SPOUSE A GIFT! QUIT MISSING OUT! Merry Christmas!

The Boobie

I am on the computer checking out the weather. I hit the button to check out what has been on... too lazy to type in "www.theweathenetwork.com" and under the history is a search for breasts and boobs.

HELP ME!!!

Ok... so pause. I know that it is healthy curiousity with teenage hormones roaming the house. We have already been through the whole ... respect bit... etc and so on. This is something the boys are going to have to just go through, right?

Should I just be grateful that they are wanting to see that body part over the other choices?

Do I banned the computer? I can't banned growing up. SO... any advice?

It Is Beginning To Feel Like Christmas!

Today we have had a TON of SNOW!!! I love it! I didn't like driving in it all day... with all the last day of school stuff... but I am home... my cherubs are off for Christmas Break... and it is beautiful.

Sanj is off in this crazy weather getting my presents together! He went to Toronto in this storm! He loves me a lot!
The down side was my cleaning lady didn't show due to the weather. So I hated coming home to all the cleaning... toilets, floors, dishes... all need attention.

Christmas break... I remember the excitement of the day. Sammy and Tyler barely were home and were on MSN/Facebook chatting it up with their friends! You can never get to much of your friends, eh?

Maybe we will watch a movie tonight... then finish my book once they are in bed.

I am still wondering about the baking thing. I am not a big baker. But it is what is done at Christmas... is it? Maybe I will make a few things... treats that I will hopefully not chow down on.

I am hoping that tomorrow hockey will be canceled. I am SURE this is wishful thinking though.

6 more sleeps!!!

Awake!

I have been up since 4:30 a.m. It is 5:10 am now and Sanj is off to the gym. Why am I up? My sleeping pill is not working obviously!!! Oye! Maybe I am excited... I love the excitement that comes with the last day of school before break! The boys have their various parties in the morning and then there is an all school skate at one of the arenas in town. Parents and kids will hang out till 3 p.m.

My mind is overactive. The list is not ending. Teacher gifts and cards, cards for my friends, making sure I have groceries and all the tidbits that I need to feel prepared for the break.

I woke up from a dream I had that my weight scale was broken. OK... obviously food is on my mind. My mom is here. My biggest weakness is her cooking. The second weakness is rice, my comfort food. I can't say that I will just have a BIT... because a little becomes one more serving... and so on. Her cooking is certainly not lean cuisine either. The amount of oil that is consumed in her cooking on a given visit is shocking.

My kids LOVE her food. They gobble it down. They have their own items of request and she loves to accomodate. It is what her identity is... a good cook. Nothing pleases her more then to feed you and know it was enjoyed.

SO... I refrained from the curry last night. NOT ONE BITE!!! I haven't made the gym this week... but my goal is that I just maintain over the holidays... and to be back at it as soon as possible.

Sammy is in my bed now. It is funny how as soon as Sanj's spot is free, someone is there to fill it!

I am excited with the anticipation of the snow storm too. I LOVE THEM. Just let me stay home. Yesterday I got stuck on ice in the school pick up circle driving me crap-mobile.

This brings me to another point... car companies... I don't understand how you can think that you can make crappy vehicles and expect not to worry about bankruptcy. A very sore point for me... my van has had issues with it from day one!

OK obviously I am rambling because it is 5:25 am and I am usually sleeping at least another hour and bit. Yes, I am excited about that too... the luxury of sleeping in for the next weeks with NO LUNCHES to make!!!

OK... I am going to end my rambling... try to sleep because I WILL PAY later!

Welcome Christmas Break!!!!

Let It Snow...

The weather forecast is calling for snow... LOTS OF IT!!! I love a great snowstorm. The excitement of a snowday... the relaxed pace of the day because all you should do is stay home!

Tomorrow is the last day of school before Christmas Break... it is not a good day for a snow day. In my kids words... "I am actually looking forward to going tomorrow!"

Then there is the fact that Sanj is going to Toronto to buy my present(s).

So Mr. Weather Fairy... (I have a friend that is into fairies)... or Please Dear God... let the snow come later in the day!

Maybe we could have a snowday from hockey! Hey, there is a thought!

My Sympathies

Today Josh and I went to meet Sanj for lunch. He was chatting with a patient. As usual he looks at Josh and says "this is my 6th son..." and then introduced me to the folks. As the lady was leaving, she nodded and said, "My sympathies." Obviously this had to do with having 6 sons.

Let me tell you about my life with six sons...

I never thought of myself as a boy's mom. I am not a girlie girl... but because I suck at all things athletic I figured boys would hate a mom like me. But as I had the boys... I figured that being a boys mom is not about playing the sports ... but rather being willing to drive them, watch them, cheer for them... (which I do complain about doing many a time)... is the requirement. And in those moments when I do try a sport... they are full of advice, criticism and amusement!

I begin my day with a few climbing into bed with me (Sanj is off at the gym)... they will reach over and hold my hand and snuggle to sleep. Then the usual fighting over who gets a spot on our bed begins... the fighting and shoving ... and then it is time to get up.

It is the usual ( I am assuming) battle to get everyone out the door. "Bye Mom.... Love you.."

Then it is Josh and I for the next 7 or so hours.

They come into the car... "How was your day... I'm hungry... Can we get a snacK?"

It is the after school running around and if we are lucky ... we just go home.

At home they are off... some may watch TV to relax, others are outside in the snow... someone else is on the guitar.

I am discombobulated trying to get supper going ... refereeing arguments... who is changing whose show... someone got a snowball inside their coat...

Supper... dishes, homework... showers ... bed.

Somewhere in the chaos of my life... I am showered with "Mommy I love you! Mommy, I am sorry! Mommy, what do you what for Christmas? Mommy, what can I do to help you?"

Somewhere in this crazy day I hear stories of their adventures that made or broke their day. I hear from a parent or teacher the special thing one of my boys did. I feel the pride of being their mom 6xs over. Not too mention... there are MANY times in a day as they are doing the mean, annoying things that siblings do... Do I wonder... Am I doing it right? And really, I am not sure.

But when there are those bits of moments when I see that "Yah, it is alright" moment... I feel ok.. even if just for a few seconds.

So...offering your sympathies to me... that just burns me. You are insulting my precious gifts. You are insulting my ability to love them and mold them and though questionable at time... cherish every moment I am blessed with them. You insult my choice to have 6 wonderful children... that are cared for, feed, clothed, and loved.

How must your child feel ... if they heard you?

There is nothing more precious to me then when one of my sons reaches for my hand and holds on. Just because... at that moment... they have reached INTO me and grabbed my heart.

So while you are passing on your sympathies... I am grateful for my overflowing cup of dirty hands, boogers, farts while the seat heater is on...the laundry (did I say that?) the muddy floors, the vehicles that are never-endingly dirty and full of toys and mitts and hats and yes socks... I am grateful for the 6 hearts that feed mine daily.

CLOSED

Lately I have been contemplating the fact that some people are like a store that is closed. They are full of personality, talent and usually are the kind of people that others are drawn to. Yet, if you analyze them for a moment (for me ... it took years) you realize that there is nothing of substance that comes out.

They are engaging and so you don't realize that they never "give" back. The giving I am talking about is not tangible but rather the intangible. They never really OPEN the store and allow you to browse. You never hear about them... the real them. Yet they are so full of BS that you never realize that you are just window shopping... you get to peek in, see what some of the stuff that is available... Yet you NEVER get to really go in!

The BS... OK I have to say it... the Bull Shitter (boys... if you are reading this YOU BETTER not say that word)!!! I have written this because the reality of this kind of person is a huge betrayal. I have a couple of these kind of people in my life and truthfully considered them my friend for many years. But the reality is I share... I open myself to be "browsed" and assume that this is a mutual thing. Unfortunately, the reality that it isn't, is a shock... and I feel like a fool. Actually I feel like a HUGE fool.

It is a slow realization that comes over me. Nothing... I have not been allowed in. They are a smooth operator. Now Sanj is of the belief that they don't even know they are full of crap. They don't know WHO they are. They lie to themselves. They don't know what is in the "store" if they were to open it.

So here I am, a bit sad for them... but really annoyed that I fell for the BS. I thought that we were friends. But really, it is the "show" that the world gets. She is kind, thoughtful to the point of annoying, yet fake. REAL FAKE.

I am annoyed that this kind of person gets the kudos that they do. Isn't she lovely? Yum, actually she is not.

I am angry. Usually people don't get under my skin. I believe that everyone gets a chance. Everyone has good in them. I believe that if I am real (which is all there is in me) that you will be too.

So the hurt I feel is mixed with rage. I wish I could have nothing to do with this kind of person but unfortunately they are in my world... in my space. So I feel violated when they are in my space.

Hum... wonder how much a disappearing act would be? OK... just a joke... if they do sink in a hole ... I am innocent!

Ouch!

My 3 year old is often infruiated with his siblings. He has a very distrubing way to get his displeasure known.

See Zachary's face... no, we don't own a cat. This is Josh's handwork. Anger Management 101... age 3!

Amazing

You know the saying ... something about if you want something done... ask a busy person. One of the teacher's asked my friend Janice if she would be willing to do a Christmas dinner for grades 4-6. Being the generous, wonderful person she is... she says SURE!

The woman put together a real homemade old fashion Christmas dinner. There was everything... turkey, stuffing (no, not stove top), carrots... which we peeled and cut by HAND... potatoes... mashed... it goes on. There was homemade cranberry sauce.. not the one you shake out of a can with the rings imprinted from the can...

Then there was the dessert table... HOLY COW! A bit of Chirstmas dinner with DESSERT of all kinds.

Then there was the table setting... all real glass plates, glasses, silver wears... greenery on the tables, real table clothes...

I had to leave before it was done... so I only got a little peek... but I am blown away. She even had Christmas Crackers at each setting!

Thank you Mrs. McGarrity for the dedication. love and energy that went into this. It was a wonderful day for the children. It was MY PLEASURE to work with you and share you passion.

It was a great group of moms that came to help... what a day!

Note To Lindsay

I am not sure how to email you... so I am writing you a note ...

To my other readers, Lindsay is a lucky girl who is spending the year teaching in Egypt. She is a very energetic creative full of looking at the world with the glass not just being half full... but rather overflowing. She worked in Sanj's office for a bit and has her own cheering squad over there.

Today, Lindsay, at the Chirstmas party thingy... they remembered you immediately... as our waitress's name was LIndsay. The cards that Sanj gave were ones with three camels... so you were not forgotten and definitely a part of our thoughts.

I am not sure if you will be here in Peterborough when you come home for a visit... but I will be glad to show you how to put up pictures on your blog. I feel I have missed out on so much by not being able to visizualize your adventures.

And as far as you thoughts on people... do you just trust or give them the benefit of the doubt till they show you there other colors... or do you just not trust anyone? My thought is that you give everyone a fair chance... knowing that pain may be part of that interaction... yet I know that I would have missed out on too many wonderful relationships if I was constantly letting myself be scarred by the ones who are yucky inside.

Some people come into your life for a REASON or a SEASON or a lifetime.

There are too many people already that walk around and should really wear a CLOSED sign on their forehead. They let no one in. What a sad and lonely way to live. Others don't know HOW to OPEN the door... and are forever just trying too hard. You, my dear are real. OPEN and WELCOMING... this will take you places others rarely go. It will bless you with friendships that others only could dream of.

So Lindsay... keep dreaming... believing and never let anyone break you down... Never Never Land is a place only for those that CAN believe!

Wishing you safe travels home...

Love
Reema

P.S.

My brother commented that I should blog on whether I got everything done this morning... as a matter of fact, I did!
It was a busy and tiring day. But I got a few more gifts that I needed... and am able to cross off the office christmas party on my list!

Tonight I get to make mansaf... Jordan's homework for tomorrow. Thankfully it is an easy recipe and I can wing. I am sure no one in Peterborough has had mansaf... and I am sure that his teacher and classmates have not either. So I will wing it... something I am a pro at!

All in a day!

Today

It is 6:47 a.m. I am up with an over active mind. It is going to be a busy day. I am trying to remember not to leave forget anything.

The List:
... Jordan needs a gift for school.
... The boys need a canned good... to get 15 minutes extra recess.
... Pack swim bag and take it!
... Pick up buns and butter for Christmas dinner at school.
... Pack the crock pot!
... Help in the kitchen to prepare the dinner this morning.
... Call the Y to cancel an appointment due to conflict.
... Car wash.
... Pick up Chapters gift cards.
... Straighten my hair... want to look cute for my hubby.
... Lunch for the boys

This is my morning list. We are going to the Mongolian Grill for lunch in Whitby for Sanj's office party today. Then we will head to the mall for some shopping. A busy day... better get my butt up!

Christmas Cheers... Christmas Tears

Last night I was up late wrapping gifts. (Usually I am wrapping Christmas Eve... so this is good!) As I wrapped, I began to get excited! I love Christmas. I love gifts... giving gifts... thinking of gifts and shopping for gifts! It is the best feeling in the world.
I wish I could freeze the moment the gifts are opened.

Christmas cheer was oozing out of me! Then this evening I felt a bit of the blues overtaking my emotions. I am reminded of that fine line... love and hate... happiness and sadness... Christmas is always a little sad ... it is always there. It is an underlining emotion that i can never shake.

I guess there is so loss that Christmas represents. I know this is true with so many friends. I remember last Christmas chatting with some friends on this topic... and the tears welling in eyes. Missing of parents... missing the relationship of a parents. So as I focus on this time of love, peace, joy, of celebrating the gift of God's gift... I remember you.

You are not along in your sadness or loss. It is OK to feel that loss... that only comes from loving someone. Just know that I pray that the season's love and blessing fill your heart... and that void is less of a void shared.

So as I allow myself to feel the sadness and losses of things that never were... I am so GRATEFUL for all the things that ARE now.
I am learning to release the past... and not let it weigh down my present.

Speaking of presents... I got some great ones today! :)

A Christmas I'll Always Remember!

I was in high school. It was Christmas time. I already mentioned my father's issues with Christmas which added stress to the holidays. Then you added financial stress. I don't remember the specifics. We never starved or never had food. My parents always provided the basics.

What I do remember is this family at our school had taken my mom out and bought bags of groceries. We weren't aware of this till they walked in carrying the bags. Then they left gifts... presents for each of us.

I have never forgotten that Christmas. I have no recollection of what I got from them... but have remembered this act of kindness every year. They did not have to bother... they were likely struggling to make ends meet too. They reached out.

There are families in our own community that are going to have a Christmas that will not be very happy. It is so great to hear of the generosity of people with toy drives... food drives etc.

This year we will try and make someone else's Christmas better. I know there are always questions that we can ask... if there is no money... how come the parents are.... but really the bottom line is it is about the kids. All around us are trees and sleighs with children's names... with their wish list. Some just ask for clothes. One gift... changes one child's christmas!

I love Christmas!!! 8 more sleeps!

A blessed Helping Hand!

One of the things that comes with having a large family is you master the art of juggling. We are blessed with wonderful friends that so generously step up to the plate and offer to make the juggling a little easier. What a blessing you are.

I will never forget my friend, Ruth, who insisted on taking all the boys and giving me time to just be. This was a few years ago, when they were still young. She grew up in a very large family and was not overwhelmed by having the boys. It was such a gift.
The boys had a great time and I found out what a grocery shopping was like alone!

I have girlfriends that are so willing to take Josh so I can go to an appointment. Or keep the boys so Sanj and I can get away.
It is such a gift!

Last school year there was a lady that was teaching or something at Rhema ... yet her children were gone. She said "pick a day and let me bring your children home. I have an empty vehicle." WOW! I was so touched. We can never car pool... etc... and I really don't mind the pick up... but to have the option and luxury to not leave the house? It was fabulous.

This week was the Y sign up for swimming. My friend Janice was in line at 6:45 A.M. to sign up for swimming to get the coveted time slots... she signed by my children too. Not only does this but she takes my 2 that are in swimming from school and takes them with her son for their lessons. This allows me to just come pick them up. This allows for the other 4 boys to not have to be rushed and waiting an hour and bit...

What a blessing. I am so appreciative of the thoughtfulness of people... of my friends.