Awesomeness...

It's Tuesday night.  I think it is my least favorite night of the week.  Sanj has guitar after work and the older two boys always have a later hockey game.  That leaves me busy with supper, homework and bedtime.  I don't mind that part as much as I mind the boys not being able to wake up the next morning because of hockey.

As soon as the boys get home, they are on the computer, chatting with their friends.  They were with them all day!  What could the possible need to chat about a.s.a.p.?  Yet I remember my parents saying the same thing when we would be on the phone.  So I zip it.  I guess this is a form of decompressing after school.

Some use the computer, others watch t.v. and others are out on the rink.  They are all so different.  I have some that will do their homework right away, others after supper and some right before bed.

It's spaghetti with meatball and cucumbers for supper.  Nice and easy.  5/6 love spaghetti.  Max isn't sure what he likes aside from Indian food.  He is a picky child when it comes to food.  He is such a funny boy.  I would say that he is full of confidence and so easy going.  I have often said he was my gift from God... a calm one in the midst of the storm.

This picture is of the poster had was carrying around during the Grade 8 vs Staff game.  Most kids had banners about the team they were cheering.  Not my Max... his poster was about him:  "Max Is Awesome!"  Then he went around parading that he was awesome, giggling the whole time you couldn't be disturbed as to whether or not he was really conceited.  What a funny boy he is!

I have a huge pile of clean laundry on my bed that I have to put away tonight.  It really is too big to dump on the floor... so this is my project while watching American Idol tonight.

I am typing right now so I won't go looking for some chocolate or something in that family.

Hopefully I will make it to the gym tomorrow, providing that no child of mine pukes.  As I went down the hall in the boys school, there on the floor was a puddle of vomit.  Pink and blue.  My stomach has not stopped heaving since I saw it.  Ugh.  I could not clean up someone else's stomach contents.  Thank goodness for people who can.

The troops are looking for me... so I am off!  Enjoy your night!

Love based on Choice...

Love others based on CHOICE not Feelings! 

I like that.  This was on one of my Facebook friends status.  I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I think that loving someone unconditionally is the hardest thing we will do.  I struggle with this.  Some of my kids really push my buttons.  When you are riding the elevator, you know how there is the kid riding along that takes his chubby little palms and rubs the buttons up and down, therefore causing the elevator to stop way too many times before it gets to your floor?  That is life  with some of my babes.  There seems to be too many rough, unnecessary stops along the way.

I have to love my children.  Well, maybe, technically, I don't have to but I can't help it.  I love them to pieces.  How come the times in between can be so rough?  Here's the thing, how hard is it to not touch your brother?  Really?  Why can't the hands be kept to themselves?  Then the hitting starts... do you really think if you hit it will end there?  NO!

I ran in to grab a few things I need for supper.  I came back to WWIII erupting in the van.  It was all because hands did not stay where they belonged!!!  Then the arguing started.  Why does one think the world is against them?  Why is it always some else's fault?

I told this child of mine to get out of the van.  Find his own ride home or even another home if that works better for him.  I really wanted him to get out!  I am pretty sure I would have.  I would have ended up walking to Sanj's office.  But this child of mine would not budge.

Here's the thing...  I reacted.  I started talking back.  Why can I not be quiet?  Why can I not be calm?

I came all the way down to his level.  Why?

I came down to his level and argued with him because ultimately I care.  It sometimes sucks to care.  I care because I love.  I love my kids so much.  I love them with all my heart.  It is a choice and a feeling most times.  Yet when I am not feeling the love, I still choose to love them.

Sigh.  It was a rough evening.  I actually apologized to him.  I am the worst at apologizing, especially if I really care.  I have been wrong exactly 4 times in my marriage.  lol  Yup... I can name every time to you.  Trust me, it was painfully and excruciating and saying, "I am sorry" sucked.  Yet I love my hubby, so when I am wrong, I say I am wrong. (Hey, wasn't that a line in Dirty Dancing)?

*** O.K.  Side bar... really I am kidding.  I am sure I have been wrong a few more than 4 times.  Thankfully I have a husband that is very generous with apologies and loves me for all I am!   xoxox Sanj!

Back to yesterday... I apologized.  I was still mad but I am pretty sure that flinging words as a grown up wasn't the right thing to do.  (Even if I was right)!

I love my son.  I choose to love him despite himself.  I wish he would love me in spite of myself.

Sigh.

Stuff That Makes Up My Monday...

What can I say?  I am glad that it's Monday?  Well, the thing about Mondays are that they are usually quiet.

The weekends are so busy.  We had a hockey tournament for Zachary.  It was a lot of fun for him and their team won the championship.  Yeah, Zach!


Tyler spent the day at the school playing in a floor hockey tournament.  Sammy was off for the weekend at a youth retreat.  The others all had hockey, of course.


We went to the Polar Plunge to cheer our Rhema team as they jumped into the icy cold waters to raise monies.  It was crazy.


There were blocks of ice where they cut the hole in the water.  Cars were parked on the lake.  Some drove across the lake to  get to the other side.  Insane!


I have this fear of water.  I have this fear of dark waters... I have this fear of sliding off the road into the icy waters.  I take great efforts to avoid roads that have no barrier to keep cars from sliding in.  Yikes!


I am constantly hearing on the news that a snowmobile plunged into the ice.  WHY would you take a chance???  Why wouldn't you stay on the well marked trails?


Last year I got the best gift... A life hammer.  It  cuts the seat belt as well as breaks the glass for you.  It is the perfect gift for someone like me with irrational fears.  


As a person with this fear, as we stood on the ice watching the jumpers, the ice where we were standing was rapidly melting into puddles... I have to say, that I was so happy to be back on dry land, safe and sound!


I survived the Superbowl too.  Football is not a sport I am remotely interested (as is baseball).  I pick the team I cheer for based on 1) who most of my family is cheering for  and then pick the opposite.  2)  I usually pick the team that has the better jersey.  If the team has yellow and purple... I will not be cheering for them!  We had friends over so there was food and fellowship.  I was glad to have someone to chat with.


The boys were overly exhausted today.  Much to Sanj's distress, I let them sleep in and took them to school late.  They were so tired from the busy weekend.  Mondays should really be a day off after the Superbowl... or why not have it start earlier on Sunday?


Ah... the questions that run through my head.  I had a healthy low fat supper planned tonight.  I made Shepherd's Pie, had salad and some yummy asparagus.  


(Totally a side note... a yummy way to make asparagus to rub olive oil on it, sprinkle salt  and pepper and broil them till almost burnt.  Yum!  They are crispy and delicious this way!)


Back to my supper plans... you know the scene... the wife is home, worked very hard to make a lovely dinner, the black dress in on, and the candles are dripping with wax.   The hubby is a no show.  Well, skip the black dress and candles... Sanj just called... he forgot that he had a meeting right after work.  He will pick up Jordan and Tyler from guitar and feed them something and run to the meeting.  Grrr.  Good thing I didn't bother with the black dress!


Max just threw up.  As I was counting my blessings last night that Sammy had been the only one that had been sick... my friend said, "You better hope that it is not the bug that comes and hits a kid every 5 days."   Yup... it has been 5 days exactly.  Are you kidding me???


I don't mind staying home... but I was supposed to go to the gym tomorrow.  I am still going (don't worry, Barb)!  I will have to quarantine Max in an empty space in Sanj's office for an hour.  I'll figure it out.


Vomit.  It is almost as annoying as baseball.  (How come baseball players wearing WHITE pants and then slide on the ground?)  The boys are getting older now so I insist that they make to the toilet!  There really is nothing as disgusting as cleaning up vomit or poop.
(I am with you, Mrs. Herder!!!)


Well, I guess I am off to feed 5/8 th of my family.  Then it will spelling words, reading, working on speeches and being single mommy tonight because Sanj has class tonight.  I am sick of this doctoral program.  Enough already!   I am tired of being the widow to a student.


At least House is on and I am starting a new book.  Hope your Monday has been a good one!

Saturday Night Live!

It's Saturday night... Sammy was well enough to go to the retreat.  I hope he is experiencing all the fabulous things that come with a Youth Retreat.  Max had tickets to watch the Peterborough Petes (yes, hockey, minor hockey) play.  Sanj went with him.  What a good day!


I made lamb curry and coconut rice for supper.  I am making an Indian dessert for supper too.  Rasmali... not sure if I spelled it right.   There is also Orange-creamsicle ice cream.  Yum!  When Sanj comes back we will watch Couples Retreat.  Hope it is a good one.


Zachary has a Tyke hockey tournament this weekend.  He is so excited.  He has played really well.  He had a few goals to make the weekend sweeter!  I think he is disappointed about Sammy being gone.  Sammy called him before leaving and gave him so advice, brotherly and hockey.  Sweet!  So Sweet!
Tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.,  Zach and his team play in the championship game.  They get to play on big ice...the arena where the Petes play.  Fun!


Did my hubby have a good birthday?  You would have to ask him.  I think he wants to cram so much into a day that when he doesn't, he is disappointed.  He had the day off.  That in it self is a huge treat... as he never would book the day off for no reason.  He played at the boys school for assembly, something he does every Friday morning.  We then went to breakfast. It was  yummy!  We came home.  We were too full.  Sanj had plans to go snowboarding for the afternoon.  The full belly made him contemplate a nap.


His ideal day, he told me later would have included a few hours nap.  Sammy was home, trying to see if he was well enough to go to the retreat.  So it ended up that Sammy and Sanj went for a few hours snowboarding.  They had a good time.


4 p.m. was the time Sammy had to be at the church to leave.  This was pretty much the end of Sanj's free time as the rest of the night was filled with hockey... which he didn't want to cancel.  He seemed sort of disappointed with his day.  Yet I know him... he just wanted to do to much in a short bit of time.
I felt sad that he seemed let down.  He probably wanted time to dig into some of his gifts... one was a music studio program he wanted... well the upgrade.  Sigh.  We are so different this way.  He has a hard time finding happiness in the same stuff... because his mind is constantly focused on what he didn't get done.


Did my hubby  have a happy birthday?  I would say yes... he just didn't know it!


I can hear Josh saying, "who wants to play hide and seek with me?"
Tyler replies..."I do.  You go hide."
(This is his ploy to watch the Leaf game uninterrupted by a 4 year old!)


Hum... I better go rescue Josh!

February 5!!!

Happy Birthday, Sanj!

I love you!

Enjoy your day!

A Good Day...

I had a good day today.  I do better when I don't expect to accomplish certain things and then they happen! Sammy has been throwing up.  He was home for the day still vomiting.  He is supposed to go to a Youth Retreat this weekend.  I am praying that by tonight he will feel better.  These things are so great for them.  Did you go to any?  I didn't  really have the opportunity as a teen to often.  Yet I remember the feeling of being full of loving God after a Week of Prayer or youth event.  I  loved Jesus with all my heart.  It was so easy.  I want my boys to feel that energy that comes from worshiping with friends.

Loving Jesus now... I do, with all my heart.  It is just that now there are times of doubt, frustration and temper tantrums. Maybe I just want my way... or His way is too hard.  Maybe I need to work back to getting that faith of a child.  It was so easy.  Do you know what I mean?


I felt better today.  Maybe because I was anticipating the blues that anything aside from that felt better.  I dropped the boys off and came home and wrote.  I feel so good when I write.
I called Sanj and told him I wrote.  He read while I was on the phone.  He laughed.  How I love his laugh.  When he laughs, while reading a blog, it feels like I won the Pulitzer Prize.
His thoughts mean the most to me.  I love that he can laugh at himself.  I love his pride in me.


Why does it matter?  You know how they say behind every great man is a greater woman?
Well, when I am able to accomplish something I feel awesome about, it is because I have this amazing man that supports my ambitions whole heartedly.  He is the financial backer of my projects and dreams as well as emotionally.  He believes in me.  This said, I can believe in me too.  ( I realize that sounds bad.. I believe in me still even if he didn't.  As one of my boys said, I think a lot of myself... lol).


I, then, headed to the office in time to putter and then be taken out to lunch by my sweetie. The office is busy with lots of activity.  Recently, Sanj hired more staff and there is also a student following him around.  I love the vibes that are there.


I was planning to work but then had to go in search of the gift.  Oh, the pressure!  It isn't the easiest thing to do.  I always search for a gift that brings an AWWWW factor.  I'll share what I found tomorrow.  It is just a cool thing.


Then I was sitting in the car, filling out the many forms that were overdue!  Forms for the retreat, forms for high school for Tyler, forms for a serve trip the older two boys will be going on this summer, forms for ski day.  Sigh.  I filled half.  Then it was off to the grocery store.


Zachary's grade 2 class was having a store today.  They were selling all sorts of things and goodies.  So I had to make my appearance and shop. 


This weekend is the Polar Plunge!  What is that you ask?  It is where crazy,wonderful individuals will take a plunge into the ice lake... all for charity.  Brrrr....  Our fabulous principal and two other crazy parents will be jumping into the lake on Sunday.  We went around to the parents sitting warmly in their vehicle asking them to empty their loose change and more.  It was amazing the number of $20s that were dropped in!  (Thanks all that donated!!!)   *** It isn't too late... drop off your donation to Rhema!!!


By the time I was done walking around, I was frozen!  I am really looking forward to it though!  How fun it will be!  Thanks Mr. Slofstra for being a great sport!


It was home, supper and all the evening stuff.  Tonight is a Grey's Night...  and hopefully not a rerun.


All in a day!  I have my fingers and toes crossed that no more kids start puking!  I guess we have been lucky so far.  They have been healthy for the most part.  So we will see...

Meet Sanj and His Many Faces...

The Many Faces of Sanj:

My hubby is a complex kind of guy.

I say it is the musician in him that gives him his intense, corky personality.

Let me tell you about he many faces of this man I love:

This one is the one I like the least.  See his brows wrinkled up... it means, "that's weird, you are not right, I don't agree with you... but I'll be quiet." 

That look with his lips pursued together is the most annoying one.

It means "whatever... I know I am right!"

This one is one of my favourites.  It is his OCD smile. He is crying out for help because he really doesn't want Josh to touch him, all wet and dirty, yet he knows he shouldn't care... but HE DOES.  See his eyebrows crunched together?  He is in distress.

This is a work laugh.  He is laughing but not from his belly and his nose is scrunched up.

My doctor calls this the B.S. work mode smile.

  

I love his playful mode... it usually takes a bit of convincing but then his very creative nature comes out and there is the funny guy I love to see!

Can you see his face?  He is zoned out. Gone.  In another world, that I am not allowed to enter where only music is his companion.

It is like he is having an out of body experience.

I could parade a bunch of naked women by and he would not see it.

This is his escape.  This is where he is his true self.

This is where his happy place truly is.

This is the father side. Here he is at peace enjoying a moment of stillness and snuggling.  It is those stolen moments that you see how fatherhood is so part of his being.

Here is the Sanj I know.

He is relaxed, happy and content.

No wrinkly forehead.  No scrunched up nose.

Happy and content.

I love this man of many faces.

I am so glad I get to see this one everyday.