Mirror Mirror

Every since I was little...I have had issues with my looks. I remember looking at the mirror wondering WHO was going to love this face. I had thick glasses and horrid buck teeth. When you add uncool clothes and hair it did not add up to much I liked.

Then in university things changed a bit. Glasses were replaced by contacts, the hair grew out and was permed (LOL), and I had more control of what clothes I wore. I was a skinny thing, too skinny. Yet still I had major body issues.

I found a picture of me in a swim suit in my 20s. What my issues were, I don' t know. Boy I wish I had that now.

Here I am in my late 30s and I continue to have issue. Someone mentioned that I should put more pictures of myself up on the blog. Erk. I hate how I look in pictures. I can't help but tear it apart. Somehow I look so different in my head.

How can I teach my children to embrace themselves... love themselves and be proud when I am not practicing that myself? I know that I have only myself to blame. Food ... it is my blankey. Exercise is my dreaded enemy. I look at people and see them walking around with my body. How did that happen? I don't want to be one of those people that "look great for having 6 kids." Um that isn't really a compliment.

So I am determined as I hit the big 40 to embrace all that I am. Love me. Appreciate my body for all it does. And quit whining about my issues. Do something or shout up!

So you will see that I am adding more pictures of me as is. It is hard to see myself aging. Guess I don't like that part of life.
I still feel like 20 something so often.

So turning 40 is about me. Loving me. Continuing to grow in all the hard ways. Try to change that which I hate... mornings, body image, and laundry.

One thing that I did this summer that was huge for me was put a swim suit on. (Lord have mercy)! But I did it (really because Sanj wasnt here... and if I didn't want my kids to drown, it was all me). I put the swimsuit on and was with people I knew. It was the hardest thing I did in a long time.

Yet the only thing my kids noticed was that I got in the water! Neat eh? SO... this is my challenge for myself ... to take better care of me.. appreciate the amazing gift of health... and focus on making myself a temple of God.

Hopefully by the time I am 50 I will blog a picture of me in a swimsuit! OK just kidding!

Maybe it should be a commandment... learn to love yourself as much as you love and accept others.

It took me 10 minutes to actually find a picture ... and I picked this one only because it is a picture of how I want to be about my looks... carefree.