A Family Day Out

This Labour Day weekend has been beautiful! The weather is absolutely perfect! After a summer of rain and more rain, it is a great way to say goodbye to summer. We don't have too much of an agenda except to fit a bit of packing and for Sanj studing... (yuck).

Most families go on picnics or something of that sort. Our family's day of fun involved a golf course... golfers and golfers-in-training a golf cart and we are off!

It was a great day! These pictures say it all...

Catch Me If You Can!

This is the view of Josh I see most! The boy has no fear. He loves taking off and going ... going... goodbye!

He doesn't care if he sees me or not. He is so confident or reckless.

His famous line is " Ha ha boo boo, you can't catch me!"

Oh Friend, Where Art Thou?

What is a friend? Sanj and I have been having this discussion of who our friends are and what makes a friend?
For me the definition is simple. Someone that I enjoy being with, that reciprocates in our friendship and that feeds me in some way or another. This allows for a broad range of different types of friendships.

I am not sure if everyone feels the same way I do. Do people have deep meaningful friendships? Friendships that have stood the test of time and grown over that time? I am blessed with some friends like that. It is something I thought everyone has but am realizing that isn't necessarily true.

Then I look at men... I know some men that have those close friendships. But many don't. Why not? Why is it so easy to talk about football or how the Leafs aren't doing... to talk about work or even have some philosophical conversations but yet stay clear of deep meaningful things? Things that bind a friendship.

As wives my friends and I are forever planning to go out, planning for our husbands to go out... why?
Maybe the men don't want or need it. I don't know.

Sanj is a melancholy 100%. Of course he can be very outgoing when he chooses to. But he loves being mellow. He plays or listens to what I call sad depressing music. He enjoys being alone, fishing or golfing whatever. He does not mind being alone.

But he does not have people in his life that feed his soul. (of course myself excluded, I assume). He has had very good friends of past, yet those have not been nurtured in years and so they are friends of yesteryear... friends forever but not friends that do much for him now and vise versa.

So what to do? Is it the need to be vulnerable? Be real 100%? Most of us are scared to do that. Why is it so hard for some people to find that special friend that feeds their soul?

I have said this before... I really want that for my sons. What changes from having buddies that they grow up with to being grown men finding it hard to connect with another?

Society, I believe is to blame, to some degree. There is so much pressure to be success and "have it all" that maybe feels suffocating to admit that one does not have it all. But really by whose standards?

My poor husband is having hair issues. The loss of some of his hair. I do feel for him... it sucks. But it has no bearing on me. I love him. Hair or not. (Now teeth... if he loses those, that will be another issue)!

Anyways Sanj came back from a haircut and said, "I wish I wasn't losing my hair." I repeated this to our hairdresser the next week, while I was in.

Helena's response was..."What is wrong with the man? He has it all. A beautiful wife (thanks Helena), beautiful children, a home, a good business, he is a handsome man, a good man... And he is complaining about HAIR?"

Who really has it all? I guess that is another whole blog on its own. I was making the point that once you are vulnerable it opens up so much... it gives someone else confidence to share too.

This is a key in a relationship. In a friendship... to have a real open honest friendship... you have to give that person your vulnerability.

It is a chance. It is a risk. But 9/10 I am sure it is worth it. We were made to have good fulfilling people in our hearts to keep us growing.

Even one real good friend is worth 100 of the "hi how's it going?" kind. But the key I believe to finding that friend is becoming that friend.

You must want it bad enough to be wiling to let yourself hang out a bit. People are willing to hang there laundry for all to see... why not yourself. At some point it will be worth it.

You Can't Make Me'...

Yesterday I was at the mall getting haircuts for the boys... a task that is ranked on the bottom of my list, right above laundry.
Their hair was not that bad, but I really wanted them to have a nice crisp look for the first day of school. They all hate haircuts as much as I do. So there was the usual rumblings.

Sammy really did not want to get his cut. "Just my sideburns, then," was his reply, when I said they look messy. For a moment, I considered. But it would probably be the full price and more importantly, I did not give the other boys the option either.

As each child got their cut, Sammy started to get more defiant. "You can't make me!" was the reply, with shoulders back, jaw tightened and face full of anger. It was two of us, head to head, bumping our horns... what now?

I am in the middle of the hair salon, wondering what my response to my 13 year old should be? "You can't make me!"
What ugly words and more so, what hurtful words.

I can't even imagine what the consequences would have been if I was ever stupid enough to say that to my mom or dad.

I looked at my son, who is for the most part such a loving child, and wondered did he really think that was a smart response?

I had a lot of responses rushing thru me, one being to throw him across my knee and give him the butt whooping he needed at the moment to know never ever to speak to me that way... but I looked at him and walked away... for the moment. If we were at home, it would be different. But we are in the midst of a lot of people.

As I walked away, I wondered what a "smart parent" would do?

Then Sanj walked in, (coming to have lunch with us on his break). A God Thing! I filled Sanj in, he walks over to Sammy (and basically said don't be ridiculous and don't speak to your mom that way... 15 seconds. It was over.

Sammy walked over, defeated for now. His hair was cut and attitude adjusted for now.

Oh boy... I can see the next few years are going to be a barrel of laughs and serious struggle of wills.

Unfair

This week when we went to the Back to School bbq there were rumblings of some families that are not coming back. One in particular has broken my heart. Some families choose not to come back for reasons that are their own. They are lucky. The families that have to leave due to finances break my heart.

The Smith family (not their real name) is a family that needs to be a Rhema. Their circumstance is dysfunctional in a weird way.

Their grandpa is the one that has been paying the bill for Rhema. Every year he waits till the very last week to say yes or no.

This time it was a no. It came with a lot of meanness. The boy is in Tyler's class. He still does not believe that his grandpa won't change his mind. Tyler has lost 3 of his closest friends this summer to other schools. One to Lakefield, and 2 who had money issues.

So I am praying that God will work a miracle. Touch the grandpa's heart. This isn't about the parents. This is about what these kids need. About a family that needs to feel the love that is there.

Sanj and I have been racking our brains. If I had the money... boom it wouldn't be an issue. If I could find 4 more families willing to pay $2000 boom it would be done.

I am working this all out in my brain. I hate that money is such a life factor. I hate the unfairness of it all. I hate the stress and power money has.

We had people, very generous people often help us with our schooling. I never really knew till I was older. How embarrassing yet how generous.

I just need to figure this out. Please God help us figure this one out. Yet if it what Your will, then please our Your comfort and strength over them. Help these kids to adjust.

I need to play the lotto!

Water Snob

I am a water snob. I hate tap water, but can handle it with ice or if it was refrigerated. I prefer bottled water... but dislike no name brands. Actually I really prefer Dansani or Aqaufina and Culligan's water.

I am not sure why I am like this. I hate the taste of our city tap water. Unfortunately, my kids have developed a similar attitude. If the water cooler is empty, they will not drink. They will come and complain about nothing to drink.

When we lived in Ohio, we lived on the outskirts of the city. So we must have had well water. It stunk. None of us drank it.
In the States they sell milk in the gallon milk jugs. My dad started to collect them. He would wash them out and save them.
We had a big van and he would fill the van with the jugs.

He went to our school on a sunday and asked the janitor if we could fill up some water. Well I am sure the poor guy thought this was a one time think, so said sure. Well then sundays we would go to the school and fill up the water jugs. I am not exaggerating when I say at 60- 100.

It is crazy... stealing water. I always think of this when I see a milk jug. I think this had a profound effect on my attitude towards water.

Now I am a water snob.

Discombobulation

My life for the most part is peaceful. Not quiet (ever)... but peaceful is good. I know that issues, whether money or relationships or whatever issues that come our way, that we will deal with them together. I have avoided having people that cause conflict or emotional unrest in my life.

But that doesn't seem to work with my family. When I say family, I mean my parents and crazy brother seem to find a way to constantly discombobulate me. Last night I got an email from Rajiv (my middle brother), saying my dad is in town, and since my brother is working in Peterborough the week, he could drop off my dad for the day.

The day? That is a long time. My dad and I don't talk. You can only talk about small stuff for a bit of time. Then what? He really is an odd man. I am realizing that his sperm is the only thing that connects us. Yet, he asked to see me.

This is part of my character that I hate many times... that pull to do the right thing, despite the consequences to myself.
It would be rude to say that I really don't want to see him. Yet I don't think I can do a whole day.

So, to avoid a confrontation with my brother (the one I am not speaking to), I have thought to go to Oshawa and met my dad for lunch there. What will come out of this? More than likely, more confusion. But hopefully nothing. I think that I am emotional done. Not mad, not glad, just done.

This is about my dad and me. Not my kids. I am sure he thinks that they will be there. But thankfully they have school. He lost the right to be their grandparent a very long time ago. Actually he literally threw that right out the door. A choice he made.

Last time when he was here, he met them. Awkward. The older kids were polite but didn't know what to say to him. He didn't talk very much to them. My youngest two were fine. They were themselves. Too young to understand the moment.

Why now? Why not when I cared or yearned for it? This is all 13 years too late. Unless he says sorry. Yet I know not to hold my breathe. This time I have no expectations rather simply feel a since of obligation.

Being with him is a bit scary. I am not sure what that fear is of... except maybe a fear of that uncomfortable silence that is so huge in his presence.

Whatever. I feel better having made the decision to go. I wish the drama would end somehow. For the past 10 or so years his silence and absence was easier to take than what feels now like scratches that mice make in a wall. You know that horrid sound. I can't even stay in the same room as the scratching. I am so freaked out if it is going to make its way in my room or end up nibbling on me... erk!

This crazy analogy is the same with my dad. I am sure this "visit" is going to be the same as all the others. I leave with emptiness. But I suppose that there is always that teeny weeny chance that he may say he loves me. Or just sorry. Or something that will heal the lifelong wound.

But as I said, no expectations but rather simply fulfilling a sense of obligation. Funny, how much my dad can hurt me over and over, yet I hate the thought of hurting him, by saying no, I don't want to see you.

Discombobulation. My life is feeling in a state of discombobulated. The move has my house upside down and crazy. School starts, routine and classes... all something to get used to again. It is a perfect time for family to add discombobulation to my life.

Can you tell I like the word... discombobulate?

The Big Picture!

At the start of each school year, there are so many decisions that must be made before school starts. I can't even begin to fathom all of them. But two that affect my children are staffing decisions and classrooms... how they will be divided.

It is often a frustrating process, for parents and teachers alike, eager to know what has been decided, And yet those making the decisions must wait to see what enrollment is, which significantly impact these decisions made.

This year Jordan is in a split class. He, along with 8 or so other students will be in a 5/6 split. Grade 6 has only 14 or something students. While I think that Jordan will benefit from being in a class with older students, he is sad about being away from his class. I am sad he will not have Mrs. O, a teacher, a great teacher and an experience all in itself.

While there are so many concerns, I also know that administration is doing the best they can with all the circumstances.

It is so easy to judge and be frustrated with the decision process. Yet I know that the big picture is one we can not see as parents unless we are there making the decisions. Of course we are looking out for our own. But maybe we need to pause and appreciate all those looking at the best interest of all our children.

Griping and complaining gets us nowhere. I know that Jordan will react of my emotions. It is all good. We will make it a good year.

I appreciate so much all those that are part of what makes our school so special. Becoming involved is a great way to know what is happening and be able to see what makes Rhema different.

Milestones

As I went in to the school early this week to take care of some stuff, I was hit with a weird sensation. This year is our 10th year at Rhema. Sammy will be graduating from grade 8 this year. I had some heart palpation happening. My oldest son, yet a baby all the same. He was the one to teach me the first of everything. He was the reason I walked into Rhema unannounced one day and I loved what I saw.

This year will be about a bunch of last times for Sammy. I loved that all the boys were under one roof all day. High school... it is kind of a ugly word, kind of a scary word. It brings to mind gawkiness, girls and zits. OK I am not even going to go there, yet.

8th grade. I remember my 8th grade graduation. I remember my dress and that was the occasion for my first pair of heels... wedge heels. I feel teary already.

I want this year to be wonderful for Sammy. He has great teachers. I want him to feel good and have a great last year at Rhema, a great last year of being in elementary school. I am not sure I am ready for this.

Welcome to the 8th grade, Sammy! May it be awesome.

Back To It!

The Wednesday before school starts every year, our school has a Back to School BBQ. It is time to meet the teachers and check out your classrooms before school starts.

We went to the BBQ and I suddenly felt very happy to be back. My children were happy to see their friends and I was happy to see mine. I didn't realize how much I missed them and the environment that Rhema has. I love it. It felt so good to be "home" again.

I didn't realize how much my friends feed my soul.

I was missing them more than I realized. I love Rhema, the boys school. It is a special place. It feeds me and makes ME grow not too mention what it brings to my children's lives.

This year was a bit sad. We lost some families from our school, including our principal, Mr. Hendricks. He has been there 23 years and as much as it is his time to move on, he will be missed greatly. Under his leadership I grew so much. I found passions I didn't even know I had. I appreciate so much his confidence in me to try new things and learn so much!

Ray, we will miss you. Thank you for all you are, as a principal, teacher, friend. You are a special gift from God.

To my other friends that have gone ... for different reasons, may God bless you as you seek what is best for you and your family.

So it begins... the routine, homework, schedules. I am not ready just yet... but bring it on!

Telemarketing 101

My phone rings off the hook with nonsense numbers. 1234567890... or 111222333... when I pick it up there is that all to familiar pause... just enough time to hang up.

Zachary and Jordan love answering the phone. It rings once or I don't hear it even ring and I hear the footsteps followed by "Mommy, it is for you!" Annoying.

Today as my phone rang for the upteem time I found myself bubbling with annoyance. This time when I answered no one seemed to be there.

What a horrid job. Does anyone ever say yes to this form of marketing? I can't imagine being a tele-marketer. You must have great self esteem to be hung up or said no to or other horrible things I sure people say.

I feel sad when I say no, and their voice is so despondent. I wish I could just give this person the money. Does anyone like this job? I am thinking I would rather work at Mcdonalds.

So what is the answer? Maybe when they are polite, they deserve respect back. Yet when they are obnoxious or pushy...maybe a hang up isn't too rude. I don't know the answer to this... but I saw this video and felt bad for the poor guy.

I had a "job" similar to a tele-marketer. It was the summer of my junior year in high school. My dad's job for most of his life (when he worked) was to sell our church books and literature. This particular summer he had my brothers and I sell magazines that were published by the church.

He had these bib like aprons for us to wear... with pockets to hold the magazines and a place for the money. We were to say "I am working towards a summer scholarship buy selling these Christian magazines. Would you like to help me with my education..." Or something along those flowery words.

He dropped us off at different locations in town and would leave us for a few hours. The most effective spot he found was downtown Dayton. Third street and Hwy 48... this was a main intersection where the downtown sect passed through.

My dad gave us each a certain amount of magazines he EXPECTED us to sell. Kumar, being young, in elementary school was able to sell the most, being little and cute. When we did not meet my dad's expectations, he would accuse us of not trying hard enough.

Can I tell you, this was a long summer! We hated it. It was stressful and tiring. But what I remember most was the dread of approaching someone, knowing you are bothering them. It is like I was a mosquito, buzzing around, in there way as they were dealing with life.

I hate tele-marketers. I can't imagine that anyone would want to grow up and say "I can't wait to be a tele-marketer. But I may be wrong... different strokes for different folks.

I was never in tele-marketing... but my little stint of selling Christian magazines on the sidewalk was enough experiemce with rejection to ever want a job like that.

I admire these people for working HARD and not sitting on welfare. So I try to keep this in mind as the phone rings... again!

Crossing the Line

This picture has already been posted... I know. But I am not sure how many saw my brother's comment after the posting.
"I love the house. Lose the clothes lines!"

It is funny how childhood experiences shape us so differently. A line with clothes blowing in the wind reminds me of times when folks had a harder life... no dryer and hanging clothes was homely like the apple pie baking in the oven.

Before I offend anyone of my dearly loved friends, please know that I admire your appreciation for the scent of the clean outdoors and saving the electricity and all the other reasons I am sure there is to hang out the clothes. Please know that this is not a judgement. I understand there are reasons (maybe) to hang the clothes out to dry. I admire you.

Growing up, we lived on the outskirts of a trailer park. I actually drove back to the neighborhood a couple of years ago and was shocked by where we lived. But this isn't about that. When I was just finishing high school, my parents had the great idea to start a group home for seniors. They converted most of the house to accomadate this idea.

For a misfit teen, this was very uncool. I was so not impressed with a bunch of seniors invading my space... my home.
Most of the seniors my parents took were suffering from Alzheimer's. So often they were found roaming in areas of the house, confused.

This little part is off subject of clotheslines... but one I am sharing so you understand life as I knew it at that time. I had come home from university, and was sleeping on our pleather (no not a miss-spelled word) pink sofa. I was aroused by sounds of a tap running. As I lifted my head, there was Lettie, one of our very confused seniors, peeing beside the sofa.

OK back to clotheslines. We had a dryer. I am not sure if it was to save money.. but it must have been... We hung all our clothes on the line out back. And then when there was no room, they were lain on the ground. BIG PANTIES of somebody's grandma... all over our backyard.

I was already a geek, ugly, lonely and add this ... too much. So my brother's comment is funny. Why... would anyone WANT to have a clothes line???

OK I am traumatized by ugly undies and brassieres that were all over our lawn.

This clothes line at the new house... I don't know. Maybe a good volleyball net could disguise it. By the way... Bounce.. the fabric softener came out with a scent called the fresh outdoors... or something like that. :)

Mirror Mirror

Every since I was little...I have had issues with my looks. I remember looking at the mirror wondering WHO was going to love this face. I had thick glasses and horrid buck teeth. When you add uncool clothes and hair it did not add up to much I liked.

Then in university things changed a bit. Glasses were replaced by contacts, the hair grew out and was permed (LOL), and I had more control of what clothes I wore. I was a skinny thing, too skinny. Yet still I had major body issues.

I found a picture of me in a swim suit in my 20s. What my issues were, I don' t know. Boy I wish I had that now.

Here I am in my late 30s and I continue to have issue. Someone mentioned that I should put more pictures of myself up on the blog. Erk. I hate how I look in pictures. I can't help but tear it apart. Somehow I look so different in my head.

How can I teach my children to embrace themselves... love themselves and be proud when I am not practicing that myself? I know that I have only myself to blame. Food ... it is my blankey. Exercise is my dreaded enemy. I look at people and see them walking around with my body. How did that happen? I don't want to be one of those people that "look great for having 6 kids." Um that isn't really a compliment.

So I am determined as I hit the big 40 to embrace all that I am. Love me. Appreciate my body for all it does. And quit whining about my issues. Do something or shout up!

So you will see that I am adding more pictures of me as is. It is hard to see myself aging. Guess I don't like that part of life.
I still feel like 20 something so often.

So turning 40 is about me. Loving me. Continuing to grow in all the hard ways. Try to change that which I hate... mornings, body image, and laundry.

One thing that I did this summer that was huge for me was put a swim suit on. (Lord have mercy)! But I did it (really because Sanj wasnt here... and if I didn't want my kids to drown, it was all me). I put the swimsuit on and was with people I knew. It was the hardest thing I did in a long time.

Yet the only thing my kids noticed was that I got in the water! Neat eh? SO... this is my challenge for myself ... to take better care of me.. appreciate the amazing gift of health... and focus on making myself a temple of God.

Hopefully by the time I am 50 I will blog a picture of me in a swimsuit! OK just kidding!

Maybe it should be a commandment... learn to love yourself as much as you love and accept others.

It took me 10 minutes to actually find a picture ... and I picked this one only because it is a picture of how I want to be about my looks... carefree.

A Fine Line... Love and Insanity

It is late. Or rather very early. Hey, I am a morning person! It is 12:05 a.m. But I couldn't sleep as I listened to Josh's groans as he slept. His finger looks bad. So I will have to take him in again tomorrow. My stomach is weak at the thought... for me and him.

Josh... he is a child that brings out all sorts of crazy emotions in me. I can be very bipolar when it comes to Josh. It began in the womb. He was my last try for a girl. Obviously it wasn't meant to be. But telling that to my soul was hell. Postpartum, thank God, there is a word to define the craziness I felt and lived with the first years of his existence.

And it was as if he knew my pain that he clung to me more. He literally suffocated me with his love. It is still that way. We love each other with all we have. Yet, he drives me to that brink of insanity that is so often spoken of!

Then today happened. It isn't that horrid... children live thru accidents all the time. Yet he is hurt. As I listen to him sleep... I ache. He is so special. How honored I am and should be to be loved to death literally.

He says so often, "Mommy, I love you."

I can't type the emotion that comes from his heart. And when I respond..." I love you too," he so often gets frustrated.

"No, I LOVE YOU!!!" It is as if he just want it to be about his love! He is 3 years old.

Love of a child. Love for a child. There is nothing like it. Really it is simply a gift.

God, today was a rough day. All of it... the cut, the noise, the boys in general drove me batty.
But it is over... today is over. And I truly thank you for each of my sons. You have blessed me... thank you for being patient as I continue to seek out all the blessing, one by one.

And did Josh learn his learn about not playing with the razor? He answer... " I won't touch it till I have a beard."

Crazy!

My children are loud. Actually they are very loud. ALot... most of the time. Is this normal? I wonder what someone walking by thinks of the decibels coming from our house?

Sanj was in the basement studying and commented on the noise of our household. Actually he complained about it. He was funny is his description of the sounds... describing a banshee sound (that would be Max) and all the other yelling and probably laughing.

Jordan talks loud all the time. Maybe he needs his hearing checked. (hum.....)

Max has a banshee screech when he is excited and hyped up.

Zachary yells when he is losing a battle.

Tyler and Sammy are just loud.

is this normal?

I was in the grocery store today... the boys (4 of them) were antsy. The lady behind me says, "It does get better.. 4 boys."

I said... "Well I actually have 6."

Well that was the end of her conversation with me... she and the lady behind her began..."Well poor thing... I at least had a girl somewhere in there." blah blah blah.

Where do I go with this? My boys are busy, very active and loud boys. What am I going to do? Get rid of a few? Try a muzzle? Shock collar?

I think that they are normal. If there was 2 of them it would seem sane. Normal. But that normal level of volume is multiplied by 6 . Nothing is normal. Everything is amplified.

I feel so lonely. I wish there was another mom of 6 boys that I could bouncy this off of. I have no normal. I feel so often we are own walking freak show. Look at that family!

I have to cling to what so many older than me have said. Boys are hard work now. They get easy. Girls are easier now.. they get harder.

I love them so much. I feel bad when I am driven to crazy. Today it is a good thing I have my crazy pill.

We are going out to supper. Then it is a early bedtime for everybody!

Help Me...

What a day! I was on the phone catching up with a friend while the boys were playing hide and seek. Zach comes running in..."Josh got cut with a razor!"

Yup... blood everywhere... a nice ugly gash on Josh's pointer finger. I do not do well with the whole blood and guts thing. You would think with 6 boys, that I have had my share... but we have been fortunate. Only a couple of incidents that required ER... both for Sammy.

Well getting the blood to stop was the biggest problem. We did go to ER as the cut was quite a gash... but 1.2 hours later, Josh having fallen asleep and the bleeding stopped, I left, making a stop at the drug store for gaze, etc.

All in a day's work. This child of mine if a walking ticking time bomb. He finds trouble. He is drawn to trouble.

I am tired. I need a nap. All that nervous energy needs to be put to rest. But no... it is time to make supper.

Friends...

One of the greatest blessings in my life is friends. I have an abundance of great friends. I appreciate so much the fact that I am never alone. I don't mean in a physical sense as much as in a life sense.

Take this move, for example, I have offers of help constantly. Help and encouragement. Last weekend, one of my friends took all 6 boys, and kept them for the day. The boys had a great time and I got so much done!!!

We have had offers of help for the actual move... now you know THAT is a good friend!

I was helping set the gym up for something at school with a friend one day. She looked over and said, "I love you." That felt so good. It was just a no reason I love you. Those are the best!

As I get older I realize that life is too short to be critical. People are people. If they are willing to offer the gift of friendship that is huge. The older we get the harder it is to find true genuine people. Everybody has corks... it is what makes them unique.

How great it is to have these special people to go through life's journey with. Family is the constant. They are the good, bad, and ugly. Friends are the icing on the cake. They add the mostly good.

There are so many lonely people out there. Sometimes it is hard to reach out... it is scary. Sometimes past hurts makes it impossible. It is one of the things that hurts me so much. Lonely people. Maybe because for a good part of my life I was lonely. Funny... but as I keep getting older, that "good chunk" of my life is slowly becoming a small chunk of my life. (Another blessing)!

Lonely people. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely or left out. It isn't fun watching the world from the side line. Each year I encourage the boys to come home knowing the "new kid's" name and inviting them to play. They don't have to become their best friend but making them feel welcome is something you would want others to do for you.

Siblings are the family you have no choice... they are yours. Yet the sibling that is also a friend? What a gift. I wish this so much for my sons. The best way to have friends is to be a friend. I am forever telling them to treat their brother as they would treat their friend. It is a hard thing to live by!

To my friends, I love you. I cherish all that you have added into my life. I love that I am never alone... not really. Thank you for your gift of friendship. I treasure you and all you are... yes even the annoying parts! :)

Counting Down

Just 3 and a half weeks before we move. I am so excited! Wednesday of this week, we went to see the house again. This was the boys first visit inside. It was very exciting! They were gone, checking out the yard. Jim (our wonderful agent and friend) said it takes Josh 17 minutes to walk to the end of the property ( in his cowboy boots)!

They enjoyed exploring the house with too much fascination about the laundry shoot... that comes from their bathroom upstairs to the laundry room). Bets are happening on who will go down it first!

I can't wait to have our friends over... I can't wait to sit on the porch. This is the kind of house that my little girl dreams happened in. Weird, eh?

I love the basement for the boys. MIni sticks, with no mom saying enough already! Just simply, "Take it downstairs!" Ahhhh... life is good.

I love the family room with the cosy wood stove and hanging out with a good book or movie.

I don't even mind the fact that "eating out" won't be as convenient. The kitchen is so bright and the center of the house I feel surrounded rather than isolated.

Good Stuff! The driveway is FLAT!!! Our present house has a incline circular drive... one I could NEVER get up on winter days, regardless of snow tires. So this was a must... no hilly drives. Perfect for street hockey, roller blading, skateboarding, basketball and learning to ride a bike (one more to go)!

I am so excited. I am happy. I am looking forward to HOME. I feel it.

I am not one to quote scripture, but as I read Matthew 7:7 it was a summation of my feelings.

"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened for you. Matthew 7:7 (International Standard Version)

I liked this version. KEEP ASKING (but I would add... Keep listening). KEEP SEARCHING...(but don't except to FIND immediately). KEEP KNOCKING (but be patient... I AM COMING TO OPEN THE DOOR).

I have felt so much of my life I was asking. Yet I was probably to young to see all the answers. Or they weren't the answers I wanted. I am FINALLY seeing answers and realizing that answers aren't picture perfect. Or they aren't my answers. The knocking...I am ready to just keep that door open. It is useless to do otherwise.

There will always be wanting. It is part of living in this imperfect world. I will always want a real daddy. I will always wonder what it would have been like to have a daughter. I will always be seeking to be a size 4 again.

It is human to want. But the wanting keeps us needing ... God, family and friends.

I can't wait to move in to our new house. I really feel in so many ways I have waited for this moment... coming home.

Thank you God, for all your blessings. But I realize that I am even more grateful for the trials. It is thru the trials I have found appreciation for ALL my blessings. My biggest being my husband and my children.

The first picture is of the front of the house... and the other is the back!

Temper Tantrum

Zach has been going to Vacation Bible School this weekend at Ferndale Bible Church. He has loved it! He is up, bathed, dressed and ready by 8 a.m. Today was the finally day, ending with a BBQ for the families. It was well done! He can't wait for next year.

I had to run to Zellers before going home. It was time for a socks and underwear run for the boys. I let each child pick a SMALL, CHEAP toy. Zach picked out this $29.99 thingy.

NO... was my reply. It's just a small treat! I gave him a few choices. Then the little devil inside him spoke... I don't even know WHAT he said... but it was HOW he said it.

Done... NO TOY! You just lost the privilege to get a toy. My only excuse for what followed is that he is overly tired.

My 6 YEAR OLD son threw himself on the floor and WAILED LOUDLY while crying... "I want a toy!" Thankfully he didn't fight me as I took his hand to lead him to the cash. The whole way down the isle... wailing... " I want a toy!"

If I was watching someone else, it would have been funny. It was just so classic. My nightmare.

Thankfully Josh picked this moment to behave. So all I had to focus was on child #5 while everyone stared.

It was straight to bed... although I was informed 6 year olds don't nap. "Well you weren't acting like you were 6, now were you?"

All in a day's work.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today my mother turns 72! She has lived an interesting life... and I am sure that God will grant her many more years filled with peace and happiness.

She is a great grandmother... Ammama to my kids. They love her and her cooking. There is never a shortage of what they want to eat when she is her.

She is the first person the clamor in bed with in the mornings and fight over who gets to sleep with her at night.

I love this picture of a bunch of grandkids fighting over spots on Ammama's bed!

Happy Birthday MOM! You cup is overflowing with love!

Happiness Is

What is the definition of happiness? The dictionary says, "state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Well I think that happiness can be a choice. Nobody has a perfect life. There is always more you can want or need.

But choosing to be happy is a decision. Despite it all, I will make a choice to make the most of things. Look for the positive. Be positive. No matter how bad you may have had/have it... rest assured there is someone else out there with much worse circumstance.

I think of all my worries... and then I couldn't help but think of children across the world who would simply like water... clean, drinking water. It is almost clichés to say, "Think of all those starving children in Africa." But really think of it... I have to simply stop and be thankful, be grateful. Be happy.

There is so much I would LIKE to give my children or do for my children. But then I have to stop and realize they have all the basics and then some. They have so much to be grateful for... yet have I made them stop and BE THANKFUL and APPRECIATIVE?

A happy home. It is such a easy thing to simply take for granted. Yet all around us, in our own school are families breaking up.

Pain is around us... a constant, it seems. So if I have the life worries... money... bills, bills, bills... I am and should be grateful.

I am choosing to be happy through the tortures of moving. The positives of moving is all the purging that is so cleansing. Finding a missing something that you didn't even know was lost! Be gone baby stuff... YAH! Organizing DVDs, books, clothing!

I am happy. I am happy that God has provided us with a home that will meet the needs of our family. A bit smaller in size yet more functional. A bit farther to drive yet property to run free. A lot of grass to cut yet quiet time on a mower (i think).

Happiness is a choice. Enjoying the now... whatever that includes. Hockey, golf, swimming lessons, judo, guitar, youth group, making lunches (grrr... I am working on this), all that comes with motherhood of 3-13 year old.

I keep hearing people say, "ENJOY IT... it goes too fast." I hear it over and over. So I am trying to enjoy it. To love it. To let this NOW be my happiness and contentment.

I choose to be happy.

Thank you God for happiness. Help me to seek that state of mind more often. Help me to appreciate it and cherish all my blessings.... my biggest being Sanj and my sons.

Thank you for my happiness. Help me to never take it forgranted.

Home Alone!

I am home alone. Silence. Outside is my favorite sound of thunder and flashes of lightening. Beautiful!

Sanj and all 6 boys are off to see a movie. Usually my sidekick Josh is hanging on, but not tonight! This is a first for me.
Weird as it is, if I have time to myself all alone, I go out. I am not one that likes to be alone very long. But tonight I found an appreciation for it.

I watched a movie, sat in silence and listened to the rain. OK I admit as it got very dark I did look outside for the boogie man. I am a big chicken in real life. Especially at night, that is why I would never really stay alone by myself.

I like it. The quietness. The stillness. But I have had enough.

Oh! Perfect timing. Here they come!

A Fine Balance

It has been a good summer overall with the boys. Golfing, swimming, checking out some movies, seeing friends ever once in while... hockey camps... a trip to Maryland... not a whole lot of excitement but just enough.

Packing has kind of put a bit of a cramp in the summer plans. But that is OK. Now with 2 weeks till school, it is time to take on a different frame of mind. Start training the body to wake up earlier, find routine again.

I have really enjoyed the boys this summer. Of course we have had our days where I would have like to hang them on the totem pole... but for the most part it has been good. My relationship with the older two especially is growing into a friendship where by choice they chose to be with me. Very Cool. That may change... but for now I will take it.

I used to think that summer was a time of free time and allowed us to hang out with friends and just be. But I am realizing that summer is busier than the school year. Every one has different things on the go, and to hang out with friends or make that time work for everybody... is hard.

So... the boy have missed their friends, and I have missed mine. Despite the yuckiness of making lunches, homework... there is an appreciation for routine and the rhythm of the school year. I know that I will see most of my friends in the pick up circle... making plans for coffee isn't hard and the weekends are for being together as a family and as friends!

So I will miss summer... especially since I am going to be a morning person come fall...but I will welcome all the positives that comes with back to school.

I am looking forward to hanging out again... my dear friends!

Club Championships

Sammy and Tyler live on the golf course. The longer they can stay in a day, the better. I often wonder WHAT they can do all day!!! Today was the Peterborough Golf and Country Club Championships. Max is in the Divots Program. I can see the bug has bit him too.

He looks forward to playing and came home with a gold medal around his neck! Way To Go, Max!!! (OK there was only 3 in his division... but still, a medal is a medal)! He is looking forward to playing Juniors, so he can hang out there too.

Sammy and Tyler both had great games. They are their own worst enemy. I enjoyed watching them. Such intensity and concentration. I think Sammy came in 2nd... and Tyler 4th but they are still awaiting the verdict.

As I hung out there, at the Club watching and waiting, I was thinking that maybe I should give this sport a try. There isn't the fear factor, as in skiing... (which terrifies me the thought of flying down a hill... with the potential of breaking all sorts of bones...).

Golf...I may likely suck at time... but that would be the only torturous factor.

Hum... they do have lime green clubs, cool clothes and shoes... I'll have to rethink the whole golf bit!

Boys, I am so proud of you. I love your good sportsmanship, fair play, and drive to better yourself. You are a great example to me!

Super Heroes

I love watching the Olympics. I love the stories of getting to the top. I love the tears and emotions. I love living vicariously though someone amazing for a moment.

Micheal Phelps... WOW. What else can you say? I loved watching his mother. It must have been so wonderful to watch her son reap the rewards of his efforts. He put up with a lot of teasing and bullying as a child. He was labeled not smart. He was labeled. Now the labels are words like phenom, the Michael Jordan of swimming, even his ADHD label is a positive one.

I love his devotion and gratitude for his mom. After a race, he was mouthing, "I can't find my mom..."

Proud moments. It is what parents live for.

There are others that I really enjoyed watching. Guo Jingjing get gold for diving. Her intensity and concentration wowed me.

Usain Bolt wins 100m gold at the Beijing Olympics ... he is just to calm, cool and collective!

Then there is Dara Torres, 41 year old mom of a 2 year old... who gets silver! WOW! I put the usual pictures of the other athletics I was taken by, by how could I not put this picture of her?!!! Again, WOW.

All I can say is this is all proof that if you put your mind to it, your God given talent, nothing really can stop you.

I better stop making all the excuses I do for my self!

Packing It In!

Our house looks very discombobulated! It's great! I got a LOT done today! It feels good. I feel like I will reach my goal... which is to have most of the house packed by Labor Day weekend so that we can enjoy the first day of school together!

I am getting excited about the move. We get to see the new house next Wed!!! Can't wait. The boys haven't been inside yet. So they are looking forward to that.

We are planning a Garage Sale the long weekend. YUK! But we have stuff we need to rid ourselves of ... that worked for this house but not the new one. I have a beautiful Pier1 Imports sunroom furniture that is only a year old. Not sure if it is for sale... but if the price is right...

This lala land is hard for everyone. Josh is concerned WHERE all the stuff is going. Poor guy. But what a pain to pack with. I pack, he unpacks!

Anyways ... I am full swing ahead! Most of the boys rooms are done, family room, closets, bathrooms, book shelves... (we had a lot in this house)!

I feel good. Can't wait to get going again tomorrow!

Hockey Mom

As mentioned, three of our boys are in Hockey Camp this week. It is quite a reputable camp with NHL players there donating their time to work with the kids. People come from literally all over such as Belgium even to be there.

My attire of late has been sweat shorts, tee shirt and my Crocs. Moving and packing attire, not to mention it is quite comfy.

Yesterday I went to hockey camp and was feeling extremely conscious. Was it my imagination that every mom was decked out with cool clothing, heels, and all seemed to be a size 2?

Suddenly the ashiness on my legs was troubling... I felt like I had walked in my P.J.s

Do I really care? Well maybe a little.

Hum... maybe this calls for a visit to the mall... I love Hockey!

Sukumaranisms

My brother Kumar has a blog.... wonderingaboutgod.blogspot.com. He was my inspiration to begin blogging. I was on his site reading his profile when I noticed that he had another blog... Dixitisms (our last name... Dixit). You had to be invited to view this blog. My initial response was to be hurt that I was not invited. Then I was annoyed.

Well I have still not been invited as apparently it is his site to blog "cute" stuff his children do or say.

Well my Sukumaranisms are here... for you to read. If figure if you are not interested you'll skip it.

So here is my Sukism for the day... Zachary was a huge cowboy fan. He had the boots and whole bit. Well Josh has followed his fascination and insists on wearing these cowboy boats that are too small. Except he wears them all day... day after day. The other day, I could barely pull them off, as his feet were shoved in there so tight.

Yesterday, I took him to buy a pair of cowboy boots. The boots he had at home were a size 8... he wears a 12!!! OW!

Anyways, he is so cute and proud. He got a hat too and just struts around town with shorts, boots and hat. Hum... if he was my first child, I would have been mortified! Now... whatever!

This morning we went to the grocery store... as he got out of the car, he could barely walk. "My foot is hurting!!! I need to take my socks off!" Annoyed, because obviously he really was hurting and I was begrudging the money spent for a pair of boots worn one day... we stop. He sits right on the floor and takes off his boots.

I am expecting to see the socks bunched up or something. As I pull his boot off, out falls a little wrench that he was carrying around. He must have put it in his boot for safe keeping.

I was relieved that it wasn't the boot and then laughed because Josh is such a character.
That is my Sukism for the day for anyone who cares!

I will post a picture as soon as I charge my battery!

Don't Worry... Be Happy!

I am approaching the 40s with appreciation that I have made it through some rough times and in anticipation to the next 40 years. As I have been packing and purging, I have come across some stuff from yesteryear. Stuff that takes me back to being in my 20s. It is so weird to look and read things from that age. I felt so grown and yet not grown enough at times.

I think that ones 20s are a great age. There is so much out there waiting for you. I loved the anticipation of all the possibilities. I loved the independence and freedom. Life was very dramatic.

But if I could go back the one thing I would try to do is live in the moment. I have always wanted to be married and be mom. Maybe not very high aspirations to some, but I just wanted a happy home. I wish I had known it is going to be OK... just do the stuff I wanted to do. Don't wait to be happy.

I am in control of my happiness. I wish I REALLY understood that then! Of course family and all those factors are always there, affecting and influencing... but in my 40s that is true too. Family is a life factor. You just learn all about boundaries and learn to set them and live with what makes you comfortable and happy.

I was 25 when I married Sanj. Really that is just a babe. I can't not fathom my boys being married at 25!!! (Of course I realize that is a possibility but hopefully not a probability.) I will encourage them to live, travel and BE young. Life is too short to start being old too soon.

Don't wait to be happy. I wish someone told me that. I wish someone told me "It is going to be OK." Because despite what life hands you, You will find a way to deal with the cards you are given. It is never perfect. It can always be better. But who cares... I want to learn to be happy in the now.

Hockey Camp (Part 2)

This evening was Zachary's first day at Hockey Camp! It was a big moment!

He is such a trooper and does not let size keep him back.

Two summers ago a certain four year old INSISTED that he was old enough to do hockey camp. Hum... being the parents we are... (whatever kind that is... suckers maybe) we signed Zachary up.

He was READY!!! He was EXCITED! He was a future NHL player!!! Bring it ON!

I am not sure if you all understand that hockey equipment does not go on in minutes. YOU ALWAYS GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU GET DRESSED!!!

Well it was time to go on the ice. Zach was on the ice. Then he was off. "I have to go poo-poo."

Sanj took him, undressed him, waited. No poo-poo. Back on the ice.

Off the ice again. My turn. "I got to go poo-poo." No poo.

Well many tears later, we were off the ice and that was the end of hockey camp.

Graciously the hockey camp allowed Sammy to do another session... then loss that money. (Our family keeps them in business!)

But the story of Zachary's hockey camp has be told and retold over the last 2 years.

Here we go again. We made sure to have a good BM this afternoon... even a little nap...

He is ready! He is excited! He is on the ice!!! HE IS GREAT!!!

What a beautiful sight. He was so happy. He loved it.

Now day two... I am sure he is going to be awesome!

Way to go Zachary! You have such an amazing spirit!

I am so proud of you!

This is a picture from this past winter... because I forgot my camera tonight.
I will capture him in all his glory tomorrow night!

It's Raining ... It's Pouring...

Someone mention the non-summer like weather we have had. Personally, thankful for my natural tan, this weather is perfect packing weather! It STORMED this afternoon.... actually it is again. While I pray that there is no flooding, I am grateful for the perfect backdrop to stay home and do laundry... and pack.

The boys have mentioned a few times their concern of not getting this house packed in time...

We'll see... Thanks to all the friends for you offers of help. I will call, if I need to. I am purging a lot of stuff while packing.
That is something only I can do. Yah me!

Journey to the Center of the Earth

Last night we took the boys to the movies. I really was not keen on this movie as it looked like a total boy flick. I was pleasantly surprised.

"The Journey to the Center of the Earth" was great. It isn't just a kid movie. It was a bit scary (for me) in places but not for the boys... so I may just be a big chicken.

Anyways a definite one to watch!

Brotherly Love

I have watched my mother's relationship with her siblings over the years. Despite the fact that they are in their 70s, they still act the same... sibling rivalry. They love each other, fight with each other and then it starts over again.

Spending the week with my brother, Kumar, made me wonder will our relationship ever change? We never really fight. Maybe we are too alike. Maybe we respect our differences. We have never lived in the same town since I left for university. We are also 5 years apart. Maybe all this plays a role.

I love my brother. I enjoy spending time with him. Seeing him as an adult in his different role...husband, father, pastor, is weird at times.

Yet he has turned into a good man despite the odds. I am thankful for his presence in my life.

As I watch my sons interact with each other as brothers, it makes me pray that they will all know that pleasure of friendship with each other.

I pray that they learn to accept the differences in each as well as embrace their similarities. I hope that they will cherish the specialness that can be between brothers.

I do not know a lot of brother to brother relationships that are close and call each other friends. I am sure they are out there and it can happen.

Siblings can be such a special gift. They are the people that can say they have known you all your life... the good, bad and ugly. It isn't a obligation to like your sibling... sometimes loving them can be even harder.

I am forever encouraging the boys to "love each other" "be kind to each other" "treat your brothers as you would your friend..."
Yet I realize that some people and personalities click while others just can't pretend to like each other.

I am blessed with a brother, that despite his crazy eccentric self is family that I LIKE and LOVE.

W.W.J.D?

I have been thinking of how my children learn to love God. For the most part, it seems that as little ones they learn the story of Christ and simply believe and love Him without questions. As they grow older, I look for different ways to foster their relationship.

I am with my children pretty much most of the time. Especially over the summer months, we spend 24/7 together with the exception of when they are on the golf course etc. I found myself wondering if my children see Jesus in me? I am the one person that is a constant. Do they see Jesus through my actions, how I love them, how I treat others?

I am sure that 75% of the time it is a safe yes. But what about the other 25% of the time?

I left Zach and Josh literally banging on pots and pans in the kitchen. They are playing drums (despite the fact that there are real drums in the house)! Now they have followed me ... BANGING THE LIDS!!! Hum... WWJD? (What Would Jesus DO?")

I need to work on that. I need to really show the love of Jesus to my children consistently through my actions.

Sun Tanning

I know I will get reported if I put the picture up... so I won't. But Zachary and Josh had just taken a bath. I was helping Josh dry off.

I looked up to see Zach spread out his towel on the carpet and was laying down, naked, on his belly. "What are you doing???" I asked him. "I am getting a tan!" was his reply.

More Pictures...

Water Fun

I am not a water person. I wish I could just dive into a body of water and enjoy the experience.

Nope. I have always had issues with wearing a swimsuit. (Can we not come up with better swimming wear?) I hate cold water... tip toeing into the water... to cool down. I really hate the feel of chlorine in my hair and need a shower right away. I hate the whole bit of changing after... with the little ones needing help too.

Issues... my biggest issue is not seeing the bottom of a body of water. Shallow swimming pool water I can handle... that is about it.

While in Maryland, it was 100 degrees plus with humidity. YUCK... also I was there with the 6 boys... so I got in the water. Yes I do LOVE my boys! The boys were shocked... "Mommy, you are coming in???"

For our anniversary, Sanj gave me a underwater camera. The boys have had a great time learning to capture that perfect underwater picture. Something that is not that easy to do!

Are We There YET?

A half a dozen duffle bags, a few sleeping bags and pillows, iPODS, gameboys, movies to last many hours, 6 kids and a mom slamming the doors to the 12 passenger van full of very expensive gas all equals a ROAD TRIP! The boys and I headed to Maryland to visit the cousins in our neighbouring nation.

With only packing head of us for the next weeks, I figured that boys and I would take a mini trip before the madness began. Two new cousins to meet, many more to play with and lots of uncles and aunts to kiss, and Grandma's food awaiting... Maryland seemed to be the obvious destination.

We left early Saturday morning...counted the hours down and finally reached with most of our sanity. The boys were exceptional great. They were actually quiet most of the trip. I kept looking back to make sure they were all there!

We left Sanj home to keeping bringing in the cash so we could spend it! :) We also left him to enjoy some quiet time and reflect on bachelorhood a bit.

We met and thoroughly enjoyed Baby Wilo (my brother's 3 child). The boys enjoyed holding her and remembering the days of babyhood ruling our household. We celebrated Jaelin's 5th birthday... many times. Eli had a house full of boys to romp around with. I think all the kids had fun hanging out though I think the cousins were worried about the boys eating them out of house and home!

The days were full of different activities... and seeking ways to survive the crazy 100+ degrees weather! YUK! The boys enjoyed the pool times a lot. We had lots of good food, Grandma's truck load of food, Aunt Reg's famous lasagna and yummy French toast. We had Crispy Creme donuts... and lots of cake.... birthday cake!

We ended the trip abit short after being totally tucked out! The last day was spent with Sanj's cousins, their husbands and all their little ones at the pool. We had a great time.

Then before we knew it... the 12 hours back to HOME!