Spring Cleaning, Laundry, Babies Coming Out...

The weekend is over.  It was the start to some crazy major spring cleaning.  One minute I was laying down, contemplating a nap and the next minute I was gutting out the boys drawers, moving bedrooms and making life for all of us easier, in the long run.

We bought this house with the idea of making two bedrooms in the basement for the older two boys.  After spending money on making the bedrooms, adding a bath... and all that stuff... they have not really made the rooms theirs.  I get it.  I wouldn't even want to be down there, as I am a chicken.  Yet.... I really wish we all knew this before we spent the money... that could have painted the house the colors I really want, put in a new kitchen and new floors... etc, etc, etc.  Sigh.  So instead, Sammy and Tyler's stuff ends up everywhere.

So I moved the boys around and for now, everyone is  sharing a room.  Everyone has a closet for their clothes.  Everyone has a place to be.  Feels much better.  Now to just get Josh to stay in his own bed.

I also realized the boys have way too many clothes!  WOW!!!  When the laundry is done... (whenever that is) there is not really room for their stuff.  I guess the key is not to go out and buy a new shirt when they don't have any but rather, just do the laundry! lol

In church, while we were all singing, Josh whispers to me, how do babies come out of your tummy?  I said, "Go ask Daddy."  Sanj looked like he was going to choke!  lol

Here's a questions for you, Jesus was baptized by his cousin, John the Baptist, right.  John the Baptist wasn't a priest or pastor or anything... he wasn't ordained, right?  How come only a ordained minister can baptize someone?

Please send me your thoughts... This will continue... I am just studying and trying to figure something out.

Aw... back to the task at hand.  Happy Monday!

There's a Party Going On Over Here...

Today I am feeling sorry for myself.  I usually don't give into the pity party even when I feel a need for it. Yet today, I am grumpy.  I am feeling sorry for myself for pathetic reasons.  I even know they are pathetic.  


- Today I wanted to wake up in a different bed.  I hate our bed.  I felt unrested and grumpy.


-Sanj came in, mad that the dogs got into the garbage.  Even though I know he had reason, it made me more grumpy to hear him grumpy.


- Nobody wanted breakfast that consisted of cereal.  I didn't blame them but I didn't really want to make it either.  Sanj was studying.  So I made cheese omelettes.  That soon turned to special requests... omelettes with onions, red peppers, meat, cheese...  I was feeling grumpy that I was chef to everyone.


-I had hockey banquet duty for Zachary.  Max had a skate with his friends/team.  That was fine.  I was grumpy at the disorganization that was at the hockey banquet... but it was bearable.


- We went to Blockbusters to return movies, get some new ones and some games.  Why was the worker a true _itch?  We did nothing to her.  She had a serious attitude.  The boys looked at me and said, "She's grumpy."  I was really angry at her treatment.  A man came in and she was pleasant to him.  The boys said, "She can be nice."  Her treatment was rude, obnoxious and uncalled for.  Yes, I will complain.


-That made me grumpier.  Then I had to come home and deal with lunch demands.  I left all of them (except Josh, who really does help himself) to fend for themselves.


-I did some laundry.  That made me grumpy.


- THEN it was supper time.  I hate cooking all three meals.  I hate it.  Maybe it is because everyone else is relaxing and I resent being the domesticated goddess while they are all vegging out.  Not nice, I know.  But the reality at the moment.  Then Josh spills or throws (not sure) his sloppy joe all over.  Sigh.  I count backwards.


Pathetic, isn't it?  I know.  I have a lot of emotions that have been running through my head this week.  Some of that emotion was disappointment, some sad and others unsettling.  Most of it, out of my hands.  I needed a good cry.  Yet once again, my tears are constipated.  Maybe none of it is really worthy of my time to cry over.


Anyway, today I was having a pity party.

Good Bye Diet Coke...

Today was one of those days that I had so much on my list to X off.  I got a lot done and yet there is still plenty more!  I was one of the science fair judges this morning.  That was actually interesting and fun.  I learned that I can't pretend that my Diet Coke love affair is good for me.  I know all the stuff... but today this little Grade 2 girl had right there in front of my face pennies that were put into a glass of Coke.  It was the best way to clean those disgusting pennies ... not vinegar or water.  Insert a bad word.  Sigh.  I didn't drink any today.

I also learned that is you water a potted flower plant (I can't remember the name of the flower but it was purple)... that the flower doesn't care what drink it is given... coffee, tea or water.  They all pretty much did the same.

There were quite a few gross ones, such as how many times you should chew your food... the sample then put into an acidic liquid to show it.  Gross but well done.

So, I learned some new things today.  I learned that I hate soliciting businesses.  We are going to be having our annual Rhema Dinner and Auction.   I am on the committee this year.  I figured that the least I can do is hit up the businesses that we frequent so often that they know our name.  Most will not say no.  They don't give me any big ticket items... (still not sure how you get those...) but I am grateful for anything.  Yesterday I went  into one of those stores.  As soon as he saw me with stuff in my hands, he knew.  He begins to give  me a hard time.  I know he is kidding but it was still hard.  My husband is a business owner.  I know how it feels to be hitting the same people for stuff.  The wonderful store owner did all I asked... hung up a poster, laid out flyers and agreed to get together a donation.

I left buying something I really did not need, just from the sheer stress of all that.  I told him to make sure his donation was more than the $20 I spent! lol

Some people do this as a living... I don't know how they do it!  The stress of it all made me tired and willing to forego Grey's Anatomy... thankfully it was an annoying rerun.

Did you know that sandwiches cut into triangles can mean love?  As I made the boys lunches, Zach asked me if I could cut his sandwich into triangles?  He had a strange look on his face.  I handed him his lunch with the triangle cut sandwiches.  He smiled.  Such a simple way to say, "I love you."

It is freezing outside.  Ridiculously cold.  I actually saw snow flurries.  It is April.  Brr...  Made we want to come home and get back under my covers! I have to make myself sit down and fill out all the passport forms.  Ugh.  That is a lot of forms.  I  am not looking forward to it.  Yet we are going to be going to the States for Sanj's graduation next month so I better get my act together.

 I obviously have nothing profound to say.  I am just needing to write.  Maybe it is a stalling tactic to avoid those forms.

If you are interested in buying tickets for the Rhema Dinner and Auction, let me know.  If you have a big ticket item that you would like to donate, please email.  sukreema@hotmail.com


Happy Friday!

NO Feeling Is Final...

Today I was reading this poem by Rilke that my cousin has posted on Facebook as she was remembering a cousin that died too young. 

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

Then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:
“You, sent out beyond your recall, go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.”
(Rilke)

I am by no means a scholar.  I wish I could be at times, wish I had the discipline and drive to be, yet I am who I am.  Of course, I don't think that is a bad thing... it is just a fact.

As I was reading this, I could help thinking of the line that  says,"Just keep going.  No feeling is final."  I am not sure what that is meant to mean but it spoke to me.  No feeling is ever final.  I needed to hear that.  Sometimes I try to work through a situation and deal with emotions that surface.  I just want to be done with the emotions.   Yet when I find those emotions resurfacing, often times I am so disappointed in myself.  It is because maybe I find disappointment in myself for not being "over it."

I think of my dad.  It is a life of roller coaster of emotions. Yet, when the unpleasant ones surface again, I am so dishearted.  I am frustrated that I have to deal with those emotions again!  No feeling is ever final.

Love is never final, is it?  It is a process.  It is a journey.  I don't want to be scared to live and love due to fear.  I want to love big, as this is how I love.  I have to accept the fact that I hurt big too.  It must be OK that my feels are on-going.  They are never final.  Feelings for me is what keeps me alive. 

"Just keep going.  No Feeling is Final."  I like that.

Logging Off.

This is Tyler. My mom never logs out of her Blog thing (You would think she wouldn't have to).  But thats were she is wrong, cause now I can get on and write blogs on her blog. So now I will tell you about my day. I went to school, came home. Thats about it. Be ready to read more blogs from me on my moms blog.

Life with Sanj...

I am at "work" today.  I am supposed to be billing and other stuff but in the back ground is this babe screaming!  Oh my gosh, some sounds really do a number on me.  The sound of a screeching infant makes me want to run away.  Sanj does the infant screening for Peterborough at the office.  The mom is suppose to bring in a tired babe.  Sanj is then to put all these probe thingies on the babe's head and then he needs the mom to put the child to sleep.  It is a 50/50 kind of thing.  Often everyone is left frustrated.

When I am in line at the grocery store, and I hear a wailing infant, I feel myself taken back into time.  Suddenly I am standing in line, my toddlers are restless and  hungry.  The baby in the car seat is screeching that newborn cry that makes the breast hurt and my heart races wondering how I am going to make it through the next 15 minutes.  It was this kind of day that made me give up ever shopping at the cheaper, bag your own grocery store.  Sure I saved the money but at that moment it was more important to save my sanity.  The other store bagged my stuff and called a carry out boy to help me to the van.  You can't put a price on sanity.

I give up.  I take the file of work stuff and leave it on the desk, "I can't concentrate.  I will come in tomorrow."  This is one of the perks of sleeping with the boss! lol

Josh and Zach were suspended from school this morning.  The Health Unit did not have their records of their up-to-date vaccination.  I did turn it all in.  At least 2 times before.  Thursday evening I get the call that they don't have the dates from the first year.  This is Easter weekend.  Everything is closed.  Frustration.  My doctor's office is closed on Tuesday.  The boys think it is kind of neat to be suspended.  Breakfast with mom. Missing school.  It is all good.  Thankfully, the other doctor was able to help me out.  Suspenion over.  Back to school.

I had lunch with Sanj today.  He is so busy.  He is a self-professed workaholic.  By the time he is home, he is wasted.  Then he has the boys wanting "Daddy" and his homework is usually calling or he is off to a meeting.  So, often, I meet him for lunch.  He is still in his peppy work mode and I can have his attention for a few uninterrupted minutes.  He is a creature of habit.  Everyday, if he is alone, he goes to McDonalds.  He gets a Might Caesar Salad with Grilled Chicken with a Diet Coke, no ice.  Did I say every day?  Yup!

The ladies at the drive thru know him.  They know that he will then park around the corner and eat his salad and listen to sports radio.  Today I joined him.  I got my grilled cheese happy meal with a toy.  My comfort food that I desperately needed today.  I was done my sandwich and he was still organizing his meal.  I looked at him.  "What are you doing?" I asked.

He is so cute to watch.  He knows he is a little crazy.  I love these silly little corks about him.  After he cleaned up, he looks at my 3/4 full Diet Coke.  I always leave my cup with drink still in it.  Sometimes the cup gets soggy at the bottom and leaks.  It drives him nuts, my half drunk drink.  I  look at him and smile.  "You are so lucky to have me!" I reply.

I drive him nuts.  The other day I drove the Denali bone dry.  OK...  it was late and in all fairness, I was tired and it was dark and I didn't realize it was so empty.  This vehicle is his true love, I am convinced. lol  I went out in the morning to start it and it refused.  Oh dear. I am in trouble now.
I intended to go get gas and put it in the truck before he found out.  No harm, no foul.  Time slipped away and I didn't.  I knew I was busted.

"Sanj, if I tell you something,  you promise not to lose it?"  I say.  He gets the look in his face that I am too familiar with.  "What did you do?"  I know he wanted to add, "now!"

Yikes, as  I told him, he gets flustered.  "The truck has a fuel injection thingy."  Oh dear.  I had no idea what that means but it can't be good.

Life with me is so special.  lol  This poor man.  How I love him!  I am so glad that he loves me too! lol!

My Boys...

Today  I had a nice day hanging out with the boys.  Nothing special, just a day at home... 

I loved that my younger two spent the day hanging out, being brothers, being secret agents and discovering being friends.  I heard Josh ask Zach, "Zachary, we are best buddies, right?"  Beautiful!

I love the thoughtfulness of a child of mine doing laundry for me, just because.

I love that no matter how big they are getting, that one of my teens will still ask me to lay down with him.  Beautiful!

I love seeing my boys reading.  When they find a book that they connect with, it is so refreshing to see the book worm in them come out!

Then there is the things that are not so nice to deal with.  One of the boys used a bad word.  He is not even sure why he used it.  I am so disappointed.  It isn't a word that I would want them to use ever.  I know that he is around this language.  He knows better.  I really hope that he understood his mistake.  I hope that he knows he is cool just as he is.  Words, drugs, all that stuff is so NOT cool.   

I was really shocked to hear that it was used.  I am sad that they are growing up.  I can't shelter them anymore.  I can only pray over them very hard.  I can only hope that the things that we have taught them for years will be present in their mind and heart.

I had a good day with the boys.  I am so glad that I can talk to them when I need to.  I am so glad that they are good boys who make my world so wonderful.  I am glad that they know we love them despite mistakes and choices.

I love my boys.  I am so glad that I had today with them.