Changing Your Story...

I am watching Grey's Anatomy... Meredith is telling a mom who is making excuses for her abusive husband that she has to change her daughter's story. (The little girl shot her dad 17xs with a gun).

I liked that. CHANGE YOUR STORY... if you are not happy with it. You have the power to do so.

Walk away from unhealthy... it is a choice.
Walk away from the things that hold you back.
Walk away from not being the best you can be.

As Oprah says, "Live Your BEST Life!"

It is a choice. Change your story. You have the power to do so.
What a gift.
How great to have a choice!

Is your story yours?
Change your story to the one you want to live.

The first step to this change is making THE CHOICE!

I love that. Change your story!

All In A Day's Work...

I already mentioned going away this weekend. Usually this means more work then when I am home on the weekend.

I wanted to catch up on laundry...
Make a menu with the groceries if they choose to use...
Get the groceries for the weekend...

Of course Sanj is perfectly capable to do this on his own... but after working a busy week, it makes me feel better to try and lighten his load a bit.

I wanted to capture the day's work in a picture...this summed it up.

Laundry.

1 more sleep!

And The Little Ones Shall Follow...

One of the downfalls of children various ages is that the younger pick up things way to fast!

They never seem to pick up the things that I would want them to learn... such as picking up your toys and clothes...

Today Josh did not have a nap... I am trying to wean him off it... but obviously the last few day have been a hint that neither Josh nor I are ready to him to give it up yet!

We get home and are doing the typical stuff... dogs out, groceries in and being put away... brothers running to release steam...

I am not sure what I did to upset him but I know the word "No" was part of his frustration.

"Mommy, I don't like this family anymore. I am running away!"

Hum ... when is he going to realize just how good he really has it?
Wish I could just take off when I didn't get my way!

15 seconds into his journey he seems to have forgotten his purpose... there are worms to check out.

Not Too Far But Away!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I am always available for my children and husband. I am always a phone call away (thanks to the cell phone)!

I am off this weekend with some girlfriend to hang out. No plans is the plan! I love it. Nothing like chatting, watching chick flicks, eating, sleeping, reading, eating, sleeping...

I am really looking forward to it. I miss being away from the guys. I really do. I will not miss making meals, picking up and laundry for two-ish days. I hate missing whatever they will do without me.

But I am tired. I am getting old. I am in need for some time out of being Mommy.

This time I have been ordered to leave my cell at home. Last time Jordan called me 20 Xs (no word of a lie) ... things like "Daddy isn't being nice to me..." Sorry honey pie... deal with it. Love you.

Then it is back to reality. But for now... laundry is being caught up, refrigerator stocked, my bag packed!

And off I go... away... just for a little while!

Fear!

Do you have fears that can consume you? I suppose most of us fear something or another.

Cancer is a big one for me. It is one of those things that I have seen hurt those around me. I guess I just want to be there for my children... then when they are grown... I feel I can handle things better.

Losing one of my children... this is not one I obsess about ... but do pray for that heavenly protection over each of my children.
When I hear a story about a child being taken... it hits me where I can't breathe. I just can't even image.

Then there is pregnancy... sounds silly, yah, I know. Every one of my pregnancies were planned. I am happy with the six munchkins I have.

I am 40 years old. I made my plans to be done having babies by 35. Pretty close... Josh was in my belly at 35. Done. Finished.

I am looking at the next phase of life. A few days where I can do what needs to be done without a shadow. (Loved having a shadow... will miss the shadow....)

I have always enjoyed each of my pregnancies. I loved being pregnant. After Josh, we were done... done having kids and done trying for a girl. Sanj got "fixed."

I have to admit, I still worried about getting pregnant. I felt that his sperm was not normal... rather a super-sperm... a vasectomy will not stop the swimmer from "becoming!" So I used birth control for back up... and to help deal with my cramp issues.

I finally decided to just let it all go and deal with the cramping.

This month my period did not make its appearance. In place of it was serious nausea, dry heaving and cramps. My period is never late. I took a pregnancy test. Negative. I didn't believe it. Major freaking out.

Still very nauseous. More freaking out (have to admit... a bit excited ... crazy, I know...) another pregnancy test. Negative.

By now... I truly believe I am pregnant. Sanj is not enjoying my craziness. Yes, one more prego test. Negative.

It is amazing how you can make yourself believe and feel psychologically. I convinced myself that I was pregnant. I went to my doctor's ... for blood work.

Phone rings... heart races... not pregnant. OK... phew. I am too old to be waking up, changing diapers, carrying a diaper bag, dealing with car seats, strollers, spit up, teething, potty training... OK... bring on the nausea, I can handle it.

I loved being pregnant. I LOVED babies. I will miss it. Maybe my missed period is just another sign of saying goodbye to my youth. Maybe I am getting old...

I really do scare myself sometimes. Poor Sanj... see what he has to live with?!!

Wanted: Peace of Mind!

Wanted: Peace of MInd!

I find myself worried about things. Unnecessarily worried! I think and worry about things out of my control.
Oh dear... I think I am becoming Sanj! Yikes... there is only room for one of us in this household!

Worried? Contemplating? Reflecting? Hum... not sure what the actual word is but is it too much to ask for PEACE OF MIND?

I worry about the future... what will my kids be like? How do I shape them into fine young men? I worry about growing old.
I am not scared of it... but rather intrigued. I want to be a "cool" senior citizen. Yes, I actually have thought this through!

I worry about my hands. They seem too old. Plus they are pudgy. I worry about not wearing a ring. I really have no desire to wear one, as I think it is annoying. I play with it and just don't like the feeling of something on me all the time. Yet I do like Sanj to wear a ring. Double standard... Yah I know. But it works for me.

Now I worry about the heel on my feet. They are starting to feel really rough. I don't like that. I probably need a pedicure... for them to use that scrapee thing on my heel. Never needed that before! Ugg.

I worry about what MY children will be dysfunctional about. What aspect(s) about my parenting will they hold against me?

What will our relationship be like as adults? Will any of them stop talking to me?

How is Sammy going to wake up for high school (8:05 or something) start when he can not handle being at school for 8:45 a.m.?

Am I really ready to deal with the reality that next year I will have all school going kids?

Am I beginning menopause? Hot flashes... are they really that bad?

Ahhh worries... these are just my petty worries... then there are the ones I lose sleep over!

Wanted: Peace of Mind!

Back to the Basics...

Yesterday was such a beautiful day! We had temperatures as high as 27 degrees Celsius! This is when school just gets in the way! Who has time to come in and do homework, study for a test and get into bed at a decent hour so that morning isn't quite as shocking to the system?

Sanj went out after supper with the chain-saw and started cleaning up the forest to make trails for the boys. He has big plans to create a ATV park for the boys.

The boys and I walked out there to check out the action. There is such a playground back there for the imagination!

When we lived in Florida, there was a great spot behind the apartments we lived in. I remember playing for hours in the woods.
I loved it! I had a whole separate world in my imagination. There is nothing like low hanging branches to create the perfect house. A creek makes an awesome kitchen. Leaves makes great furniture and walls. Sticks were handy utensils. Oh... the fun I had for hours!

The funny thing is I don't really remember playing with anyone... though I am sure my brothers and friends were there too.
Maybe it was a great escape from real life... but I had the best time living in the woods.

As we helped clear branches, mucking in the mud, I saw a great escape... a great tree that would be a great umbrella for picnics, tons of places for awesome forts and barracks. Yet this time my mind's eye sees it from my boys eyes. Forts and hiding spots for paint-balling and hanging out doing the things boys do.

In The Wild... I am so glad that God created this great playground for us to play in. Back to the Basics... imagination, nature and all that is right there.

Sometimes it just seems that there is so much that occupies the kids of today... computers, video games, t.v. Even when they are outside, there are other things that get them. They sometimes seem lost as to how to just be with nature... the real playground!

I really hope that we can capture that again this summer. That is one of the greatest things I love about camping... it is just you and the great outdoors.

I am really looking forward to playing too. I just have to make myself stop. Dishes, laundry, housework will all be there when I come back in...

It's just time to go out and play!

Weekend Wonders...

It has been a perfect weekend as far as weekends go.

What makes a perfect weekend?

A night out with my hubby... the Rhema Dinner Auction was our Friday night escape... an enjoyable night with friends and good fellowship.

I love when friends call and say "We're coming over for a visit..."
Saturday was beautiful! Windy... perfect for flying a kite!

BBQ... a little charcoaled chicken... Sanj's speciality. lol

A little time on my porch swing... where I discovered this is draw for a couple of boys to come join me on the empty spots...
We even had quite a thunderstorm to enjoy!

Today we did a little of this and a little of that. There is a spot in the yard just past the porch that water seems to collect... we spent most of the weekend trying to keep the pups out...

Josh decided that it was just too much fun to leave alone... soon it was boy heaven... a little bit of mud and water... you would have thought is was mid summer... and not just 9 degree Celsius!


It was just a down kind of weekend!

Perfect!

Today...

I had a wonderful day so far... it really is amazing how much weather can effect me!

Josh and I had breakfast with some friends and then took the pups in for a little loving to Sanj's office, then we went to a park and did a little one on one doggy training.

While the pups took a nap, Josh and I went to the zoo. Josh is afraid of cats... of any size now. The cougar was out (in his pen) and right there. Beautiful! Josh was scared. It was a theme. Even the reindeers were apparently scary! It was lovely though. the otters were the favorite of the day.

Then it was off to show and tell. The pups went to visit the classrooms. They were so good! I guess what is a few more kids petting and cuddling them! lol

They sleep through the night too! Wow, they are much better at the night time thing then any of my children were!

I am looking forward to a nice weekend even though they seem to be changing the weather forecast by the minute.
Hope you have a good weekend too!

Love Yourself...

Today I had a lovely visit with a friend and children. I am not sure but I think that this beautiful weather makes me more friendly.
It makes me want to have parties, BBQ and hug my friends.

I am looking forward to enjoying our property. When we moved mid September last year, it seemed winter came by immediately.
Yuk. So with the grass changing from a icky brown to various shades of green, I feel like my soul is filling up. I even feel like baking... it is just a feeling so far!

Today I was thinking of how important it is to love your self. Some people just seem to do so but for so many it is a process. For me, a long process. I am sure that I was projecting such insecurity that it just sent a message of "please leave me alone..."
I am not sure when I started to realize that I am worth the effort. Probably in university was when the seed was starting to sprout.

After children... definitely. When I had wee ones that were so dependent on me... I had to forget about my fears and inhibitions and grow up. Loving your self is a gift that you give to your children too. I don't want my children to have such little self worth.
I realize that self esteem is a process that begins as a child and is a journey that each child takes.

How I treat myself is how others will treat me. Now days sometimes my head can get a bit swollen from all the compliments I shower on my self. Other day... it is pretty ugly.

I just hope that my children will never feel they have to throw themselves at anyone for friendship. I hope that they grow knowing that they are each a gift, special and unique all unto themselves.

I hope that they treat each of their friends and siblings with respect. That is a hard one. Siblings... the constant tug of war between love and hate. Yet RESPECT is a must... I am constantly struggling to keep them from crossing over to put downs and insults.

If you were to meet yourself... would you want to be friends (with yourself)?

Health, Hope and Happiness...

Life ... when you look at the big picture and have health, some happiness and hope, you are in a good place.

I was chatting to Sanj today about the stresses of life... most people usually have some stresses happening... big or small.
When you work for yourself... and are the sole provider... especially for a family of 8... you worry all the time.
And if this is a big part of your personality... well that little worry usually just gets a little heavier.

So as I shoulder some of that worry every once in a while... I had to really stop and think of the big picture. Sure it would be great to win the lotto... even just 1 million would be great... don't want to get greedy, you know! But... think of all we do have...

Health... it is something I take for-granted because aside from the usual headaches, tummy aches and growing pains... we have not had to deal with that as a stress.

Hope... we always have the hope of tomorrow! How wonderful is that? No I didn't get it done today... but tomorrow is another day. There is always hope of a new day.

Happiness... really it is in your definition, isn't it? My family... my boys and husband make me happy. Yes, they drive me crazy, too... but overall I would never rid myself of any of them. (At least not this moment)! I love being together.

Happiness can be as simple as hot fudge over mint chocolate chip ice cream from Baskin Robbins, hold the cherry please.

Happiness is no laundry or a restful nap.
Happiness is a perfect pair of jeans that just "grow"with you.
Happiness is a sunny day, not too hot and hot to cold.
Happiness is being home being at home and enjoying a thunderstorm.
Happiness is the end of hockey season.... shhhhh!
Happiness is hanging out with my friends.

Happiness is sometimes a moment. It may sometimes last a moment, if you are really lucky then you get an extra moment. It is looking at sleeping children... snuggled together... be still my heart.

I finally had my porch swing put up... Happiness. I love a porch swing. I haven't actually sat on it with a book and a drink... yet. It has been rainy. But the weekend forecast looks fabulous! Happiness is enjoying beautiful weather on my swing!

Health, hope and happiness. I hope that someone or something made you happy today, even if it was only for a moment.

Earth Day...

Happy Earth Day...

Do you say Happy Earth Day? On the way to school this morning I saw kids from other schools (I assume) picking up garbage around town... free coffee for those that bring in their own mugs... good stuff everywhere.

Simple things such as changing your light bulbs to the longer lasting ones or just recycling faithfully or turning your thermostat down a degree to two... lots of simple ways to take care of our planet.

I hate being hot. I HATE IT! I love air conditioning. I know... a big offense in the Green World. So I am pledging to TRY really hard to keep the air off. I hope that living here where it is always windy and colder works the same way and to my advantage in the summer. It is a step in the right direction, anyway, right?

GO GREEN!

Love the Ones You Love...

Today was a day I would have LOVED nothing more than to be home and stay in bed with a book... add a nap to the mix and it would be perfect! It has been raining all day and is chilly. But nope... my "to do" list was calling too loudly.

Dashing here and there with Josh was not fun. My mom left today, after leaving a bunch of tasty dishes that my children already gobbled up. As much as she enjoys her time here, I know she appreciates the calm and quiet that she will go to at home.

This weekend, I am assuming country kids were looking for something to do and went down our street and knocked off mailboxes. Hope they had a barrel of laughs.

Today at Walmart, I was lucky enough to get a parking spot up front in one of the few "parent with child" spots. Since it was pouring rain I felted so thankful. Next to me was the handicap spots. A lady was honking and telling this little grandpa with his walker that he had taken her spot. She was certainly younger than him and did not seem handicapped. How pathetic her life must be to pick on someone with an obvious handicap. I felt bad. I was embarrassed for her and her behavior.

I am so happy to have my hubby back. It makes me really appreciate all that I have. While at his conference, one of the audiologists that he reacquaints himself with recently lost her husband. He went to the hospital on a Monday because he was not feeling well and having trouble breathing. By Thursday he was died. He had lung cancer and did not know it. They thought it was pneumonia.

Life has a way of throwing a curve ball when you least expect it. So it was a reminder to simply love the ones you love.

Puppy Loving!

It is Saturday... the pups have recieved so much loving, I'm wondering if they can overdose from it?

It reminds me of bring home the "new brother" how many times... and each waiting for their turn to hold him.

The pups were up every three hours needing to go out. Oye... I really hope that birth control is a sure thing... as I sure am too old to do this with a baby human!

Boy can they cry/bark... I was worried about hearing them... no problem there!

The boys lay beside them or the crate and keep wondering, "how long can a pup sleep?"

If it wasn't so insane, I would need 6 pups to cover all the love that is being passed out.
I LOVE this picture! Tyler is going to sleep next to Bo tonight.... he said... " you can sleep tonight, mom, I got it!"
We'll see. But the thought is too cute! Jordan is apparently going to be Bella's night time sitter.

We'll see... Tomorrow Sanj gets home. I really can't wait for him to be part of the excitement. Oh, and night time potty runs!

Happy Friday!

It is 7:15 a.m. Most of my kids are awake and showered! How come they can't do this everyday? Is it because Sanj isn't home? Is it because it is Grandparents Day? Is it because the pups come home today? Maybe it is because of their love for school!

Grandparents Day... it is a day at our school that Grandmas and Grandpas are invited to join their grandkids for the morning. They visit the classrooms, have a delicious brunch and then there is a program, usually a musical of sorts that is put on for them to watch. Then they have the option to take their grandkids out to lunch.

My mom is here for this every year with excitement. My in-laws miss out this year as they are visiting India.

We will just grab Wendy's or something today and go pick up the pups. I am hoping the boys do not burst from excitement before then!

Sanj called from Florida, down playing his time. Hum... I am not falling for it.

Did I mention how beautiful it is outside??? Spring... I just LOVE it!

Ok... it is 7:28 a.m. I am stalling. I would like to snuggle under my covers for a bit more shut eye.
Not today! Happy Friday, here I come!

Tyler's Awesomely Cool Blog

This is Tyler again. Just so you know, I'm not sneaking on.

I had permission to write "the best blog in the world" because she got jealous on how awesome my last blog was so now this is my final blog before I retire so goodbye to all of my moms readers.

My Life with Sanj!

It is so beautiful outside!!! I can't help but be happy and motivated when the sun is shining and spring is in the air.
Sanj goes away Thursday morning to some place in Florida for a conference. He is usually in meetings and kept busy the whole time. (Well, so he says)!

I do miss him when he is gone but if I am honest, breaks are good. Is that bad to say? It has nothing to do with him or us, but rather the pressure I put on myself.

I always try to meet his OCD need of a neatish house (though somedays I really just have to say "whatever!" But usually I like him to walk into the door with a somewhat orderly entrance. He is starving when he walks in... just like my sons, so I try to have supper ready.

I don't enjoy the everyday cooking routine... you know...
What am I going to make? If I ask Sanj, I will get, "Hum... I am not sure." (Helpful, very helpful)!
Do I have what I need? Probably not.
Groceries... Yuck... Ask a real shopaholic.... groceries are NOT shopping!
Come home and put it all away.
Begin supper... aw shoot... I forgot eggs or whatever.
Or maybe I just don't want to cook. (Trust me, we do our share of supporting the eateries around here)!

OK... pause... I know someone is going to tell me to meal plan... Yah, I know!

My point is that I put this pressure on myself.

While Sanj is gone... I can make pancakes or KD... my kids will be thrilled.
I don't care how messy it gets... because I know we will get to it and it gets neat again.
I don't care about being late as much as Sanj does for school... I'd rather we get there sane than insane.

The one thing I keep saying to Sanj is that he doesn't know how hard he is to live with. I am pretty sure if he lived with himself, he would move out. He has changed with each year... he is obsessive about neatness and order. He hates having toys around (HELLO .... a house with 6 children)!!!! He hates the boys using his office... but despite the access to other computers we are all drawn there. He hates my messy van and just ask any one of my boys about "Daddy's truck"... Yet he can be messy.

He stresses out easily. "WHO TOOK MY KEYS???" Um... nobody. But he is so freaked out about losing them he can't focus on finding them. Right now, as he is planning (he does this constantly, planning in his head) for his Florida trip, he has misplaced his belt.

Lord have mercy! You would have thought he couldn't find his passport (well we went through that a few weeks ago)! This has been the conversation and obsession of the day. WHERE IS THAT DARN BELT???

I bet you money he will lose sleep over this tonight. Today as I complained to him about how exhausting he is... he says "I know, I tire myself out too!"

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh... yes sometimes he is another child. I love him. I am so glad he is there to be stressed over every single thing. I stress quietly about the things that matter. (What am I going to wear to his alumni)?

Absence is good for the soul. But really I miss him already.

Thank you God for this crazy, wonderful man I have the privilege of calling my best friend and biggest pain in the butt!
Safe travels... please.

Just before I click on PUBLISH... Sanj just yelled down... "I found my belt.. it was under a tee-shirt."
See what I mean??? lol

This is a picture capturing my dear hubby suffering from stressitis ... how are we going to get out of this parking lot???
Isn't he a cu-tie?

Reema wants to be your friend... Do you accept?

Facebook... do you love it or hate it?

I love it. It is a great way for me to stay in touch with people I would other wise lose touch with. Sanj would say that if this is the case they are not my "real" friend. I disagree. There are many people in my world I like knowing how life is going, seeing picture of their children and pet. I feel like I get a sneak into their life that I would otherwise not have. Cousins, friends from university, high school, even in my community.

I like it also because I get to see inside my children's world. As said before, I am a required friend if they want the privilege of Facebook. You learn a lot about their social circle. A lot! You can't stop friendships but you can certainly educate against things that are part of their world. Sweet little Johnny is a team leader and player in the locker room yet on Facebook, he is chatting about various drugs and vices. My eyes are opened wider!

I love the different ways that pop up of getting to know people better... different notes that you can read or be part of that allow a look into a whole different dimension of a person.

I love it. Sanj hates it. Actually this calls for caps.... HATES IT! He thinks it is ridiculous to keep in touch this way. If you are a friend, he feels that you will be in his life actively. He is a black and white kind of person. I have many areas of grey in my life.

Yet he loves his Blackberry. He is addicted. He doesn't seem to realize that it is an immediate gratification kind of thing with the www. I hate his Blackberry. It is like a mistress.

Facebook was orginally designed by college students for college students. But now is the social networking site that is used by tweens- 90 year olds!

People can stay current on the on goings of families. I know that "Reema is changing a light-bulb" kind of status drives some people crazy. They (Sanj) finds it stupid. I, on the other hand, love to see creativeness coming out. I love knowing someone else is annoyed that they are up at a crazy hour.

I love knowing the happening of my "children" from yesteryear... they ones I lived with and baby-sat. I live seeing other people's lives, traditions and even struggles.

Yes, it can be addicting... so I will refrain from using my computer in bed (is there a lent up and coming again?)... and engage with my hubby... (apparently I have been on my computer too much...) lol...

I love the great things about Facebook.

There are things that drive me bonkers... but I can ignore those applications that I don't have time or interest engaging in.

I think that as long as parents are supervising their children's usage etc. it is a great tool to keep people together... family, extend family and friends.

When I was younger, I remember my dad would make us write letters to his mother, brothers and cousins in India that we did not know. I remember writing on the aerograms... do they still have those? This was an attempt to have some sort of connect with his family in India.

Nowadays, I love it that my boys have their aunts and uncles as friends. They write to them on their own accord. I love that a relationship is developing on its own terms with family afar.

SO... Facebook... love it or hate it?

By the way, those that read my blog on Facebook and comment there, thanks for reading and supporting my feeble attempts at being an author in my own world! :)

Oil and Vinegar

When I was young and thought of how many kids I wanted I knew I wanted more than 3 and not an odd number of children.
4 was my perfect number... 2 boys and 2 girls. Well God had other plans...

Growing up with 2 brothers there was always an odd one out. One had to ride Space Mountain with a stranger... you know that kind of thing that makes an even number family handy. :)

I always hoped that my children would be friends aside from family. That is yet to be seen as they become adults. As brothers now it is the luck of the draw. Most of them get along with each other every other day.

Yet I have 2 of them that are a constant combination of oil and vinegar.

We know that if we are in the van... to seperate them with 2 seats apart. Just looking at each other causes discombobulation.

It is very unsettling to me that the seem to dislike each other. One more than the other. Yet I know that I can not force things either.

This weekend Sanj and the boys got the guitars out and were playing together. (This is a blog on its own).
The boys have been taking guitar for a year now and really love it. I love it. There is not constant nagging to practice. I would like to say... QUIET... please. :)

Yesterday I heard two playing together. One on the drums and one on the guitar. Music... together... made by Oil and Vinegar. Beautiful together.

Oil and Vinegar together don't mix but still make something beautiful together.

Be still my heart... and then it was back to normal... "Mommy!!!"
.

Laundry is like Labour....

My laundry room looks like an alien vomited a planet of clothing. I am trying to just relax and deal with it one load at a time.

It is funny how something as simple as laundry is a breaking point for me.

I am working towards the older boys doing their own laundry... yet somehow stuff still sneaks in.
Yesterday Sanj and boys cleaned the basement. Armfuls of stuff with no home came into the laundry room. (HUM....)

My heart is actually racing as I type this out. I guess the thing is I don't want to "stay at home" and do laundry.
I don't mind on a rainy day... actually I quite like it.

But the sun is shining... I think the reality is I associate laundry with darkness.

After Josh, I had a meltdown of sorts. While I was sorting out my issues, I realized that mountain of laundry set me off.
Baskets of washed and folded laundry still had to be sorted and put away before it was dug into and needed refolding.

Some of you understand this image... yes the boys help, yes they can put their clothes away... etc.. but still the responsibility is ultimately mine.

One day, as the boys were heading out the door... I looked around at the chaos around me as the boys were leaving for school ... I lost it. You know that kind of crazy that would have put you in an asylum back in the day?

I screamed, "LOOK AT THIS PLACE!!!" THERE ARE CLOTHES EVERYWHERE.... WHO IS GOING TO CLEAN IT ALL UP???"
It was actually an ugly moment. I ranted like a looney and broke down.

Tyler went to school and asked for pray... "My mom isn't feel good." Hum... if he only knew! Postpartum is an ugly thing. Tom Cruise is an idiot.

Those of you that are natually neat or a little obsessive may never experience this... but our house is always in a state of lived in mess despite the threats, punishment and beating! :)

Sanj and I are obsessive to some degree with certain areas of our lives... yet not all. My kids are like this too. It is easier to pile a bunch of clothes on the chair in my room then hang them up. Why? Dunno. Too tired? Too lazy? Dunno. Yet when that pile accumulates after a few days.. I get mad. I am annoyed. I get down right _itchy!

What is it about that inability to do things immediately?

Yet there are areas of life that I like it just so. For Sanj, it is his truck. Ooohhh don't mess with the man and his love. For me, my computer is MINE. Please leave it alone. My bathroom... I would really like to padlock it from toilet seat offenders.

So the laundry builds. It is a part of my reality. I need to get over it. I am working on breathing.... then getting up from the position of being paralyzed with angst and making my feel move to that room... one load... then breath. Hum... reminds me of labour. One contraction, breath, relax, owww... here comes another.

This blog is a stalling tactic, obviously. Laundry... here I come!
(Pray for the household)!!!

Easter Sunday...

What a lovely day. We had friends over to share Easter dinner and the egg hunt. It was great.
The Easter Bunny was very generous and laid many colorful eggs all over (thanks Kelly X2).

It was so fun to watch children being children.

I love watching the look of enjoyment that takes over their faces. Childhood, as it should be... even if it is in moments.

Tons of food made the rest of the day as enjoyable as the company.

Within minutes of teeth being brushed there was the blissful sounds of snoring... content, peaceful snoring.

Tyler

Hello this is Tyler writing on my moms blog. I found out how to get on her account so you will be hearing more from me. bye

TOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE!!!

We went shopping this weekend... Golf clubs for the older two and Toys R Us for the younger ones. Trucks, batman, army guys, power rangers... sheesh!

Really boys and girls play with the same things... except boys just don't call their dolls --- dolls!

Sanj told me that once the boys have outgrown these golf clubs, they would be perfect for me. Hand me downs... from my sons!

Testosterone overflows in this house. Gaseous scents are awesome rather than disgusting. Watching a movie is a waste of 2 hours... yet watching a hockey game is not.

Sometimes I find that I forget that I am even a girl. I find myself thinking in terms of the male gender that I lose myself.
I pick bang 'em up movies rather than ones that leave me feeling nice. I find myself picking out a cell phone that is silver or black rather than pink so that I can pass it down at some point.

The boys have taken to my shoes... crocs and runners... My sweatshirts... are seen on Tyler more than on me. Jordan can be seen sleeping in my bathrobe because it is comfy...

Boys... testosterone is overflowing. I need a girls weekend away! Quick!

I hope that the hair on my chin isn't the result of all the overflowing testosterone seeping into me...

The REASON for this SEASON... too!

It is Easter Weekend ... a time for reflection and giving thanks for mercies. For me, it is a time for truly being grateful for my belief in God. I really have appreciated the fact that I can have hope for a New Beginning with people I have loved and lost. I am grateful that I can have faith in a Father, that knows my beginning to my end. He knows the best of me and the worst. He knows me and Loves me in spite of all I am.

Easter weekend is a reminder of a great loss. It was around this time 5 years ago that I had a D&C. Miscarriages are not the kind of thing that we talk of or reflect on with great loss in our society. Yet for me, I was the loss of a dream. It was my 6th pregnancy, so in that 9 weeks I had already lived and dreamed for this little being.

It was a loss I have felt deep in my being. It was a huge letdown as I believed that God would grant my wish of a daughter with this child. I had such faith... I just believed. I am not sure why ... but it wasn't God's will. It was such a reality check and a lesson in faith... This is the defining moment when my faith went from that of a child to that of an adult.

I felt such sadness as I went into the OR knowing that my dream was literally being sucked away from me.
I felt such loneliness as I trying to come to terms with all that was happening.
I felt such anger to God. Why? I could not handle this... I am not strong enough.

For me, it wasn't time that was helping. I remember going to church that week. I only went because Sanj was on the praise team and wanted to be there to support him. The song, the words and then it was communion... it was all too much. I was SO angry. I was so hurt. I was so alone.

This is what Easter reminds me of. I makes me sad that I missed being that baby's mom... It makes me long for heaven to feel the completion of my family. It makes me know that God sees my pain and hurt. It makes me then remember... Josh ... my sweet baby, who loves me unbelievably, was born on Easter Sunday, 4 years ago. This is what Easter reminds me of ... too.

I am so often told that I share such personal things here, in my blog. I know many get uncomfortable with my openness. Yet, I really believe that the experiences or thoughts I share are for me to learn from and share. If I can let one person who has experienced any of the life experiences I have... know that they are NOT ALONE... then my pain or sadness has had a purpose and it is worth it.

This Easter weekend as I will watch my children enjoy the hunt for eggs, get high on chocolate, I am reminded again that Jesus is the Reason for this too.

Talk Like Your Teenager...

No, I don't want to talk like any of them... but I would like to understand their online lingo a little better.

As you are driving, do you like to figure out people's license plate? Sanj is really quick at it.

As I look at instant messenger or the boys conversations they have online... I am often left out in the dark.
I am sure this is the intent... but I am curious. I love word puzzles. I don't do them on purpose but who knows, maybe I will while I relax in my rocking chair someday.

omg, rofl, brb, ttyl... you have seen these right?

brb... be right back
ttyl... talk to your later
ttfn... ta ta for now
omg... oh my gosh
rofl... rolling on floor laughing

There are other ones I have seen but can't remember the exact letters... but now I have a tool to help me decipher this new lingo.
www.urbandictionary.com

Our rule here is that the boys (older ones) can have Facebook and email but we must be a friend and have the right to read or access their page.

It is amazing the things you learn... not just about your child but about their friends.

A whole new era of growing up...

wwas... will write again soon!

The Shiner

My sweetie pie got his first shiner.

No, I did not give it to him! :)

Josh tripped and fell in the parking lot at the Y. He skinned his cheek pretty bad and had a bloody lip.
The folks at the Y were good (though I am sure they thought I was over-reacting). Josh got a free-zee out of it.

Yesterday he woke up with eye swollen and this ugly war wound.

Vitamin E and hoping that he just leaves it alone...

His beautiful face.

Competition Runs In the Family...

My brother is a fellow blogger. I love reading his blog (www.wonderingaboutgod.blogspot.com). Over the last few years his blog has made me laugh as well as shocked me. I have learned a lot about him and his thoughts over the years. He is the inspiration for my own blog.

November 5, 2008 his stat counter (how many times your blog has been read) hit the 1000th time. He was excited. I was envious.

Today he called me, annoyed, apparently. He commented on my stat counter... it is at 1000 already! He is jealous. :)

I am flattered and appreciative to whoever reads my blog. Thank you for taking time and energy to do so... if for no other reason than to have this moment with my brother.

He told me that his goal is to be at least a few ahead of me. Hum... no doubt he will pay or bribe his congregation to read his blog to achieve this. lol

I am only blogging this because apparently he is going to blog this too. Not sure what version he will write so I thought I'd better write the truth somewhere on cyber space.

I love my brother.

What Next?

Despite how I am really feeling today... which is in one word GRUMPY (thanks to the RIDICULOUS weather), I am challenging myself to write a positive blog.

What can I say?

One of the facts of being ADHD (which is actually ADD with hyperactivity) is that in one day there is a constant flurry of activity in this mind of mine. It never seems to stop. I have so many ideas that pass through my mind... at this present time ... seeking for the right answer of what will be my next step?

I mean beyond the puppies, homework, after-school activities, gym and my tea parties (as Sanj loves to call them... despite that fact that I really dislike tea).

September is looming ahead of me with anticipation, fascination, frustration and exhilaration.

I am full of anticipation the next phase of life... a house full of school going children... from high school all the way down to JK.
I am full of fascination as I work hard to find fulfillment in this new phase of my life. I know that isn't going to be hard but...
I am full of frustration simply because there is SO MUCH I want to do. How do I know? I am listening, Lord...
I am full of exhilaration simply because it is really my turn. I have a husband that supports me in all my endeavors even the most ridiculous, far-fetched ones. I have lived my life for my children... now a few hours a day... I can be about ME! What a feeling of exhilaration I feel... and yet...

I am full of trepidation. I worry about Josh and the transition of cutting the cord though I know I went through this with each one. I worry about taking on too much and still juggling it all. I worry about contributing to our family financial (though this is not a pressure from Sanj)... yet all my dreams of full of big what if and definitely not with any guarantees. I know it is all a risk and life is too short. But yet...

So I find myself trying to SLOW DOWN... find what Step # 1 is and take that first step.
So I find myself trying to calm the racing excitment that I feel pulsing through my blood.
So I find myself trying to just stop for this moment... sign off and just finish the dishes.

Thank God It's MONDAY???

So here it is almost close to bedtime for a few of my laddies.
What a beautiful day. It is hard to imagine the call for MORE SNOW!
Oye, enough already!

Today we went to church, hockey banquets (tagged Sanj on that duty), lunch, rearranging furniture, boys played outside a long time, supper, and tick tock, tick tock... bedtime.

We visited our pups yesterday. They are so cute! I am praying hard over them that God will send His doggie angel to whisper into their ears to be good dogs. Busy, active and all that jazz is my life... so I am good with that. A crazy dog... not good with.
So... I am really hoping God and I... we are on the same page. I am hoping that God's Dog Whisper will do His thing before they come home! :)

Bo is the chubby one and Balla is the smallest. Too cute... it was so hard to leave without them.

I am wondering what this week has in store. I am contemplating on taking a photography class... Tuesday nights. I have 1 sleep to decide as the class starts this Tuesday.

I am really hoping to clean out the Mud Room closet ... because whatever is there has not been used... so... we must not need it that bad.

I am hoping to hit the gym a few more times than last week.

I am hoping to begin a new project... J.O.B. No not get a job but start a group with the acronym JOB.
But more on that later...

I am hoping to be better organized in groceries and dinner planning.

Aw... never to let to begin anew... set goals again and again and again...

Here's to a good week for you and me!

A Spirited Day!

I love my boys. Really, I do. Yet there are days, well many days that I wonder how am I going to do it? Do what? Make it till bedtime.

They have so much energy. Actually they seem to have an extra dose of energy. They remind me of a dog that has been cooped up... and just needs to burn it off.

I am so tired tonight. It doesn't help that it has been raining a lot. Then this morning it had the audacity to snow! Shish!

We went and saw our puppies... which was great... but the plan was for the boys to burn off some of the energy running in the back with the dogs... but the weather did not cooperate. So their energy was pent up...

Then we headed over to a neighboring church where Sanj was playing for the Easter program. That wasn't the best idea after a day of unleashed energy. Sitting still was more work for me than worth it.

I drove home wondering why I can't have some of that energy. I am tired. Exhausted. I am one that has energy and then some ... so I have been told. What will it take to keep up with the tribe?

Today I really appreciated Max for his calm and gentle nature. Thank you God... for my sons. Thank you for the energy and zest they live EVERY MINUTE of their day. There is beauty in that ... please help me see it more. Thank you for the calmer spirits of some of my sons. Oh... and thank you for bed time.
Amen.

Science Projects... What I have Learned...

This week was the Science Fair. 3/5 of my scholars had projects. The two older ones participated due to the fact that it was mandatory. Then there is my Zachary... my grade 1 child. He signs up for the science club!

I tried bribery to get him to reconsider. He was thrilled to be part of the science fair.

So... Project 1 was What is the best why to put out a grease fire... co2 and baking soda were involved.
This didn't require much from me as far as the actually experiment... (thank you Voskamps) as Sammy went there and experimented there. This simply required nagging and more nagging and finally me coming down after 10 p.m. on the last night and helping glue and cut. Hum... I did offer many times before.

Project 2 was Tyler's experiment about which glue is stronger... hot glue, white glue, wood glue or crazy glue.
Sanj and Tyler made this level system and used the different glues. Then a day or so later, they put different measurements of weights to see which would come apart first.
Any guesses? Hot glue was the worst, it snapped with the weight of almost nothing. Then crazy glue was next. The stronger glue as white glue which held out almost as long as wood glue... which only snapped when Sanj stood on it.

Project 3 was paper airplanes... make different airplanes and see if one flew better or farther then others. I have become a expert paper airplane maker thanks to the Klutz Paper Airplane book! (Thanks Janice)! Zach loved the whole thing... especially watching me grow frustrated with each failed airplane!

SO... who says once you graduate you are done school? If you have kids, you start all over again!

Busy Children Day...

I went to Costco with Josh this morning. I had a few things to get and didn't stray too much from my list (that doesn't happen too often)!

We were in the check out line and I saw a lady I have seen around town. She has 3 boys and was taken by the fact that I had 6 boys. I don't know where we first saw each other but greet each other when we do.

She was in line ahead of me... her three sons in the cart. The oldest is 5, then 4 years old and the baby was 2 years old.
They were getting anxioius to get out of there cart. People are looking, the teller is making facial expressions I have seen too often... she asks the mom... "Are they all yours? "

The mom says yes... and the teller continues "or do you get paid to do this?"
People are looking ... the teller is still acting out.

I smile. I wonder what the teller would say if she knew I had 6 sons. She comments on Josh... "Today must be busy children day...'

As I wait for the exit person to check my reciept... I feel like I should ask this mom if she want to get together sometime.
OK God, are you telling me to do this? If she is there, where I can see her in the parking lot, I will stop.

As I get outside I scan the busy lot... nope... not in sight.

Then I get to my lane where we are parked. She is there... 2 cars away.

Hum.

I stop ... we chat. Would you like to get together sometime?
She smiles... we chat and I give her phone number. I write on a McD french fry baggy.
I learn that she is a single mom with her three lovely boys.

I wonder if she will call.

Normal...

Last night was quite a evening. It was full of "discussing" behaviors and attitudes of my older cherubs. It was full of taking away privileges and defining what a privilege is.

It was not a good night. Nothing matter much to my son except his friends. When Facebook and phones are taken away... you are out of the loop. That sucks and matters to a 13 year old.

Well as Sammy and I were "chatting loudly" he says... " Mommy! I am just trying to make you NORMALER!"

No I didn't laugh outright but was defused.

Me... Normal? I have been called many things but never normal!

I used to wish to be normal.... but only recently in the last year realized that is never going to happen. I am OK with that. It took someone to call me quirky to wake me up. I did not think that was a compliment. I was actually kind of offended. Sanj says, you are different. You are not like everyone else. Hum... I am special.

I am o.k. with that.

Normal... my poor son is in for a rude awakening. There is nothing normal about me or our family.

Oh dear...