Love Language

I had a epiphany this week.  I had a chance to revisit a bit of my past.  I think it was a little gift from God.

I had a conversation with someone from yesteryear that I always wondered how they were.  For a short time, they had a piece of my heart.

I always wondered why that relationship was so hard.  I used to believe that if you loved someone enough, you could make it all good.  I think I also thought if I loved enough for the both of us, it would be OK.

Funny thing is, I never understood why I always felt like I was getting the short end of the stick.  In reality, it was because I was.  I just didn't want to see it.

My conversation with this person left me feeling the same way when it was over.  I realized after thinking about it that we are such different creatures.  I love hard.  I am not afraid to love.  I love to chat and am never scared to share most of my thoughts.  I have a love language that anyone who is with me for a short period can see it.  Of course my love language leaves me open to hurt more than I care for.

As I contemplated the conversation, I realized that despite knowing this person over a period of time, I still don't know what his love language is or was.  Is it possible for someone to not have a love language? I don't know what it is.  I realized that with some, you just aren't compatible.

I was grateful to be able to say I can close that door... and realize that I will never have my questions answered.  Maybe that is the answer... that there are no answers.  Maybe it really wasn't about me.  (Shock!  I thought it is always about me)!

Sigh.  Life is so funny and yet despite that, God is so good!

Missing: My 15 Year Old and the Lawnmower!

Lord Have Mercy!  I had a trying day with my 5 year old.  He was really testing me.  I am pretty sure I won but wow, I am too old to have a 5 year old! 

Sammy was home today so I phoned him and asked him to mow the lawn.  I got home and the front yard was mowed.  I was so pleased that he was listening to me.  I went looking for him.  I didn't see him.  I didn't see the lawn mower either.

I wasn't worried.  Max went hunting for him in all the usual places as I brought the groceries in.  Still no Sammy or lawnmower.  Then Max went to look for him in all the unusual places.  No Sammy.  I was just about to panic.  Well actually I was rehearsing my call to Sanj to tell him that Sammy and our mower was kidnapped or stolen.

Max thought he heard a mower in the wood/ forest.  He went to look.  He took a little too long.  I begin to worry.  I started to head into the woods, when the chicken in me decided to grab the phone, not sure what I would find.

Then  I see Sammy and Max running out of the woods.  

I was so relieved I wanted to smack him.  Where is the lawnmower?  

Since I could see that he was a little hyper, I knew that the mower was in a place I didn't want it to be.

It was in the back woods, stuck.

Did I mention he was home today?

Here is how he spent part of the day... picture taking.

Did I mention I love this kid?

Beware!

Today was a day that Tyler and his  grade 8 class spent the day at Sammy's high school.  Then he was off to a fellow classmate's birthday party.  Then he was back at the high school to play with his school band.


I have not seen him all day.  He just came in with Sanj ... grinning from ear to ear.  


"I got 2 girls phone numbers!"  Tyler gushes.  "I can't wait for high school."


LORD HAVE MERCY!  This child of mine is the one that is, well, was on the quieter side.  I never would have every thought that by this age he would have already had a girlfriend.


My little Tyler is not so little anymore.


I am a little apprehensive about his eagerness for high school now.


Maybe another talk is in order....


When I had the birds and bees talk with him a bit ago, his response was, "Do you and Daddy do this?  I don't want to know anymore!" 


lol


Well maybe it's time for the More!

Look out, Girls, Here Comes Tyler!

Boys to Men...

I remember my babes as little ones.  It was so easy.  I love babies and I find them so easy and loved them.


Now days, I am hearing, with regularity, "Daddy, can I borrow you shirt?" (Followed by Sanj sighing)! lol

I keep looking at Sammy, who will be 15 years old in just a few weeks.  He is a young man!!!  Shoulders have broaden, his jaw line seems more masculine, there seems to be hair everywhere and he sounds like a big person.  Where did my little man go?


In 5 years, as I anticipate Josh not pooping or peeing in his pants at the age of 10, I am faced with the reality that Sammy, my little firstborn, will be 20 years old!!!


I have been feeling time whizzing by me.  I miss buying him the cutest little outfits.  Now, I have to pay big boy prices for outfits I am not even allowed to pick!  He keeps picking stuff that I want to say, "Ew!" because I remember wearing that stuff in the 80s. lol


Sammy, my teenager, who has really given us a run for our money already, has been much better lately.  Maybe all the crazy hormones are realizing that we really are on the same page. May this is another calm before the next storm.  Whatever the case, I love this kid of mine.  I love that he is more able to say sorry now after he goes crazy.  I love that, as annoying as it is to my not a night person hubby, that my 14 year old still leaps into our bed and takes up all the blankets and asks if he can sleep with us?

I love that I walk into the office and see this beautiful picture of my oldest and youngest, all cuddled up watching a movie (even though it is a movie I am sure Sammy, at 5, would never have watched!).


I am watching this little man, who taught me to love with all my being, is growing into a great man that I am so proud to call my oldest.  I love that he doesn't take life too seriously.  I love that he has a kind heart.  I love that he is full of play and just loves people.  I love his ability to spend money endlessly (guess where he got that from???)  I love that he is so much of me in him.  I wish that being like me was a little easier for him.  I wish that being out of the box wasn't so hard when you are 15 and trying to work in a world that seems to only think boxes are the way.

Yet, I can't wait to see the amazingness that I get glimpses of ... that he is going to burst and just shine when he figures how to be a circle in a world of squares.  I know that God has great things for him.  


He is on the cusp of manhood.  I hope that life is kind to him.  I hope that he doesn't have his heart broken too many times or to hard.  I hope that life is awesome for him.  I hope that he is gentle on himself as he grows and has to figure it all out.


I love his kid of mine.  I am still trying to figure out how I am a mom to an almost 15 year old... when I remember when I was 15!


I love you, Sammy!

Check It Out!

There is finally soon to be one author in the family.  My brother, Kumar, is about to have his book come out, hot off the press!  It is an exciting time and I am presently living vicariously through  him!


Check it all out at his snazzy new website:  www.rajkumardixit.com


This book will be a great gift for all the ministers at your church!

Divorced!

Do you ever think of divorcing your love?  I have to admit, I do.  Only when I am really mad.  Then, lucky me, I fall in love all over again!

The other day, I said to Sanj something along the lines of moving.  OK... that is all he heard.  (Understand, I wasn't saying I wanted to move in the near future or am I ever looking...)  He looked at me and said in his annoying, "I mean business" voice, "If you want to move again, I swear I will divorce you!"

That got my attention!  Divorce moi?  I am such a catch!!!  lol

Oh dear, I think this time I might have pushed him over the edge.  See, I have moved so many times that I have a hard time thinking of a house as in forever terms.  Sanj can count the number of times he moved.
I love our house.  I really do.  I was just making conversation...  He didn't buy that.

Since I don't want him to divorce me, I have been looking at this house in a different light.  I have been looking at things I need/want to make it a house forever kinda house.

Divorce.  Such an ugly word.  Yet there are things that are issues.  What if we are just not compatible?
Here is an example:  I love the windows open, especially right now when it is windy, a storm is brewing and the air is cool and fresh.  Sanj walks into a room and shuts the window.  He is cold.  He hates the wind blowing in.

Hum... My feeling is, "Get Over It!"  He can layer up and keep warm... me, I can only strip so much! lol Hum... maybe there is an ultimate motive! lol

Divorce.  Such an ugly word.  Of course, if he wanted to get my attention, he has it.  Home Sweet Home.
Should I call Dr. Phil?

Calm, Cool and Collective

Today I met a very calm person.  I was fascinated by her.  The 3 younger boys had their eye check ups today.  The doctor was this lady that was so calm.  She wasn't slow or out of it in a duh kind of way.  I was so intrigued with her.

How does one become so calm?  I am a very hyper person by nature.  It is a part of me.  My mind is always racing with thoughts and ideas.  Always.  Maybe this is why I like to read.  Reading and becoming engrossed in a story always me to STOP my mind.  Yet then my mind roams after I close my book.

Sigh.  A week or so ago, I went to the spa with a friend of mine.  It was a whole day package.  I was SO EXCITED!  I have never done anything like this before.

After getting there, we were to change into a robe that was provided.  It was white!  I loved wearing white... it is something that is a luxury in my life. White never stays white.  I buy inexpensive shirts, knowing full well it won't be a shirt I will wear out too long.  The robe was so soft and I felt so special.

Then came the first treatment:  A facial and a scalp treatment.  I didn't realize that the two were being down together.  I lay there, in anticipation...  oooh... the lady's hand was so soft.  I had all sorts of goop put on my face.  It was a long time.  I tried to relax but after an hour (what seemed like 2 hours) I started to wonder if I was ever going to be outta there.  Crazy, eh?  I felt sort of claustrophobic.

Later, after I was done, I realized it took so long because the two were together.  Then there was lunch.  Then... there was my most anticipated 60 minutes of massage.  This was good.  I actually feel asleep for a bit.  I love a massage!!!

Then came the hour for a pedicure and an hour for the manicure.  I am not complaining.  I loved it all.  Yet I realized that due to the nature of my being... ADHD folks are geared for the half a day spa.  It is a day at the spa with all the same treatments, just a little shorter.

As I watched this super calm person today, I wondered what it would be like to have calm in my life.  I wondered what it would be like to have a mind that functions at a normal speed.  Is there such a thing? A normal minded speed?

It really was fascinating to watch.  Sigh.