Does ___ like me? Circle one...

Sometimes I forget I am a girl. Weird. I know. What I mean is being around boys all day, I find myself trying to think like they might or put myself in their shoes.

I do this alot. So much so that I realized that often I don't like girls. I get mad at them and their ways.

Of course it is just kids being kids, but when it ends up being hurtful it causes my claws to come out.

Case and point: My oldest is friends with girls. They invite him to their youth groups or text him etc. It looks like they are into him(of course, this is cause for an increase in my heart rate).

Yet really they are friends with him because they are into his friend. They are trying to scope out information... "Does ____ like me?"

Yet I wonder how my child feels. I don't think that being used is the right term. It is a natural cycle. Yet when it happens constantly... I can't help but wonder... how does it make him feel, really, deep down inside?

Of course I am not into my 12 or 13 year old dating. A hockey mom was bragging about her 13 year old and his girlfriend. Yikes.
I want confidence for them and the realization that dating someone does not make you cooler or better.

But I remember wishing for a date or steady boyfriend around this age. I remember feeling less than because I wasn't even kissed till after high school!

So can I shape their minds around this concept?

Should I even care or worry?

I can't even process this as a girl... I can only feel the heart of my child...

The Beauty of Being a Boy!

Today, after school, I had to make a quick stop at the grocery store.

Sammy and Josh were home. I only had the middle 4 boys with me.

They know to behave. They are usually good in public. Today the tiles on floor became a play ground.
They were really rambunctious.

A lady looks at me and smiles with sympathy (I am assuming) and says..." Oh dear, Boys!"

I had no reply. The proof was in the pudding. I think I just grunted a reply or maybe I just made a sound.

There is such beauty in boys. There is wonderful excitement, energy and noise. It just follows them as they run around.

LIfe is a big playground. Objects, any objects are for swings, climbing and jumping off.

The louder the better. The rougher the greater the adventure. They can't seem to help but touch everything and every one.
They can't help but talk, tease and taunt. The object is to get a rise out of the nearest thing breathing.

They love to joke, trick and prank. They will pee wherever is convenient. And then brag about it.

They love to bounce off the walls. They love to chase each other with something disgusting.

The best part is that laughter that follows the boyish craze... if you have a boy in your life, you know the laugh...

It is a belly laugh, loud and full of delight. Victory. Total thrill of the kill.

Every mom, no matter how annoyed you are, can not help but smile. You can't help it. Beauty. That smile. Music. That laughter.

Boys. Strange, wonderful, lovely yet odd creatures.

Oh how I love them. Oh how I love them most when they are still... content, snoring from a day of being boys.

The Crazy Mom

I get the usual line from people.

It often was "Have you seen that show with the 16 kids?"

Now it is "So what do you think of the mom that gave birth to the 8 babies?"

In one word... CRAZY.

But hey, I am sure there are many thinking the same thing of me. Hey... there are many moments in a day when I know I am crazy!

I understand wanting babies. I understand wanting to be a mom. I also know that having 6 little ones... is overwhelming at times. There are many times I am doing the single mom thing while Sanj is at a meeting or whatever.

Yet, I do have a break. I can leave them with him and inhale sanity when I need it and vice versa.
I know that Sanj works his booty off so that we can provide the basics for the boys and then some.
This is what parents do.

Sane parents do not have expensive baby making procedures yet lack the resources to take care of them afterward.

I also believe that the doctor that implanted the embryos should be held liable.

I can only feel for the children. The six she does have are babes themselves. I can't imagine the chaos that will accompany the babies when they come home.

How will the children with special needs be taken care of ?

I am sad for these children. I am not sure what this mother must feel but I am sad that her selfish decisions now impacts the little beings that she says she would stop living for.

It is unreal. Yet really the bigger issue is how would impregnate her... money or not? There has to be a number of rules broken, so to speak.

So my thoughts... a very sad story. I am not sure this will have a happy ending. Yet, these children are here now. Someone has to look out for them.

And yet I can't help but think of Matthew 7:1, "Judge not that ye be not judged."

Time Out

The place that I was once fed, socially, emotionally and spiritually is gone.

Things have changed. Or maybe I have changed.

I have my "group" of friends, of course, but this isn't about friends.

It is more about an environment, a retreat or a sense of belonging.

Really, it is all about my boys. It is their school. It is their happiness that matters.

I was just lucky that I was being fed too.

I have noticed that I have been reclusive, lately. I have been focusing on laundry a bit too much.
I have been making beds, thinking about dinner, maybe just going through a routine that is safe.

This may be normal for most "stay at home" moms but this is not me.

I feel like I am hiding out.

We do not live in town to just have people over. I am not even shopping unnecessarily. (Did I just say that)?

What am I waiting for? I feel like I have pressed the pause button on emotions.

May be it is just winter.

Maybe life really does go on while you are taking a time out.
Maybe I am not indispensable.
Maybe if I don't call you to lunch, you keep going.

I thought maybe I would be missed.
Maybe it isn't all about me. Hum... who would have thought?

The Boys Day Out!

Yesterday we took the boys downtown Toronto for the day.

We went to brunch at Marche. It was fun to watch them enjoy the feast.

My boy, Zachary, has the palate of a man. Steak, shrimp, sushi... big appetite for a little man!



Then we lined up to pay the bill. Ummm... it will be peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the week!

We made our way to the Auto Show.

The older boys were very excited to check out the latest.

I was overwhelmed at how busy it was. It was a little panicky that we would lose one of the boys.
I felt like I was on a field trip. Stay close to your partner. There was a constant flow of prayers being sent upward to keep us from getting lost.

Then there was the junk stands... well this is what I call them. You know, all the vendors selling stuff that will end up on the floor of the car on the ride home.

Sammy was the only one that caved and bought these ridiculous pair of glasses. Apparently they are in... I told him to show me one person wearing them... well he shows me friends on Facebook.


OK.. what ever. Every child has to have their fashion nightmare picture. This child may just have more than one!

All in all it was a day that I enjoyed just being together. Next year, car show... I'll skip and hop over to the Eaton's Centre instead!

My Own Blankey

Josh is more times than not walking around with my ponytail tie on some part of him.

He falls asleep holding it or wearing it on his ear.

I am not sure what this is about. Maybe he just wants a piece of me with him.

He is a cutie pie yet a odd duck.

Tears of Relief

I used to be able to cry easily.

Sappy movies or commercials turned on my tap. I saw it as a weakness. I hated giving in to that emotion.

Yet, there really is nothing like a good cry. Follow it up with a great nap... it is a great release.

I can't remember the last good cry I had.

I am due.

My stomach feels gurgly (probably from being around too many puking kids).

I have had a bad day over all.

Too many people in my life made me upset this week. Add tired, and laundry that isn't going away... and I am at my ropes end.

Then there are stresses... life stresses.

Then I add a yucky situation that makes me sad.

Cry. I need a good cry.

I know I would feel better if I could.

The thing is, I don't cry anymore. I feel the need and then swallow it. Usually I don't have the time and energy it requires.

Is there a crying pill?

My tears are constipated, if you will and need to be released.

Maybe this is called the winter blues.