Max the Model

Peterborough is getting has a new hospital. YAH... finally! Max and his classmate, Tori was models used in photo shoots for the new hospital. What cuties, eh?

Today Sanj leaves for a conference in Toronto till Sunday. I am joining him tomorrow. While he is in classes, I plan on shopping, sleeping and spa- ing. They have golf and an afternoon at the spa. This is what I see retirement like! :P

My kids are excited to being going to sleep overs and everyone is happy. My mom is here for Josh and will hold the fort down.

I haven't really had a chance to explore Toronto as an adult so I am looking forward to it.

Today ... I just have to finish 101 things today. I have been good at saying no... but need to practice it a bit more. Thankfully there is only 24 hours in a day.

Thank you to all our friends that made this weekend possible.

My body is falling apart!

I have given myself till the end of the weekend to blog this. Someone said that once it is out there, it is freeing. i realize it is not a big deal compared to the many things others are going through but I am still a bit saddened by this.

I am a diabetic. Apparently I was doomed ... due to family history. I wouldn't care as much except that 1) I HATE NEEDLES... I know it is a pin prick... but the anticipation of it totally freaks me out. I am not sure how I will learn to just prick my finger.

Then my mom is here... and since the kids know, she knows. She keeps saying ..." Shall we see what your blood sugar is at?" Why doesn't she just say... "Here. Let me stab your finger?"

2) As my friend said, sugar is my drug of choice. It is how I comfort myself. I love pieces of Wonder bread with butter lathered on it and then sprinkle a generous toss of sugar. It is even better warmed up so the butter melts just a bit. We grew up eating this as a treat! Hum... (OK I did not eat very often)!

Just give me something sweet. I love a spoonful of condensed milk... just out of the can. YUM! OK you can see why I have this disease. How come I can't be addicted to carrots and celery? Or to the gym?

All right, enough of the whining. My doctor knows that I hate needles so has just told me "NO SUGAR" and follow the food guide more carefully and fit in some exercise. And then we will see where we are in three months. How easy is that?

So first of all, I have just made a couple of goals for myself. No sugar... and taking that one day at a time... and celebrating each day's success. Second, making this a family lifestyle change... we eat decent but could definitely add some more healthy habits.

Well first of all, I have been off sugar for 10 days. I am so proud of myself. Especially because both weekends involved being out and around of goodies.

I am not a big bread or sandwich person. And I really dislike brown... whole wheat sticks to your ribs... bread. I ate it by choice today, twice. Can't say I like it but I am hoping to change my thoughts towards food. Hopefully I will learn to eat simply to fuel my body rather than comfort myself.

OK the blessing in all this is perhaps I will reach a very important goal by my fortieth b-day... which is losing a certain amount of weight. I have been doing pretty good but perhaps this will give me the kick in the pants I need.

I was very sad. But part of that was just hating the fact that sucky family history gives you no choice. I hate that fact that this is another bad thing I am going to pass on. But at the end of the day... I am OK. I will learn to live with it in a healthy, the best I can way.

Heaven came down and glory filled my soul.

I remember being in 6 or 7th grade, at church, where we were talking about heaven and how great it would be to go there. I also remember thinking I really hope that Jesus does not come yet. I wanted to get married and have children before I went to heaven.

All grown up (well, I realize that is debatable) I am ready. Heaven... although many times the idea of heaven and living forever can overwhelm me, I am ready for that peace that is promised. I am ready for the promise of healthiness, happiness and hope.
As I begin to age in ways I have no control, as I watch people I love struggle with sickness and suffering, I begin to really yearn for heaven.

As I watch my kids slowing leaving innocence and childhood behind and feeling helpless to keep them from the hurts that are going to come their way, I am ready for heaven. I know that it is what strengthens them and makes them grow but I would rather skip all that. I wish that I could shelter them from a broken heart. That is a pain you just don't forget.

I would like to keep that disappoint of not fulfilling a dream. I would just loved the passion in which Tyler loved hockey. He really believed that he would play in the NHL. I watched as reality slowly hit. It was kind of sad. Dream big but be ready for reality.

So as I think of all this I really just want heaven. I want to meet God, ask Him the 100,000,000 questions and know that it was all in His plan. No more doubt, just peace that passes all understanding. I can't wait.

And God, for all those kids now that are wanting you to wait till they get married... Please don't listen to them! Thanks!

Best Way To Wake Up...

I love rainy days especially when I can stay home. It is a great day to do laundry and not sink into depression. I love storms. I wish they would last longer. I especially love a great thunder storm. It is the best way to wake up. Or sleep in. It stays dark and I love to just pull up my blankets and lay there. I wish could sleep but since kids, my body refuses to acknowledge the concept of sleeping in after 7:30 a.m.

So this is the sounds I wake up to this morning. It was great. I wish the thunder and lightening would last for hours. It doesn't. Then I hear thunder again. Oh wait... it's my kids fighting or something. Really is that necessary?

Another favorite sound of mine is my children asleep. I am sure I have blogged that already. But it is a favorite so I figured it bares repeating. Sounds... funny how some are so soothing and others have the effect of nails on a chalkboard.

Balancing Act

Remember asking your parents... "Who do you love more?" and the reply was always along the lines of' "I love you all equally."
OK that is a load of doodoo. I don't think that is the honest answer. Or maybe I am just different (which of course is not a secret)! I have thought of that question and the real answer.

With 6 children, each so different, I have to try really hard to make sure to "love them" conscientiously. What I mean by that is, take Max, for example, he is a quiet child, soften spoken and kind of a loner. He likes a quiet space and playing with his toys.
I have to stop and think, did I physically hug him, tickle him or tease him? This is his love language.

Then there is Sammy, who is very huggy and verbal child. He will still come and sit on our laps and snuggle, say I love you and it is a impulse to simply love him back. He is never short of love. But he needs to be reassured after he has done something impulsive and driven us crazy.

So I am always checking myself. Did I love all my children enough today? I know that they are the best thing that has happened to me but there are many times they drive me bonkers and I don't hesitate to let them know.

But do I love them equally? I would have to say that isn't really even a fair question. No I don't. I can't. They are too different to love equally. It is not even a realisitic question. But I love each of them differently with all my heart. I am sure if there was a scale to measure the love for each of them in their different ways, it would be equal. But I am not sure.

I know I don't like them all equally. Some of them I just don't get. Then others are so me that I don't like that either.
I think it is ok to not like your children 100% of the time. But to accept them as they are is my lifelong goal. They are not me and will not have my experiences to shape them. They will have their own and I have to realize and accept that I will not understand or know of all of them. That is a hard one.

Yes, I do have favorites, but that changes daily, sometimes hourly.

Phew, that is stressing me out. I can't imagine each of them having pains and hurts that I can't kiss or put a bandaid on. But I know that I need to make sure they know that I will love them even if I don't like them at that moment.

It is a balancing act. It is one I hope I am not messing up. I love them so much. I love them each 100% yet very differently.

In Your Time

I have had a day full of emotions that have been up and down. I am exhausted, emotionally. Sanj was playing me some songs that he redid from his 25th alumni reunion, Eternal Praise. As I listened, a song that really moved me was "In His Time." It was one that I clung to going through some rough times in my 20s. My faith was so SIMPLE. I miss that. I hate the constant doubt of "Are You There, God, It's Me, Reema..."

I am going to try and put the music on here... but here are the words:

In His time, in His time
He makes all things beautiful in His time
Lord, please show me every day as You're teaching me Your way
that You do just what You say in Your time

In Your time, in Your time
You make all things beautiful in Your time
Lord, my life to You I bring may each song I have to sing
be to You a lovely thing in Your time


As I was talking to Sanj, he said... it's an easier thing to sing than live. Now almost 40, I want that again.
Faith. I want to be a woman of faith. Lord, Help me Believe again and KNOW in my core that You are IN COMPLETE control.
I know I just need that mustard seed. You will make it grow. If I look back, I see all the things You DID make beautiful and it was in YOUR time.

I want that Peace that passeth all understanding. I need it. I didn't understand those words as a kid... now I sing that song craving that peace beyond all understanding. All my friends out there, I pray this for you tonight too.