Learning a Lesson in Grace

Over the summer I wrote about how Sammy and I have been clashing... which was his attempts of separating himself from me. I didn't handle it with any level of grace. I was just hurt wondering why this child I love so much is pushing me away.

Then we had an incident which was the straw that broke the camel's back. The worst thing that could happen to Sammy right now is too lose his phone... his connection to his world of friends.

Gone. I took his phone away. He was more sorry about the lose of the phone than his actions.

Over a period of a few weeks, Sanj spoke to him about being really sorry and asking for forgiveness. I basically focused on my other boys and stayed out of Sammy's way.

While taking his phone away would serve as punishment for his actions... I wasn't sure it was really teaching him what I really want him to understand.

He did apologize. We moved on.

What I noticed is that he really still needs me but just didn't know how to do that in a cool acceptable way.

It made me realize that so many times we tell our children to do something, yet never realize that maybe they just don't know how.

An example of this is Sammy and Zach. There is 7 years between them. Zachary copies Sammy... looks up to him... and simply drives him crazy. I am forever nagging him to just be nice. It hit me that maybe he needs help with this. Zachary just wants Sammy's attention... so he does irritating things to get it.

My suggestion to Sammy was do the little things. Sammy got a new BMX bike... to do tricks etc... Zachary wanted to try it... Just say yes... to him and let him have a chance. Buy him a lollypop. When wrestling with him (Sammy's idea of attention) add in an "I love you, Zach."

Sammy and I made a contract together. The phone is mine, period. Yet he can have it from certain hours if he full fills the items on the contract. He was willing to do anything.

A few things off the contract are:

Hugs for mom a couple of times a day.

I love you, Moms... thorough out the day.

Make a conscious effect to connect with Zachary in small ways in his day.

There are other things obviously... yet these are the ones that are most important to me.

OK... you may think this is ridiculous. But it works. I think he just needed an out to love his mom the way he always has. Sometimes he will come and say "love you mommy... there, that is one time..." as I am cooking... I am good with that. Hugging... receiving it and accepting it... I am good with that.

It really has made a big difference. I have had to take the phone away when he does not do his share... and it is a reminder that we have an agreement.

When I was first stating my demands... Sammy laughed and said... "I want my lawyer to see this!"

I am grateful to connect with him... even through a contract... yet I am grateful that he has found a way to have me... mommy... when he needs it... as he does still need it.

Smile... It Really Isn't Hard...

Today was a day that I had running around to do ... we are selling one of our vehicles to the business... and the business vehicle is being sold to us.

How hard can that be?  Well let me tell you... from 11 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. I ran around getting the necessary signatures and what nots from lawyers, mechanics and the insurance company.  I had Josh, who was a real trooper, running with me...

After the last paper was completed... I went to the Ministry of Transportation to hand it all over... and waited to feel that feeling of completion.

I only left there extremely frustrated and was told that I had it all wrong.  I still am not clear of what I have wrong... and how and why they need the original bill of sales from 1999... I am pretty sure we don't have!

I left there really needing a good cry... needing to yell at Sanj, that he does not pay me enough to cover the frustrations and emotional trauma I suffered... and will continue to do so until I figure it all out!

He is working on his Doctorate...  maybe he will have better luck figuring it all out.  I am only mommy.  There are limits to my talents!  lol 

OK... as I was living this day of frustration, I was truly baffled by the workers  at the license bureau.  Now I am generalizing and I am sure there must be exceptions to the rule... but at least in Peterborough... why are the workers there so scary?

Most of them have very ugly, scary expressions... that certainly don't say... "How can I help you"  (especially since that is what they are being paid for!!!)   

They seem to take pleasure in letting you know you do not have all the stuff needed... they seem to say the least amounts of words possible...  These are government employees.  They have good jobs that many would give for... with benefits, holidays... lots of fake ones... and really have hard is it to simply be approachable and smile?

It is known to avoid the Peterborough Bureau and drive down to Lakefield office.... where they are kind and apparently go out of their way to help you.  It is worth the extra time to be served with a smile.

So...  nothing was accomplished off my list.  I am frustrated.  I suppose this is all in a day.

I start again, Monday...  

Remembering...

What Will I DO With All My Spare Time?

I was asked this question at least 3 times today.  It was annoying.

After dropping off the boys (on -time) at school, I filled out the many forms needed by the office.

At 9:30 I went to a meeting.  This lead to another meeting at 11 a.m.

In between, I went to Sanj's office and did a deposit... which took a LONG time as the man ahead of me had many requests, which he seem to think of each time he was done!

After my 11 o'clock, I went back to the school  to grab Tyler for his 12:10 ortho appointment.

Then it was a quick rush home to tidy up for company coming for supper.

Back for some groceries, quick run into Chapters ( my one me thing)... and then it was back to the school to pick up my boys.

The day passed a bit too fast!

Josh is having a great time at school.   I felt a little lonely and wished he would cry a bit so I'd have an excuse to snuggle with him! lol  But no, he had a grand day of having a mystery tour around the school among many other things.

So I guess I have figured out what to do with all that time... I'm busy doing all the things I  didn't have time for in the first place!

I Have to Tell...

The boys are home... lots to tell and share! I love it!

Sammy was non stop talking! He had a good day.

I was asking Josh about his day... He replies... "I love my class. I love my teachers."

Wow. Can I ask for a better answer?

I love his teachers too. I love that staff... you are awesome.

I am feeling blessed all around... great boys, great teachers and staff... great school!

And.... a first... he ate his whole lunch!

I Made It!!!

Today was the first day of school for all the Sukumaran boys. It is almost over and I can go and get them!

I am fine. Apparently Josh is fine... yes I did call and check!

It was hard. I didn't cry but really wish I could have as I would have probably felt better.

I had a headache and felt heavy and stressed for the most part of the day.

I did breakfast with a bunch of moms. I then went and got stuff to make lasagna for supper.

Things I discovered today... every one seems to notice when I am alone... from the waitress to the check out person at the grocery store!

I went into the regular bathroom stall... instead of opting for the handicap one so we can both fit without touching too much!

Grocery shopping is fast... very fast and cheaper done alone!

There is little ones calling "mommy" EVERYWHERE!

You never stop being mom even when your kids aren't there... there are other people's kids... it is just instinct!

My van is very quiet and big when I am in it.

I like being with people.

I like being home. Instead of shopping or what not I came home and found it comforting.

I came home and saw that there was a phone call from Sammy's high school... (OH MY GOSH... I have a kid in high school!!!)... my heart stopped a moment.... thinking he called or needed me.

Nope, just a girlfriend, thinking of me!

The craziness is about to be thrust upon me... I am actually looking forward to it. Well for today, anyways. The spelling list, memory verse, reading... will all be overwhelming soon enough and then I will be looking to sneak in a mom day with them!

Happy School Year... One down... how many more to go?

Sorry... but just a few more!