Today...

My babies... 4-14 years old are all in school today!

This is the first time in 14 years that I am on my own... not on purpose!

I have to say that the teachers and staff are so wonderful!

They get it. They are so understanding.

The picture on the stairs is a traditional groaning ... first day of school picture.

You can tell by the faces how has done it many times!

Then there is the picture of my oldest and youngest. Aw...

Then there is Josh... my baby. I think he was more excited about this outfit he picked then anything.

Of course there is Zachary, my big man in grade 2 and Max... looking at me with his... "really is this necessary..."

That is all I got. By the time I made it upstairs... the doors were shut and I didn't think the boys would like me walking in saying "Cheese!" lol

I'll write about my day in another blog... I just wanted to show off my beautiful boys.

Thank you, God, for the last 14 years!

How much I love my boys.

Give them great year!!!

Only 2 more hours till I get to go get them!

I'm Up!

I have been up since 5 a.m.  Oh if this could be a habit!

There is a crazy fly buzzing around me... driving me crazy.

I have had a bit of a tension headache since last night.

Josh came into our bed around midnight.  That was a little gift.  I needed to snuggle with him.

I had a dream that I was forced to go on this horrid roller coaster.   I hate those things!

Yet I had to get through it.  I had tears when I came of it... but I survived.

Maybe that is how today will be... yet I will survive! lol

It's 5:37 a.m.  I best get my act together so I am not going crazy in an hour!

Ready or Not...

There is never enough time in the day... it seems!

Happy Labour Day Weekend! Yesterday we had friends over and enjoyed hanging out till late at the campfire. Today... my in-laws will all be over to do much of the same!

I spent much of today trying to be organized for tomorrow (when everything closes down... annoying) and then the much anticipated and dreaded Tuesday.

I find myself really sad about the beginning of school. Maybe I am sad at the end of a season... staying home with my babes. I am feeling my heart races every now and again as I have been going through my day. (Maybe I am having a heart attack and ignoring it)!

I am really excited for Sammy... as he is really excited. He doesn't seem to be too stressed.

He doesn't seem to have the fear of being beaten up ( that seems to be a fear expressed by kids of my friends... sad... scary, eh?). So I am excited for him. I am not letting my fears and insecurities over take his readiness. So funny, as I watch him, occasionally... this kid pops out of his teenage being!

None of my middle crew are stressed or excited. School is school. Actually Tyler said... "10 MONTHS of homework! Yuk!" ( I kind of agree with him... too bad summer couldn't last a few more months)!

I finished the last minute shopping... forgot to buy one more tennis ball... needed for his chair... it wouldn't be me if I didn't forget something!

I have little nic nacs for the first day... lunch stuff bought... will organize the clothes tomorrow... most of the back packs are packed... just the waking up and being there on time... with no yelling will be a dream!

I asked Josh, "What will mommy do while you are at school?"

He asked Max.... "Could you stay home and be with mommy while I am at school?"

Aw... how I love him. I am going to miss him. I am not sure what I will do all tuesday...

it seems like a long day already!

Breakfast with other moms is all I have planned.

Wow... they are ready.

How much I love them!

2 more sleeps!

I had a good day with the boys yesterday... busy with last minute errands, last shoes to buy, last of the school supplies that were needed and got in a game of mini golf. Zachary got a couple of hole in ones as did some of the others!

I am sad summer is almost over. It was a good one this summer. We did a lot of water trips... beaches, creeks and pools. I realized that this activity ... water... bridges the age gap of my boys.

All of them have fun... nothing like getting wet, catching frogs, crayfish and other critters.

Josh has discovered the game boy. He gets a little too focused on it.

Sammy was off hanging with friends and seeing a movie. A true teenager... now.

The weekend is here... we squeeze a few more days of relaxing. Then it is time for routine... school... homework... lunches...

My Sweet Zachary!

Zachary's going into a grade 1/2 split. He doesn't get it. I heard him telling someone... "I am going back to grade 1."

Aw... my sweet boy. He is my big boy in a little boy's body. He has so much energy and zest of life. He is always wanting to do and try stuff.

School has been hard for him. Yet he persists... everyday. Friends... he feels he doesn't really have close ones. He told me that the one little boy invites him probably because his mom told him too. Aw... my sweet boy...

He is really trying in school... but it is coming slower than he would like. I know it is just going to hit him one day! Boom! But does it have to be so hard?

Dear Jesus...

My sweet Zach... How I love him... what a gift he is!

Help this school year to be a great one for him...

Help him make friends that feed him ...

Help him with the hard stuff... can it be a little easier for him?

Bless his teacher ... she is wonderful!

My sweet Zachary! Thank you for him!

How I love him!

MIA

Josh had a great time yesterday! It was so exciting to see... he loved his classroom(s) and teachers.

He also loves the bathroom.

This is the sink in the little boys bathroom... WHY?!! You have to step on this thingy on the bottom and then it sprays out!

Max asked Josh if you liked the sink... Josh replied, "Yes, it's like a hot tub!"

If Josh is M.I.A check out the boys bathroom! Oh fun!

I feel Weird...

I feel so weird. My dad's suppose to have surgery (can't remember what kind) and so my mom went to help him out.

It is what it is. It is a cycle. Just before she left she said that she wished she didn't say she was coming. But she went. It is what is familiar, I guess.

She called my brother saying my dad isn't doing well. Of course we know this. He has been hanging on for a while now. I think it is God... waiting... giving him chances to fix things... or maybe he is just stubborn... my dad.

Have you ever loved someone or something... yet you know you have to let go? It is a process, the letting go, but eventually you figure how to release, that pain becomes a dull ache that you feel once in a while, you may see it/them and then your life goes on...

Have you? This is how I feel about my dad. Yes, I love him. Yes, I wish for so much more. Yes, I have to let go or else I'll drowned in it.... the love and pain and hurt.

Maybe what I have spent the past so many years doing is mourning him. I feel weird inside.

I guess I don't wish him dead... of course not. Yet, I know that only in death will he have peace. I wish him peace that passes all understanding.

Because my mom is there... there will be the ongoing pulling me/us into the drama.

Until it ends.

And then what? I don't know. But I am feeling that dull ache. I am feeling tired. I am feeling that pull. I am feeling tired of always having to be strong to fight against getting pulled into that cycle.

Never do I want to be part of that cycle. Is that OK? Well it has to be. I don't think I would survive going back to it again. It was too hard to get out the first, second and third time.