Today

Today was a day that was filled with so many emotions. I was excited about seeing the Knight family. I was filled with memories flooding in from a very happy period in my life. My university days, despite the boy dramas I brought on myself where wonderful years.

The Knights are such a big part of those memories.

I was proud of bring MY family to see them again. I was really looking forward to seeing Jono and Jess. I have not seen the kids in a few years at least.

As we walked into the church, Ju saw me and gave me the longest hug. I needed that ... I didn't even know it. Then there was seeing my first set of kids. I got to see them grow up. They are GROWN and TOWERING over me!

My 2 and 4 year old are now 22 and 24! Wow!

My boys were great. The service was wonderful and good for my soul. I missed church... church that ministered to me.

I was sad to leave and say goodbye. I realized that I am in such a good place when I am with them. This is what home must feel like.

I went home today. It was a very short time. But it was very good for my soul.

Blessings

One of the greatest things about having a heavenly Father is that He knows just exactly what you need when you need it!
When I was in university I met a wonderful family that allowed my to become one of them.

There was the dad... David and the loving mom, Juliet and then the 2 children. Jonathan was 4 and a bit when I met him and Jessica was 2. I ended up living with them and baby-sitting for room and board. But really that was just the technical stuff to make my parents feel OK with this arrangement. They truly adopted me.

David was the dean of men and Ju was a nurse. They lived on campus and so I had the best of both worlds. A great place to crash and yummy food and yet was still part of the campus life.

God placed this family in my life to show me what "normalness" was. It was a place where love was seen and heard. I had a healthy role model of what moms and dads should look like.

David has become my dad. Adopted yet more of a dad in so many ways. I remember the one night I stayed out too late. Ohhh... was I in trouble. I was on a date. I was in my own world. Yet, not being one to abuse the privileges I had, he was upset. He didn't even talk to me when I came in.

Boy was I in trouble. Yet really he was simply worried about my saftety. I was out way too late. I had not told them where I would be or called. They were just worried. Later, when all was OK... he said, "Did you at least get a kiss out of it?"

Then there is Ju. This lady has a heart of gold. Yet if you get in Ju's black book... you are done. I always prayed that I would ever do anything that would put me in Ju's black book.

I look back now and continue to be amazed at how she opened her home and family so graciously and embraced me. She made the best Sabbath meals and always welcomed others to join.

She loves her children more than anything. Jono and Jess were blessed children.

This family still keeps in touch. Whenever they are in town (Toronto) with a huge family to see there, we always recieve a call and usually a surprise visit. They always say "your family..."

It is so wonderful to see the boys developing their own relationship with them now.

Sanj knew David from his days at university too. They were thrilled when I began dating Sanj. I remember Ju's delighted squeal and David's high five when I told them Sanj had kissed me.

This family changed my life in so many ways. I had safety with them. You don't know what a gift that is especially if it is something that you take for granted.

Tomorrow we are going to Toronto to the funeral of David's mom. She lived a good life and was 90 years old. She is at peace now. So we will celebrate her life.

I am so excited to see all of the family members. I feel like I am going home. I can't wait to see and hug each of them!

I am so grateful that God in His wisdom placed people in my life to guide me, love me, and influence me in ways I could never see till much later.

This is a picture of David with the boys a few weeks ago.

Happy Birthday Sanj!

Today my dearly loved husband was born. What a wonderful day! I am so thankful that God brought him into this world.

Sanj is such a unique person. I doubt there is any one like him. He is the hardest worker I know. He works out first thing in the morning (I don't even call this hour morning)! He then comes home so he can spend a few usually harrowing minutes helping me get the boys out the door.

Then he is off to the office. Here he is Mr. Kind and Loving to all his patients. He listens to them. He actually has one little old lady that comes in just with made up excuses... to chat. Sanj books her in ... knowing full well she is just lonely.

He probably charges as much as he doesn't. He knows who needs a break and gives it to them.

Let's not even talk about the hearing aids he just donates! He has such a generous heart and spirit.

He is fiercely loyal. I use the word fiercely... because DO NOT MESS with the ones he loves or calls his friend.

He can hold the worst grudge! He still holds a grudge against a now 8th grader (Sammy's class) for her obnoxiousness is SK!!! lol

He is the most talented musician. Give him an instrument... he can or will play it!

He is a great outdoors man. He can name critters and spit information without a second thought.
(I usually give him a hard time about all the USELESS information he keeps wasting his brain cells on)!
He is a great story teller.
He is a great athletic.

He is a great friend.
He is a fabulous father.
Sanj is a wonderful (yet can be pain in the butt) husband.

I am so blessed to have this special man in my life.

Thank you God for giving me the missing link to my life.
Thank you for this kind loving man that I am blessed to share my days and nights with.
Thank you for the boat load of children we have the privilege of sharing our life with.
Thank you for our life together.

Please Bless this dear soul... with even half as much love, joy and happiness he brings to those around him.
Happy Birthday my dearest Sanj!
I love you!

I looked through the many pictures of Sanj... yet this one captures his true self!

God's Answer...

Jordan's class is doing speeches. His topic was on Life with 5 Brothers. He did a great job! While I was at the gym today, one of his classmates was there practicing her speech while her mom worked out. I asked her what her topic was and she said "God's Answers."

Wow. Kind of a deep topic for a 6 grader. I was intrigued. I was impressed that a 12 year old got it and yet it took me till adulthood to get it.

As a little girl, I prayed for a happy home. I believed that God would answer me. I believed that somehow my father would become a loving dad and we would all be happy. I stopped that pray after I was in high school. It took 30 plus years to see the answer God gave me... Wait... not yet. I already blogged about this so I won't again. But the answer was in my own family as an adult. And I learn that happiness is relative. (What I consider happy may not be someone else's happiness).

And so here is God answering me... yet it was an answer of not yet.

Then there are the prayers God says "yes!" I don't even know of an example because how do I pick? There are so many!
There is the daily answers of health and safety. There are yes answers for helping us find a house that was right for us. There are yes answers to most of my life.

Then there are the No's. These I struggle with... because sometimes I am not sure that the answer is maybe a not yet.
My biggest one is asking for a girl. Obviously the answer has been no. (And at this point that answer changing to a yes would be *&&^$%&) Obviously I did not want to hear no. Or maybe I was meant to have my six dearly loved sons. But having a NO is not an easy thing to accept.

But just like a child, I want my own way. I think in my wiseness that I know what is best. Ummm as I look through the past at my history... I am so glad that God was/is in control.

After university I broke up with this guy I was sure was IT. I was willing to overlook his MANY flaws because I was sure he was the one. When we broke up, I BEGGED God that if it was His will, to bring us back together.

It gives me shivers to think of life if God had not intervened.

Sanj was there. God was just waiting for the right time. It was perfect timing for both of us. It was perfect because it was God's timing. I am so glad that I waited.

Yes, No, Not Now... it is the answers we give our children all the time. It embarrasses me to think that I behave just like my children do. I can only image God's frustration of wanting to show us that He knows best and to just trust Him.

I know that I feel this when my children do the same. As I see it from my perspective as a parent, I am so grateful that God is a God of love and patience.

I am so glad that He is in control... He can even take our bad decisions and bring a blessing out of that!

So as I continue to look for His answers... I hope that I will grow out of my childish behavior and become more accepting of His wisdom and infinite love for me.

My Cheerleaders!

What a beautiful day today was! The sun was shining and the temperature was wonderful!

The boys and I took the ATV out and I had my first ride! Oh dear... it could get addicting!

I was impressed with the boys ability to take turns without fighting and any adult intervention!
Hum... amazing what they are really capable of!

The wonderful thing about my boys is they are such encouragers. Growing up, I sucked at all things athletics. I feared gym time. Actually I hated it. I was the last one chosen, followed by groans and then presided to fail at catching, throwing or serving the ball. I had some pretty mean kids in my class, in retrospect and a teacher that was oblivious.

I would be in the field, during football and just pray. "Please dear God, DON"T let that ball come here." Or... "Please dear God, please let me just once CATCH the ball!"

It has permanently damaged my self esteem where any sport or anything requiring co-ordination is concerned.

It isn't fun for me. I don't ever want to feel like I am letting a team down. I don't want to ever feel that feeling of inadequateness again, so I usually do not even attempt it.

The thing with my six boys is they love sports. They are athletic at one sport or another. They love it. I love that they love it.

They don't expect me to jump in. It isn't what I do. I am the mom that cooks and feeds them when they are finished. I cheer for them and watch their games. But I don't jump in and play.

But when I do... it is the greatest feeling. They make me feel GREAT! They cheer me on. Oh they correct and teach but they don't taunt. (Of course if they did, I would kick their butt)!

Today, I got dressed and went out to ride the ATV with them. I was a little apprehensive. What if I tipped over or somehow got hurt?

They were so excited that I was going to ride. They showed me how to used it, and then ran behind me in case I got stuck in the snow pile where I had to turn.

It was so great! I did it. I realize this is not really a great feat for most, but for me, it was about fear. Fear of failing at something my 7 year old is awesome at.

Hum... maybe it is time that I stop caring what others think of my athltic skills and really learn to play for the joy of a game.
Hum... isn't this what I keep reiterating to the boys? Just have FUN.

All that aside, I am so glad God blessed me with a great cheering section all my own!

BTW... the helmet squishes your cheeks together... making them look even more chubby! lol

Super Bowl

Ah... it is the sunday of all sundays. Superbowl Sunday.

Next Sunday I have my husband back!

The boys are excited. They all don't love football but the excitement of this day draws them all in. I love listening to the laughter as they watch the commercials.

I love the camaraderie that is there just for those few minutes. I love the brotherhood. I can't imagine the ribs, wings and snacks that will be consumed by them in the next few years. The boys can eat!

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!
Oh ... Go Cardinals!

Whiteout

This weekend Sammy and Tyler went to a youth retreat at Camp Kawartha. Whiteout is what it was called.

I picked them up this afternoon, exhausted and yet exhilarated. I hope that this weekend was a blessing to them. I hope that their spirit was fed and soul rejuvenated.

We missed them. It was good to knew that they had a great time.

As I picked them up, and saw the youth leaders exhausted faces, I am appreciative of their commitment and dedication.

I remember the youth retreats and camp outs. I remember feeling God's spirit. I remember that I was on fire and felt God's presence.

It was a great part of growing up.

I am so glad that this is part of the boys memories.

As I watched them walk to the van, I wondered if Sammy and Tyler will cherish their relationship with each other? I wondered what the next few years will bring.

I am overwhelmed that my baby is going to be in high school this September. I am struggling with the fact that my son that cried every day for 6 weeks... in JK is going to be in 8th grade.

I am feeling pride as I watched them, feeling nostalgic as I watch them sit still from exhaustion and given in to the sleep that was not too important the last nights.

They are now youth. They have lives of their own that I only get to peek into. Yet I am so glad for those peeks.