Trusting 101

After a period of lows for me personally, my mountains of faith turned into a mustard seed. Apparently, that is all you need. Yet for me it was a horrible feeling to not have faith simply carry me. I was having a temper tantrum with God. My relationship with Him is so childish I am embarrassed sometimes. I am so glad that He is patience and long suffering.

I have found it so easy to pray for others and even believe that He will come thru with huge miracles. Yet as grateful as I am for these answered prayers, I have realized that I never really gave God credit for those answered prayers. Maybe because they did not affect me directly.

A friend of mine was on death's door literally many times this last year. I remember crying all night at the thought of her death, begging God to heal her. Her ministry was so special I could not imagine my world with out her. I could not image the pain the family would suffer.

Well, she is alive and well. It really is a miracle. While I was so thankful to God for this miracle I didn't see the full picture. This was one of MY prayers being answered. There were hundreds of prayers for her... but one of those was mine and it was answered.

I have not been giving God credit for all the things I have prayed for that He has answered. Maybe because it is not me directly or a prayer that is a big one to me.

But as I sit back and think of people in my life I pray for, I HAVE to be so thankful for the prayers He continues to answer.
I am so ungrateful and childish.

So with our house experience I was determined to simply let it be. I told God I know and He knows our wants and needs. I am leaving this in His will and hands.

There have been many ups and down in the last three months. But with each disappointment there is eventually understanding. I have felt such peace in place of stress and angst. When I am getting too excited... I just have said... "OK God, this is all You."

We sold our house within in two months (even though it really did feel like a whole year)! And we got a great price. I have been able to have peace about being homeless. I have been able to get back to Trusting 101. It feels so good. I am trying so hard not to read things that aren't there. This is one of my biggest flaws... looking for signs everywhere.

I want to HEAR God clearly. My huge disappointments of past were of my own creations. Yet I still could not help being so anger at God. I am learning to LISTEN and simply be. I am learning that answers will come if I am patient. I am learning.

It just takes the faith of a mustard seed... then letting it slowing grow, being patient. God is teaching my patience. I never asked that of Him... I hate the lessons in patience. Obviously He seem to think I need to grow in that area. I am coming along.

Lord, thank you for the MANY prayers you have answered that I never thanked you for. Thank you for being so patient. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Size DOES matter!

A family of 8 does not have many choices of what vehicles they can drive. Yes, there are vehicles with 8 seats... such as Sanj's SUV that we all ride in occasionally. But sometime during the drive we remember WHY we have a 12 passenger van... to spread them apart. When they are seated so they can reach out and touch someone... only no good comes!

My 12 passenger GM Express... which I prayed for ... is a sore point with me. First of all, it is a piece of crap! From the first day we had issues with it and those issues only continued to grow. I am not sure if I can say I hate my van but it is a pretty close emotion.
Then there is the endless issue of the gas prices. Have mercy! We have our Suburban which is just there in the driveway because it is over 300,000 km on it and paid off. When the roads are bad in the winter and my van isn't going to make it, I take the Surburban. A couple of months ago I decided to take it for the day and fill it up because it was on empty.

Well as I paid the bill... $175 later I almost had a heart attack. Sanj said, "why did you do that?" I had no idea. It was full service and was not paying attention. That was months ago with prices quite a bit "lower."

My van is lucky it gets filled up $100 at a time. I am lucky if that gets me a little over half a tank!

So my van is a blessing and a curse. Size matters. Lately I have been eying these little cars. I really like this Saab and lime green is one of my favorite colors. Enough room for myself and some shopping bags. Oh Yeah! Well there are 4 seats so technically Josh could come along while the others are in school. Hum...

Envy... the green eyed monster. Once a luxury now seems like it may be a necessity with the way the price of gas is going!

Yellow Car!

I have been spending lots of time in the van, driving the boys to their various destinations.

A game they play is "Yellow Car"... is this a real game? The object is to see a yellow car and call out "YELLOW CAR" before the other sibling claim credit to it. A yellow punch buggy counts as 2 points.

Now this is the part I am sure they made up... after accumulating 10 points, you can punch someone 10 times or let your points add up and use them later. Hum...

So I have joined in playing the game. Apparently I am pretty good! :P I have 11 points or so in one day! How do I pick who is the lucky one to get punched?

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe?

Bloggers Withdrawl

I have loved writing everyday on my blog. Sometimes it is therapy and other times it is a source of relaxing.

Summer is here and I find myself in constant search for moments to just sit without interruption. It is not happening too often. The boys are everywhere. It is a constant game of hide and seek. Someone is always trying to find me whether I am in the kitchen, laundry, bathroom or bed. Someone is always IT.

I am going through blogger's withdrawal. Oh oh... I can hear Zach asking Josh... "Where is mommy?"

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary! Sanj and I have been together 5110 days (give or take a few)! WOW... it is a good thing that I can say I love him more now than 14 years ago. He has grown on me! He is a man full of passion, love and beliefs. Some of his beliefs are different from mine but he has learned to understand that I am always right! :)

We have kind of grown up together in so many ways. We have had many fights but learned that loving each other is better than always being right. We have learned when to be quiet and what is worth standing up for.

We are a united front to our kids, though they know whom to work and when.

Despite our many differences, we have learned to appreciate that our differences combine to make us stronger a whole.

Sanj is all I have dreamed of in my little girl dreams of my prince. I love him and cherish the times we share together or apart.

I have promised him another 5000+ days and then I will take inventory on his qualities again. I am sure though that we will have many more 5000 day periods.

Mom... I need a ride, please!

It is 7:30 p.m. and we have just put pajamas on, ready to watch a movie with the boys and veg out. It was a full day at the zoo and hot to boot. I am just ready to lean my head on one of the boys shoulders and relax. Then the phone rings... a neighbour wants to know if Sammy want to go to the arcade down the street...

We don't want him to go alone since he will be getting a ride back. He just needs a ride there.

I learned to drive when I was 16 years old. While it was great to have some freedom, it was also a nescessate because my dad was the only driver. (My mom did not get her licease till she was 50+). So it was great for my parents to have another driver around. You know how it is... when you first get your licease, you are willing to drive anywhere. "Oh you need milk? I'll go!"

Well the weird thing was I was not allowed to go ANYWHERE unless my younger brother came along. How dumb... was he going to save me in case of an emergency? NO! But I had to take Rajiv along wherever I had to go. He loved that sense of power.

Then came the Saturday night events at school that I would want to go. Yet the answer was "only if Rajiv is going too." How weird and crazy. It was so infrueating. I was already a nerd. Then I had to take my nerdy brother with me too? GRRR....

Then there was the "you can go if you get a ride." First of all, we lived in the boonies... in a part of town not too many people lived. Second of all, I never really wanted others to come to our house. You never knew what could happen. So... getting a ride was not an option.

I remember that frustration so clearly. Maybe my parents were tired. Or maybe it was an other way to keep a tight control over my life.

Sanj had the look of "I really don't want to go out now." Sammy had the look of ... "please?" I got off my butt, drive the 2 minutes it took to drop him off. We both feel good.

Happy Canada Day!

Today is Canada Day! It was a beautifully hot day that we spent at the Toronto Zoo. Josh was delighted to see the animals in the African Pavillian. His favorites were the elephants and hippos. The older boys were not so thrilled to be there but perked up when the ice cream came to cool them off.

It was a good day to appreciate our country and all the freedoms that we take for granted every day.