Farewell...

Dear Friend... or someone I thought was my friend... (x3)...

What happened?  What did I do?  What happened to the sentiments of "where were  you my whole life?" Or what about the sentiment of "I can read people... and I feel like you are my best friend... I feel like I have loved you forever."

I am not sure what I did.  I really don't think I did anything.  One day you called me 6-7 times and then all of a sudden...nothing.

Or after seeing you in a long while and asking if you got me emails and messages ... which went ignored... you give me a weird shrug and move on.

Or suddenly finding money does change ones life... seems to have changed the kind of friends maybe you want.

So... to all 3 of you... I write... you hurt me.  I realize that ultimately you don't care... but I was true to you.  I have called you friend and treated  you as I would a friend.

I am so sad that I meant nothing... that obviously our relationship meant nothing.  I am in disbelief.  

So I am writing this letter.  I wish you a broken ankle, or that you fall into a ditch and get mud on your face and I wish you a broken heart.  Oops... that is my inside voice screaming out on paper.

I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me?  It must be me.  How can 3 people that I called friend ditch me... with no words or regrets of our break up?

Maybe my idea of friendship is different.  Maybe...  Maybe I was your friendship mistress until someone better came along.  Guess you found them.

I curse you with rainy days, zits on the middle of your head and nose.  I curse you with running out of gas, a weak bladder and food poisoning and oh... a fly up your nose!

So there!

Farewell my fair-weather friend.

ps  I am just kidding about the fly up your nose... I am just hurt and really did love you.

Tuesday... and counting...

It's 9:39 a.m. and most of my older ones are still sound asleep.  How in the world are we going to wake up on Tuesday for school is beyond me!  I even sent them to bed last night at 9 p.m.  This is why I love summer!  No pressures!

This weekend past was a little crazy.  The boys summer hockey came to a close with the playoffs.  This meant 5 of my boys, who play on 3 teams had 12 games over the weekend.  RIDICULOUS!  How crazy is that?  So Saturday we lived at the rink.  I was running around with the boys that had breaks to grab food and what not.  Sanj was stationed at the rink doing skates and watching with the enthusiast that only a true hockey lover can have.  It was a long day!

Sunday evening we went out to supper with friends and then went to a Lacrosse game.  I have never been.  I didn't have any clue about the game except that they use sticks with nets and it is a very physical game.  The Peterborough Lakers were in the playoffs... and it was a very  exciting game.  I quite enjoyed it.  Whenever the Lakers scored, this little old lady would swing this sexy red bra round and round in the air.  Josh thought this was hysterical!  Not sure I would ever want the boys playing the game though, as I really did not feel they had enough gear to protect themselves taking into account the physicalness of the game!

It is a scorcher of a week.  Yesterday and today, Sammy and Tyler are in  the Ryder Cup... this is between the two clubs in Peterborough.  I played "golf" for the first time too.  It was a mixer of sorts for the school... board members and staff and spouses... we each had to draw for a club (I had to play with a 7 iron...) and a putter.  It was fun.  I felt the pressure on not wanting to be the suckiest player there.  I had fun.  Thankfully we didn't really keep score.

For someone who has no interest in sports... it has a lot of space in my life.

I went to get a pedicure before the golf thing... I went to my usual place... it is owned and operated by a lovely group of Asians.  There is a young lady there... who was pregnant... who was back to work.  I asked her about her baby... she had a girl.  I just assumed the baby was in the back... as there is another 4 year old boy often there.  She said no the baby was in Toronto with her mother-in-law.  The baby is 6 weeks old.  Of course I had to refrain myself from asking more ... the lady in the chair beside me asked if she was going to go to Toronto tonight?  The girl just kinda shrugged.  Wow.  I can't image...   It broke my heart.  How come her mother-in-law couldn't offer to come stay here at least for a bit?

Yesterday Sanj had a patient come in... They were  the owner of the house we used to rent... our first little house in Peterborough.  She recognized the name... must have been from mail they got after we moved.  Sanj, I am sure did not hold back on all the funny stores he had from that house.  See, despite a million folks that have no issue of sharing their homes with critters... you know what I mean... now RATS are pets... ugh... LORD HAVE MERCY... I am not one of those folks.  In past, as soon as critters have taken up unwelcome residence... We are outta there!

One day, while we lived in this house... I had just taken the boys up for a nap and was coming down into the kitchen to make a bottle.  As I was coming down the stair which gives me a view of the kitchen table... I see something I am not suppose to see.  I freeze on the stairs... and stare...  Yup... I am seeing but not believing.  There, standing on his hind legs is a fuzzy tailed squirrel... feast on a donut that was left on the table!  OH MY GOODNESS!  We made eye contact.  We both freeze.  I am honestly not sure who is more scared... yet I would lay money on this that I was likely the most freaked out.

I screamed so loud.  I am really sure for years a squirrel was racing around town from the high decibels that pierced his ears.   I ran back upstairs... slammed the door and was freaked out!  All four of my boys were staring at me, not sure whether to be scared or not.  Sammy was 4, Tyler, 3, Jordan 2 and Max a babe....  there wasn't the promised bottle in my hand... and I am sure my eyes were crazy.

"Don't move.... and don't open the door!!!" I told them.  I called Sanj in panic... he was in Port Hope working this day (about half an hour from home).    He didn't see the stress... "I'll take care of it when I come home... just open the window and it will go out,"  he said.  

OK... he was nuts...  I couldn't believe he actually thought I would even stay in the house.  What about his dear child?  What about rabies?  No, staying in the house was not an option.

I called pest control of sorts... $100 was the price to come rid me of this beast.  Sanj let me know that I better not pay $100 to rid us of the squirrel when he could do it for free.

Now what?  I threw a laundry basket down the stair in an effort to barricade the path between the kitchen and the stairway...  told the boys to RUN not walk straight out the door to the van.  I remember losing it when one of them was whining about not finding his shoe.  "YOU DON'T NEED YOUR SHOE!!! JUST GET OUT!!!"  Did they not get it?

I finally got the kids to the car... this was before cell phones... and made my way out of town to my in-laws... an hour away.  Sanj was in disbelief that I had left town.  He did not see the evil in Mr. Squirrel's eyes.

All's well that ended well, sort of.  My Nature Man husband came home... of course all signs of the  Mr. Evil was gone.  "He's gone," Sanj announced.  I didn't fall for it.  Just because Sanj didn't see him, didn't mean he was gone!  

Sanj showed me the hole in the screen of the window and convinced me (but not really) that he was freaked out by this  crazy human and left.

I had no other choice but to assume this to be true.  The boys and I moved back in.

It was some time later... the boys were in bed, I must have been putting a load of laundry in before going to bed.... this house was a back split.  The family room had a stairway going down to the dungeon part of the house.  As I was heading down, I saw and heard this huge thump thump thump going down... and eye see the end of a brown HUGE bottom.  HUGE... like a groundhog.. and I am not exaggerating.

I ran up, SCREAMING to Sanj!  Oh my goodness.  We can not live here anymore...  It was huge and scary.  Of course my husband come down, checks out the place and sees nothing.  Sanj is of the mind set that if he doesn't see it then I am imagining it.


We slept with all the doors to the bedroom shut.  I am not sure how soon but it was very soon after we moved.


The lady told Sanj that when they had the house inspected that there was signs of a critter.  Last night Sanj said it was probably a ground hog.  Do you know how big those are?  The critter was as big as one of my babes.


I can't believe he made me live with a groundhog!  I am glad that this gave him a topic to talk to his patient about.  Obviously this lady is much braver than me.


So far this house of ours only has critters outside.  Yesterday we drove up the drive and there was a deer hanging out.  So beautiful.  


One week from this morning we will be doing the first day of school bit.  Yikes... I am in such denial!  I'd better getting at it... but after we go swimming this afternoon...  :)

The Marriage Lease

This is something that I coined up for Sanj a few years ago.  Let me preface this with "I love my husband very much.  The good in him I love to death.  The bad and the ugly I tolerate."  

Being married 16 years... we both have changed... he has changed a lot since I said I do.  Over the years he has become more and more like his mom.  I am not saying that is good or bad but rather stating a fact.  Over the years, Sanj has grown more and more to only see a cup half empty.  He is a pessimist to the end.  Having to be social in his profession, at the end of the day he is happy to be unsocial.  He is a person who is full of contradictions.  He has high expectations on himself and therefore has that in fact demands that from those he live with him.

Over the years as he has changed... I will often say to him... "Do you know how hard you are to live with?"  I will often challenge him that even he wouldn't like living with himself. lol

One day I told him that he is on a twenty year lease.  That is it.  At this point, renewal will be an option but not a given.  It is a joke between us as his 2o year renewal date comes up.  July 3, 2014 is the date.  At this point... I will have survived living with my polar opposite for 7,300 days!  Wow, that is a lot of days!  

Imagine my surprise when I goggled  Marriage Lease to find it a hot topic!  There is even a book on this... which I plan to go out and buy today hopefully, if it is in stock.  Marriage Lease...  If we did not assume that we would be together till death do us part  would we treat our spouses differently?  Would we treat with more respect?  Maybe truly cherish them with our actions?  Maybe we would live more as if we are courting each other daily... rather than taking the other for granted.  Maybe we would listen... really listen to what the other is saying.

I see spouses treating others such as a co-worker with more thought then they do their spouse or listening to them intently.  I see how polite one can be to those that they did not promise to love and cherish.

Why is that?  The other day I told Sanj that I am forever working on my marriage.  I think of his needs, even the smallest, most basic.  Last night he was coughing up a storm... we were already in bed minutes to sleep.  I thought of what I would want from him (not what I would get from him...) and got up went down and made him a hot drink.  That is the key, I think... to do what we would WANT from our spouse and not what we GET from them.  Oh wait... isn't that the Golden Rule?

I am not sure what Sanj really thought when I said this... he replied something along the lines of  "you don't think I work at our marriage?"  Actually no... I think that men just DO... that they don't' really think of it.  We operate so differently.  This is an assumption as he didn't really say much more... no surprise there... again ... we are so different.

We, as men and women are so different.  We operate so differently.  This isn't a fault but rather a fact.  A sucky, stinky fact.  

So... if we operated on a short term lease... every seven years... as one website said... would that change how we treat each other?

Sanj often jokes that he will wait till he is at year 18 or 19 and then put on his A game...  haha.

Not really funny.  See, if we were really renewing a lease... it is best for men to remember that women do not have problems with memory... we remember everything!  An example would be ... remember November 18, 1997?  I do.

So... leasing vows... I promise to love and cherish you till 2014.  Would that make marriage easy?  What do you think?

As I read this blog to Sanj before I hit publish... he gets from it that I am mad at him... THIS Isn't ABOUT YOU!  lol  THis is just such a fascinating topic to me!  He is also trying to figure out what he did on November 18, 1997! lol

The Office!

As I am getting things in order, I am getting excited about the possibility of structure in my life!  :) Structure in  my life may actually be a successful possibility!  :)  Sanj apparently read my "schedule" for myself and asked me when I thought I would be coming into the office?  Ugh!  I don't like being in his work space for many reasons.  It doesn't hold an appeal that it once did.  I probably had romanticized what it may be like working in his clinic.  Naw.   Big Letdown.  So it really is going to work.

He pays me so I must put in some time.  So I decided that on Mondays that Josh can go in with me... I can bring something to occupy him for an hour and bit and do my token job.  I still have held on to my Tuesday - Thursday for me to write.  I was thinking that I could even stay in town a couple of those day if need be and work at the public library or Starbucks, both of which have wi-fi, not that I need  wi-fi really, when I think of it.

I went into Chapters today and threw down a chunk of money on a bunch of different authors.  I love that store.  I love, absolutely love being surrounded by books, looking at authors pictures on the back of books imagining their journey and believing in myself.  I feel empowered there.   I could stay for hours.  I love the vibes I feel there.

That being said, this brings me to the title of this blog... THE OFFICE!  No, it has nothing to do with the show... though I really do like Steve Carell very much.  I think he is cute, actually.  Here's the thing, my husband has a office.  He has a real space at work called HIS OFFICE.  At home he has his space called DADDY'S OFFICE.  I don't.

I want and need an office.   I really do.  I need a place to lay out my pages, etc.  Here's how it started... I am pretty sure that even Sanj does not remember my gift, that has now become my curse.  Let me start of by saying my husband is very spoiled.  I love him to death.  Always have.  I would do and do everything I can to make his life a wonderful as it can be.

Thus said, I only have me to blame.  Our first house in Peterborough was little thing.  I always drive past it and wonder how in the world we ever fit in there.  Sweet memories, though... anyway, Sanj often would complain about having no place of his own.  He has his keyboard and equipment but never really had a place to set it up.  For Christmas one year, I had the idea to give him a gift of SPACE.  A space that was just his own.  Down in the very bottom of the house was a little room.  It was one of those rooms that was roughly made for a teenager.

I bought paint, a computer table, a cozy chair...  and tackled the room.  Looking back, it was hideous.  The paint job was pretty bad, the lighting... etc but it was a space all his away from 3 toddlers and a babe.  He was very happy to have a space.

Thus it began.  Sanj seemed to always have a SPACE after that.  The music room was really what it was.  In each house it was in the basement.  Our last house, Sanj had the whole basement... it was a pre-made man cave.  It was decorated as an English Pub.  Once again, I decorated this room for a gift... it was pretty snazzy.  He loved it and was very proud of his man cave.

Now we are in the present house.  We looked at this house and was pleased that the office was on the main floor.  We never even discussed it... it was just Sanj's space.  Hum...  it never bothered me to have a space of my own... yet now... I can think of so much I can do in it!

My friend and an editor by profession came over the other day... "You are a writer," she said. "You need a space... an office."  She also mentioned that Sanj is done his doctorate and really doesn't need this space.  Hum... how right!  I am a writer... I am working on my master piece... I am working on being successful... maybe even having a  blockbuster hit...  ohhhh!!!

Sanj said he would make me a space in the basement.  I don't do basements.  I don't like dark places.  I find them depressing.  I need light and bright!  Sanj is a melancholy creature.  He thrives on dark and dreary.  He loves picking out "Georgia..." on the piano.  He loves melancholy songs, the blues... me... not so much.  I find it depressing.  Of course there are times I want to alway the sadness I feel to come out and then "Georgia" is more than appropriate.

  

So... I want a office.  I actually want the office space Sanj has.  I WANT IT!  I already have it decorated.  The picture above is of the office space at  home.  See, I would paint it red.  I would have built a beautiful window seat by the loves huge window.  It will be full of throw pillows and a perfect reading spot.  On the corner wall (where the computer table is right now, I will have a corner unit bookshelves to house all the books that are laying on my bedroom corner.

The wall where the keyboard is... will be where a huge flat desk/table will be to allow for me to spread out sheets of paper... pictures when I scrapbook.. Ohhhhhhhh... I am so excited!!!  Above the table will hang a board for all my ideas... my dream board... above it will be a few rows of shelves... hanging pictures...

The little corner where the guitars are being hung will be an arm chair.  The fabric will match the window seat.  The floor will have a rug... bright with red hues in it.

My heart is pounding.  So I better get busy dreaming up a cool room/office for Sanj in the basement.

I am so excited.  I will love this room!  It is a girl's room.  It is a mom's room.  It is a writer/dreamer's room.  My best work will be done here.  (NO PRESSURE ... Sanj!)  

Here's some pictures...  this picture is the red I love!  My room has wooden floors too so it is perfect!

This picture is a great window seat... not really fancy on the valance but it is a lot like my window.

I'd like just a simple long  table that will back nicely against the wall.  A chair of this kind with a colored fabric will go nicely in my corner.

OK.. I, of course could go on and on. Yet... you get the idea.  It will make a great room for writing and being creative.

Now... I just have to get Sanj on board!  I have the perfect spot for him... the bedroom that we made for Tyler... is perfect.... big, quiet and shuts out warm and fuzzy for a musician.

Sorry! I'm Really Sorry!

Oh, What a Night!  This particular expression usually leads to a story of what a night in a good way... right?  Wrong.  So, last night, the 3 middle boys had hockey camp in the evening, during this time, Sanj and I went to have dinner with friends and Sammy was dropped off for his work party.

Ground rules were laid.  Sammy was suppose to meet us at 9 p.m. after we picked up the boys from their camp.  Not surprisingly, he was no there.  Being the social child that he is... he was not paying attention to the time and was surprised by us annoyed at his lack of being a no show.

I drove the rest of the family home... dropped off the babysitter and headed back to town.  My son texts me saying, "Mommy, I went in to grab a bit and the limo was gone."  (The restaurant had limos going back and forth all evening and the party was in another town that I was not familiar with).  I am annoyed with him, angry, even.  In my head I am yelling at him, his immaturity, his thoughtlessness, thinking of all the possible grounding...  I sit there and read my book... which added to me annoyance since it wasn't really too interesting.

11 o' clock... 12 o'clock... "Mommy, I'm REALLLY SORRRRRRRRY."

I get even more annoyed... wander off to McD's and fill my belly with disgusting, weight gaining carbs and not because I am hungry!

"Mommy, the limo is here... I'm on my way.  I am so sorry, Mommy!"

I am feeling brain dead.  I am exhausted for various reasons... but ultimately, it is past my bedtime.

1:15 am the limo arrives... "Mommy, I am here."

I am past the point of furious.  I am past the point of all the screaming that was needing releasing in my head.  I am past the point of even talking.

You ever do something really dumb?  You ever have to think for the last 2 hours or so of the consequence of that dumb action?  

Sammy gets in the cars.  Apologies are oozing out of his mouth and heart.  His face is tormented.  "Mommy, you can take my phone." Me:  "I don't want your phone."  "Mommy, you can ground me from seeing my friends."

I realize that this child is really trying as those are the two worst things that can happen to him.  His friends are his life and his phone, his lifeline.

I am beyond tired.  I am beyond parenting at this point.  I look at my son... "Do you realize that I sat there from 9:30-1:15 am?  Do you realized how tired I am or that I had things I wanted to do?  Or that I felt unsafe sitting there alone?"

"I am really sorry, Mommy."

I said, "I am not going to punish you, because this is about you learning to be responsible.   This is on you.  You need to think of how to fix this.  What can you do to make this right?  (He is looking at me clueless...)  Exactly, you need to figure this one out."

We are on the highway.  I can almost feel my pillow.  Then, 1 km from my exit, I see red lights.  Brake lights, traffic is stopped.  I see a police car and the flashing lights.  SERIOUSLY???  It is 1:40 a.m.

We sit there, we get out... no one knows what is happening.  Ever feel like you are going to lose your mind?  I almost pull to the side and walk home.  ( I am scared of the dark, though).  FINALLY the cop comes over... it is a Rhema mom that is the cop.  I smile.  "I just wanna go home," I tell her.

There is a truck that lost control and if off in a ditch or something.  They are trying to figure this out.... we are allowed to go slowly... I am able to get to my exit.  

2 a.m. I pull in to my driveway.  Pooped.

Sammy is again apologetic.  "Thank you, Mommy.  Goodnight."  Ummm.... it's actually Good Morning!

I get into bed.  I can't help but wonder if I was a bit earlier if I would have been in that truck's path.  Random thought.  I say a prayer of thankfulness all around.  I feel the weight of parenting teens.  I feel breathless thinking that we are just at the beginning of this journey.

My head hit the pillow.  It is the best feeling ever.

Parenting... not for the weak at heart or for those that need sleep!

Desperately Seeking DISCIPLINE!

The countdown is on... BOO!!!  2 weeks and my babes will be off to school, back to routine, homework and lunches.  BOO!!!

I have so enjoyed the summer with the boys.  I am not in a hurry for school to start.  I love the leisure life... I was made to be a princess, loved and pampered!  Sigh... maybe in another life.  There is something so great about not rushing in the morning.  None of my babes are really morning people, especially if we have some place to be.  Breakfast around 11 a.m. suits us all.  Usually the afternoon is spent out somewhere, the park, fishing or catching crayfish.  Suppers are the only really planned meal... and again there isn't that rushing involved.

OK... enough of the whining!  The school year is coming whether I am ready or not and unless I am thinking of homeschooling them... which would be a real disaster... I better deal with the reality of it being 2 weeks and counting.

Yesterday a  girlfriend of mine  came and spent the day with me form Toronto.  I don't know why we don't see each other more often except that we are in two different places in life.  She is an empty nester, busy worker and in another phase of life.  Me ... well we know what phase of life I am in... kids... all around me  all the time! lol

I had such a wonderful time with her.  I didn't feel the pressure of cleaning up, as I know she would never judge me or my mess.  I didn't feel that I had to entertain her as I knew what we would talk as I folded laundry.  We went out for lunch... funny how all the kiddies wanted to come.  Then I had to take the boys for an orthodontist appointment... so we chatted in the car as they got their braces tightened.

After she left, I was overcome by sadness.    I love the fact that she is a bestie that I can share my true feelings with.  You know... Sanj is annoying my by... and she gets it as she has a hubby that can annoy her.  I can tell her my fears and stresses about the boys and she gets it because she has kids and knows that you can raise them the best you know how... and the rest is really up to God and hoping your children makes wise choices and all is good.

I love that I can be so real.  So, as she left, my husband was off at a meeting and what not, my boys at hockey camp, me in bed with Josh and Zach snuggling... I felt grateful for the moments that I have that are so meaningful my besties.  I wonder why I find it so hard to give myself permission to do things for me?  Why do I care if the dishes are done when I get back or if the boys brushed their teeth or if ...

I really don't consider myself controlling.  Bossy, yes...  Sanj gets annoyed when I tell him to do this or that for the boys... he looks at me with flusteration and says, "Do I tell you what to do?"

My reply is constant.... "NO.. Because I DO IT  all without being told!"  I really do wish I could stick my tongue out after this retort.

The problem is that being a SAH mom is that there is no job description.  As a SAH mom, what is expected of me?  Laundry, housework, meals, pick ups and drop offs... what else?  I really do wonder at some of my friends that really do stay at home all day and work.  Yikes!  Maybe they can make a list for me.  See, I get all moody when I clean and see stuff laying around due to the fact of laziness and what I see as disrespect.  Then I get angry.  I try to keep the anger in but usually when you have a husband like mine... he will inevitably say, "What's wrong?"   I will answer "Nothing..." This is my standard answer usually because swear words are floating in my head.  (I know better than to say those words out loud)!


So what is this blog really about?  Being lonely about missing my girlfriends, being frustrated about being a SAH mom because I am not sure I am cut out for all that it entails.  Maybe it is about the new school year.   See my life is operated by the school calendar.  Our calendar starts August and ends in July.  I loved new school years as a kids, as I saw it as a do over.  Maybe this year I would get straight A's.  Maybe this year I would read my Bible all the way through.  This year I would have perfect attendance.  This year I will keep my room clean and organized.  I never really accomplished those things but I loved the chance at a new start.


So in 14 days and counting I will have a new start again.  


Here's what I see for myself... if I can find the discipline to do it...
6:30 am... up and shower
7:00 am... breakfast ready and get the trooper up and at 'em.
7:45 am... the high school bunch is off with Sanj
I hope to stick a load of laundry in ... everyday!
8:00 am... work on getting us out the door so we are on time! :)
ON TIME for school... yah!


My day:
9:00 am  GYM  despite whether I have company or not
10:30... head out... grab groceries if needed and GO HOME!!!
Sigh.  HOME.
Make lunch... no more eating out with my friends except on a specific day...
Start supper
12-2 pm... write... write ... write...


2 pm... head out to pick up the high school gang
3:15 pick up the rest of the tribe...
head home or to various places.


Supper, homework, lunches, be ready for the morning...
10:00 pm BED... except for Thursdays when Grey's will be on!  :)

Mondays are home days with Josh.. 
Fridays are play dates for Josh and me! :)


So... here's to me finding DISCIPLINE!  
Wish me luck!

Hook, Line and Sinker

I had the most delightful afternoon yesterday.  What this means is aside from the usually fighting and whining, aside from wondering why I ever thought I could ever parent 6 boys... aside from my throbbing finger that got hooked and the headache from the door bashing my head...  I had one of those days that I hope I remember while rocking on my porch in my latter part of life.

The boys love fishing.  Most of them...  Sanj loves fishing.  I learned why my husband complains when he goes fishing with the boys.  He wants to fish!  You can't fish when you constantly have a little fisherman frustrated with a tangled line.  You can't fish when you spend most of the time de-tangling lines and problem solving.

Yesterday I decided to take the boys fishing.  Having boys, a husband who works to provide the living we enjoy, I decided that I better step up to the plate.  We got the fishing rods, went to the bait shop and off we went.  I am sure girls like fishing but my boys love it.

We got set up after changing locations once (having Josh, I felt unsafe fishing off the Lock with all that rushing water... it actually made me feel sick looking at it).  Some of the boys put the worms on and others can take the fish off the hook so I felt prepared. Never really having paid attention, I had to figure out what all the do-hickeys were for and where they went.  Example... the bobber... how much distance should it be from the hook... how do you put the sinker on... etc.  

After much time went by, I decided to rig up a fishing rod for me.  I decided to put the worm on my hook... how hard can it be?  Ugh... after Josh (who amused himself by cutting the worms for us... and he actually baited the hook at few times...) gave me a worm, I pulled myself together, did not throw up as the gunk began to come out of the worm's body and began threading the worm like a sock onto my hook.  YES, I DID!  Yah me!  This may not impress many of you, but believe me, I impressed myself!    I did a fine job of casting my rod... and was exhilarated with the distance and smoothness that it went.

Max watched me, I must have been beaming, because he looked at me and said, "You feel very good about that, don't you!"  lol  YES, I did!!!

We didn't have much luck with the fish, only two little sun fish were nabbed and a turtle.  Yup, you read right, a turtle.  It was tricky unhooking him.  These boys that came to fish helped in the task of freeing the little turtle.  I did feel bad for the little thing.

We saw a beaver swimming around and a blue heron too.  I was overcome by the peace.  I felt God amidst nature, the beautiful setting sun and the gift of being with my boys.  It was so wonderful.  The little things, such as fishing, hanging out with my boys and just taking a time out to appreciate all that surrounds us was such a beautiful thing.  I was blessed.

Precious and Precocious!

Today was a busy day.  The boys, 4 of them, are in ball hockey camp till noon.  Boy, getting them up and out was ugh!  The countdown till school starts is too soon.  I still have so much to do!  I felt like I was running all day. 

There is crazy amounts of construction all over the place!  I am not even sure what they are trying to fix... when the roads look fine!  Anyway, I spent much of my day dealing with very grumpy kids.  Early to bed... tonight!

Anyway, I had Zach riding with me to do some errands.  He is such a funny kid.

Here is some of  my conversation:

"Mommy, which do you think is worse?  Being fat or ugly?"  I really didn't have an answer as he just left me speechless! lol

Then as I was getting groceries, he was really hyper.  "I don't know why I am so hyper.  Maybe you should give em a piece of chocolate.  I think chocolate calms me down."


As we were grocery shopping, I asked him what he wanted for breakfast since they  have to get up early and rush off...


Zach replies:  "I would like some crepes tomorrow morning!"
I looked at him, laughed and said, "so would I!"

I love this kid of mine.  He is so sweet, funny and tolerate.  He has such strength in his personality and character.  He is probably is perfect definition of a precocious child. lol

Cry or "Coddle?"

On my facebook wall, I tagged a link to an article called "Coddle or let the kid cry? New research awakens the sleep-training debate" in the Globe and Mail.  You need to read this article that is attached to the link, as this is what this blog is about.  My friend asked my option on this... and so here it is...

First of all, I don't like the word "coddled" as a word to describe a parent that does not let their child cry.  I never thought I was coddling my boys as I put them to sleep.  I didn't read too many books on how to put my babes to sleep.   I was always a mom that loved holding them to sleep.  I needed that down time and so enjoyed that one on one I had with them.  I often made up a silly song just for them that was part of their going to bed routine.

I did hear of Ferber and did read his book out of curiosity.  It was not a process that I was comfortable with.  We did try it.  Everyone was talking about it and seemed to have great success with it.  I remember us trying it.  It was heartbreaking.  I just couldn't find sense to sit outside the door and hear my babe cry.  I never had kids that cried for no reason.  I always felt that if my babe was crying there was a reason.

That said, this isn't a judgement to those that believe in it and found success with it.  I remember being at someone's house.  Their baby was 4 weeks old... it had slept through the night.  The mom said that since it slepted through the night, it must not need to eat and the next night let the babe cry till he fell asleep.  She told me she sat there and watched T.V.  I won't lie, this broke my heart.  This child has grown up not wanting a lot of cuddling or comfort from anyone.  As a babe, it preferred to be put into the swing and sooth himself with his thumb.

I think that when you are desperate for sleep, when you are so sleep deprived you will do what you need to.  For me, having had three babes in 3 years... a husband that was not home often, I learned to do what worked for me.  I had them all fall asleep in our bed.  At some point we moved them.  Everyone got sleep.  

I am also the parent that had what is often referred to as a family bed.  It was not belief that had any baring except that we all slept.  Sammy's little bed was on the end and when the babe woke up, I could feed them right there.  This is how I survived those days of being a blurry eyed being.

I have since understood that some people cannot go without sleep.  They cannot function.  It is those that have lived and breathed the Ferber Method.

I guess I am just a mom that never liked to see my babes cry.  I always felt that my job was to be there for this little babe, to see to their needs, no matter the cost of mine.  Whether this was right or not, it worked for us.

My kids eventually got to the point of being able to be kissed good night and sleep in their rooms without any trouble.  There was never any insecurities of even needing a night light, soother or blankey.  (I am not saying that the need of any of these items is based on insecurities... necessarily).

"In Dr. Ferber’s second edition, published in 2006, he added a preface clarifying the difference between his method and a shut-the-door approach. “Simply leaving a child in a crib to cry for long periods alone until he falls sleep, no matter how long it takes, is not an approach I approve of,” he wrote.

This  preface that he added is one I am glad of.  When I read his book, 2005, this was not mentioned and for this I did not agree with his thoughts.  Maybe he assumed parents would use their judgement in this but many a time parents may feel so unqualified to parent that they read and act word for word on the words of a Doctor rather than using the common sense that God gave us.

Most of us, love our children and will do the right thing.   Yet there are those that seem to be "done" at 8 pm and closing the door is a way of ending their shift to parenting.

SO.... as I read this article... I will say that I felt glad that there are writings on parenting the way I did... and that I was not weird.  Though as I was dealing with my infants over the years, I often found myself the only one parenting "differently."  I am never one to push my thoughts on someone else... so I often hated the fact that others did not bestow that same courtesy on me.

I will end by saying that God gave each of us a heart and common sense.  If we listen to our hearts, we will no doubt do the right thing, no matter if it is different than others, when it comes to raising our children.