The End of a Day...

Today is an Open House at The Ear Company. May is better Hearing and Speech Month. So my husband is going to have a very busy and tiring day.

It is rainy and very wet out... and Max and Zach have trips to the zoo to participate in the Water Festival... I was really hoping the sun would shine for them this day.

Sammy is approaching his graduation from 8th grade. I have a lot of mixed emotions. I think he is ready and excited to head to high school. I am happy for him and yet feel all the mixed emotions of him leaving Rhema. I love knowing that my children are loved and cared for. I never worried for the most part as I knew they were in the care of nurturing adults.

I am sure that will all be in place next year too... but it is still all new and unknown.

Jordan's class had THE TALK. Last night as we talked about stuff again, I really felt a feeling of franticness. There is so much out there. It is all part of growing up. Hormones, girls, parties, drugs... I am not quite ready yet... to have to deal with the reality of my boys growing up and knowing STuFF!

Maxwell is suppose to make one of the famous buildings in the world. He picked the Taj Mahal! Hello??? Could he not have just picked a square building? This is due next week. We are just starting. He is not really a procrastinator... so he is uptight.
I guess (aside from me being the world's best procrastinator) I was really hoping to change his mind to something like the
Greek Parthenon... which is rectangular and add some poles ... doll it up a bit... project done! He did actually say OK... but then I felt bad. How can I discourage my child from his choice because it is too hard or too time consuming? So Taj Mahal... here we come.

Zachary also has a project. The Grade 1 famous Animal Project. He is going to do it on Golden Labs. He is trying really hard in school... he wants to do his as a movie. I am not sure that will happen but never know!


Tyler... he is becoming a song writer. Too beautiful! He is also finding his own relationship with God. So great to watch... choices that are made... with no pressure. He is wanting to be baptized. (This is another blog....)
I enjoy the decision process that each boys makes... so different and so personal.

I guess that leaves Josh. Busy. Busy. Busy. That leaves me tired, tired, tired.

How I love my family. It is the end of the day... the rain has finally come and it is pouring. I love it. It is the best way to go to sleep... It is the perfect way to end a busy day.

Pinched!

I believe Zachary told Josh that God was always behind him.

So Josh keeps asking, "Is God behind me?" And then he swings his head around to see if he can find God behind him!

Today he asked again if God was behind him? And then he says, "God just PINCHED me!"

I am pretty sure God was smiling with me.

I wish I could get a pinch sometimes!

A Boy and His Dog...

Friends Make the World Go Around...

Today I talked to an old girlfriend of mine. We have been through the ups and downs of growing up. I can call her and pick up were we were despite the weeks that go by. I am so glad for the constants that have been in my life. I am so glad that there are some friends that just don't need the explanation.

Today I talked to another friend... we have been friends only a short while... yet she has been with me forever. Does that makes sense? I feel such a connection that allows me a closeness that normal would take many moons. I receive love and affection. I am blessed with such caring and consideration. I feel like in many ways I have met my twin... and yet have such a long way to go to even to in that legend. I feel nurtured and fed.

Today I talked to another friend... we can chat and catch up in minutes and yet know that we are really are there for each other.

Friends... I am blessed by all those God has placed in my life. I am amazed at how He know what I need and when.

I hope that I give to others a bit of what I receive daily.

I pray that my boys will be blessed with friendships that make them better people.

I hope that as the circle of life continues that we remember what is important. It is all about the connections we make... and that make us.

A Moment...

It is time to wind everyone down. I am tired. Really tired. It has been a very busy weekend. We are all tired. Bed... time for bed.

Sanj is doing his course so I am single parenting it tonight as I get everyone to do what needs to be done... bath, chores, dogs, etc.

I already had the younger two in their bed... when I hear singing. It is Zach singing his off tune sing song way (he chooses to sing this way with a vibrato kind of thing happening...) "Holy"... and the guitar is being played with Tyler singing with him.

I almost hesitate to break up the duet. A Beautiful Moment. How I love them. I can see God beaming with pleasure as He looks down. A Moment.

Constant Pursuit...

My brother wrote in his blog " Today, while my small group met, I had an epiphany: While Adam and Eve were hiding, but God was in pursuit of them. Remember, if when you screw up royaly, don't hide from God, because he is in search of you.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am not going to impress God with my actions or even more so that God is not going to pounce on me and "write me up" even other minute that I stumble.

I think when I was little, it was brainwashed into me that GOD was in a constant judgement mode. I felt like I was never doing enough to make it. I felt like God was constantly writing in that book of good or evil. I felt like heaven was always a little out of reach.

Now, I believe that God is there, encouraging me, knowing my heart, knowing my heart's desires, feeling my love.

Yet when I have a evil thought about someone or something, I still can't help but panic and feel ashamed knowing that God heard it too.

So I love that God is in constant pursuit of me. I love that He is never giving up. I love that HE believes that I am worth it!

Will The Real You Please Stand Up?

One of my biggest frustrations is people that try too hard.

I suppose this is stemmed from insecurities. Nevertheless, I find this behavior annoying. An example of this are Christians who try too hard.

I am picking on Christians simply because this was an experience that is fresh on my mind. No one expects families to be perfect. No one expects a mom or dad to be perfect. That includes God. He actually understands and accepts the imperfection in us.

I love that. I don't have to try hard to impress Him. He gets me. He understands that no one is harder on me than ME!

Why pretend you are a engaged parent when we understand you are a workaholic? Why pretend to have perfect children when we all are going through parenting together and love the childishness that make children who they are?

Why say "I was praying for you today?" When you barely have said hello? Weird? Petty? Probably.

I just hate superficialness. Please just be real with me. I like you. Especially the real you. Please don't pretend. I don't know what to do with that. I spent too many years forced to pretend we were a happy family... growing up. I can't do that.

I am who I am.

I am full of flaws. Just ask my oldest! But I am trying. I am really trying. I feel that if I live each day to the best I can... and some days even just to the tiniest of that... God gets it.

So I am not looking for perfection. I am just looking for real. Please?

What A Miracle!

Yesterday at lunch, as we were leaving, an older lady comes to our table and says, "Are these all your boys?" Yes... they are.
Then the waiting, defensive mode ready for action... and she says, "What a miracle!"

Wow. Never heard that before, especially from a stranger. Maybe she was really an angel.

Life... is your cup half full or half empty?

This lady made my day. Thinking before you speak. It is so easy to judge but none of us being judged. Compliment instead of condemning. You never know what a person has been through till you have been in their shoes. Most of us do not get the chance to walk someone's shoes. Yet if you do, most of us would take back judgement.

Life is good. If you do have lemons, why not try to make lemonade with what you have? If may be a wonderful experience.

It is so easy to say something negative or hurtful, assuming the recipient of your comment is going to Ha Ha with you ...
but what if they don't? Is it really worth making someone feel bad?

Make someone's day. Be that a person's reason to smile.

Yes, what a miracle. What a lovely lady.

500th Post!

I love this quote:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We must ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not in just some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others - Nelson Mandala

This is my 500th post!

I have been so scared to write (something I truly LOVE to do). I criticize myself for not spelling properly, not knowing how to fix my grammatical mistakes when the computer edits my writing... not feeling like I am worthy of even being called a writer.

Sometimes I stop and erase a post because I wonder and worry about what someone might think...
Yet really...
I write to release a part of myself.
I write to remember a special day or thought.
I write when I am lonely.
I write when I am happy.
I write to remember things that I am so thankful for.
I write because I really want to leave some of me somewhere for my children.
I write here as a start ... because it is a passion. Where it goes is yet to be seen!

500 posts. Baby steps. I have loved writing. I have even more so enjoyed all your comments whether on the blog or Facebook. Thank you for being my sidekick in this journey.

Sunday Ramblings...

We went to church today... (yes, Sanj was on the praise team...) and it was interesting.

I hate letting "bad" thoughts flow through me at any given point. I don't like being mean or petty. If I am going there, I try to stop the flow of that poison. Sometimes it works, other times, I just have to allow myself that moment and then let it go!

I hate know it all people. OK... hate is a strong word. But I do dislike them immensely.
I don't mind if you are really knowledgeable but when you try to make others feel less than you (umm, hello.... INSECURITY SCREAMING OUT LOUD)... it is an ugly thing.

So I am there, at church, watching this happen. I am feeling the bad flows of energy whirling around me. CHURCH! I am in church.

It doesn't make me a good person. But I am bothered by this. Humans... we are all JUST HUMAN. Let it go.

Church... I sat next to a mom I admire greatly. It was great to look around and see wonderful people that I can call my friend and support system.

We talked about the "Sanctuary" and whether church in it self was special... everywhere INCLUDING THE MALL could be a sanctuary. I liked that! Maybe that wasn't all I was to get out of it but I must admit that my brain froze there ... and then it was over. Imagine church in the mall... I would probably go more often. lol

Sanj went to his alumni this weekend... he played and sang on Friday night at the church where his high school was. Despite the fact that this wasn't my past, it was easy to just go back ... songs just took you back.... Side by Side.

As we sat there in the pews, Sanj looked at me and mouthed "I love you." I love those little moments. They are so meaning in the biggest of ways. High school for so many was not the best of memories for whatever reason.

Being there, I could sense his energy. I am glad that I went, despite the work of getting the kids there, dressed, fed,driving in the storm, keeping them quiet and reminding them that IT WAS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT THEM... we were there for Daddy.

Love is about the little moments. I love watching people interact... it is about the small gestures. One of my friends always calls her husband "My John." I love that! I love the little things such as carrying a wife's purse... despite how it will look. Or getting up and starting the car or shoveling the drive... little things.

I love when I see the little things my boys do. Getting out of the car, helping put the groceries in. Sweeping the floor instead of walking over or on it.

Getting up to take the dogs out, doing the dishes with out being asked. Holding my hand on a whim (I LOVE THIS), strumming on the guitar a song they learned. I could keep going... but really I need to focus on the little things that are done and appreciate them. There will always be things they don't do...

I admire people that go after their dream. My cousin is one of these folks. He has a love for music and just put out a CD... check out his site at www.gkishorecarey.com

This blog is all over the place... it is Sunday. I am avoiding the on-slaughter of Monday morning.
But all good things must come to an end at some point!

It's All About MOMMY!

It's all about ME!!! Well at least for bits of time today!

I awoke to breakfast in bed this morning... Yummy! Then we went to church and was given chocolate there! Yum! I'd go more if that was a weekly thing! lol

The boys and their very sweet and thoughtful dad got me a bracelet with 6 hearts on it. Love it!
And the extra "little something" was a flash for my camera. :)

I got cards made with love and some tulips made out of wood (my kind of flowers... lol), a picture and some dandelions, lunch out, even a bitty nap and moments of love from each of my cherubs.

Awww... to be loved and thought of is one of the greatest gifts.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Weekend...
I have so many thoughts floating in my head as I think of this weekend. As I think of Mother's Day, I can't help but think of my own little ones... smile as I watch the whispering and excitement of especially the younger ones. I am so blessed to be called MOM... even when it is the most used word in our household. It is my greatest calling and my most cherished role.

I think of my own mom and am grateful for all the sacrifices that she made to be living the life I now know. I am glad for the traits that mirror her and make me a better person. If it was not for my mom, I would not be here! Literally!

I think of the other ladies that God placed in my life over the years that made such an impact as to who I am today. There are teachers that cared, others that adopted me as their daughter away from home, others that nurtured and loved me in the most impactful ways.

There are the moms that are gone. Missed. Greatly missed. Their love leave a legacy... yet it still leaves a painful void.

Then there are those that try to step in and just be... knowing there is no one that can fill that void. Yet they are so brave... so giving, and are so much that word means... Mother to all.

Mothers... all I can think of when I say Mom is HERO. A hero that is self-less, serving, loves unconditionally, living for those that she can not help but breathe for...

So, to all those MOMS, who inspire me to be better in every thing, turn the other cheek, love harder, pray daily, not give up...
To all the MOMS who love those that are lost...
To all the MOMS that have had to love tough...
To all the MOMS that love MY BABES when I am not there...
To all the MOMS that just keep believing...
To all the MOMS that just step up to the plate...
To all the MOMS that forget to be thanked...

This day is for you! Happy Mom's Day to the most incredible role that is played. Thank you for being my inspiration! Thank you for being that which God has called you to be!

The world wouldn't be the same without you being and doing all you do each day!

Happy Mother's Day!

Hum...

Here is a few things I have learned this week past:

Hospitality is a gift. Not everyone can naturally be a gracious host. It requires a self-less person that worries and considers their guest constant needs. Whether it is feeding, resting, entertaining or comforting... it is something that one considers every minute of that visit.

I was on the receiving end of this... what a delight. I felt loved and cherished and special. There are many levels of hospitality, of course... but to receive the 5 star treatment while in someone's house is extra special. It is one of those special gifts that God bestowed on special people.

Gift Giver and Gift Receiver... they are two very different things. I love giving gifts. I love that special something that has someone I love name all over it. It may cost $2 and be a silly thing or $20 and be a token of love. It makes me feel really good to shop for someone else. Actually, it is one of my favorite past-times.

I have learned it is very hard for some people to accept gifts without blushing when they are used to being a giver. But it is an important element... for one to accept the token of love... otherwise you are robbing the giver of the pleasures you so fully know as the giver. Sometimes it is easier to be the constant doer... than accept and be the receiver. This is a moment you just need to "suck it up!" :)

Silence... it is a good thing. Sometimes, after someone shares with you a hurt or pain... there are no words to make it better. Nothing you say will fix it. They don't expect you to fix it. Sometimes when someone shares... it is a privilege to hear their story. Sometimes the only response that is appropriate is silence. Silence does not mean discomfort. It can be just what it is. A moment that was shared.

I learned that life can be discombobulating even when it is good. I feel that right now. I feel like I should be doing more... yet am stuck. I am not sure how to take that next step... or what that next step is. I have ideas... actually too many ideas... but I guess I am really hoping that God will take the lead on this. Maybe waiting is O.K.

These are just some thoughts of my week...

Life At This Moment...

This weekend I went away for a couple of nights. I relaxed. I rested. I was able to just BE!
It was great. It was wonderful. It was all that it was.

Back to reality. I love my boys. I love my husband. I love my friends.

I can't wait for summer. But this means watching Sammy say goodbye to Rhema and all that was. It means watching and accepting my son becoming a full fledged teenager... that is off to high school.

Wow. So many changes. Hey, at least I am not pregnant. :)

I love this picture. I wish my older ones were more co-operative with my picture taking. :(