Does ___ like me? Circle one...

Sometimes I forget I am a girl. Weird. I know. What I mean is being around boys all day, I find myself trying to think like they might or put myself in their shoes.

I do this alot. So much so that I realized that often I don't like girls. I get mad at them and their ways.

Of course it is just kids being kids, but when it ends up being hurtful it causes my claws to come out.

Case and point: My oldest is friends with girls. They invite him to their youth groups or text him etc. It looks like they are into him(of course, this is cause for an increase in my heart rate).

Yet really they are friends with him because they are into his friend. They are trying to scope out information... "Does ____ like me?"

Yet I wonder how my child feels. I don't think that being used is the right term. It is a natural cycle. Yet when it happens constantly... I can't help but wonder... how does it make him feel, really, deep down inside?

Of course I am not into my 12 or 13 year old dating. A hockey mom was bragging about her 13 year old and his girlfriend. Yikes.
I want confidence for them and the realization that dating someone does not make you cooler or better.

But I remember wishing for a date or steady boyfriend around this age. I remember feeling less than because I wasn't even kissed till after high school!

So can I shape their minds around this concept?

Should I even care or worry?

I can't even process this as a girl... I can only feel the heart of my child...

The Beauty of Being a Boy!

Today, after school, I had to make a quick stop at the grocery store.

Sammy and Josh were home. I only had the middle 4 boys with me.

They know to behave. They are usually good in public. Today the tiles on floor became a play ground.
They were really rambunctious.

A lady looks at me and smiles with sympathy (I am assuming) and says..." Oh dear, Boys!"

I had no reply. The proof was in the pudding. I think I just grunted a reply or maybe I just made a sound.

There is such beauty in boys. There is wonderful excitement, energy and noise. It just follows them as they run around.

LIfe is a big playground. Objects, any objects are for swings, climbing and jumping off.

The louder the better. The rougher the greater the adventure. They can't seem to help but touch everything and every one.
They can't help but talk, tease and taunt. The object is to get a rise out of the nearest thing breathing.

They love to joke, trick and prank. They will pee wherever is convenient. And then brag about it.

They love to bounce off the walls. They love to chase each other with something disgusting.

The best part is that laughter that follows the boyish craze... if you have a boy in your life, you know the laugh...

It is a belly laugh, loud and full of delight. Victory. Total thrill of the kill.

Every mom, no matter how annoyed you are, can not help but smile. You can't help it. Beauty. That smile. Music. That laughter.

Boys. Strange, wonderful, lovely yet odd creatures.

Oh how I love them. Oh how I love them most when they are still... content, snoring from a day of being boys.

The Crazy Mom

I get the usual line from people.

It often was "Have you seen that show with the 16 kids?"

Now it is "So what do you think of the mom that gave birth to the 8 babies?"

In one word... CRAZY.

But hey, I am sure there are many thinking the same thing of me. Hey... there are many moments in a day when I know I am crazy!

I understand wanting babies. I understand wanting to be a mom. I also know that having 6 little ones... is overwhelming at times. There are many times I am doing the single mom thing while Sanj is at a meeting or whatever.

Yet, I do have a break. I can leave them with him and inhale sanity when I need it and vice versa.
I know that Sanj works his booty off so that we can provide the basics for the boys and then some.
This is what parents do.

Sane parents do not have expensive baby making procedures yet lack the resources to take care of them afterward.

I also believe that the doctor that implanted the embryos should be held liable.

I can only feel for the children. The six she does have are babes themselves. I can't imagine the chaos that will accompany the babies when they come home.

How will the children with special needs be taken care of ?

I am sad for these children. I am not sure what this mother must feel but I am sad that her selfish decisions now impacts the little beings that she says she would stop living for.

It is unreal. Yet really the bigger issue is how would impregnate her... money or not? There has to be a number of rules broken, so to speak.

So my thoughts... a very sad story. I am not sure this will have a happy ending. Yet, these children are here now. Someone has to look out for them.

And yet I can't help but think of Matthew 7:1, "Judge not that ye be not judged."

Time Out

The place that I was once fed, socially, emotionally and spiritually is gone.

Things have changed. Or maybe I have changed.

I have my "group" of friends, of course, but this isn't about friends.

It is more about an environment, a retreat or a sense of belonging.

Really, it is all about my boys. It is their school. It is their happiness that matters.

I was just lucky that I was being fed too.

I have noticed that I have been reclusive, lately. I have been focusing on laundry a bit too much.
I have been making beds, thinking about dinner, maybe just going through a routine that is safe.

This may be normal for most "stay at home" moms but this is not me.

I feel like I am hiding out.

We do not live in town to just have people over. I am not even shopping unnecessarily. (Did I just say that)?

What am I waiting for? I feel like I have pressed the pause button on emotions.

May be it is just winter.

Maybe life really does go on while you are taking a time out.
Maybe I am not indispensable.
Maybe if I don't call you to lunch, you keep going.

I thought maybe I would be missed.
Maybe it isn't all about me. Hum... who would have thought?

The Boys Day Out!

Yesterday we took the boys downtown Toronto for the day.

We went to brunch at Marche. It was fun to watch them enjoy the feast.

My boy, Zachary, has the palate of a man. Steak, shrimp, sushi... big appetite for a little man!



Then we lined up to pay the bill. Ummm... it will be peanut butter sandwiches for the rest of the week!

We made our way to the Auto Show.

The older boys were very excited to check out the latest.

I was overwhelmed at how busy it was. It was a little panicky that we would lose one of the boys.
I felt like I was on a field trip. Stay close to your partner. There was a constant flow of prayers being sent upward to keep us from getting lost.

Then there was the junk stands... well this is what I call them. You know, all the vendors selling stuff that will end up on the floor of the car on the ride home.

Sammy was the only one that caved and bought these ridiculous pair of glasses. Apparently they are in... I told him to show me one person wearing them... well he shows me friends on Facebook.


OK.. what ever. Every child has to have their fashion nightmare picture. This child may just have more than one!

All in all it was a day that I enjoyed just being together. Next year, car show... I'll skip and hop over to the Eaton's Centre instead!

My Own Blankey

Josh is more times than not walking around with my ponytail tie on some part of him.

He falls asleep holding it or wearing it on his ear.

I am not sure what this is about. Maybe he just wants a piece of me with him.

He is a cutie pie yet a odd duck.

Tears of Relief

I used to be able to cry easily.

Sappy movies or commercials turned on my tap. I saw it as a weakness. I hated giving in to that emotion.

Yet, there really is nothing like a good cry. Follow it up with a great nap... it is a great release.

I can't remember the last good cry I had.

I am due.

My stomach feels gurgly (probably from being around too many puking kids).

I have had a bad day over all.

Too many people in my life made me upset this week. Add tired, and laundry that isn't going away... and I am at my ropes end.

Then there are stresses... life stresses.

Then I add a yucky situation that makes me sad.

Cry. I need a good cry.

I know I would feel better if I could.

The thing is, I don't cry anymore. I feel the need and then swallow it. Usually I don't have the time and energy it requires.

Is there a crying pill?

My tears are constipated, if you will and need to be released.

Maybe this is called the winter blues.

Yum!

I am constantly trying to endorse healthier eating in our lives.

It is a constant struggle with life on the go. It is a constant battle with 8 different taste buds to contend with at every meal.

So I keep fighting the battle. One day at a time. One meal at a time.

I win some or I lose some.

My friend, Cindy had made this while I was visiting.

I made it for supper tonight, served with salad and veggies and dip.
It was a hit!
Thanks Cindy!

I used the Ezekiel Sprout Bread (from frozen)
spread pizza sauce on the bread (Cindy just spread ketchup)
add cheese.
I am sure you can add meat and veggies.. I just kept it simple to accommodate everyone's taste buds.
Bake till cheese is melted and bread toasted.

It was delicious.

The Big Squeeze!

Today I had my first mammogram.

The one thing that kept going through my head was "wow, I am old."

The other thing was wondering what I would look like without breast. Silly. I know. But nevertheless, this was my thought.

I did have a moment where I wondered if they squeeze too hard if my breast would rupture.

OK.. silliness. It was all fine. Discomfort... a few seconds and then done.

I would use the word pressure... but I remember that being the description in childbirth as the baby was crowning. Yum... that isn't pressure! That is major pressure!

It was great to be able to use the new technology that has come to the Ptbo Breast Assessment Center. It was also great to know that monies earned from the Dragon Boat Festival that we participate in helped fund this.

Be safe... get checked out. Go for your squeeze!

Vomitrocious

Today... I am overwhelmed.
Nothing major... no need for therapy... yet maybe my little happy pill isn't working.

Last night Zachary comes into my room... after throwing up all over his bed. Sick. They are dropping... yet one at a time.

Symptoms: Belly ache, feet ache (weird... yet each one had it) and vomitting.

Vomit: the act or process of ejecting the contents of the stomach through the mouth (thanks Websters).

I am not a person that has a strong stomach. The "process of ejecting the contents of the stomach" myself is hard enough to deal with. The act of being sympathetic towards another little person engaged in this activity and cleaning up after them is a little more than I can handle.

All I really want to yell is "Don't miss the toilet... and then brush your teeth... please!"

So in the middle of the night I am cleaning up the contents of a stomach and trying to hold my own contents in!

Thus begins the day.

I have my first mammogram this morning. True be told ... I am stressed. Will it hurt? What if they see something? Naked in front of a stranger??? (I am sure this is a blog all to it self).

Then I get a phone call last night and yet again this morning... a "friend" of mine wants me to go skiing.
Next week Wednesday is Ski Day for the boys at school. I have "tried" skiing. I am scared. I am scared to death of the ski lift. I am even more scared of others laughing at me. I am scared of breaking a bone. I am scared.

This "friend" is so persistent. She doesn't understand this fear. Oh I know this fear is irrational. I have this fear of others groaning and moaning when I am up to bat (figuratively and literally).

Deep down I wish I could be one of those people zipping down this hill... looking ever so cool.
I am scared of what my friend will think of me once she realizes how uncoordinated I really am... how God forgot to pass any athletics to me when He was handing it out.

Yet maybe God put this dearly pain in the rump person in my life to challenge me. Boy does she challenge me! So here is another challenge. Can I overcome this fear?

Well I could go on... but what would be the point? I have complaints. But really as I think about the bigger picture... I am grateful for so much.

The icing on a day like today is that Grey's Anatomy is on. At least I'll end the day on a positive note... unless it is a show on breast cancer! Yikes... my husband's pessimistic self is rubbing off!

Family Day

Monday was Family Day!

We headed to Blue Mountain for the afternoon to get in some skiing.

It was a good time ...
Suddenly my older boys are begging me not to take pictures.

Sammy: "You are like the paparazzi!"

Me: click... click .... click...

Tidbits from the weekend...

After the first few pictures, Sanj started to get annoyed with my picture taking.

He even went so far as to call me "Peter Dixit!" (That is my father... who really did hide from life behind his camera).

But I couldn't help capture some of the things that intrigued me as we became part of the city for a short while.




This sign creeped me out! I always do look in my back seat anyway, but still...

If you don't go to school, children, you may end up craving soap on the sidewalk!


This was our van for just an overnighter!


All is well that ended well.

The boys had a great time. Getting into the van, count down, then meltdown!

Sound of Music

If you loved the movie... watching it year after year... you will love the musical.

It was great! The lady that played Julia Andrews did a fabulous job including sounding like her!

No one could replace Christopher Plummer and the guy that tried did a poor job. (That is the only thumbs down I have)!

The stage was phenomenal!

It was great!

It was a wonderful 24 hours!

Valentine's Day... 2

We woke up to quiet. Well, actually, we awoke to a street car... dressed and went to eat at one of our favorite spots... The Roundtree (formerly known as the Marche).

Ummm... it is like going to a market of yummy food... cooked right in front of you. Whatever you want! It is a great spot.

Sanj (annoyingly) has lost 40 + pounds (thanks to some word called discipline). He has given up eating carbs for 6 weeks.
(Why bother living, right? I know)!

This weekend he broke the rule and ate.

This picture says it all....
The before... with no carbs....


The after picture... stuffing his face with delicious carbs including a Belgium waffle... shows the real story!

Valentine's Day!

Sanj is a romantic at heart. He is creative and thoughtful. Valentines is just another day... and yes, we don't need a specific day to show our love... but hey... it is here, so why not!

He got tickets for Sound of Music, arranged for the kids to spend the night at his brother's... and we had 24 hours to ourselves.

My only task was to get a hotel room... which I began to do minutes before we were leaving... much to his chagrin. Oh relax... I got one! (phew)!

We dropped off the kids... and then got in a bit of shopping. My perfect way to start of anything!

Then we went to our favorite Thai restaurant in Toronto and enjoyed! Mango salad, spring rolls, curries, and our favorite to end things, mango with sticky rice!

Finally we checked into our hotel and relaxed.

Cutting the Cord...

It is no secret that Josh and I share a special bond. He is especially attached to me. I know the doctor or Sanj... who ever cut the cord... thought they did... but they didn't do a good job. He is attached.

Today I took the boys to the ski hill. Josh really wanted to ski (so he thought). I told him that he would have to have a teacher... because I can not ski. After a lot of humming and hawing... he decided that he could smile to this teacher and learn from him.

As soon as Josh saw the guy... I could see doubt and fear. So I puttered with them for a minute... not realizing that this "teacher" was going to take my baby on that dreaded and much feared ski lift... (one of the reason I have no desire to ski).

Oh my gosh! My heart was racing... yet as Josh slowly walked from me... very slowly, I do believe, we took the first step to cutting that cord.

I was so proud of him!!! I am sure he must have been scared and unsure yet he preserved!

Josh went up and down that hill 4 times!!!

He had a great time! He is on his way to becoming a skier!

And I am that much closer to becoming an undisturbed chalet bunny!

Zach is determined to become a snowboarder. He took a lesson last year and again this year insisted that he try again.
It is quite a effort. Yet he did it... he has such a spirit!

Needless to say my young ones were fast asleep with no effort!

I HEART U!

Valentines is this weekend. I hate Valentines. As much as I hate the made up holiday... I am a huge fan of love!

Sanj got tickets to see Sound of Music for us. We get to spend Saturday night in Toronto... just us!

Sanj's brother and wife (hope she knows) are keeping the boys.

This means no meals to be made, no nagging, no laundry! Yah!

Anonymous asked how Sanj and I met... those of you who know... skip to another blog :)

Sanj and I went to the same university in Michigan. (Andrews University... it is part of the Adventist church system).

I was a freshman and thrilled to be in the real world (sorta) and discovering myself without constant fear.

Sanj was a Junior and "in love" with a girl.

The next year we both ended up at an Indian potluck on campus seeking out homemade food.

We became friends (well, really, he tolerated me and my hyperness).
I had a crush on him. He was busy tending to his broken heart. (cue violins)

We remained friends for the 8 or so years as we lived our own lives. (I dated... he went to grad school at George Washington).

Sanj came for my graduation.

It was a weird weekend. He just looked at me different one night.
(This, I am sure, was a God thing),

When I told my girlfriends he kissed me... they were genuinely confused. Who did? lol

This rest is history. Once we reached this point... we knew we were together.
It was a little scary to change from friendship to relationship and yet it was the most natural thing to do.
We dated 2 years and then got married.

Of course this is a synopsis of our story.
Someday, Anonymous, when you and I met... I will tell the whole story if you are interested. :)

When Sanj came into my life... it just got better. I loved being with him. He made me laugh. He made me mad. He made me happy and sad. He made me feel love... real love. He loved me back. That never really happened before.

So as much as I hate Valentines... the commercialism and how it makes people feel... I love My Valentine.

In His Time...

As I am writing the blog below... this particular picture causes me great distress. I posted it and then took it off. So here I am posting it again.

I hate this picture. I used to look at it and wonder "Who will ever love me?"

Look at the teeth (sorry Tyler!) and glass!
Just everything about me makes me cringe and wish I didn't look like that.
Even now.

Oh I can laugh... but deep down even now, I hate this picture.
So I am posting again... just to look at it and breathe.

The words to a song come back to mind"

In His time....
He makes all things beautiful in His time...

Thank you God, for continuing to work on me.

It Is All About Me!

The last bit I have been having dreams about high school.

Those years were not pleasant years for me. I was more in a survival mode.

I disappeared into my dream world a lot. Reading took me away too.

I went through high school wishing ... I wished I was popular. I wished I had more friends. I wished I was invited to sleep-overs. I wished boys liked me. I wished that I had nicer clothes... (especially Hang Ten). I had a lot of wishes.

I have pictures on graduation with alot of the people in my class, smiling, looking like I did belong. Funny how pictures can lie.

I grew up. I found me. I eventually grew to like me. I learned that if I come out of my shell, there are great friends just waiting to be my friend.

My 20th high school reunion came. My two buddies (that eventually became very good friends after high school) and I decided we would go back.

Here is the craziest thing. I am so not what I was in high school. I am actually the opposite of me then. Yet as I entered that world again, I became me from that time.
Crazy!

I could feel myself withdrawing, and feeling scared and unwanted. Yet I couldn't stop myself.

Grrr. I am so frustrated with myself. I was shy and awkward. And what was more frustrating was I couldn't stop myself.

Why couldn't I just go up to the teachers or former classmates and chat? What was wrong with me?

No one in my life today would believe the me from yesterday. Yet I am sure that my friends from yesterday really couldn't believe the me today.

Frustrating. But maybe this just comes down to getting past the point of what others think. Obviously subconsciously I do.

Maybe there is a part of me that wants yesterday to know that really I was and would have been worth the effort. That deep inside me there the me that no one really knew.

Does it matter? Maybe, though I know it shouldn't. Maybe putting it out on paper will get it out of me. I am tired of dreaming of the high school days. I am tired of beating myself up for becoming me again.

Really I am just not wanting to care about it.

Then again, I maybe do not regret the geek years because I can so relative to so many people that suffer through this even as adults. I hate seeing cliques. I hate people being left out. I hate exclusion.

So how do I end this? I have to accept that perhaps that geeky, gawky Reema is still in me. I have to get to loving and accepting her too.

Hum... this may require a bit of time.
Total acceptance of me.

It's Bob!

Sanj took Josh and Zach to meet Bob the Builder.

They were so excited. Well Zach said he was too big to go, but went for Josh! :)

It was a great show and they had a wonderful time.

Sanj left feeling very old. Half the parents were half his age and the others were grandparents.

Oh well, Sanj and I will be grey haired parents taking our baby to JK next year.

My Kind of Diamond!

This is just a ridiclous blog about a ridiculous wish. If I had all the money, and there were no starving children... this would be a dream!

I love speed. I love driving fast. I love that control. I love the feeling of "oh... how did I get to ___ mph?"

I love cars.

Luxury cars.

Obviously that has been set aside for the next x number of years!

Getting from 0-120 km usually takes me till the time I get to school in my dear old 12 passenger van! lol
(Don't even get me started on GM &^%$!!!)

So in another world here's my car:

It is called the Hope Diamond. 1.45 million dollars, if anyone wants to get me a treat! What a beauty!

Goodbye Junior High!

Sammy is off to high school in September!

So many emotions flood through me. The biggest one being sadness that he is leaving Rhema. It has been wonderful to know that my children are love and cared for by wonderful teachers.

It is also so nice to know that all my boys are together. I can pop in and get a hug, or a peek at what is going on, or just grab one for lunch. Rhema has been so much a part of who we are as a family. While the change over the last year has change some of that I still know we will get what we put in.

High school. How do you decide? There isn't a christian school in Peterborough. So initially, we had decided on a Catholic high school. That choice was made for many reasons, many of them academic and some were made for the sports side of things.

Yet as the days begin to tick down... as the time to check out the high school open houses approached things seemed unsettled.

The weird thing is that Sanj and I were thinking the exact thing yet just had not verbalized it to each other yet.

There is a teacher that has taught our children. She is a wonderful teacher, person and mother. She had a son that really struggled with the wrong crowd. Their family went through a great deal as a result.

We never forgot what she said... something along the lines of making sure your child has a strong social group... as that is ultimately what is so important.

This came to our minds... and we realized that academically Sammy will get what is needed in what ever high school he goes to. Yet what do you remember most of high school? Probably your social group... the one you did belong to and the one you maybe wished you belonged to.

So came the choice. The high school that we chose is one where his core group of friends is going. It also is a school that our youth pastor has a great program happening for the students.

Suddenly as we made this decision there as peace. I believe that Sammy is going to be great wherever he goes. He is a wonderful child. I pray that God just works in his life. Sammy is will a great _________ (whatever he choose to be).

As we talked to other parents... it was so interesting how many parents remembered this teacher/parent's words.

Sometimes it really does suck going through the crap. But how wonderful to let your experience be used by God and work in others lifes.

Special thanks to Mrs. H. You are such a blessing!

Decisions

One of the things about parenting that stresses me out is the decisons.

Not the ones that effect me... but rather the ones that I have to make for my boys.

I always hope and pray that I am doing the right thing.

I hope that as they grow in to men that they will know that all our decisions were made from love.

Today we made one of those hard decisons. There was no easy answer.

It was a hard day.

It is hard to see any one of my kids struggle, no matter how big or little that stuggle is.

I think that Zach is struggling with friends. He wants to be friends with a couple of boys, but they are rather exclusive.
Then he seems to bounce from other children but maybe not making a real connection.

He is such a social child. He is also an attention seeker. He does not use the best ways to get attention either.

My poor baby. I hope that it all will work itself out.

Being in a christian school doesn't mean that we act like christians all the time.

It is hard to watch hurts of my children. It is hard to just give them the tools, pray for them and then hope really hard that the love they have coming their way will bandaid those owweee.

Decisons. Choices. Consequences. Life.

The Release

The Catch

We love living in the country yet are still adjusting to the "perks" that come with it.

In the garage was a horned owl. Sanj, being the nature man, himself, went about catching it.

These pictures tell the story. What a neat little adventure!