What is a Midlife Crisis?

Over the past months I have been going through a lot of changes inwardly. Things that fulfilled me in the years past have now become more of a chore. I have not experienced being unsettled in such a long time these emotions have sent me on quite a journey. After seeing my doctor (who is wonderful) I realized that so much of what I am going through is actually normal to some degree. There is an actual Midlife Metamorphosis that happens to women between the ages of 42-47. I am a couple of years early but nevertheless this is where I am at.

It is a time of reevaluating life as I know it. Josh is not a baby anymore. I am leaving years of that phase behind and so I am redefining me. This is so scary, strange and yet kind of neat. The definition of midlife crisis " is a sense that the values that have guided you for many years no longer hold meaning. The next stage is identifying old parts of yourself that you've suppressed. Those needs and desires can become very important at midlife. They start to take on great power."

I really thought that I was going crazy. The history of my family scares me so much that I find myself constantly grilling myself to see if I am "normal" which of course I know is relative... but nevertheless...

I am realizing that I am on a journey physically, emotional and especially spiritually. I am so thankful for a doctor that is not afraid to ask the tough questions and wait patiently for me to be able to find the answers I so need to find to metamorphosis into the person I am suppose to be. She is a solid Christian so she holds me accountable in that sense too. Neat, eh?

(Maybe a midlife person shouldn't be saying "neat).

I will share with you this journey, what I learn and what I do to grow. I am not sure who reads this blog, but if you have comments or thoughts I would love to hear them too.

40 here I come! Lord, Help ME!

My sons for the most part are not bookworms. This is frustating seeing as Sanj and I love to read. Occasionally they will ask for a book and I am always taken back by the craziness that seems to amuse them!

This is the book Tyler is currently reading..."Urgum... The Axe Man" and he will laugh out loud and come read me a line... for example this book is "a riotously funny saga packed with barbarians on horseback, bizarre creatures, interfering gods, man-eating plants and a very disgusting lavatory. " I used to be so rigid about what they read... but now am glad when they just read!
Another favorite series is Captain Underpants!

So here is a line from Tyler's book..."A single gassy release from the back of a unicorn could poison every living thing for miles around...." He is cracking up as he shares this with me.

Then they ask if The Kite Runner was a good book? :)

Top 10 Things about being a boy:

1. Pee holes!
2. Life is fast forward!
3. Busy bodies... good sleep!
4. When angry at someone... beat them up and it is over!
5. Fast things are fascinating.
6. When you grow up... you can have a WIFE!
7. You get to choose to be moody!
8. Can pick boogers and eat them!
9. Love their Moms!
10. A little dirt... a little water and you have hours of fun!

Its a Boy...Oh Bummer!

Perhaps I am hyper sensitive on the negetivity of boys and perhaps males as a gender . So often I hear "Oh my gosh, i have 2 boys and can't keep up with them, I don't know how you do it with 6!" In university I remember so often "Men are DOGS" and I am sure I was guilty of that phrase myself... encountering my share.

I ran into this article..."How Depressing... It's A Boy" which says that "Depression is one of the most common postpartum medical problems that new moms face. New research suggests that the risk is even higher for those who give birth to boys."

The article talks about boys being difficult to raise as they are busy, energetic and in constant motion. I have found that raising toddler boys is busy and probably comparing to the girls around us, they wouldn't normally sit and play dolls, color or what ever quiet activity a girl may do. But I think there is something to be said that the MOM's raising the sons find the difficulty because we are not MALES. We never experienced the facsinations of playing with our pee hole (as Josh calls it) or tormenting a bug or all the countless things that amuse boys (and some girls). So of course it is DIFFERENT raising sons maybe even difficult. We are in unknown territory.

The article talks about mom's wanting mini me's.... that is because it is what is known and who wouldn't want a redo... a chance to do things better or differently?

We have a unique chance to help mold the next generation of husbands and fathers. I so want my sons to be self sufficent, thoughtful, romantic, to understand PMS, do the little things like hold the door open, dishes, fall in love that lasts forever... understand how to cherish a woman... and know that respect is earned. For them to understand that YOU teach people HOW TO TREAT YOU!

These are just a few of the things I want my boys to learn and be as MEN. Boys are a challenge as well as a privilage to raise. If we change our way of thinking about the males in our lives ... it is the self fullfilling prophecy... we believe in them and they believe in them. How great... what an amazing generation will be coming up.

Love your boys, keep them busy, learn to be interested in their interests.

The other day Tyler came and said, " Mommy which team are your rooting for?" (Yes still hockey... its the playoffs)
I was in a mood and looked at him and said, Tyler I hate hockey... I really don't care."
He walked away devastated.
Later I apoligized and said I am cheering for Montreal... and so began our conversation. (Thankfully my kids are very forgiving).

Every morning the boys check the score and let me know how Montreal did. It is another way that is keeping us connected...

I still don't really care about hockey... and I am sure they know that. But I think they will remember our hockey debates as they grow older and not that I didn't really care about hockey but that I cared about them (at least I hope so).

It is also a great thing when I know facts about hockey or golf that shock them. :) Thank God for Google and ESPN.

My thoughts are simply boys aren't difficult or weird... they are just different from us as women. So we have to find out how they need to be loved. Their language is so different. So we have to learn it. Obviously God thought we could do it... that is why he BLESSED us with boys.

The Kite Runner (the movie)

I enjoyed the book "The Kite Runner" alot. Therefore I was curious about the movie and was disappointed that it was released only in select theatres. I never understood why one would put so much money into making a movie and then not release it everywhere.

My girlfriend and I watched the DVD. I was really impressed with the effort that went into keeping the movie real. The little boys they picked did a great job! As with any movie version, they had to leave out chunks of the story but it a good job of relating the book.

I don't know if I would have enjoyed the movie though, on its own without having read the book.

Faith... a mustard seed.

The whole process of making plans to find a new home has lost its appeal. We found a house... that was perfect for us. 3 acres, lots of space in the house to accommadate a house full of busy boys, a great area for hockey in the basement... the list goes on.
The price was right because of the work that needed to be done. So we worked our butts off to ready our house to go on the market. We put in our offer... wouldn't you know it... there is another offer. This house has been listed for MANY months. NOW there is another offer?

Well despite the fact that we offered more than the asking price, the other offer had no house to sell!

This was heartbreaking for us. Our agent (and friend) warned us not to move in figuratively of course... but too late.

After our agent told us, he said they have between 10-12 am to call us back. Well I stayed up... praying, bargaining, begging... with God... of course if it was His will. At 12am I finally turn off the light and "give up." 9 minutes later the phone rings! IT IS A MIRACLE!!! I just KNEW that God would come thru... reward my faith. It is the wrong number.

I am so tired. Physically, emotionally and especially spiritually. I need one, God, so badly. I am tired of it ALL having to be so hard, everything. I had the faith of mountains. I always believed. I never doubted. (thus my 6 sons... I was sure God would answer my prayers for a girl). Does it have to be this hard? To believe?

Then there are the things I do not ask... or even perhaps want... such as having a father raised from the dead...for what?
More expectations, hopes and then disappointments. Why? Did I really need more of that?

I need to win one. I really need to see a miracle... to nurture that mustard seed.

PURGING!

Do you ever wonder where "stuff" comes from? I have been purging big time in order to list our home. It is something I dread... strangers walking into your house at any given time...judging you...invading your private space.

A family of 8... the clutter triples and then some. The amount of stuff that has gone to the dump, Goodwill, or anyone that wants it... has amazed me.

Tomorrow is THE DAY! The sign goes on the lawn and then it begins! I almost want to bid on our house! You clean out the clutter, put away all the toys, wash the walls and hide the kids... wow its a really nice house. :)

We were spoiled last time and our house sold in 24 hours. So please pray for us that God will lead the right family QUICKLY to our house and that we will be able to get the house we are looking at. Please pray that I don't lose my sanity or misplace kid in the process!

For Sale

Here we go again! We are putting our house on the market in the next week or so...if you are in the market for a spacious tudor home in Peterborough then check us out. 4 bedrooms, a HUGE master bedroom with a study off it, 3 baths, large family room, bright sunroom, even an "English Pub" in the basement with lots of storage. It is on a great street with lots of trees and has a circular drive. The backyard has English gardens and backs onto green space.

Interested? Beat the rush! :)

Zachary Thomas... aka... #5

This is my honey! I always described Zachary as yummy. He has such a zest for life....and isn't going to let size, age or ability stop him from anything! At 6 years, he now has a bit of an attitude that makes him more like sweet and sour sauce instead of simply yummy!

This weekend Sammy has 3 of his buddies over for the night and day to follow. Zach doesn't seem to realize that he isn't 16 instead of just 6! He knows all the 7-8 grades at school and scary... they seem to know him! The older boys come saying ..."Mommy, make him stop!"

I keep telling Zach one day he is going to get beat up by his brothers. I can already see it ... as distrubing as it is ... Sammy or Tyler with a girlfriend hanging out... and Zach and Josh spying on them! Oh BOY!

Zachary... you are such a delight as well as a pain in the booty! We love you!